Can someone PLEASE HELP ME? What should I do? I’ve broken her heart. How can I fix things? How can I make this work? How can I make her feel better?

[WhiteBoyChill]

So here’s the story from start to finish.

Two weeks ago I decided to download this language learning app where you communicate with other users.

A few days ago, I added this girl on Instagram that was from the app.

She said that she wanted to practice speaking and listening through audio recordings so I thought “fair enough”.

Turns out, we have a lot in common and we both really liked eachother.

She said she would like to visit me in my country in December.

So I thought to myself “hey fair enough”

However the one catch is I told her we couldn’t stay at my parents house and that we would have to stay somewhere else instead.

This is because of a few reasons.

1) My parents would never approve of me meeting with somebody that I met with online first.

2) My parents being the racists they are would suspect she’s just there to use me for a green card.

3) She can hardly speak English, and it already pisses my Mom off enough when latino people speaking perfect English have an accent.

So in the end it’s just a no-go, having her stay at my house

But I didn’t tell her those were the reasons though.

I told her that my parents are just very overprotective and that they’re afraid of girls breaking my heart and that they’re too afraid of letting me date anyone.

I told her the truth as well, which is that they don’t even allow my sister’s boyfriend over (my sister’s boyfriend is black by the way), and they never have in the almost two years they’d been dating.

Anyways, my Mom is always pressuring my sister to date a white guy instead so I doubt she’d approve of her other child with a hispanic girl that can’t even really speak English.

Anyway, when I told her we couldn’t meet my parents, it really broke her heart because she said she didn’t want to be excluded from the family.

She was angry, and clearly moments away from blocking me for good, but I pleaded with her to give me a chance, and so we’re going to talk again tommorow.

What should I do? How can I fix things?

Updates

6 mo

The truth is, I really like her and I want to make things work but I’m just not sure how I could get my parents to accept her.

I highly suspect that my parents are racist and I would’ve avoided this situation alltogether if I knew the consequences of it, but the truth is I don’t want to break this girl’s heart and I want us to be together.

She is a genuinely good person and she doesn’t deserve all this. I’m lucky she gave me a chance, but I don’t know what to do right now is the thing.

Updates

6 mo

Also, I’ve never seen my Dad stand up to my Mom before, ever. He always agrees with everything she says. My Dad might be a little racist himself (I’m not sure) but I’ve only ever heard him say racist things when he’s been around my Mom so it makes me think in the end my Dad is probably perfectly accepting, it is just my Mom is the issue.

Anyway, I don’t want to jeopardize this relationship and give up on it, because I feel its worth fighting for.

I’m just not sure what I need to do next.

[OlderAndWiser]

Why don't you offer to visit her in her country, and at least initially avoid the problem presented by your parents. Would you consider moving to her country if the relationship became established?

[WhiteBoyChill]

Yes, I would

[whirled_up_girl]

That is a tough one. Are you sure you're parents wouldn't accept her? What if you didn't tell them you met her on the internet. What if you said you met her through a friend or something but she's Latina and you could see what there reaction is without telling them you met her on the internet. If they still act weird about it you might just have to tell her the truth that your family won't accept her. I guess if she likes you enough then she would accept that.

[WhiteBoyChill]

I’ve calmed down a bit since I posted the question last night. She’s come to terms with the situation and we both just agreed to give things time and have patience

[Alwayreckles93]

You like this girl and also please take your time this seems a little weird. Make sure its really her and not some clown behind the screen. Also please do not allowed your mom to control you. If she has a problem with your relationship then she needs to respect boundaries. Do not allow your mom to over rule you. Your an adult. Your parents can noonger tell you what to do anymore.

[WhiteBoyChill]

We have videocalled, so it is really her. But yes, we’ve turned down the heat a bit so things are ok now

[Alwayreckles93]

That's good I am glad its safe and everything turn out okay 👍

[Alwayreckles93]

Is she christian?

[WhiteBoyChill]

Yes, she is

[Alwayreckles93]

Great yes I say try going on a date with her.

