Are you afraid of dying alone?

Question

Many people say they prefer to stay single than to settle for someone to start a family with. Are you afraid of dying old alone neglected with no family in a nursing home? Or how about not having anyone to celebrate Christmas or Thanksgiving with?

Your parents won't be there for you forever. Your siblings may get married, start families of their own and forget about you. They will dedicate their lives to taking care of their wives and kids over you. Relatives might move away with their families far from you.

Are you afraid that there would be nobody to check up on you or you will end up dying alone with nobody who truly cares for you?

Updates

7 mo

Truth about dying alone is
Nobody will be there to help you when you need it the most

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

Ok Time out
First of all I'm curious if you're asking this question for yourself or for an older person.

I hope you're not talking about yourself because of your age right now you have many many years to go.

Okay so I really like this question especially right now in this day and time of my life.

In so many ways you are so right.
And I really needed to hear this question. To remind me something.
A year ago I get a phone call from my mother.
I can feel stressed in her voice her tone and she asked me to come pick her up.
She was living with my sister and her son
Things happened and she couldn't take it anymore she also has Alzheimer's dementia

When I got there she explained to me everything that had gone on and she wanted to move she wanted me to take her and help her find another place to live
Well I know that she cannot take care of herself
And I said well you're going to come live with me

I moved out of my parents house when I was 16 years old

The only type of relationship I had was Christmas Thanksgiving Easter dinners some birthday parties

I'm single and free I have my own ways so this was going to be a major change for me

But to watch a confident strong bold smart independent woman who raised three kids

Literally become a 5 year old in front of my eyes
It is heartbreaking.

To watch somebody that was so smart pick up a channel changer and asked me why she can't make a phone call

Or who has a phone right in front of her but she's asking me what happened to the black thing that fits in the saddle the charging unit of the phone charger and I would say there's the phone right there and she would say no not that it's a black thing and she would try to explain it to me

Or just start talking about my aunt and uncle my aunt passed away her sister
About 6 years ago they were best friends
And she's asking me where did they go are they coming home

Or walking into my room and looking at me and asking me where he went
And I asked her who is he and she would say you know and she would say my name Steve where did he go.

Or ask me the same question 50 times every single day with 20 different questions..
She can't remember she's coming or going.
She's not even the same person

I could not imagine anybody being left alone to fend for themselves in A moment like This.

So this is why I like to question so much
I like the way that you asked it I liked it words that you used to project the picture of Truth and honesty
And if you wouldn't have asked it the way that you did
I could have very easily been very selfish and made it all about me because it has put in the toll on me it has changed me in some ways in other ways it has reminded me about life about kids about patience about love
I look at it like this it's only a moment in time that I give up myself in ways that I never thought that I would have to that I never even thought about to be honest with you or at least as deep as you really have to think about it

I look at it like this
She raised me for 16 years put a foundation underneath me made me believe in myself
Gave me what she could when she could.
And I owe her that same respect

And that is making the last part of her life the best I can possibly make it for her.
To take all the burden off of her and allow her to be happy and not worry about anything.

So for me this is a very powerful and a very real question and I'm glad that you asked it because it is reminded me what I signed up for and all the reasons why I would not want any other way.

And that paragraph right there is where a fine line of of a lie has to equal truth.

So I just want to thank you for the question I really need to hear it and answer it.

The other thing is is I hope you're asking this question because of the loved one and not because of yourself
.

Bricealan · Accepted Answer

Probably a question many do not want to think about or deal with. Was talking to a girlfriend about it, and she said: "I don't want to talk about that"!!! I told her Michael Jackson said he was "going to live forever" , and we ALL KNOW how that worked out.

I am divorced, and now live alone with only one sibling. I do have other college/high school friends AND neighbors, that I have to help, if I have a heart attack, during my Yoga 'hell classes" 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️After COVID and all of the associated deaths I suffered in my family, I made all necessary arrangements for my 'inevitable' death, cremation and ashes scattering over the Pacific. My work associate of 47, just lost her husband of 20 years, suddenly, soon after returning from a family vacation.

We know it will happen, but when, where, and under what circumstances?

We all live our lives 'alone' as a reality, and die alone, even with friends, family, around the bed, if that is where we end our lives. I will be no different.

