How to decide someone who isn't your "usual type"?

[Anonymous]

I met this guy and we've been talking/texting for a couple weeks. He is overall a really nice, sweet guy. I do have some concerns though. Aside from not being my "usual type", I did have some red flags pop up already and I'd like some opinions.

What "not my usual type" means -

This guy is a major redneck and his family are mostly rednecks as well. They drink A LOT and get drunk often. It isn't uncommon for each member to down, say, an entire bottle of wine on their own (at least a bottle each person). They have no limits and just keep going. Many of them are heavy smokers as well (I saw one go through almost 2 packs of cigarettes just sitting outside talking for like 4 hours one evening). I don't smoke or drink and never have/never will. This guy stopped smoking BUT he IS on the drinking bandwagon. We couldn't hang out once because he got super wasted the night before. This guy is also slightly "fluffy" and I usually don't ever date heavier set men. He is currently working on losing weight which I support and respect.

Red flags I've seen -

*Pushy about going on a date. I originally said NO dating at the moment. I wanted to become friends, get to know one another and see. I've been asked out like 5 times since we started texting.

*Introducing family members too soon. First time we ever hung out, a whole herd of friends and family "mysteriously showed up" and we all got introduced.

*Horrible texting behavior. He constantly wants to text. I mean if I don't answer right away, he's texting again. He will keep texting even when I say I am going to go to bed.

*Planning things far into the future. A week or even YEAR in advance. Already wanting me to meet his best redneck buddy who drinks all the time. He is clearly seeing me as a long-term investment already.

*Says he can "be a bit difficult/hard", but he'd never hurt me and doesn't want me to be afraid of him (I'm a DV/DA survivor and he knows that).

Any advice on how to decide whether I should date him?

[Little_Bumblebee]

These are some pretty huge things. Especially the heavy drinking and smoking when you don't and how he doesn't sound to be respecting your boundaries.

Ask yourself if you like him. Do you like being with him? And how do you feel when you're not with him?

Do you see a future where he behaves as he does?

Consider him as he is right now, not as you imagine he could be.

[Asker]

Very valid points. I don't mind his company. I started to feel a little uncomfortable around his family members when they started boozing. I mean these people were going through BOTTLES at a time. Each person was literally just taking a bottle to their self and just having at it (NOT a standard bottle either... think wine bottle or something). Next thing you know, the bottle is empty. The trash can was FULL of empty bottles when the night was over.

As far as a future, I definitely do not want him to be going out getting drunk, partying with his friends all the time, being too drunk or hungover to do things we planned, etc. I also definitely want boundaries to be respected. If I say no to a date, I don't appreciate being asked 3 or 4 more times. I said no right now. Leave it alone and let me become more comfortable with you. He seems to not get that even though I've explained it multiple times and he claims he understands.

[Little_Bumblebee]

You say you don't mind his company.. shouldn't you more... I don't know.. enjoy his company?

[Anonymous]

Depends how much effort she puts forth.

[Asker]

Yes, the effort definitely matters. This guy seems to be trying VERY hard. Like he is inviting me to everything under the sun, even on days I've already got pre-planned arrangements not involving him. I am just very leery. My last relationship, I got burned bad. I was physically abused long story short. Alcohol abuse/overuse scares me because I also had a different ex who was nothing but a drunk. Constantly drinking and very mean when drunk. He wa highly verbally abusive and I spent many a night crying. I do not feel comfortable being around heavy alcohol use now, especially when people are getting too crazy. It scares me and makes me very uneasy. It's even worse when I don't know the people and don't know the kind of drunk they are.

I'm also greatly nervous about how fast he's coming on. From the day we started texting, he started asking me on a date, even after I had specifically told him NO DATING. I didn't know him. I wanted to be friends first and get to know each other. He seems to have already decided he wants me. Period. I am a little scared he may be the possessive type. He has told me he will never hurt me, he doesn't want me to be afraid of him, he will protect me, I'll be safe with him and he will be patient in earning my trust. But I'm still very unsure and scared about giving him a chance.

Any input/suggestions?