When we have standards but make exceptions to the rule, is it simply turning a blind eye?

[DizzyDesii]

Love at first sight? Toxicity? Being a dumbass? Or something else? —Say you never wanted to date men/women who look/act a certain way or are into certain habits/hobbies that you’re pretty against. But then one day you come across this guy/girl who matches everything else you’re into.— When making an exception to the rule for this person, is that considered placing yourself in a potentially toxic relationship? Is it just gambling/taking a risk/hoping for the best? Is it simply turning a blind eye? If you’ve ever made an exception for someone, what was likely your reason behind it and did it backfire? #FeelFreeToList

Updates

+1 y

No like for example, if you’re not dating anyone but you like this person. You’d make an exception for them but anyone else wouldve still had to play by the rules... basically favoritism

[CaptainOverthink]

I would guess it comes down to how few of us actually know what we really want. We can have all kinds of ideas about who we want our partners to be but at the same time we don't know what it takes to be that way or why anyone would.
It's the same way backwards, we have an idea about why we don't like people or could never be with someone who are or do certain things but meanwhile we don't know how those types of people work, we don't have wisdom and true insight into what it means really to do the things we dislike, we are biased.

[DizzyDesii]

I agree with the second half for sure. I know what i want but i dont always know how the stuff i DON’T want works. Definitely biased

[CaptainOverthink]

Cheers, to biased! 😁
Well often times we don't like things because we simply don't understand it. Life is like art, if you look at it from the wrong perspective.. ofc all we'll see is a pile of dung and anarchy, why would anyone want that?

I always think I know what I want but when I get there it turns out what I really wanted was not what it seemed to be but something deeper, so I move the goalpost again and again and in time it turns into a general direction rather than something specific.
I feel like, what we want usually isn't a place or a thing we can get to but an alignment between the values we want, a path to grow on.
But it's just the common and natural process to assume we know ourselves enough to understand us and simplify our wants and unwants.
I don't know, I'm rambling like an old grandad. 😅

[ShadezMcgee]

It is a mix of lack of discipline to be able to resist temptation that tests your boundaries and the knowledge of toxicity that comes with it. Yes, it backfires, it is just a matter of time.

[DizzyDesii]

Oooo i like that “test your boundaries” part for sure

[coachTanthony]

Lowering or making an exception to your standards can lead to compromising your own values on dating and relationships. I have done it and gotten burned a couple of times. I won't go into details but my suggestion to people... have some discipline when it comes to your standards. You'll be better off in the long run.

[DizzyDesii]

The reason i say exception to the rule is because you technically dont lower the bar. You just sneak one person in 🤣 But yea you’re right about compromising values. I hate that torn feeling

[kylee2437]

I personally think it’s loving someone before you actually like them and I feel like a lot of people do that. We put an expectation that we want to date this person so no matter what they do (even if it’s below our standards) we just except it. Feel like it has a lot to do with social media connections because a lot of people feel like they know someone just because of social media connection

[kylee2437]

Accept it*

[DizzyDesii]

But its a silly foolish move right?

[kylee2437]

Oh 100% because once your on infatuation is over, you see the issues for what it is and now time has gone by, you probably have had sex, and you are telling yourself you need out but there’s so much you feel like you are losing. I’ve done it all before

[YesterdaysChild]

And you then wonder why there are so many breakups in the first year.

[kylee2437]

@yesterdayschild that’s exactly what it is. No one takes time getting to know anyone anymore. They think social media connections equal something automatically meaningful

[ColoradoKid]

I have had a 10 year rule for myself.
E. X. When I first started dating at 17. I had a 19 year old girlfriend and a 14 year old girlfriend. None lasted longer than 6 months.

After my first 2 gfs I got more of an idea of what I was doing and looking for. I have never been to picky. The most important things that I started looking for and still is. Honesty and Acceptance. Everything else is negotiable.

My 10 year rule came after my late wife passed away when I was 30. I found that dating was crazy and there was a few 18 year olds that came on to me and made me feel like a dirty old man. Yes I know that they are legally allowed to date anyone older than them and looked down upon for dating younger.

I feel like a dirty old man mainly because of how I was raised. I am a gen X kid. I was raised by my parents who were brought up the old ways. So I was at the end of my childhood before 2000. So I have learned some new ways and ideas.

