Is it normal in a healthy relationship for girls to be able to have guy friends and guys to be able to have girl friends? ?

Question

my husband does not trust me whatsoever and says that I give him a reason not to trust me because I have asked other guys "to spend one on one time with them" when in reality i asked someone about possibly using their truck to pick up furniture, a family friend (a handy man) was going to come fix some stuff that was broken in my house... he thinks this is wildly weird and unacceptable. he thinks that if i even have a normal conversation with another dude i am inviting them to fuck me because they all want to and i must be stupid if i dont think that and since i can't be that stupid i must want their attention. i have seen him delete many messages and blames it on his drug issues he will have message threads from girls who i know are single and delete them and say he doesn't like conversations about drugs in his phone, how does that make it okay. he swears i am the only one that has inapropriate conversations. help. am i in the wrong?

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

Well it kind of sounds like insecurities it kind of sounds like what he might be doing he's going to accuse you of doing the same thing and then it sounds like no matter what's going on he's going to try to verbally hurt you before you hurt him and I always say that because I just answered your other question and that's something that a guy would probably say only if he has experience something new or different but what I really think is if you want this relationship to to keep going forward you both better sit down and have a talk about it because the moment somebody lies for the moment somebody starts implying things that are true or not true it doesn't have any place to go but downhill

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

His inability to trust you is a basic compatibility issue. Distrustfulness and paranoia are common with long term drug abuse but knowing the cause doesn’t make it easier for you to tolerate.

Deciding who is right or wrong doesn’t solve this problem for you. How will this resolve?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

why did he marry you if he doesn't trust you? sounds like his bad. spending one on one time with males is wildly different than asking friends for help on things they know how to fix or can help with lol. if he thinks it's so weird, why doesn't he fix things in the house thats broken? or help with furniture? i don't get it! sounds like a toxic dude you got there. toxic masculinity. why are you involved with someone who does drugs? we all know how that turns out.

sheikalana · Accepted Answer

I'll be very honest with you since I'm in a relationship I stopped befriend men. I already have a solid group of friends and don't feel the need to add anyone else to my friend group. Also as a matter of respect for my partner I don't get close to other men like that. I know a lot of people won't agree with me but this is what works for me and our relationship.

David_Kek · Answer

I don't think there's anything wrong with your partner having friends, long as your partner is comfortable with it. Every girlfriend i've ever had that i had a gut feeling about one of her guy friends, time has always proven me right. Can't speak for your fella, he could just be crazy for all i know. Yet if i was in his position, i'd be making the case hopefully as diplomatically as possible of it's either me or him, assuming i even gave a shit about said relationship. Relationships require mutual sacrifices, and if something you're doing is making your partner unhappy and uncomfortable, and they ask you to stop, it is kind of on you to do so. If both feel mutual about that and are at a cross roads, then maybe you're not really right for each other in the first place.

UnknownSwede · Answer

In general it might be strange to hang out one on one, like go over and watch a movie or anything, but things like you described or hang out in group there's definitely nothing wrong with.

Why I say the thing about hanging out one on one is because that's when you would develop a deeper connection with someone, which could lead to something more.
I know both guys and girls who were in a relationship and used to hang out alone with a person and then all of a sudden ended their old relationship and basically directly after jumped in to a relationship with that friend.

But your husband sound like he got real issues, being jealous and controlling. Although you went through his phone so I'm guessing you might be a bit the same.

loveslongnails · Answer

In healthy relationships, which by the way aren't normal anymore because one partner or the other acts like your husband, you should trust each other, period and end of story. Your husband of I don't know how many years has issues, and not little ones, BIG fucking issues. And he's on drugs? Great. He's insecure, controlling, has abandonment issues AND he's on drugs. Strap yourself in, darlin.

One of the major things guys like this do is gaslight you into thinking YOU'RE the one doing something wrong, and you're the crazy one. In reality, the opposite is true. Like MzAsh says, I'd wager that "every accusation he makes towards you is actually a confession". Gotta say it, but if you continue to put up with this, you've got no one but yourself to blame for where you end up. If he can't or won't fix this, you have to reconsider if this is how you want to live your life, because it's only going to get worse.

