When searching for a girlfriend, is it good to focus on one girl or focus on multiple girls?

[Anonymous]

[blueonblack22]

Women do look at men who have multiple options as higher value but also want to believe you care most about them.

It’s okay to go on multiple dates and meet different women. But once you find a girl you like who will commit to you then it’s best to commit to her and go steady if you want to get serious.

But I am sick of the hypocrisy I hear from girls saying they want a single man to solely pursue one woman when they themselves rarely commit to one man in the early stages. Especially in modern times.

That doesn’t mean they are always getting banged by multiple guys during the process but women definitely want to make sure they got the best option. So if they aren’t sure about one guy they will happily accept attention and dates from other guys in the early stages. Guys should be no different.

[MrNameless]

Do what you can handle. I would personally not put all your eggs in one basket, and just keep talking to girls.

I don't think I can date multiple girls at the same time myself. I would feel guilty, and its mentally draining. I just date one girl at a time, and if it doesn't go past the first date I talk to someone else. I also feel like I would lose focus and perhaps take one girl or all for granted. If you really feel yourself clicking with one girl, focus on them. Don't put too much emotional investment, but obviously go on as many dates as you can to see the compatibility and go for a serious relationship.

It doesn't hurt to take a break between dating different women (if/when you move on from one to another). Again It's mentally draining.

[MrNameless]

Again, just to clarify. Do what you can handle. Talking to multiple girls at once before meeting is fine and guilt free if you can handle it. Some people can also date multiple girls at the same time. I just date one girl at a time. If it doesn't go past the first date, then I move on to someone else.

For guys its a numbers game. Women have more options and can get a match with every other swipe (also cause there's way more guys than women, and women are just naturally more picky) But men have to swipe a lot...

[Asker]

I am the one who was investing more time, money and emotions than girls/women. I am so desperate to start a family but girls don't get it. It frustrates me when they play so hard to get.

[OlderAndWiser]

It is okay to date more than one woman at the same time, but you risk having a girl think that you are a player or not LTR boyfriend material and therefore she won't give you a chance. When I was dating, by the end of a third date, I knew whether a girl was worth investing my time and energy, and I would ask her if she was wanting to commit to dating each other exclusively. All but one girl said yes, and that one actually dated me for two years - exclusively - until I broke up with her.

And don't get into a sexual relationship at least until you are dating exclusively. Having sex often causes feelings that will cloud your judgment, and her judgment.

[mandyfire98]

Multiple if you have the options. That way if one doesn't workout then you can focus on another date. In dating it's just a fact that some dates just won't work or go any further. If you focus only on one that might not workout anyway then guess what. The second option who you mightve meshed really well with is now with another guy. Dating isn't relationships. You're dating to see if you want it to be a relationship. So it's fine to date a couple of women to see which one is the best be in a relationship with. Then you can go exclusive with that person. Until you go exclusive with a person there's nothing wrong with dating around.

[Still-alive]

Yes this is right. but it seems a lot of people ave issues with others dating multiple people. i've seen them say so on here often.

[mandyfire98]

I can understand that but at the end of the day it makes no sense to turn down other dates and just focus on one and then it not work out which is pretty much very likely to happen. Nothing wrong with having options in case you aren't compatible with a date. Until someone is exclusive then what does it matter? That's the point of being exclusive. You're not exclusive on the first date lol. I think the people that don't like someone going on different dates are under the false assumption that oh if they date me then it'll all workout perfectly. Which statistically it probably won't at all. I also feel like the people that are vehemently against someone going on different dates also don't like the thought of having to maybe compete with others. They're worried about having to be compared to others.

[Still-alive]

Well people aren't thinking 'statistics' in my experience even though i agree with that. they're too preoccupied with wanting to be 'the one.' you know 'oneitus' is what they call it. they don't wanna just feel like another option even though realistically in the dating stage you really are an option still. its just not really said out loud lol. and yeah competition as you brought up is also something they dread.

[mandyfire98]

I agree. A lot of it is ego. Thinking that they are the right person no matter what because how could they not be in their eyes? Then the date doesn't workout or they get ghosted and they're left thinking well shit, I could've dated that other person but they're gone now. Now that's two potential dates that are a no go. Now I'll have to wait months before I even get another date with anyone.

