How can I date if I’m a single mother?

Question

I have a 6 month old daughter. Her dad only gets her every other week on Friday and Saturday. I’ve tried to get him to come get her more often but I’ve given up.

Being that her dad only gets her in these times it’s difficult to date. I have recently met a guy who i want to get to know better. But he seems like the splurge dater. I am unable to get up and go because i have a child he seems to understand and says it’s okay but I’m scared that later down the line he will see this as a problem.

I’m not sure if I’m sabotaging this and that could blossom into something beautiful or if I’m doing the right thing by telling him he should aim for someone who is less restricted than i am

I am a first time mom and I’m not ready to bring my daughter around men but I’m forced to because i have no real help when it comes to watching her

How can i date?

Fuentes · Accepted Answer

So thats apart of being a parent, your kids comes first tour happiness and what you want becomes last, honestly I'm not here to be mean to you but think about it, you should have known you and your baby dad weren't gonna last so having sex with him and having a kid was very much your fault.

Now you talk about your child like it's in the WAY but you brought her into this life therefore it's not on your baby dad to be your personal baby sitter whenever u wanna get out and date & have fun. You sacrificed that when you had a Kid. When people have kids the first thing they should be thinking about is if you and this man are compatible enough to raise a child together for the long run & if things go bad you are both dedicated or you as a mother will have to sacrifice a lot and make your child first.

So it's time to stop the delusional lala land bizarre thoughts and start living in reality. If you don't have a baby sitter for a "date" then oh well that's what it is, if the guy goes away, then that's what it is. Your KID should ALWAYS come FIRST ALWAYS.

JacobJordan · Accepted Answer

rather like most other people but I did see some comments advising you to put the child first. this is a very dangerous set of advice for several reasons. 1st of which is children learn everything about relationships by watching their parents. so if your child sees you putting your partners second they will approach relationships the same way. your partner should always come first then your parents then your children. this way the values instilled in the child will extend beyond yourself. The other thing is it isn't fair to your future partners if the only reason you are looking for one is so they can pay for the child you had with a man who didn't step up (if that is true) any man you get with has zero responsibility when it comes to that child nor are they required to pay for it. they should not even be expected to pay for it or help in any way. if they are going to pay or help it needs to come from them not from you. this will ensure you aren't getting bad folks. not a certainty but should reduce it at the very least

katiesmuff · Accepted Answer

It is tough to date when you are a single mom with a little one. I was one of those, bit different than you. In my case didn't know who the father was and didn't want to ever find out. Dating for me basically was coming to my apt and spending time with me and little daughter. Fortunately my mother was my work time baby sitter which totally was a blessing for several reasons, no better place to leave your child's care with than your mother (in most cases) but most mothers don't have that free time. The fact that the babysitting was free made a tremendous difference also. However when your mother is your babysitter for work it is hard to ask her for the dating time. Mom would offer once in awhile and I would take her up on it and able to go out.

serious_miss419 · Accepted Answer

You aren’t forced to bring her around.
You’ll have to only meet someone when ur ex has ur kid.
Most guys can’t wait like that and it’s understandable.
My kid is now 14 and I’m finally hardly interested in seeing anyone. The dad is a nightmare. So if any dude reminds me of her dad, I’m seeing it as a red flag. 🚩
You should wait a bunch of years before getting into anything.
Your child must be your first priority

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Why don't you find another single mom and offer to babysit for each other?

AviatorTom · Answer

Find a reliable babysitter, especially one who's available on short notice.

