DOES THIS GUY DESERVE A SECOND CHANCE & SHALL I REPLY?
Spent 5+ hours on a first date with this guy.
We were supposed to meet on Sunday again but he went on a birthday party a night before. On that night I said out of joke "hope you'll still meet me the next day". Instead of saying yes, he said "we will see". A man is 30 years old, so I'd hope he would be responsible. Instead of that, he invited ME to drive all the way to that city to party with them. Of course I didn't do that. Anyways I got turned off so I cancelled the date cause I already could see it wasn't going to happen anyways. Now let me mention we live an hour away from each other so we can only meet on the weekends.
He's sent quite some messages since then:
sorry for a delay. I'm so tired from yesterday (sun 3 pm)
sorry for not meeting you, it wasn't intentional... if you're upset (sun 6 pm)
i'm going to sleep. hope to speak to you tomorrow. gn (sun 9 pm)
good morning (mon 5 am)
are u not interested anymore annie? (mon 12 pm)
Yes, give him another chance
Nah, he's only a waste of time
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Canceled our date because of the party last night. Does he deserve a second chance?
Well that's totally a shame from his part, if you really think about it, that's his first impression? That's quite shameful, if this was a first date, even if it wasn't he couldve had the decency to show a bit of respect and at the very least rescheduled the date, to be fair tho he could've made you feel at least somewhat important in the situation, I believe in second chances, sometimes and in this case it was his own lack of responsibility and respect that cause you the date and I don't see why that is worthy of a second chance, for a party too, like he could go to another at some other point, if he would've had an appointment he forgot about or had a family emergency, I can definitely see these worthy of a second chance but ditching you for a party seems very rude of him if ima be honest.
We've already went on a first date which lasted 5 hours. This was going to be a second date if he didn't screw up. Basically he went on his friend birthday party... So I guess he couldn't let down his friend for that but what he could do is be more responsible and get home earlier or drink less so he could meet me the next day. I know we live an hour apart so he'd have to do some driving but man if he was interested, there shall not be an issue. He's 30 years old, I'd expect him to be more responsible. Specially cause's he's a boss at some company. What kinda boss is that. Smh
To be fair he never said he was a good boss, but that's besides the point 😂
Weither you want to give him a second chance is your call cause if he ever does do you dirty again then it's your time you've wasted but if you do decide to give him another chance I'd say punish him for a bit when doing so and with the confrontation on why you are mad, if you gotta give him the silent treatment then by all means, I'd say confront him before the silent treatment so he knows exactly what's up when you don't respond, maybe that will teach him that you aren't someone he can but fold on when he wants too.
Depends do you want mild punishment or you wanna go foul mode cause foul mode can just ruin things no lie, let's go mild, I'd say the silent treatment in a classic for a reason but if you make him know you are on, that s even worse, man I hate that 😐
Something like that yea, sounds like something that will make a dudes heart jump lol
And I would silently lose my damn mind, leave your activity thing on so he knows you've opened your thing already and its clear you are ignoring him 😁😆
I'd say dump him. A telling sign is the fact in all his supposed communication he never honestly apologizes and/or admits he was at fault for his inconsiderate behavior. People like this almost never change.
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I remember being in your situation when I was younger. I really thought that the guy & I clicked the first time we met.
But like this guy he cancelled our date last minute to go to someone else's birthday party. Didn't bother informing me until something like 4-6 hours later.
As anyone with self respect would, I got frustrated & told him off... But decided to give him another chance anyway. You know maybe he forgot about the date.
But he kept doing it.
And it got to the point that communicating with him was more a burden & emotional / psychological drain than anything. So I blocked him cold turkey & never been happier.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
6 mo
I think you are being pathetic and overreacting. You said yourself you had already went on a first date that lasted 5 hours. Yeah he got drunk but maybe it was the first time in a long time he had drank that much. Yet here you are acting like he gets drunk all the time and like he keeps cancelling on you when it was once he cancelled.
Did he not make an effort to reach out to you despite being drunk? Geez I see you as the red flag and damn controlling the poor guy will have no life being with someone like you
@Anonymous - I see you're one of the spineless & without much self respect women on this site. Comical. It's not that the guy got drunk, you uneducated twit, it's the fact that the loser couldn't care to inform her beforehand. She may have rearranged her schedule to make time for him & their date.
Never mind his conduct pretty much indicates very early on that he is unreliable & irresponsible which is not something most women - unless they're cheap / whore wannabes - like to be involved with because such men are more hassle than worth.
So coming from someone who has been that age, red flags. If you're going to a kegger and getting tossed at that age, not good. If you're out at the wine bar with your boss's family and have too many glasses, red flag. If you by that point just can't tell when you're approaching your limit and staying shy of it, super red flag. The time to cancel dates because of a hangover was over at 21, if not before. Sounds very manchild-y
I'm glad you're seeing it this way too... It indeed is a red flag. What if u had job interview next day and u couldn't show up cuz u got drunk last night. man so irresponsible
Yeah shows how dependable he is. A man's word should count for something. Now if he was sick because he got some bad oysters or was in a car wreck, totally understand that one. Tying on one too many? Not at that age.
yeah exactly if its emergency okay.. but if u make up excuse like that then ur probably just not that interested and also I don't know if he's really looking for LOVE
It's not, if it was his close friends birthday than it's a 48hr that doesn't count.