[Still-alive]

Yeah definitely its a time saver to date multiple people.

[BourbonAndBacon]

Multiple. Cheap coffee dates are the way to go until you find the right one. Don't invest a lot of money into dating at the beginning. It's not your job to be the only one trying to impress the other person. It's 2023 and we're 50/50 so it they aren't putting in any effort then say goodbye. It's not a relationship until you decide it is.

[Asker]

All the girls I have met where not trying to impress me. I was the one trying to impress. That's why I am hate this date game. I am so desperate to start a family but girls/ women don't get it.

[Jumpintoadstool]

Take it from an actual woman: focus on one at a time if you want love. If you're just looking for a fling, cast a wide net.

[Asker]

Ofc, I want love.

[Jumpintoadstool]

Didn't want to assume, nothing wrong with either. Only issue arises when you aren't transparent about your intentions. Anyway, best of luck to you.

[Asker]

Thanks!

[Kabluie]

Multiple, you may even find out you are non-monogamous and maybe even some of them are, so there is that aspect of dating. Exclusivity isn't always required. It's the fun of knowing more people.

[Asker]

It's hard to choose when I am dating/ focussing on multiple girls at a time.

[Kabluie]

some problems are good to have

[Peter_Penetrator]

Multiple. It is better for the guy to date as many women as possible and then decide who to be with when any of them ask for exclusivity.


Exclusivity needs to be the woman’s idea. Because she will also be shopping around and if a man tries locking down one woman he is likely to run her off if she isn’t already looking to be locked down herself.

[rachel776]

as many as possible until you click with one then focus on her

[Asker]

Are you ready to start a family with me ASAP? Give birth to my babies?

[front2back]

My rule is it's not a problem to court multiple women as long as you aren't officially in a relationship with any of them, but you have to tread very carefully. You need to make it very clear that you're not exclusive at the time so no woman thinks you're cheating or trying to play them.

However, I personally only prefer dating one woman at a time.

[Anonymous]

After reading @jumpintoadstool 's post it got me to thinking your question needs to be more specific.

Because you should totally talk to/flirt with multiple women. Because the REALITY is. Your odds at success with them is only about 10%. Either @jumpintoadstool doesn't realize that fact for guys or we're just reading this question differently. But once you FORM a relationship with a woman OF COURSE she should be the ONLY woman.

Dating for a guy is like farming. A farmer doesn't grow just 1 corn stalk. Some corn stalks won't grow, some corn stalks will yield no corn. You have to assume with a 90% failure rate that most women are NOT going to pan out.

[wiltingrosepetal]

For online dating, hit up multiple, start seeing multiple. Tinder regulars are more aware of and understanding of unexclusive relationships. But if you met her in the real world, debatable 🤷‍♀️

[love_conquers_lust]

Socialize with multiple girls. Date one. Love one. Marry one. Fuck one. Cherish one. Keep dating same one.

[Asker]

Hahaha 😂

[Anonymous]

Always, always, ALWAYS have a ACTIVE search on that involves AS MANY women as your schedule and ability to source can handle. If your schedule is the limiting factor, then you need to either free up more time or you need to raise the bar on the girls you go on a date with. If your ability to source is the limiting factor, you need to working on your sourcing and/or lower the bar on who you date.

[pickles77]

Just one at a time. I’ve tried multiple and they just start fighting with each other or they don’t feel special anymore and lose interest. There’s really no need for multiple aslong as you know what you like

[Djirtbfb]

Many women. They are all auditioning to be your cheap free regular nookie dispenser and wallet.

[Nikki1989]

Google “spinning plates in dating.”

It makes sense for both men and women.

[Anonymous]

Focus on multiple girls, it will improve your chances of success.

[dudeinohio]

I try one at a time, otherwise, someone could be let down.

[Anonymous]

focusing on multiple girls is better given the current state of the dating market for men

[Bricealan]

I don't search. I usually just 'stumble' on to someone that I like.

[Asker]

Nice! Some women told me to focus on one girl. But I have wasted years focusing on 1 girl at a time. I have wasted a year for one girl, a year for another girl and a year for another girl.

[PreciousJewel]

One woman.

[Anonymous]

Multiple girls