[coachTanthony]

What exactly is worth fighting for here? Is this just a challenge? billions of women on the planet and you pick one like you're in a world war 2 movie lol

[WhiteBoyChill]

Yeah, because I literally never come across women interested in me. Its not like I can just easily find another girl

[coachTanthony]

Do you have money to properly date or see someone that far away?

[WhiteBoyChill]

Yes I do

[Radiate143]

I had dated a Ukrainian guy whose parents were racist. I'm black. He didn't like white women at all to date anyway.

He has a kid with an Asian girl now. Kinda surprising, actually.

Back then, his mom would always be asking him when is he going to date a white girl. We had been going together for almost a year and he still was hiding me. Needless to say, it was a strain and I got fed up.

I think she is a bit unreasonable. I mean you just met online, why does she need to meet your family?

You have no idea if shebis a good person l, yet. As your profile name says, White Boy, chill. 🧊

[WhiteBoyChill]

We’d been talking for a few days though

[WhiteBoyChill]

She wants to be with my long term is the thing and obviously in latin culture family is important so to be excluded from your boyfriend’s parents is an awful thing

[Radiate143]

This is all too soon. Red flag. Moving too fast.
It's no issue to feel that way but to be pushing so hard. Too soon.

[WhiteBoyChill]

Not necessarily. I mean initially when I tried talking to her she was uninterested but the sound of my voice got her interested

[WhiteBoyChill]

I’m not some kind of serial killer or anything and I have a mellow vibe. Some people just catch on quickly is all I figure

[Radiate143]

Ok. Dude. Don't say I didn't warn you.

[WhiteBoyChill]

What should I be afraid of? I literally called her and talked to her on the phone for over an hour and she’s a perfectly normal person

[Radiate143]

You're joking, right. You think an hour is enough to discreet a person isn't nuts and toxic. Bro

[WhiteBoyChill]

Ya, you’re probably right

[WhiteBoyChill]

I mean, I do believe love can naturally happen quickly though

[Radiate143]

Yes, actually, it's always like that. No issue. Biology wants us to procreate ASAP. But we are not rabbits. We are humans, so, we have to put the biological put biology to the said and investigate the person.

[WhiteBoyChill]

She is studying psychology in school. Its her literal specialty to read minds. She knows the kind of person I am, and that’s why she fell in love. She sees what others probably don’t see in me

[Apple1996]

This seems to be moving too quickly. If y'all just started talking 2 weeks ago and talking about meeting up. Something sketchy going on there. Tends to be the faster you fall in love. The faster you'll fall out of love. Relationships take time to develop. Rushing is a bad sign

[WhiteBoyChill]

Its not a 100% thing tho. I have heard stories where things developed quickly between people

[Apple1996]

Yes but those realtionships often don't last. I'd say just talk to her like normal and avoid talking about meeting up for awhile

[WhiteBoyChill]

Makes sense. And that is the thing as well, there’s still the flirty compliments but things have dialed down a bit

[Alwayreckles93]

Yes girly

[petitedollbabee]

So you’ve only been talking for a few days and she already wants to visit you in person and she’s upset that she’s being excluded from your family? That’s a red flag if I’ve ever seen one..

[WhiteBoyChill]

Yes, that’s correct

[WhiteBoyChill]

In December though. Not immediately. She asked when works, and I said December

[petitedollbabee]

Still really weird.. It doesn’t seem right. No one in their right mind would want to travel to meet someone & their family after only talking for a few days.

[WhiteBoyChill]

Not necessarily. I still think love can develop quick

[petitedollbabee]

Up to you if you want to listen or not listen to peoples warnings. But the advice is there.. I wouldn’t trust her.

[WhiteBoyChill]

Well now we are talking again and she says everything is fine and that it is not a big deal anymore

[BoopBoopBeep]

Yeah I must have skipped the timeframe part. Huge red flags here.

Show great interest.
Fake a fight.
Come back to try again thus demonstrating devotion to making it work.
Get a bunch of money/green card, rinse and repeat.

[WhiteBoyChill]

@BoopBoopBeep I don’t believe she has those intentions though. She never asked me for money. She said she would visit and buy her own ticket

[BoopBoopBeep]

Yeah they always say that, then they lose a passport/credit card/train gets stuck/something something. One of my buddies at work investigated those types of financial crimes for years. They all use the same playbook.