This is a great question, by the way, that many do not want to think about

Ozanne · Accepted Answer

NO. These are fears people instill upon others when it comes to guilting them for life choices that absolutely no one can predict!--and what's more, have nothing to do with the person placing the guilt!

Even those with spouses and children can end up tossed to the side with no company around when they are in old age. I have visited my own elderly relatives in nursing homes to know that most of the people sitting alone do have children and grandchildren, and yet there they are, with no one around. So where was this so-called insurance to not be alone if they have these people?

Family is who you make of it. You don't need to have a partner or children, but a loving support network of extended family, their children, or even people you make friends with to be in your life, and even their children who can look up to you just like a parental figure.

The nursing homes I've seen my grandparents put in have company amongst themselves, the staff, and enjoy activities that are constantly on the calendar. The residents also have guests who know who their neighbour is, and often times, they say hello to them too.

People need to stop with these dark fantasies that have them worry about their final years, fearing that they'll have no one around unless they marry and have some kids. This is just not true. In old age you might not have people who you thought should be around, but rather, people who were meant to be around.

Emyyyy · Accepted Answer

I don’t know. I can’t force someone to love me. If I meet someone to live forever with, then so be it. If not then so be it. Ask this question to women who have been abused in relationships. Women who have been verbally, physically or emotionally abused by their male partners. For years on end. 5, 10, 15 years. Tolerating the neglect or abuse of a partner. Only because they have kids with him.  Are they afraid of dying alone?  Are they afraid to spend Christmas or Thanksgiving without a partner?  Are they afraid that their siblings are gonna be gone? And not only that, but having a kid is a huge investment / expense.  You’re gonna worry about someone for the rest of your entire life. And who’s to say they’ll have the best life? What if they end up drug addicted on the streets. You brought them to this existence 🫵. You brought them to suffer in this existence 🫵. It’s your fault as a parent. Not everyone should be a parent. Marriage is a huge expense. And a child is another huge expense. What about women who’s lost their partner at the ages of 30+ ? Due to death, or breakup?  Are they afraid of dying alone? Of their siblings being gone? Are they afraid to spend Christmas and Thanksgiving alone?

LaFemmeFatale_1 · Answer

I live alone in China, last week I had persistent high fevers for 3 days. (Seems like I got a flu)

But I was so weakened for those three days, I was even thinking I might have died, I know that’s silly and I mustn’t have worried as I have a healthy and a young body but I was worried because I live alone here and I couldn’t even sleep , I wanted to be awake so I could better take care of myself, sleeplessness didn’t help feeling better.

At that time for a moment I thought, what if I died far from my home?

They’d have to send my body through the airplane back to my country and my family wouldn’t be able to see me alive for the last time.

I didn’t feel scared of dying alone, I was worried it would be a huge burden and a trauma for my family though.

After 3 days I got better and my worries went away, but I did worry and felt scared for those three days.

DaveJord · Answer

So both my parents lived to 80 years old. My other lived to 98, my grandparents all lived to be over 85. All of them. By Great Grandmother on my mother's side lived to 102. So they say longevity comes through your mother's side. Well, my Great Mother on my mother's side, 102, my grandmother, 98... my mother 86 and still kicking.

I watch all my grandparents die, laying for weeks in a hospital bed with tubs and monitors hooked up to them. Everyone they ever knew had already dies and passed years ago.

As a single man, at 47 my greatest fear is living and die alone after everyone I ever knew died long ago. I literally fear nothing but this type of fate. I would rather die in freak accident then live another 30 to 50 years and die alone.

But I am only 47 and you are only 18 to 24, so there is plenty of time to worry about that later.

AviatorTom · Answer

My parents and sister have passed away. However, my ex-wife, SO and my 3 grown kids are still around. When I die, I suspect at least one of them will survive me.

Your question really requires two answers:

1. Am I afraid of dying? No.

2. Am I afraid of dying alone? Also No.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I'm not afraid to be alone but I don't want pain or disease or sickness or tragedy before I die. But even if things go bad, I know pain on earth is temporary and when you die, heaven lasts forever.

Avicenna · Answer

Well, I'd rather die surrounded by family.

