My boyfriend said he wants to take things slow but acts like he is not interested in me. Can anyone explain to me what is going on?

[12345678900000]

I started seeing this guy two months ago, and it was clear that he had a crush on me. He's generally a very shy and introverted person, but he put a lot of effort into expressing his feelings for me by coming to see me, texting, having long calls, engaging in sweet talks, offering cute and shy physical touches, and giving compliments.
At that time, I wasn't thinking about having a relationship, but as I spent more time with him, I gradually opened up to the idea, and eventually, I decided to be with him.
I talked to him about my feelings and asked about his. He said he felt the same way and wanted to be with me officially.

However, after that, he started acting strangely. He began texting less frequently (only once a day), stopped calling me, didn't put in the same effort to meet me, stopped kissing and hugging me as before, became passive in physical touches, stopped complimenting my appearance, and never asked about my day.
Overall, he didn't seem to be as caring as he used to be.

I felt frustrated by his changed behaviour, so I tried to have an honest conversation with him about it. All he said was that we're officially together, but he wants to take things slow.
He mentioned that he wouldn't spend time with me on the weekends or pick me up if he didn't feel like it. He said he liked me enough to be his girlfriend, but he wasn't sure how strong his feelings were.

Honestly, I'm feeling emotionally drained and confused. I understand the concept of taking things slow, but it seems to be the opposite of what he did in the beginning, and I don't really understand why he's acting this way.

[Oliverlogan263]

Honestly, that sounds really confusing. On one hand, he clearly liked you a lot at the start with how much effort he put in. But now it's like a total 180.

My best guess is he may have just been really infatuated and excited at first, like a crush. But now that you're official, maybe the excitement is wearing off and he's getting more comfortable. Which could be why he's being more distant and lax about plans.

It's possible he's just a more reserved, slower moving kind of guy naturally too. Nothing wrong with that, but he needs to communicate it better. Saying he wants to take it slow but then barely texting doesn't add up.

I'd try talking to him again, be honest about how his actions are making you feel versus what he says he wants. Hopefully he'll realize he needs to match his words with effort if he wants this to work. But also be prepared he may pull back more. You don't want to waste your energy on someone inconsistent.

Trust your gut - if this just doesn't feel right anymore, don't force it. But communication is key. hopefully you can work it out!

[12345678900000]

I've been thinking a lot, but I think this is not going to work for me, no matter what. I'm always honest about my feelings and wanted to have a conversation with him before. But I can tell he is just a coward who can't express his own feelings at all. I don't want to feel emotionally drained at the beginning of the relationship. I deserve so much better than this.

Anyway, your advice really helps me! Thank you :)

[Oliverlogan263]

You know what, I think you're making the right call here. As much as it may suck at first to end it, staying in a relationship that makes you feel this drained and confused so early on is just not worth it. You deserve way better!

This dude just doesn't seem emotionally mature enough to be in a real relationship right now. He can't communicate properly about his feelings and backs off anytime things get even a little real. That's super lame behavior, and it's not your job to stick around waiting for him to figure his crap out.

I know breaking it off is difficult, but it'll free you up to meet someone who can give you what you need - openness, effort, care, enthusiasm! Don't settle for a half-assed relationship where you're left wondering where you stand. You seem like a really genuine person, you'll find someone who matches your energy for sure.

And hey, don't be too hard on yourself either. We all learn from these experiences. You did the right thing by trusting your gut and coming to talk it out rather than ignoring the red flags. Proud of you man! Whenever you're ready to get back out there, I got your back. But now go treat yourself - you deserve it after dealing with this lame dude haha. You've got this!

[Oliverlogan263]

Proud of you luv I meant and you’re welcome 😊

[Radiate143]

He mentioned that he wouldn't spend time with me on the weekends or pick me up if he didn't feel like it.

Ok, so guys do this a lot. They secure a backup girl who they always keep a little warm. If he is flat out saying he isn't always free on weekends, he is playing the field period.

since he atopped fetting physical, he probably has someone he is more into but he hasn't totally secured it yet.

It's really dirty out there.

[12345678900000]

Completely opposite.
He always said he had no plan on every weekend even before and after he changed.
I could also tell that he doesn't have lots of friends and is not the guy playing around with many girls.