[WhiteBoyChill]

@BoopBoopBeep I should maybe just ask to visit her then

[WhiteBoyChill]

@BoopBoopBeep Also, she’s been communicating with me from an instagram account with over 2,000 followers. I don’t think scammers tend to use accounts that can easily be traced

[BoopBoopBeep]

I can buy an account with 2k followers with a ten-year history off the dark web for less than $500

[WhiteBoyChill]

@BoopBoopBeep oh. Well I’ve been on videocall with her before though and she is the same exact person shown in the account’s photos

[BoopBoopBeep]

@WhiteBoyChill Ok that's a good sign at least

[WhiteBoyChill]

@BoopBoopBeep Yeah I mean, she’s definitely not an imposter, but obviously yeah, it’ll take time to gauge her true intentions.

[Holo900]

It actually is kinda weird that y’all just met through this language app of all things and she’s trying to come over and meet your parents all of a sudden …

[WhiteBoyChill]

A bit unconventional yes, but that’s just how some people are.

[BoopBoopBeep]

Tell her the truth. Your parents are racist and will never accept her, but she's dating you not them and you're an adult so you don't need their permission.

[WhiteBoyChill]

Everything you said is true, but I’m afraid she’d give up completely if I said they were racist. There’s a part of me that wants to believe though that it is possible God could work through them, and they would come to accept her

[BoopBoopBeep]

Yeah she may, but that's the reality of it. I mean, you're not going to have new parents, so if it IS going to work out, it has to be WITH someone who is cool with not being around them.

Hey honey, you will NEVER have a Thanksgiving/Christmas/Cinco/whatever with the family... Okay, well that's important in some cultures, and that won't be a negotiable thing to them, so isn't it better to find out early rather than later when it's still going to end the same?

I won't date a racist. You can be smoking hot, but soon as that comes out I'm done. I'd rather find that out on date one than date 50, because the end result is the same thing and we're just wasting time in the interim. It's sort of the same thing. Or you want kids and I adamantly don't. There's no compromise on that.

[WhiteBoyChill]

I’m attracted to latina women though. And I highly doubt even 99% of them would accept not meeting my parents. I can’t just let my parents decide everything without pushing back in some way

[BoopBoopBeep]

Well I hear you bro... then you're going to have to find the 1 out of 10 that doesn't care because she understands racist parents.

[WhiteBoyChill]

More like the 1 in 1,000 more likely.

Anyway, people can change, and so too might my parents if I give things enough time.

[exitseven]

It sounds like the culture this girl comes from is very family oriented. Maybe you should reconsider this. Are you sure you cannot find an American girl to date?

[WhiteBoyChill]

I don’t like American women.

[exitseven]

I like them just fine.

[WhiteBoyChill]

Ok then

[Drewtate]

Whenever you feel sad go to the gym. Turn that negative hurt and pain into something positive. Imagine house being built brick by brick, start laying bricks.

[Exterminatore]

Honesty is always the best policy. Do you really think she’ll never learn the truth.


Tell her the truth but make it clear you don’t hold those views.

[WhiteBoyChill]

I see. But you have to remember though, women do get emotional so she could decide to pull the plug completely in an instant

[DextroShade]

I would just tell your mom that you are a passport bro and are looking overseas for women because of the sorry state of women in this country. Then invite her over.

[WhiteBoyChill]

Well, that is the truth after all. But I don't know if they’re gonna like that.

Either way she wants to be accepted by my family

[jimmy2]

You need to find Jesus then lead her to she Jesus then forgive your self then tell her and mean it I forgive myself and I hope you can forgive me

At that point it's all good your both are with Jesus and he cooking back soon

[WhiteBoyChill]

The situation had revolved man. She’s come to terms with the situation and we both just agreed to give things time and patience

[noohair]

I would guess that in her culture, family is very important. Tell her you realize this and it is different here. Be patient would be what I would say. It is cultural and it is a process.

[captain_voidwalker]

Give her the good ole Adam smasher