Would you shoot your shot with so many differences?

[Anonymous]

So there is this woman at my job who is cool, beautiful, smart and funny. The thing is we are on complete opposite of the spectrum. Height: She is tall, and I am short (about 3'' difference), she is young and I am older (11 years difference about), and yes different races. The kicker is we work together in the same department. I am not even sure she is interested in me, but I haven't even tried to shoot my shot. Thus is my predicament of wondering, if I should even try. I wouldn't make it weird, if she shot me down (she might think it's weird after that). Looking for advice

[ManOnFire]

I mean, there's nothing in that situation saying you can't try it, although I personally would not do it if I were in your place. And not even about her height (I love tall women) or race, but I think it would be hard for me to date a girl 11 years younger. Girls in their 20s are just not good candidates for me personally and we are on different spectrums of maturity and life experience, which is what I would say you should think about if you make the moves. And then of course also that you guys are co-workers. You know that can get messy if things don't work out.

[RavVid]

It is highly problematical to attempt an office romance now. Now no matter how gently you approach it it is possible she immediately rings HR. If you are senior or worse supervising it is even more problematic. If it is a small company maybe normality applies in a way that it doesn't in corporates.

I value my job and I'm specialized so there aren't many openings in my field, so I just wouldn't. The cost could be too high. If you don't mind looking for a new job that's different

If you are still interested after the MeToo considerations, I would try chatting her up in a deniable way to judge if she has any interest. It is pretty easy to mention movies you are wanting to see for example. If she expresses keen interest in a movie you have an opening. If you don't get an opening back I'd take it as a No.

It is a very wimpy way of going about it but I am assuming you want to keep your job and so you have to be careful. With 11 years difference she could be WTF?

[strateguy632]

good points. in our world.

[ManOnFire]

@RavVid Total facts here. I once dated a woman on an old job and the experience taught me not to do that again. We fell apart because she turned out not to be a good person, but that was really the least of the trouble. When you date co-workers you have to deal with the drama of it being seen or talked about around the workplace.

On my job right now there was a romance that crashed and burned. And people saw it. I can't imagine being in that picture and not being embarrassed to come to work every day.

[Constatine]

There are women who like older men.. So that should not be a problem... Other point are very well told.. Although if there is a problem it would be a work relationship.. If it goes wrong everyone will know... If it realy goes wrong you have to find another job...

[ManOnFire]

@Constatine Eggsactly.

[RavVid]

@ManOnFire Exactly so. I was highly attracted to a woman at work and our mutual attraction was noticed and became a work thing. It's a no win lose lose scenario and feeling embarrassment every day at work is too much.

A guy I know told me the girls at the department store he worked at, did go on dates with the guys who worked there, but if they didn't like the sex they got they would complain about it to everybody. Super embarrassing if your thrusting was not up to par. :) I don't know how many orgasms were required for no complaints but I got the impression it was a goodly number.

[ManOnFire]

@RavVid Yeah that too. A lot of people don't keep that in mind. You go dating or sleeping with a co-worker, and then they'll brief everybody on the performance or how the body was. I know girls who slept around at work and the guys would talk about their bodies or how she smelled, totally embarrassing her. Don't eat where you shit.

[RavVid]

@Constatine Yeah there are young women who like the older man concept for sure but if you don't know and you make mistake you might find it embarrassing and it impacts the in control image you should have at work.

A short while back, within my social circle, a female friend invited me to a party and there was a young girl who I thought comely but too young for me to crack onto. Female friend encouraged me to go after her and over-rode my objections on the age gap and said well I'll ask her if she is interested and hung up.

Later that day she called back to tell me girl X was very surprised that an older guy was thinking he had a chance and my female friend was critical of me thinking a young girl would be interested despite it being her doing.

If that was at work it would have been excruciatingly awkward.

One of the good things about girls is that if they think you are interested they will quickly bring a boyfriend into a conversation if they are not interested. If they do want to go out with you they are quite capable of making it ungentlemanly of you not to ask "Would you like to see Movie X with me".

While we would prefer not to beat around the bush even just asking a girl out could have you looking for a new job if she chose to make a joke out of it. So if there is not strong encouragement from a girl at work I wouldn't go there.

If she started bringing me muffins for morning tea well...

[ManOnFire]

@RavVid Lol. Yeah totally true. You would need to see some level of reciprocation from her. And tea and muffins is hard for me to resist🤣

[RavVid]

@ManOnFire I like don't eat where you shit - more graphic than a fox doesn't hunt by it's den. Good way to put it.

Women aren't above playing sex games at work. I had a role in which I reviewed and approved work. I was reviewing a girl's work and she hadn't been friendly to me before. During the review at my desk she pressed her thigh against mine as she sat closer than necessary. I think she was just making sure her design was approved by me and using sex as a lubricant to that purpose.

[RavVid]

@ManOnFire A girl's muffin is certainly hard to resist. I don't know if a guy could get away with offering a long Italian doughnut in return. That could be an HR call due to the phallic shape.

[ManOnFire]

@RavVid Oh definitely true. I even two female supervisors on past jobs touch me and make it like nothing. One even used to grab me. Both had a thing for me. I didn't ever complain because I'm like most men and figure it's not that bad and because it's not actually worth it unless they would ever try to force something on me behind closed doors.

Yeah. I'll just stick to eating muffins in the end😉

[RavVid]

@ManOnFire That's pretty full on grabbing the goods without a 'do you mind if I have a feel'.

I am surprised too that teacher pedo cases are always female teachers but then male teachers were run out of schools decades ago.

[DizzyDesii]

You should still shoot your shot. I would be a bit bothered by the height and totally bothered by that age gal, but the race isn't an issue. This girl may not be bothered by any of it. And even if she is, then she’ll address it. If you guys can't work around it or if there's not shot/chemistry, move on to the next gal/goal

[YAsQuen]

women

[TheSpaceGnome]

Height and race aren't relevant.
11 year age gap is pushing it but not a dealbreaker.
What matters is looks, hobbies, interests, views, personality. That sort of stuff, you need to have just about everything in common mentally and find eachother attractive, or it will fail.

[jb2622]

Me probably not, you dont want or need the drama at work and there will almost certainly be some. Well unless they just turn you down and you take it well.

[Nikki1989]

Of course, you should. Only weak cowards run away from such opportunities.

[Staximus]

If she is always touching you and sending in your personal space then yes. If she never touches you or stand close to you then no.

[ManOnFire]

Ehhhhh even with the touching that could still go south. Cuz she could touch you and figure that you are a man and you will like it, but then if you reciprocate, she can decide that it makes her uncomfortable and take that to HR.

[RedInnocent68]

Would normally say yes, but screwing up something good at work? Gots to be careful!

[Twalli]

No, but not because of you differences, don't date coworkers.

[msc545]

Don't mess with people you work with. It never ends well.

[Chayce]

I would advise against it.

[In_Trance]

Yeah