I was working at Walmart when I was 33 as an overnight grocery stocker. Being the only guy at the time that was working that shift I was assigned 3 isles that were the heaviest. Soda, juice, and water plus downstacking the new freight with the other grocery stockers. I began working at Walmart a 250 lb weakling and left 2 years later a 200 lb in great shape.

I met a lot of different people working there and dated a few. Ladies that I bent my rules for but there was one I was willing to break my 10 year rule for.

She was a beautiful young lady at 18-19. Her cousin and cousin in law worked the shift before mine and got off at midnight. The first night I met her I was angry and had a bad migraine. I was running through my freight because I had around 15,000 lbs to work. Each pallet of water we would get was 2,500 lbs each and the section was packed with them. I read a lot of labels because I am colorblind and have had the habit ever since I learned that it was easier than going by what I think the color is. It's also made me pay attention to what is on the rest of the label and every pallet has a printed shipping weight.

Any way. I am throwing freight and I hear some one behind me say excuse me. I flipped around and apologized that I didn't know she was there and I asked if there was anything I could help her with. She said that she was waiting for her cousin to get off. We made some small talk and her cousin came out and she left.

This started happening more often. I spoke to her cousin and found out that she was 18. I was a little bit upset because of my rules. How ever she kept coming in and we kept talking. The more I got to know her the more I liked her. One night she came in all made up. I see her and say "Wow you got all dressed up to come get your cousin from work and chat with me?" She said that it was her birthday 🎂. I wish her happy birthday and say I remember what it was like when I was 17. She corrected me and said that she just turned 19.

A few weeks later and I see her at a mall in a nearby state. I seen her but tried to play it down as I was with my cousin who was the same age. I didn't want him thinking that I was a dirty old man. We chatted a bit and went our separate ways. My cousin asked me after we got in my truck. Why don't you go out with her? I explained how I felt about the whole thing.

Every time I seen her I could be having the worst day of my life and just seeing her would turn it around instantly. Needless to say I was too chicken to ask her out and I lost the chance like everyone else. I asked her cousin why she had not been around. She said that her cousin committed suicide because no one liked her. I literally started tearing up when she told me. I guess that her cousin never mentioned when I asked about her. Being 13 years older than her I can only think that her cousin was trying to protect her from a strange person.

There is my life's experience with having rules about dating. I hope that all of you had better experiences.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i personally dont agree with dating anyone whose age ends in —teen even if its legal lmao. But when you say honesty and acceptance, are you referring to her accepting the age gap? Or yourself? Or something/someone else?

[blueonblack22]

Having a strong rush of brain chemicals is very similar to being on drugs. It can severely impair your judgment. You are not seeing clearly what everybody else can as plain as day.

However there is a difference between understandable vs. acceptable. It’s understandable you made a stupid decision. But it doesn’t mean it’s acceptable.

The problem I see and (no offense) is women make a stupid dating decision (e. g. fall in love with an abusive asshole) but they don’t want to take accountability for their decisions.

It can be understandable they weren’t thinking clearly. However I just don’t see enough women saying “the red flags where there but I made a stupid decision to continue on. I could of left but I didn’t. He hurt me but it was my fault for engaging in that.”

But instead their egos can’t handle that they were wrong so they play victim instead. It’s understandable they weren’t thinking clearly but again that doesn’t change the reality that their bad decision was avoidable.

To be fair some men can be this was too. It’s more common when a guy gets exploited in the friendzone (and that’s much trickier). But modern society literally gives hetero men zero leeway/sympathy to play victim in dating scenarios. We are supposed to “get it” and “man up” in those situations. If we look for shoulders to cry on we get labeled pathetic.

[DizzyDesii]

I love to be right but i also have no problem calling myself out. I told someone on a post yesterday that i think i see red flags but turn a blind eye or try to spraypaint the glags green 🤣

[blueonblack22]

Well there are consequences to your decisions.

I did make a generalization about women above. But I’ve just seen it happen over and over again.

For example I’ve encountered several women in my life refuse to apologize for things they should vs. unnecessarily apologizing for things they shouldn’t. The only thing that matters is if they still find me valuable or not. Once they no longer have a vested interest I quickly become expendable.

