Is it a red flag if a man has been with multiple women in his mid 30s?

[Anonymous]

I've been looking for a husband over the past several years mainly only looking for guys in their 30s. I have come to find a trend where it's usually a guy in his mid 30s who had at least 4-6 girlfriends, been in multiple long-term relationships and still says he still can't find the right person to marry.

Is this a high number for a man in his mid 30s? In my opinion, I think it is already a lot of people. And this number might morph into 8-11 by the time he hits 50. Is there something with his selection process which is why he's always dating the wrong women? Is he unable or unwillin to put effort into maintain a long term relationship? Is he the type who always is looking for someone better than the last?

[Jasmin01]

Depends a bit on whether he had a lot of one night stands or a lot of short-term relationships. I don't see a big problem with ONS. He's probably let off steam now. But if he only lasted a few weeks or months with all the women, I would have serious concerns.

[JacobJordan]

it is a red flag if anyone has been in a relationship with more than 2 people. also statistically not a good sign. the manifestation of it are different depending on gender. some are the same as well though. the thing here is according to him he has had several long term relationships. that is a good sign in theory. provided you are interested in this guy you may want to have a more serious talk about your reservations with the number and be a bit more open as to why it concerns you.

[Asker]

i am just concerned that he is one of those guys who is always trying to find someone better than the last. plenty of guys out there are picky as hell and waste my precious time and effort. I'm looking for a man who is looking for a wife, not looking for another future ex.

[JacobJordan]

an absolutely valid concern one that you definitely should bring up. however I would caution against saying "my precious time" while I absolutely understand what you mean and agree that will not come across the way you want or hope it will. I have been married for a while so I am a bit out of the loop on how people talk to each other about this stuff. however what I would say and what I would be most receptive to hearing would be something along the lines of "(name here) since we started talking and we are getting closer I am a little worried that you will look for someone better and leave. I am looking for a serious relationship with a man and the possibility of marriage to that man. I don't want either of us to get hurt so if you aren't looking for a serious relationship we can end things now and no hard feelings" or something similar. this way you aren't blaming him, you are expressing your concern, you are taking most of the "blame" on yourself it isn't really blame but it can feel like it if you switch the target. you could also go on a couple dates with him (presuming you haven't) and feel things out in that sense. see if he is a good communicator, see if he is respectful, kind caring etc whatever things you are looking for.

[Fireguy17]

nope, we all have a history.
He tried but they were not the right person that he wanted to be with so he moved on.
It happens.
I would rather keep try than settle for someone I really do not like being with, wouldn't you?

[Asker]

jumping from one woman to the next may be a sign he is picky and is unwilling to settle down. he might be the type who is always looking for someone better once he gets bored with one woman.

[Asker]

A man who is picky, unwilling to settle, always looking for someone better won't be husband material.

[Anonymous]

Guys do NOT select women the same way women do men. Woman have the LUXURY of being picky. Guys generally do not. Women can pretty much pick a guy to date. Guys have to ask knowing there's a 90% chance she'll say no.

Because of this women look for a guy to date to see if there's a future. While men date what women will accept hoping she won't be too repulsed by him to give him a chance at a future

Do you see the distinction?😆

[Jonnywayne]

Having had 4 or 5 relationships by the age of thirty is not such a big number that you should be seriously concerned about. The guy probably just wasn't ready for a final commitment yet.

[Asker]

i am just concerned that he is one of those guys who is always trying to find someone better than the last. plenty of guys out there are picky as hell and waste my precious time and effort. I'm looking for a man who is looking for a wife, not looking for another future ex.

[Jonnywayne]

If you think like that, you should definitely focus on men who have had no or only few relationships.

[LazerBean]

For sure