As I'm trusting my gut, I think he is just a coward who can't tell even what he wants.

[Paris13]

Real Easy. I See the Sure Signs of Him Growing Cold Feet in Something Further in this Relationship that You may Even Be Expecting-----Engagement and or Moving in Together and Even More. Go Slow and Let this Relationship GROW with Ease. He may Lighten UP. Hopefully. xxoo

[12345678900000]

May I ask what it means to go slow in a relationship? In my background country, we only have seeing or dating (=official = relationship). Any other relationship such as casual/open / seeing but seeing more than one person / situationship etc.. we assume as friends with benefits or just sex partners.

I understand the concept of getting to know each other slowly as don't want to take things casually but we are already dating as he said we are official and it seems like we are official as girlfriend and boyfriend.

Does that mean fewer texts, calls and romantic interactions? or just give him space and not push him and me to take time together?

Would be appreciate if you explain :) Thank you !!

[Paris13]

PLay Hard to Get. xxoo

[Paris13]

Thanks to Gag. xxoo

[Avicenna]

Taking things slow sometimes seems like disinterest

[Holsen]

Well one thing that can be said for sure is that he is giving himself too much credit or importance like I get that one maybe can’t think of all possible things that can happen while in a relationship and be fully prepared but even being that sloth about it makes it seem like you are needed as a second actor for him to expeiment and stand by as he figures himself out;like relationships are a bond between two people so you can’t say that you are unsure of how much you like the other person and such as it’s not about you it’s about both of you;in my opinion I think you should be stricter with him in the regard that he can’t take you for granted and put his effort in the beginning and then it’s mission accomplished, so I think he should be reminded that he can lose you if he is slow or uncappable enough of developing the relationship with you as a couple!!

[12345678900000]

Do you mean stricter like someone else can take me?

[Holsen]

I mean like being clear about the borders or needs you have and want in a relationship and if he can’t even try to satisfy that that by all means it would be better to find someone else;like he needs to show and make the feel reach to you that you are valued and invested in with his affection and care!!

[RealMarek]

I don’t think anyone other than he can explain what is going on. I think you should tell him that you can understand taking things slowly, but the fact that he is less affectionate than he was at first is confusing and hurtful. I mean, why can’t he just maintain the level of affection and interaction where it was at? He owes you an explanation for this.

[12345678900000]

When I asked him during our conversation, he avoided certain questions by remaining silent or diverting the topic when I asked about why his words and behaviours didn't match.

In the end, he said that he likes me enough to be in a relationship and wanted it to be official. However, he hasn't provided a proper explanation for his actions, which drives me crazy.

[RealMarek]

He might be a poor communicator. You might need to spell it out for him again and let him know if he wants the relationship he needs to be able to explain himself. You don’t have to agree necessarily, but you need to understand each other.

[jeffend888]

If you have to talk yourself into something or make excuses or wonder what’s happening - it’s not the right situation.

Yes, it is that simple.

[jaskin777]

Thqt exactly wtf happened to me
This guy I was friends with he act like he intrested in me we made love and etc and he told me he wants to take things slow and now he has a change of behavior

[12345678900000]

Could you tell me how you handle that? Did you talk with him about that?

[jaskin777]

Hell I am still been trying to get in contact with him.
So I can't do much until he responds to me

[RedInnocent68]

If you’re not feeling the love or getting what you need, time to get a new boyfriend…

[ÖyleBirGeçer]

You wrote so long, I was too lazy to read it.

[12345678900000]

sorry:( I had to explain and need to get advice.

[spartan55]

Are you putting in as much effort as him?

[12345678900000]

I did until he acted weirdly. He also told me he can feel we are on the same page.
But now, I'm just holding myself as I don't know what should I do. I'm not texting or calling him back at all.

[In_Trance]

Yes, you're wasting your time

[jjj101010]

Is he inexperienced?

[12345678900000]

No. he said he had 3 relationships at 26 and said it all lasted more than a year. But he also said his last relationship end it up horribly and dated for only a month.

[jjj101010]

Maybe he is just nervous

[12345678900000]

nervous about what? from the last relationship?

[jjj101010]

Add me and I’ll message u