[DizzyDesii]

I agree about the value. You have to pay attention to where you stand on the list of priorities. Its very telling

[blueonblack22]

Well respect and likeability are two different things. You can still respect someone you don’t like anymore. Respect doesn’t mean doing what they want. But it doesn’t make it okay to treat them like they are less then human unless they legitimately treated you that way.

But tbh over the years with all my dating experiences I’ve noticed that women will only apologize for self serving purposes (they still like me, want my attention, want money, don’t want to look bad in front of other people, etc.).

But they don’t apologize if it’s a matter of principle. I can own up to being wrong to a woman regardless if she is valuable to me or not. I can separate my feelings (or lack thereof) and do it out of principle. But I’ve virtually never had this concept applied to me on the other end when I was wronged.

[DizzyDesii]

I couldnt respect someone i dont like. I can just not be an asshole and keep it cordial lmao. You know how they say if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say it at all. Yea i rather keep quiet than fake like im cool with em. Respect went out the window long ago. Anyways, in terms of your situation, it's probably because you date women who put emotion above logic. I have to be logical. Its how i cope. But if im in love then i might let emotion slide.

[blueonblack22]

Well again there is a difference between respect and likeability. Sure there are plenty of people I neither respect nor like. That’s an easy judgment.

But a harder judgment is respecting someone you don’t like given they did nothing to directly harm. For example an unattractive person is interested in you. You don’t feel the same way and you don’t like them. But is really okay to disrespect them by using your “feelings” for justification vs. judging their actual actions (they were polite).

Also when you day “you date women who put emotion above logic”. Do you realize the vast majority of women are like that to a certain extent? Sure some are worse then others. But it’s no secret women usually judgments based on their emotions vs logic.

[DizzyDesii]

Maybe your definition of respect is different from mine. I can't respect someone attractive/unattractive that i dont know. But i CAN choose not to be an asshole to them. If someone approached me, I respect their action— being bold enough to approach— but do i respect them as a person yet? Well no not because I dont know them or anything they’ve done outside of approaching me. To me, I’d consider this being nice, not respecting them. I can be nice to a stranger. I dont respect a stranger until i know they’re worthy of respect. As for the type of women YOU can date, yea i know a majority may work off of emotions but you need to have scoped this out early on. Go for the ones you see having a logical mindset on the daily. I personally dont date anyone i haven't known in general as a friend, coworker, classmate, etc for some months first. Gotta scope out these dudes to prepare myself for what they’d be like

[blueonblack22]

Dating is not the same for men as it is for women when all else is equal. We are taught to be more “tolerant” and patient with emotional women given their nature. So we are put in this very difficult position of figuring out if she’s just being a typical emotional woman vs. knowing she actually likes and respects us (since they are the same thing right?)

But I actually think you do have a grasp on what real respect is. Many women think it’s okay to label a guy “a creep” JUST because they don’t like the guys despite him never doing anything to harm her. They feel justified saying that because of a “feeling”.

Men usually think twice before judging like that. Not all men but most hold themselves to a different standard on that.

[Sarahr123]

If I make exceptions I may just be settling out of the fear of staying lonely or because I am in fact feeling lonely. When we master being comfortable with being lonely, we never need to worry about settling for things that aren’t for us.

As women I think as we get older we tend to start settling because those of us who want women are worried about our biological clock. Although healthy women can have healthy children well into their forties, if I had children, I’d ideally like to have them by 35. I know it’s not possible for everyone and that puts a time limit on how soon we need to find a partner to mate with.

I know that time works great changes and life has taught me in the last 25 years that I should never say never but the idea of changing nappies and doing sleepless nights at 42 or running around after a four-year-old at 46 doesn’t appeal to me. Neither does dealing with a stroppy teenager in my late 50s.

Being older and wiser than I was at 16 and having seen the consequences of women making bad decisions about whom they have children with, I can say I am wise enough now to understand that having no child ever is probably better than having a child with someone who would not make a good father.

So yes, in the past whenever I have compromised on my taste, it was out of pure stupidity in that moment. Sometimes it was attraction/lust at first sight. That attraction then led to attachment which les to several months and even years wasted with the wrong people. If I were more sensible about it then I could have avoided certain experiences I’ve had. But hey, I don’t regret them at all - they all taught me something that makes me who I am today and they make for interesting stories to tell.