It usually doesn't happen.. And this can be a good thing.
Give him a second chance, another date. Tell him if he wants another chance he need to honestly answer things..
Ask him about birthday party, Who's birthday was it?
Ask him how many people were there. How many of them were his friedns..
Ask him who are his close friend's and how long he has had friendship with them if he can maintain +10yr friendship with them, he can easily maintain a commitment of lifetime with you!..
So it's a good things, he has friends he is normal, not a psychopath like Ted Bundy
depends if you enjoyed the first date and are both living in same city, this deserves a section chance. i guess he planned to manage both but couldn't therefore apologized. if you are a far drive away, the cost of time isn't worth the doubt , so use this as an excuse to break up.
Yeah I'm an hour away from him... not the same city but one hour away within the city or another city, is the same ish. You spend 1 hour traveling to get there. So no difference. Yeah I guess but he knew that before setting up a date, didn't he?
Well if you are gonna get mad from him going to the party just tell him you aren't interested so you both can move on.. simple.. we can't tell you what to do it is your choice at the end of the day..
I'm not mad that he went on a party. He could of been more responsible so he could still meet me the next day. What about yoi? Would you be tutnef off?
Depends how much I liked the guy.. He did say he might not make it.. so I wouldn't really care, but I am not for long distance relationships anymore so I probably wouldn't bother trying to date him..
Well if he ain't in the same town that is long distance.. if he is in the same town and just takes that long to get to your house or area then no.. but fuck I didn't even like hanging out with friends who lived an hour away let alone someone I am gonna date... too much drive time..
If someone cancelled your date for a party then they don't want to spend time with you they rather spend time with other's I wouldn't give him a another chance if a guy really cares about you then he would have took you on your date instead of wanting to go to a party
Well, at least he's spontaneous lol. But yeah; if you don't like spontaneous people, then maybe this isn't the man for you. (Unless you want to train him. Which you totally can, because he seems like he genuinely does like you, even though he made that one stupid mistake.)
From what it sounds like, you might just have different lifestyles. Honestly, I don't get why it matters that he went to a birthday party before. From what it sounds like, you canceled on him, not the other way around.
Well he cancelled on me cause he was hinting that he won't be able to see me the next day... and he even said "I hope you won't think I don't wanna see you again if we don't meet". It seems to me that he already knew he wasn't gonna meet me.
Hm don't you see this as a cancelling "oh we will see if we can meet" "can't you come to the party instead" " I don't wanna cancel u" "I don't wanna cancel u... forever" "I hope if we don't meet, you won't think I don't wanna see you" "hey sorry for the late response... I AM TIRED" ... see this all indicates that he was cancelling.
Quite frankly, I think you already assumed he was going to cancel the date and now you are experiencing confirmation bias to prove your point. Also, if it upsets you so much, talk to him about it and tell him why it bothers you. Don't ignore him. If you ignore him, you are clearly not a very mature person yourself.
If a 30 year old guy cannot gather the strength to see you after going out the night before he is not very motivated or else does not have a very strong constitution. Either way, dump him.
Hey thank you. How long break should I give him? Also I've been ignoring him for 2 days, should I keep going or should I say I need time, or "I'm not into him atm"
If that’s the only reason you are turned off, then get over it and call him suggesting you meet for another date. You can’t expect another person to always be responsible. Clearly he wanted to escape reality and party, it happens
He did choose what was more important. Rn his friend (who he could have known for 10+ years) is more important than a girl he’s been on one date with. Seems like he’s choosing correctly if those are his priorities.
But sounds like he could see you the next day, as he texted in the afternoon. What I’m more curious about is why you “teased” him even before the party. Because to me I’m seeing that someone in your past has been irresponsible with alcohol so almost like you were expecting him to party too much. Or am I way off?
You teased expecting a compliment back? That seems a bit desperate if I’m being honest. Like you are passively aggressively asking if he’s still into you.
Anyway if you feel like it’s all gone wrong then let him know you are not interested like I said. I’m just trying to see the situation from both sides and can see where both of you could have done better. And if you like the guy you are likely to see him again anyway
He should have said yes when you asked him if the date was still on tomorrow instead of being a douche and saying "we shall see". You cancelled the date though, not him.
I mean, man was honest with you from what it sounded like… he still wanted to see you and you cancelled.. in true woman fashion… does he deserve a second date… lol if I was him I’d move on from you. I’m not begging for a second date if I invited you and DIDN'T cancel. To many pathetic, simps of men begging these women for dates. For stuff not there fault.. he needs to raise his standards!
If you weren't super excited to see him again after date 1, it's probably not worth it. Also, if you have better prospects in your dating pipeline this seems like one you could give a miss.
Hmm, no. Don't play games. Tell him if he is serious about you or not. Ask him nicely. If you go into the ignore game then you will waste your time on him
Hm don't you see this as a cancelling "oh we will see if we can meet" "can't you come to the party instead" " I don't wanna cancel u" "I don't wanna cancel u... forever" "I hope if we don't meet, you won't think I don't wanna see you" "hey sorry for the late response... I AM TIRED" ... see this all indicates that he was cancelling.
