How to stop being a relationship fluffer?

[mimi-Emm]

Hi... I'm 26 female and from the moment I started dating I've never truly had a serious relationship.
Everytime I meet a man I'm attracted to and gives the impression that he's interested in me as well, it never goes anywhere. We usually go on a few dates but after a while it all fizzles out and they ALWAYS end up in serious relationships not long after we've stopped talking. When I say every "relationship" I've been in, I mean EVERY relationship, it's usually lasts about 2/3 months.
So now my thing is, I feel like something is wrong with me or i keep doing something wrong that makes men not wanna commit.
I'm a pretty easy going person, bubbly, a solid 6 on a good day😂 and pretty much have my life together... I know i have my flaws but daamn.. I can't help but feel like nobody ever really wants me.
I feel like a freaking relationship fluffer. It's so disheartening to see someone I thought I could've had a relationship with be with someone else, I mean good for them but it knocks down my confidence and now I'm afraid of giving other men a chance because I can't help but think it will end the same way.
I'm not sure if I even have a question here but I don't know man... I guess I just feel like crap. I wanna get married one day, have a family and take care of them... but it feels like that dream is getting further and further away from me and I'm almost convinced I'm gonna end up alone.💔💀

[Paulalove98]

Awww! I am totally with you on that on the hopelessness and disappointment on finding love and dating trust me!!! I felt this exact same way before I met my fiancé. I felt like every guy I met something always went wrong or they didn’t see me that way, or they would lie, play with my heart , lead me on etc. I went through this cycle for years. You’re definitely not alone. Also there is nothing wrong with you, don’t blame yourself or beat yourself up in any way that’s the worst you can do even tho it’s easier said than done I get it. My best advice is don’t change who you are to please men and make men happy. A man should love and accept you for you as long as you’re a good person and not hurting people. Honestly I think it’s the guys you’re meeting. It’s usually like that till someone special comes along and changes your whole persona. Once you meet that person, you’ll just know and you won’t feel the need to change, the gut that something is wrong with you, or you’re not good enough, or something. The right person will flatter you and make you the happiest you’ve ever been. It’s tough but don’t give up on love. Everyday is a new day and new opportunities that can arise.

[Chikky]

You need to ask that question after a first date. 'So do you see us getting serious with this or not" to save yourself the stress of putting your heart out there.

Please don't make it seem like you're getting old and desperate

[mimi-Emm]

Problem is I can be too trusting and take things at face value, so if they tell me they're interested in really getting to know me, I believe them. I never wanna right a person off without giving them a chance but now I'm just afraid altogether to even go on a date.

[Paulalove98]

@Chikky how is 26 old? My aunt didn’t meet her husband till she was 26 or 27 and she’s still married to him and they’re both in their 60s.

[Chikky]

@paulalove98 it's just in connection with her question, I'm 26 but she's sounding like she's old in finding her partner, so I'm trying to correct her not to say that or act that way

[Chikky]

@mimi-Emm I guess it's high time you just go and enjoy the process of dating, don't assume anything and don't tolerate everything

[Avicenna]

I hate to suggest this, but it's possible that they're dating multiple women and are just choosing the others. Also, if you're having sex with them before they commit, it could be all that they're interested in.

It's hard to say just from what you posted. Also, how high are your standards in men?

[mimi-Emm]

I don't believe my standards are high to be honest. I generally just like laid back, confident men with a good sense of humor. I like somebody that's loyal because I happen to trust really easily and I guess I can be naive at times but I always want to see the best in people.
Out of all the men I've seen in the past I've only slept with 2.

[Avicenna]

It doesn't really sound like you're doing anything wrong. Are you asking them to go exclusive or are you waiting for them to ask?

[mimi-Emm]

I usually make my intentions clear that I'm looking for a relationship and most of the time they give the impression that they're on the same page but it never goes anywhere. I know I'm not perfect but I just wish I knew exactly what it is that's not working for them.😅

[Avicenna]

It's good that you're communicating that, but you still need to close the deal, so to speak, by explicitly getting them to commit. Otherwise they'll assume you're OK with the status quo, which may include them seeing other women.

[mimi-Emm]

You're probably right. I never really push for that exclusivity because I want them to be sure with their choice, I would hate for someone to be with me because they didn't know how to let me down or weren't too sure but just went along with what I wanted.

[Avicenna]

OK, now we're getting somewhere. If you know you want to go exclusive, don't wait if it's already been a month or more. Do not give another woman an opening to steal the guy from you because it seemed like you weren't all in.

[mimi-Emm]

I'll try, I'm still a little afraid of being that assertive but I'll try.

[Avicenna]

Understandable, but just remind yourself of the reward- getting the guy you want to commit!

[Avicenna]

And you can do it within a few dates if you're sure about a guy

[strateguy632]

that sounds disappointing and frustrating but each city has many many people so find the one that is a match. it is possible and likely.

[mimi-Emm]

Easier said than done.😅

[driven159]

you are way too young to get down it just takes time for the right person to cross paths with just hand in there it will happen when you least expect it

[ButthurtGAGpeople1]

Are you having sex with them?

[mimi-Emm]

No! I've only had sex with 2 men...

[ButthurtGAGpeople1]

Are those the guys you dated

[mimi-Emm]

Yeah! But the relationships only lasted about 3months. I've seen or gone out with other men but it never evolved into proper relationships.

[ButthurtGAGpeople1]

Did they ever mention wanting to have sex?

[mimi-Emm]

Never directly, they would always make suggestive jokes, I guess to try hint that they wanted to sleep with me but I usually just brush it off.

[ButthurtGAGpeople1]

Why?

[mimi-Emm]

Well if I entertained and went along with every guy that wanted to sleep with me, what would that make me?
I don't do casual sex.