[DizzyDesii]

Apart of me felt like making an exception could be settling because you’re doubting you’d find everything you want in a person. But another part of me feels its could just be coming to your senses and not being so judgmental. I don't know lmao. But yea i can't settle. Singlehood is greater than settling everytime. Plus you still get to flirt with as many folks as you want haha

[Sanser]

Well maybe this story is out of this topic but I want to talk about this big emotion i felt when i was 16 I have to say it's not a happy story...

The first time I fell in love was magical, I think that until this day I have not felt something so strong in my life. Today I am more realistic about how I acted and how I felt. I saw everything as if it was a fairy tale story, but the reality was crueler, my love became more and more obsessive. I got to a point where my vision of her was sick, she was not only pretty but she was the best in sports and grades. She even won several state debate contests. I was also a boy with very good grades, one of the best, but I was shy and I wasn't very attractive at the time either. I think you can see where this story is going... I reached a point where that obsession made me feel brutally inferior, I tried hard but I couldn't become the same as her and I got frustrated, I felt like I wasn't at he's height. I cried almost daily. It is a stage of my life which I am very ashamed of. This is a very big summary but well... at the end I couldn't take it anymore, I had suffered a lot (and not because of her but because of my own mind) and in the end I tried to maintain less and less relationship, we talked every night to speak once a week and then never. I blocked her in everything and it was the best choice of my life. It was very difficult for me to recover my love life after that, but luckily university arrived and I was able to experience new things and in the end this has remained a black stain in my life.
To this day I feel that "love at first sight" can lead to obsessive behaviors or maybe it is that I was not mature enough to be able to go through it naturally, and that is why I do not like the expression. of "love at first sight".

What a text lol, sorry for the length and also sorry for my English, i know its not as good as it should... thanks for reading!

[DizzyDesii]

Dont worry, it was a good read. And there's no reason to feel ashamed. But like damn, you had a trophy. I think if she would have assured you that she valued you just as much, then maybe you would have felt more like something worthy rather than wanting to compete with her achievements. If his ever happened again, do you think you’d do the same now that you’ve matured. Can you handle if the woman was something like the breadwinner?

[Sanser]

Well... I think that at that point in life my frustration made sense, as I said at that time I was the nerd guy of the class, my life didn't revolve around socializing but getting better grades and being good at debate. I guess seeing someone who surpasses you in everything was too humiliating, in fact at the end I even developed a grudge...

To this day I don't think I would feel that way, I am still a some kind of traditional guy and in the end I feel that maybe being with someone who is the breadwinner would be like a small blow to my pride. Anyway I am no longer that 16 year old boy so I really think I could handle something like this today, because, if u love one person u should be happy with her/his success :)

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i’d be happy that we’re a power couple, both successful. I wouldn't see it as one above the other

[Sanser]

When someone experience true healthy love and not obsesion u will be happy as long as ur partner is happy 😄

[DizzyDesii]

You keep saying obsession. Do you mean infatuation? If you were obsessed, you wouldve stalked her lmao. You were competitive but not obsessed

[devilish-cutie]

I know what you mean and I think that the thing is that if someone has that negative trait that often the circumstances are different, eg. a guy can be bad at texting cause he is using you for attention or is talking to many women, but some other guy may be the guy that is really great and you know it but is shy or insecure or whatever and that is making him be bad at texting, so you think bad communication is a no no but you give this other guy a chance cause you know its not simple as the first case. Then also noone is perfect and we all have flaws, but I cannot answer will it work out with the other guy.

[DizzyDesii]

Makes sense

[RobT312]

Yes, my last girlfriend. Personalities clashed a little, and then we weren’t a perfect match in bed…. but we make compromises right, no one is perfect. Everything else about her was great. But as things went on, those 2 things were amplified, it became toxic when she started insulting me and all I saw was negative. Didn’t last much longer after that!

[DizzyDesii]

Yea see i dont like to compromise lmao

[RobT312]

I get that! I learned my lesson!