KorvoWintrish · Answer

Dying alone is only made secondary by the fear of dying with Alzheimer's or a similar dementia condition. When you lose your memories, when you lose your mind, you lose who you are. Dying alone is right behind it, but it's very common nowadays for families to just stick their elders into a nursing home and never visit after a couple weeks, months, or maybe years. I can only hope I do well enough with raising my future family and instilling values into them such that this doesn't happen.

Personally, I don't understand why people want to just stay single forever. I understand that the dating world fucking sucks the last decade or so (probably longer, but I'm young, cut me some slack), but that doesn't mean it's worth just writing off a relationship and a family altogether if raising a family is what you really want. I thought I didn't want a family at all, but I hit 22 and some switch flipped in my head, and now I want to put poor Mexican Catholic families to shame with how many kids I want to have. (That last bit is meant as light-hearted humor, for anyone who is thin-skinned enough to get offended from it.)

IcyOJ · Answer

Yes. And no. Yes because Iduno what’s gone happen next. No because Iduno what’s gone happen next… also it’s scary if my consciousness ends forever. Scary if it is endless but I’m stuck in a new person with my memory of this life whiped when I’m a baby or if I’m stuck in a whack animal like a bullfrog or snake or alligator… or a a female.. not because I’m sexist or anything cuz I’m not but because I’m a man so I can’t imagine being a woman, that seems kinda guy too… actually being a lesbian women seem kinda chill if I get born that way… Iduno it would be dope I become a male pitbull with a good owner, a male horse with a good owner, or an eagle, or coyote… also scary to know right now that this is my only and last life and I didn’t get to do 99% of all the things I truly want to do. Dope if I wake up in an alternate universe where everyone lives forever and has super powers and food is free tho. And we can travel across the universe like in Star Wars and even teleport. Sorry I probably shouldn’t have been high while answering this. I just hope we’re not just seemingly mundane, useless, battery packs or simulations for a future mega million year old super-advanced Alien race or mega future human race or AI/Quantam computer program… cuz that wouldn’t be so chill💀👽 I think I’d low key prefer the hell we live in or actual hell to that but probably not… I just hope I get to have some say in it all… or I’m ok with the decision if there’s a mission/life/existence beyond the reality and world in which we know to perceive and exist in after we “die”

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

Dying isn't pretty. I know if the few people in my life aren't there at the end it would upset them, but I'd never wish them to go through that. When they told me I was dying the last time I really missed my rescue kitten. They said they'd let her be snuck in if things went south. A lot of work later, things didn't go south. I think animals process death better than a lot of people. I've known a number of people with pets whose pets seemed to know time was limited. They all took the time to be around the person near constantly in the end. To some extent when the pet is dying too actually now that I think about it. Maybe we're not supposed to die alone after all. Look at that... Changed my own mind mid post. Well that was weird.

Hawkes_Lady · Answer

The short answer is, yes. Yes, I am afraid that I am going to die alone.

The long answer. Yes, I am getting to an age where I am thinking about the fact that I am getting older and my life is getting shorter. I have medical conditions that could make my life even shorter. I have no children, I have no parents, I don't really have any close friends, and I have no SO/partner/husband. I have a younger sister, who I believe would take care of me should something happen to me that would make it impossible to care for myself, but is that fair to her? I do know that I am afraid to die, but when it is my time to go I hope that it is painless and that I'm not afraid, nor that I am alone. I would like to have someone who loves me there to hold my hand and tell me that it will be alright, that someone will carry my memory with them, that I won't be forgotten.

VIVANT · Answer

You can marry someone and they can get bored and leave. Or go crazy. Or they always were a terrible person they just hid it until later.. There are no guarantees and to listen to how people talk supposedly men just want sex & women just want money so there will be very many lonely people

and even in a marriage one is going to be left alone at sone point. You can have children and they can grow to be jerks.

the problem is lack of competent compassionate properly financially compensated social care for the elderly. Not everyone _can_ have families even if they want to, yet will still need care. Marriage can’t be the solution to old age bc it’s not necessarily going to be helpful and not accessible to all.

Mamaliv · Answer

I think this is a very good question!

When I first got divorced I wanted to be single, I enjoy being single! I’m terrified of being a burden to someone, I’d rather die young then grow old and have to depend on someone to take care of me. As it is I refuse to ask for help of any kind, even moving things, I’ve moved washer and dryers in and out of my house without help. When I need something done I just handle it.

