Help! Do I stick it out or let it go?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been seeing someone for about 6 months. At first, I wasn’t super interested but he took me by surprise. I didn’t see it coming. A couple months in things shifted away from sex and he was doing more things that showed more interest, but he tells me he won’t be ready for a relationship for awhile. He tells me why and what he’s been through. Fast forward a couple more months, he kind of freaks out and tells me he doesn’t want to hook up anymore. I tell him I want more than that anyways and admit my feelings. He says he knows that which is why he said that and that he doesn’t see thing going that way. This kind of shocked me based on his actions but maybe not necessarily based on his previous sentiment about not wanting a relationship yet. I say okay and give him my well wishes. But he proceeds to tell me that he wants to be friends still because he really enjoys spending time with me. I’m skeptical of this obviously. But after a few days we talk more and basically agree on how we are going to move forward as friends but also still sleeping together. I thought about this a lot and decided I wanted that. What’s interesting about it though is I feel like we continue to progress in the “relationship.” And maybe more so now. He’s continuing to open up to me. Sharing stressful or exciting things with me. There are more intimate non-sexual interactions. He told me he deleted his dating apps because he “doesn’t have the time.” He told me it was adorable when I was vulnerable. Which makes me feel like he’s developing feelings? Like the pressure if off so he can ease into? I admit he’s still very reserved as he’s always been. But I think he’s very fearful avoidant. A few of my friends tell me that because it’s still progressing even though it’s not as fast as I’d like, that I should give it more time because it still seems positive. But I also don’t want to get my hopes up. Help! Am I delusional for thinking he may be developing feelings and fighting them bc of his past?

[Oliverlogan263]

Dang girl, this does sound super confusing! On one hand, it's good he's being more open and the connection seems to be deepening - deleting apps, saying sweet things, sharing more of himself. That's promising signs for sure.

But he's also given you mixed messages by backing off physically then, which I get must have hurt. And the fear of getting hurt again is so real after that.

My advice would be - give it a bit more time, but also protect your heart. Keep things light and chill as "friends" for now if you decide to stick it out, but also continue exploring other options. Make sure he knows you're not just hanging on his every word, that you have your own life too.

He may be coming around, but there's no guarantees. And you deserve clarity about what this is. If after another month or so things are progressing but he still can't label it, you might need to bounce for your own sake, as hard as that'd be.

Trust your gut, but don't get too invested yet either - play it cool. Hope it works out sis, but look out for number one first and foremost! Keep your head up either way.

[petitedollbabee]

He sounds exhausting, playing mind games with you. He says he doesn’t want a relationship but yet he continues to do relationship-type things and receives girlfriend treatment from you. I think that you should confront him about it. Tell him that if he only wants to be friends, then no intimacy will be involved. No more non-sexual intimacy, as that’s more than just being ‘friends’. His actions need to match his words. Otherwise, if he still wants to continue the non-sexual intimacy and relationship type of treatment, he has two choices - either return to the situationship that you had in the beginning, or start an actual relationship.