[8UniquelyBoring8]

I can provide a perspective on this. Making an exception to one's dating standards can be considered as taking a risk or gambling for a potential relationship. It is not necessarily toxic, but it depends on the reason behind the exception and the actions of the person being pursued. People may make exceptions for various reasons such as attraction, curiosity, or interest. It may backfire if the person turns out to have traits or habits that are deal breakers or incompatible with the individual's values and beliefs. It is important for people to be mindful and reflective of their dating standards and the potential consequences of making exceptions.

[DizzyDesii]

Very true

[ohsheeT]

Yeah but I mean you're set rules are your set rules I don't like to date girls with big fat mouth because I don't want to hear it LOL and I don't want to hear them put somebody else down because they think they're better that's a rule for me but in any relationship there's give and take type thing I mean let's say I found the most beautiful girl on the inside I've really liked her but she farted in bed and it almost made me throw up I mean that should be a rule you can't do that LOL but would I let it slide sure any other girl sure if it was somebody that I like I mean I'm not going to play favorites with anybody I don't have favorites I have one person when I have that person and that's it but I kind of hear what you're saying

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao the fart rule

[electromagnetic]

We make exceptions because we magically think we can fix or get what we want from that person.
I’ll bring up my ex again because although he was a complete faq up, he taught me a lot of life lessons and mistakes for sure I won’t repeat.

long story short, I knew he was a faq up before we dated. But I had a crush on him from when I was 12. Since he was 6 years my senior, that was an obvious Nono. SO when the opportunity came presenting itself again later in life, I jumped at the chance. Knowing Damnn well he wasn’t my type later in life, had no ambitions or aspirations, I still played along thinking “I’m gonna be the one to finally change him” 🙄

what can I say girl, I love toxic sometimes 😆

[DizzyDesii]

Okay now i have a question regarding an exception. Can i message you?

[electromagnetic]

Of course!

[DizzyDesii]

Lmao let me try to remember what i was going to say yesterday and then i will 😂

[razelove]

I only think that matters when you violate your bottom line. Like say you only pursue monogamous relationships, then get into a situationship, or polyamorous relationship not because you want to, but are settling for that for someone else.

Getting a job that pays a lot, but know you're doing things against your morals, losing your life, health, so on and so forth.

If it's a small trade, like I need to drive further to see him/her, they want me to spend less time on my phone, whatever it is and have been clear about that since the beginning it seems reasonable. Especially if that isn't your bread and butter, or a hard limit for you.

Also people do change over time unless they're complete psychos.

[DizzyDesii]

I’ll take the psycho for $200 because i hardly see change in anyone

[razelove]

That's strange, and kind of sad. I wouldn't recognize me from 10 years ago, and that guy wouldn't know me from 5 years before then. I've been through drastic tectonic changes, as well as gradual shifts in perception and values.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i haven't seen people change other than temporary for a few days or so but they’re the same ole same. I wouldn't even lie to myself like that. I dont change and love it

[razelove]

I've only seen that in people who've "peaked". Like ther best time was High School or College, and now instead of trying to look forwards to the future and build a better tomorrow every day, they look back to those times and will only try to recreate that. If that makes any sense.
You can't change other people, but you yourself change from good times, bad times, and existential events. Unless you reject them and try to live in yesterday or year.

[DizzyDesii]

I think I've always lived for the future. I barely enjoy the present

[razelove]

That sucks. I live in the present to enjoy it, and make a better future with my decisions in the here and now. How I lived when I was younger was so stupid I never knew if I'd live to see tomorrow. I think having that mindset is the only reason I'm alive now out of all the "friends" I lost then.

I quit my last job because of that. The money was amazing, like buy a house with cash even after paying all my bills every two years amazing. I wasn't seeing my family or wife though. Like what's the point of looking forwards to lots of things if I don't know my kids and wind up divorced?

What's holding you back from being happy in the here and now if that isn't too personal?