smne35 · Answer

As long as he's spending time with her bonding with her that's always a good thing, don't try to force him to be with her more than he is able to, as h far as dating that's something you will have to put aside for now your child is your priority now there will be plenty of time to date but right now it's time to be a mom care for you child, welcome to adulthood, right now your focus should be on raising your daughter making plans to secure yourself and her to be independent so you can give her a good education and up bringing good home not depend on anyone but you and if you find a good dude that will treat her as his own cool, but again she is your priority always, and don't feel like your missing out on life there will be plenty of time to enjoy yourself once she's older, when my daughter was born my ex wanted y to continue going out and dropping my daughter of with friends and I told her no those days are over for now we went back and forth but I stood my ground and let her know that she's a parent now and that's what she needs to focus on and going back to school to have a career not go from job to job, í retired after my son was born year later put my life on hold for next 20 years to raise them prepare them to survive and care for this world she, my ex went to school started her business and got a good job, both my kids finished college and is building their lives, I will say it was best times of my life with my kids as they grew I miss them being around my ex nah it's the sacrifice we make for our kids, well I did I wanted my kids to have what I didn't a stable happy home and childhood knowing their dad, I can honestly say they were really good kids had no problems with them choose good friends had no problems with them at all I never spanked them, that's wrong In my view , they will make mistakes as they grow they're new to this world and we have to introduce them to it, l talked with them always never lied to them or kept any thing hidden from them they will find out anyway later on, you don't get instructions with kids it's on the job learning, but the most important thing is own your responsibility and raise them with positive values, í told them to treat all they encounter in their lives equally and though we come from different cultures countries we are all humans, educated them be in their lives ever day talk to them always and don't ever lie to your kids respect them allow them to grow explore learn not hinder them, they need to have autonomy with your supervision not saying don't do this or don't do that, they learn by interacting, anyway you have 18 to 22 years to raise your kids be a influence to them after those years they belong to this world and all you can do is respect them for how they live their lives it's theirs to live as they choose once they are on their own, this was how I raised my kid rug water office not director what I generally washing best, I'm proud of them not bragging just saying how every you raise your child be positive respect them always , lead by example they are always observing you, your behavior interactions with others, always and they will grow to follow your lead, behave as you have, apologies for the length of this,

Red_Arrow · Answer

Your child must always come first. This is a very good reason to avoid children till you are married. But to help you in your situation, I ask if your mother is around. Women usually love lots of time with their grandchildren and will often babysit so they can get that time. If not, try to find a trusted babysitter.

Whatever you do, be honest with the guy, tell him about your child, but do not bring them together until you have a deep relationship. Hopefully he accepts this and you can have a good and growing relationship.

MiddleAgedClimbee · Answer

I was raised by a single mother, and she really didn't start. "dating until I was in elementary school, maybe even middle school. It might be best for you to focus on your child for a bit before jumping back into the dating pool. If you're able to find a man who is willing to work with your schedule, that's fantastic. You don't want to be bringing any random guy around your kid though, a long-term relationship, but certainly be best for you and for your child (stability, love, and trustworthiness provide a great example for your young one benefit you:)

BadApple69 · Answer

You won’t like my answer but here it is anyway…. Don’t date. The number 1 thing in your life at this time should be that baby. Give Her 100% of your time. And I do agree you shouldn’t be taking your 6 month old out on dates with you.
So I suggest you buy a good vibrator and you forget about men for a while. Your your daughter 100% of you.

RavVid · Answer

I think you can leave it as his decision as to if your availability is not good enough.

The main problem to men with a single mom is they end up parenting another man's child and there is another man in the picture. It is particularly a problem if they are given zero authority with the child.

You could invite him to watch a movie at your place or invite him to dinner. I am guessing you won't have much money but maybe he will be ok with bringing the makings. Your daughter will be sleeping a lot so wouldn't interfere.

As a single mom you have obvious down ticks on your market value. So I think you should aim to lift your score in areas men value. A lot of women are disrespectful so respect the guy. We want women to be collaborative so be that.

Understand what male mate selection criteria are and aren't and be willing to meet them. Even with a child you can be far better value than those hot girls who have got their tits out most of the time.

Fireguy17 · Answer

I have dated a single mom that had 3 kids, as well as others.
It was fine.
You need to find the right person.
Many are fine with it, others aren't. I was fine as long as there wasn't too much drama between the ex's and that the kids were not being used by either parent.
Possibly try one/some of the better pay to join dating sites, eHarmony, it's just lunch.
Most of those people are looking for a relationship, not a one-night stand, but that is the key word, most.
That way you can put it out front that you have a daughter and that way you will weed out those that don't wish to be with someone that has a family.
All it takes is one person, the right person.