But I work in healthcare and I see on a regular basis how aging changes us, and a part of me that I’d like to pretend doesn’t exists realizes that I don’t want to grow old alone. I want that person in my life that will face my stubbornness and tell me no I can not do that on my own and offer me help and I’d like to be that person for someone else as well because eventually there will be things we can not and should not do. The dying part doesn’t bother me, it’s the 60s, 70s, and 80s that I don’t look forward to being alone.

Lynx122 · Answer

Nope not at all I've been alone for a lot of my adult life and things are only going in a positive direction now. I'm learning to handle uncertainty and negative surprises better which allow me to be closer to people and have deeper connections rely on others more because I know if things go wrong I will be alright. I don't have any plans to start a family but I'm becoming more social and that's enough for me atm. Even if I'm alone when I die I'm so used to being alone it won't bother me at all I'll just be grateful for the peace and quiet.

RavVid · Answer

Mmmh. I was thinking about the actual dying part and that is probably nearly always alone. Dying people seem to hold on and often die after a visitor leaves. I have seen that. After an estranged son left the person died.

I have given this thought as it is a corollary of deciding not to marry etc But as above you are unlikely to have a family member holding your hand as you cheyne stoke your last breath. And most of us will die in a hospital or a nursing home situation nowadays. It is not as if you are likely to die in the family home anyway.

It is also not as if you will have a wife or husband of many years beside you, as they will have divorced us decades ago.

More to the point is what i thing you are getting is not having anybody to visit us while we are still alive but drawing to it's close. In that case hopefully we will have someone else in nursing home we like to commune with.

I think that is the best we can expect.

magiusX26 · Answer

sad fact for you. modern society, being not single still leaves you dieing alone, at least if you are a guy. more often than not, your "partner" will not be there by the end anymore. most want the marriage but not really a spouse. then there is also the cold fact that really, no matter your choices, everyone actually dies alone. the same way "you can't take your material things and wealth (money) with you when you die, so too can you not take people with you. your death is an exclusively individual journey.

Anonymous · Answer

In life you have two choices. You either confess and believe in the Word of God, or you confess and believe in the word of the enemy. The following is the word of the enemy ''Are you afraid of dying old alone neglected with no family in a nursing home?'

Therefore I have no fear of dying alone at all. I am in my mid 40's with no children and no partner (I prefer being single). But I also know that if I wanted a partner, I could go through God to have one.

2 Timothy 1:7

'For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.'

Far too many people are living in fear and confessing and believing in the words of the enemy daily!

Anonymous · Answer

I felt the cold steel grip of death a few years back when I got pneumonia. I have never felt so physically and mentally drained and in pain in my life, and I did think about it in this sense that this was it, I was alone, I would just be a tick in the book of deaths for this year and nothing more, but then I recovered and haven't really thought about it since. I think if I thought about it more often I wouldn't be able to function. I just try to live my life to the best of my ability because I don't want to be crippled by those thoughts or devalue my accomplishments or the person I am thinking that the only measure of success is if I have a man.

lightbulb27 · Answer

it's more fear of slowing down and not having support to protect me and suffering or dying slowly in a hospital.

but ya can't choose your route, it is what it is. mine is approaching, even if it's 50 more years, I'm not 20 and invicible anymore. So my mind is working on accepting and being fully present in the day, loving fully in the moment, being my best. spending time thinking about dying is wasting time in the future.

menina · Answer

Yes, I'm afraid of dying alone. But my "family" doesn't care about me. I could die now and they would literally dance on my grave. The only person who truly cares about me is my younger sister. We support each other but I know we won't live together forever.

Lately I realized that I want to have a real family. I just don't know if that will be possible since I'm 31 and I've never been in a relationship. Only time will tell...

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Answer

I mean… it’s not like we take anyone with us. And I doubt I’ll ever get to the point where I’m so sick I can’t even call an ambulance. In the hospital, even if you have no one there, there will always be a nurse who sits with you and keeps you company as they let you go. I learned that from my roommate’s time as a chaplain in our local hospital. You won’t die alone, you might die in the company of a stranger, but probably not alone unless you make it so.

serious · Answer

Well, yes whatever you have said in your question subject is true but then that is the price those people have to pay for choosing to be alone/single for life.

As for my case, yes I have decided to remain alone and single for life. I am not afraid to die alone.

Are you afraid of dying alone?

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