[DizzyDesii]

It doesn't fully suck. I dont live wrecklessly. I’m very calculated and think before i act. Everything i do today is for a better future which is why i said i live for the future. I mean of course im happily living in the present but not going out of my way to make the most of it. I find that stuff overrated. Like the things that make me happy are simple and probably considered boring to others. I've never been the type who needed to party/smoke/drink to enjoy a day in the life

[VadeinVain]

Are "standards" mere preferences, or based in the fundamentals of what you feel you need in a person? Their basic personality? Are these things outside of the standards simply unexpected, or nearly unacceptable? Absolutely don't get with somebody you have an urge to change from the get-go. You have no good reason to try and make that work. You likely haven't even established if they are willing to change. Why should they when there are people who will like them as they are? If there's fear with expressing a dislike in the first place, there's no hope.

[DizzyDesii]

Standards as in dealbreakers and stuff. And i would not try to change anyone because i sure as heck ain't changing

[YesterdaysChild]

What's the point of your having rules if you are going to ignore them? When you make these rules you most likely know what you want in a person and should not be swayed when any of your rules - aka: Preferences - are compromised. If you do then you will be calling yourself a dumb ass when things go south and you will be thinking. . .

[DizzyDesii]

I slick agree. I think its just the fact that with some exceptions you can be more “understanding” I don't know

[YesterdaysChild]

There are exceptions to most any rule I guess.

[BCRanger10]

In general, it's none of the above. It means that you've met someone that you connect with and cherish, but they don't fit the mold of what you'd believed your ideal partner would be. It could be that one or more of the criteria you'd had weren't as big of a deal or that you hadn't thought about them until you'd met someone who didn't meet it. There are many reasons why you might make an "exception".

[DizzyDesii]

For example, the “not as big of a deal as i thought”... but what if that rule still applies to everyone but them. Like you’re still set against something but just not for that one person? Like its still a big deal, just a little leeway for that one person though

[BCRanger10]

You're not worrying about everyone else though. You're worrying about the person you're dating.

[DizzyDesii]

No like for example, if you’re not dating anyone but you like this person. You’d make an exception for them but anyone else wouldve still had to play by the rules... basically favoritism

[BCRanger10]

What's stopping someone from re-evaluating that rule?

[DizzyDesii]

Ooo i like probing questions... Have no idea how to answer them but i like 😂

[RavVid]

Everybody makes exceptions I'd say and doesn't think twice. It is all very well to have standards but how many are going to qualify? Close enough becomes good enough.

It is all very well for me to have a standard for girls to be 1. slender 2. have a narrow tight waist 3. minimum of D cup breasts. I gonna have to ditch the D+ breasts req.

[DizzyDesii]

I definitely think long and hard before acting. So very very few have been an exception to the rule. And yea close enough can be good enough. Sounds a little better than saying close enough is settling ig

[RavVid]

It does sound better doesn't it? I watched an instructive youtube of a relationship counselor that was both funny and instructive. It went like this

Oh you want a single man do you? In your preferred age range 1 in 3 men are single.

He must be 6 ft or higher? 1 in 3 men are 6 ft and above so 1 in 9 men you meet will suit you.

You want a man who listens and is empathetic. Well 1 in 3 men are vaguely like that. Now you are looking at 1 in 27 men or about 3% of the male pop.

He must earn above 500K pa? Well that's 2%. Multiplying that out 0.06% of men are going to satisfy your needs. You'll have to meet about 2000 men to find one that could be ok.

After that I started doing the math and decided I didn't really need the D+ cups :).

[DizzyDesii]

Holy smokes! Those girls standards are insane. But also are you saying you want D+ but you haven't met the girl who has the other things you want, so you dropped the D+ to be more realistic?

[RavVid]

Yeah. We need to be realistic. Wanting an attribute that 30% have seems quite reasonable but if we have a list of 10 of those then chances of having all of them is 0.3 * 0.3 10 times. Quick calc is 0.0006% of the pop. About 300 mill in the US? say 150 mill men/girls? Less than a 1000 will have all 10 (if those traits don't correlate). In Australia, a pool of 75 with those 10 traits.

That's an awful lot of door knocking to be done! Excuse me I am doing research and would you say you are ...

Some basic engineering calcs are I think justified.

My #1 requirement is a genuinely nice girl. I am already pushing the envelope an awful lot. Slender with narrow waist is just possible. D+ cups on a slender frame would be spectacular but is highly unlikely. I'm not big on big breasts so it is an easy req to drop.