AydenHazor · Answer

Really the only options are waiting for every other weekend while Dad has her, getting to a point of trust and care with this guy that both he and you are okay with the baby being along, or building a support system with babysitting options with people you can trust to watch your child.

If this guy really cares about you, he will understand and be okay with staying by dating you every other weekend while Dad has her, and in those dates, and in communication between, building a relationship and trust where you'll be okay with your daughter being around him in time.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

You should spread the word about spreading legs to Dads who won't get to stick around because of your own choices. Don't let other young ladies make the same mistake.

Maybe you shouldn't date... I mean... think about this... didn't you already fuck this up once already? You going for mistake number 2 or something?

Anonymous · Answer

It's completely understandable that dating can be challenging as a single mother with a young child. Open communication is key in any relationship. Let the person you're interested in know about your situation and the limitations you currently face. If he's understanding and supportive, it's a good sign.

Consider planning dates during the times your daughter is with her dad, and try to find activities that accommodate your responsibilities. As you build trust and get to know each other better, you can share more about your parenting preferences, including when you're comfortable introducing your daughter to someone new. Prioritize your child's well-being and your own needs, and seek understanding partners who respect your situation.

Anonymous · Answer

Good luck, its a dealbreaker for the majority of men. Most of us don't want to date a woman who had another man's child. Its too messy and I'll give specfic reasons.

1. Single mothers are incredibly busy and hard to schedule dates with.
2. You will get attached to a child that isn't yours and if the relationship ends we have to grieve the relationship with the child as well.
3. Sometimes the child is deadset against their mother dating anyone and will sabatage the relationship.
4. Her ex will always play at least a small role in her life, if not a big one.

Looking at it from the standpoint of a man, you'd have to be crazy to take a chance on it. However, there are men who do want to and will commit, it'll just be harder to find than if you were single and childless.

Apple1996 · Answer

Find a guy that wants to have kids/doesn't mind being a step dad. They are rare but you can find them. When going out you gotta find a babysitter. Maybe ask family, friends, neighbors to babysit

lightbulb27 · Answer

we'll the easiest way is to go to family sporting events and bond with other people there, meet through mutual friends, crash every baby shower and birthday party and football game you can and bring the baby with you.

someone is gonna take a liking and go from there.

that's way better than going online and posting you have a 6yr old and your x and blah blah...

Holsen · Answer

Well since you are a first time mom you are still too young and fresh and also your daughter is so you can still have a lretty cute dates and relationships as like if you get a good serious boyfriend before she turns 3 than for her it would be like that’s the father or like she wouldn’t need for another one so you can either make some efforts here and there while she is so young or lioe you can wait a little bit more till she gets to kindergarten!!

Drumlin2001 · Answer

First and foremost. You shouldn't introduce him to your child until you know it's going to be a serious relationship.
Every other weekend isn't great but it is still time you can prioritise a relationship. In between you can still communicate each day, video calls or messages. Many people make a long distance relationship work where they wouldn't see each other for months.

bowenw · Answer

You may have to get the courts involved to force him to take her more often. Also get a trusted babysitter as one person suggested.
The guy dating you needs to realize you have a child, so time together may have to be spent at either of your places with your daughter.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm sorry but you are not being forced to bring your daughter around these men. You are choosing to do this, because it seems dating and having a man in your life is more important to you than protecting your daughter.

I get the feeling the fact you day you were trying to get the dad to have her more, that you are far more interested in dating than spending time and taking care of your child.

Your daughter is your priority not dating.

boombastik · Answer

Does he pay child support? Do you have full custody? Not many men are gonna support you bringing a bunch of dudes around his kid and you have the same amount of time as he does to go out. Women want all the money and custody but then want dude to help them get some. Where they do that at?

annabananna · Answer

You can just do it when he has the baby or you can get a babysitter or ask a family to help if you’d like to date more frequently. In a way it could be nice since it’ll force you to move more slowly. I think any guy that is genuine for you and wants to get to know you would be ok with planning something around your baby.

How can I date if I’m a single mother?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

How can I date if I’m a single mother?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.