RingOfFire · Answer

I may be Neanderthal on this, but I don't want my girl socializing with other men unless I am with her. If, for example she is out somewhere with both women and men, nothing wrong with that. If she goes to a girlfriend's house and there happen to be men there like her girlfriend's partner or friends or family, nothing wrong with that. But seeking out one on one get togethers with a male friend is not something I approve of. And by the same token I would not seek such a get together with a woman if I am in a relationship. I would feel that was potentially hurtful to her even if I was not doing anything beyond casual friendship.

There are certain things you surrender when you are in a relationship. And in my view this is one of them.

shades777 · Answer

it takes two to tango and some women asking other men to do stuff their husband or boyfriend can do is blatant disrespect.

I give you an example that you can understand (in woman speak)
Boyfriend comes home with a plate of food, and you ask where you get that it smells good, he says oh a friend of mines made it for me, she's just a friend baby.

Boyfriend is in a happier mood thsn usual and you wonder why, oh baby just got a massage from a friend, she did a great job

catch my drift,

richardcory · Answer

Absolutely reasonable for both to have friends of both genders. In a good relationship there is trust - and neither person will misbehave. No reason anyone should have to break contact with half of humanity.

My wife and I both have opposite-sex friends. Its never been a problem.

Miristheiss · Answer

It depends on how "close". If you are expecting to have alone, one on one time with guys then I'd say your expectations are a little too "single behavior" and I'd not put up with it.

I'd not be in a committed relationship with a girl who expects to go off and hang out one on one with guys.

Have a nice life and I'd move on to a respectful woman who has good, healthy boundaries.

HighValue · Answer

In an exclusive relationship, NEITHER partner should make any NEW opposite gender friends. And certainly don't hang out with them one on one. Also, no contact with any ex. Those two rules will prevent a lot of potential problems for many couples.

And that goes for BOTH men and women. They both need to go by those rules.

sunflower00 · Answer

That is very abnormal and controlling. It is absolutely normal and healthy to have friends of the opposite sex. He is probably either very insecure or knows that HE is unable to just be friends with a girl and thinks you’re the same.

AdithyaR · Answer

I'm getting tired of explaining this particular thing, but opposite sex friends shouldn't be an issue.
This whole idea of men and women can't be friends is silly. By that logic, bi and pansexual people wouldn't be able to have any friends during a relationship. See how that logic breaks down fast?

worldscolide · Answer

Assuming you have explained this to him and have been transparent about it, seems to me like it's an overreaction on his part.

On that same token. I will not be alone with another woman who is not my wife. Even if they are my friend.. It's just not appropriate.. And I hold my wife to the same standards.

Blueeyes81 · Answer

My mom once told me, "You father isn't here. Relationships are hard enough, why plant a seed of doubt. People talk whether its true or not." This was after a mutual male friend of my parents stopped by to drop something off for church. He'd been by dozen of times and always invited in, except this time. I thought my mother was being rude and told her as such. That was her response.

Sirenboobzilla · Answer

Each relationship is different. I wouldn't hold my boyfriend to standards I wouldn't be willing to hold myself to.

I'm a bit suspicious over him deleting text threads with women though. That has the potential for a major red flag

Astarlessnightsky · Answer

Yes, if your partner forbids you from having friends thats toxic

MzAsh · Answer

I’d wager that he’s so suspicious because HE is like that. I wouldn’t put up with this bs.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Ideally, you should be able to be friends with anyone. If you can't, something is seriously wrong.

JesseP1nk · Answer

Guys know other guys intentions.

DancingQueen16 · Answer

Sure because my boyfriend is friends with girls and I don't mind

JaxiCats · Answer

Yea at least in my opinion. I’m still always on edge tho just because of past experiences

nishiikei · Answer

Sounds like your husband has trust issues (past trauma?) and is feeling very insecure when you are around other men. You should talk to him about this and try to reassure him. As for your initial question, it is clearly not normal behaviour.

Is it normal in a healthy relationship for girls to be able to have guy friends and guys to be able to have girl friends? ?

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