With those girls who had insanely high requirements I'd like to think they were stooged up, so the video was funnier but it did seem to be genuine to me. That girl thought that 100k for her and each of her three children was needed which I guess means the husband gets a 100K too.

[DizzyDesii]

That was a lot of math 😩🥴

[RavVid]

I normally get paid for my engineering :) :)

[Fabiloso]

Exceptions are for those who hit different for sure. As long as it's not for reasons of looks I think it's a good thing. Also fair to assume everyone's gonna have their exceptions who come through. I think those who wouldn't let "exceptions" in are less of my type ironically.

[DizzyDesii]

So true

[Phoenix98]

You can have standards but those standards don't have to be iron clad either. After all most people are not going to fit into the neat little box of standards that you've made for yourself and adhere to each and every single one of them. As long as they aren't breaking a big one that would actually be a major issue in the relationship then I don't think it's necessarily a huge deal.

[DizzyDesii]

My standards are big ones. I have like 10 or less big standards. Im referring to standards (or dealbreakers) not preferences

[Phoenix98]

So am I and like I said most people aren't gonna match up to the standards we have to a fault. And if you do well that's a very rare find.

[Smiling_Baby21]

Every one has standards. And part of agreeing to be with someone is learning to compromise. So it's not turning a blind eye, it's choosing that one thing that you can overlook. And yet if it was another trait that you can't ignore, you won't let your standards be compromised.

[iron_ninjs]

Well, love is a gamble, so many people do make an exception.
God that was a corny line. 😂

[DizzyDesii]

I spend a couple days a year at the casino. To me that line was hot af 🤣

[Sparkie460]

You're not lowering your standards, you're just taking a gamble on the person. They might just be the one for you.

[DizzyDesii]

I do love to gamble

[Sparkie460]

I know you do. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose

[DizzyDesii]

The majority of times I win... few times I lose

[Sparkie460]

I have to go with you. Maybe your good luck will rub off on me

[nawtee_me]

You know if you try to fulfill a laundry list of who your perfect mate is then you have probably watched them pass you by on more than one occasion. They may never come back around.
The thing is, only with a list can you compromise and make exceptions. Without it you are free to choose someone who fits your standards but maybe not all your requirements.

[DizzyDesii]

Mmmm

[ElvenMr]

Depends on what it is. Is it something small, or something big that's hard to overlook even if you like them a lot?

I made exceptions a few times thinking they would change, and because i liked them enough so i overlooked what i didn't like about them. They even said they would "change", they knew it's bad for them, but they didn't, only just for a short period. I wasn't with them for long, so they might change with time still.

[DizzyDesii]

But is it really an exception if they’re expected to change?

[Anonymous]

Yes. I find dating largely to be a losing proposition for a guy. You're almost always going to expend more effort towards a woman than you'll ever get back. So I have a rule I never expend any more effort than she's willing to give. My philosophy is there are 3.5billion women on the planet. I only need to find 1 worth the effort. And I have all the time in the world to wait for her.

I think most people's problems are they want something ans they want it right now.

[DizzyDesii]

Just to be clear, are you saying you make no exceptions because you rather wait for the one who checks all the boxes?

[Opinion Owner]

Boxes, NO. I have like only 3 boxes. My expectations are pretty minimal. I'm simply saying I know what I bring to the table. Am I flawed absolutely, I'm OK with her being flawed. But being flawed is not excuse to not put forth effort.

[DizzyDesii]

Fully agree

[exitseven]

it can be just turning a blind eye. Sometimes it is easier to do that. However a lot of times you give somebody special treatment becaues you want the m to like you.

[DizzyDesii]

I wouldn't make an exception UNLESS i already knew we mutually liked eachother lmao

[exitseven]

Remind me not to get on tour shit list

[exitseven]

Your.

[Nikki1989]

Some things are set in stone, but many other things are not, so there are always exceptions to be considered.

[DizzyDesii]

True

[Anpu23]

I think that most of my rules are hard and fast. I don't think I ever made an exception to them. But if I did they would have to bring something else spectacular to the table.

[DizzyDesii]

Do you think making that exception would be a dumb move though? Or is it just hoping for the best?

[Anpu23]

I think it depends on why. If it's just that they are sexy, yes it's dumb. If there is more to it then it's a risk and a hope. Truth is a single date, even with someone who is not a good match may show more than you expect.

[DizzyDesii]

I agree its dumb if its solely based on making the exception because theyre hot

[Tomisworthless]

When you’re a hot guy then the so called standards women have disappear. Standards are only in place to keep away ugly and loser men. Average men may have a chance but once he makes one mistake he’s off to the gallows

[DizzyDesii]

I disagree but I doubt you care. Love is when emotion takes over. But if its not love yet then there's still a lot of logic in control. Hot men can get easily set aside if looks is the only thing they have going for them. I dont think some men can say the same tho. Good looks, good pussy, so beat it and then leave right...

[spartan55]

I dated a woman who liked the smell of ketchup. Once.

[DizzyDesii]

Bra... 😩

[spartan55]

I broke up with up with right away! 😂😂😂

[spartan55]

*up with her

[DizzyDesii]

She sound like a krusty musty hoe

[DizzyDesii]

Omg i just reread this. I initially thought you said she LOOKED like she smelled like ketchup 🤣

[spartan55]

She was a krusty musty hoe, but she was fun.

[Jamie05rhs]

Hmm; that's a really good question. I would classify that as taking a risk.

[Jamie05rhs]

But one of the other problems with this, unfortunately, if you choose to date someone who doesn't meet your standards, is the psychological battle of trying to justify that in your mind. And many people's concern is that this questioning could go on indefinitely, even after you've married them.
And on top of that, you have to explain your decision to your friends and family.

[DizzyDesii]

Is there much to explain though if they matched everything else just not one major thing? (I mean everything is major in my book so to match a majority of majors but lack one major is... major?) lol

[Jamie05rhs]

@DizzyDesii Well, I'm publicly known in the community as the guy who is waiting for marriage and waiting for his virgin wife. So that's kinda major. Lol

[DizzyDesii]

You must be picky cause its so many virgin girls lol. But the problem is probably that most girls want to date a hoe

[Jamie05rhs]

@DizzyDesii I think probably the main problem is I don't know who's a virgin and who isn't. If I don't know, then I'm not going to say anything. Because I'm not an asshole; I don't want to make anyone cry. I'm not going to take the risk of approaching a girl and then rejecting them after I find out. I feel like that would be cruel.

[Jamie05rhs]

(But yes, girls wanting to date a man-whore is certainly more and more of an issue these days.)

[DizzyDesii]

State it early in the convo. For example, its okay to say “Do you have kids because I personally don’t want any”. If they say they have kids, you’ll scratch eachother off the list. So its totally fine for you to say “I’m waiting til marriage and would prefer a virgin who will wait with me.” If they’re not that, you scratch eachother off the lost. ain't nun cruel about that

[Jamie05rhs]

@DizzyDesii I feel like that would be rude, though.

[DJB72]

Standards are dangerous. A narcissist comes across as competent because they mimic confidence.

I'd rather get to know the person first.

[justabuddy]

Not sure where you are going with this. I have made an exception. When you really like someone you think with emotions not always logic. Thats is jusy one of the ways you show you care. That being said I never put myself in a bad position though.

[DizzyDesii]

Nah im all about logic unless i love the person and then emotions slowly start to take over

[justabuddy]

That's kinda what I meant.

[Pink2000]

For me manipulation, grooming, bring a dumb ass, and toxicity and bring in love

[DizzyDesii]

Damn every word hit hard but i can see some truth behind it

[Lauliss]

I don't think so. It just means that maybe you should change your standards or follow them.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea no room for adjustments

[Lauliss]

Okay

[bernhardh]

Depends whether you can see colours to begin with. If not, you are colourblind anyway 🤷‍♂️

[DizzyDesii]

🥴🥴🥴

[TrillXHippy]

If I made an exception despite having standards I already know that it would backfire

[DizzyDesii]

Dang

[Abdulwahh]

It depends on the situation i mean if they into a sport or food i dislike its okay but if they drink are into clubbing then i say if i marry them im turning a blind eye

[Anonymous]

That's just something the heart does

[DizzyDesii]

I hate that because i prefer to use logic

[Opinion Owner]

So do I but...

[DizzyDesii]

Sometimes you just gotta make that exception lol