If a man doesn't communicate much in between dates, does it mean he's not interested?

Question

Matched with this guy couple of weeks ago on Bumble and it escalated pretty fast. We were texting sporadically throughout the day almost every day and then he finally asked me out. Our date was amazing and I think I fell in love hahah. We didn't kiss, but we touched slightly couple of times, looked at each other the special way and had a very long, tight hug at the end. He said 'see you again soon!' with a very big smile and I felt like he was content.

Then crickets the next day. I thought okay maybe I should reach out first, so I sent him a text about having a great time and thanking him for being a gentleman. I also added that I kind of wished he kissed me but that's it's fine if he doesn't feel the same.

He immediately replied that he also had a great time and that he didn't realize at all I wished a kiss since we were talking a lot and it's just a first date. He said that he usually doesn't get intimate on a first date, which was a bit weird being that we're both adults in our 30s with plenty of experience, but also kind of sweet and respectful. Then the chat escalated into us talking a little about our intimate bounduries and just kind of making an agenda of what we could do next time to slowly break the ice. This was all him so I assumed he really does want to see me again.

But then crickets again. I haven't heard from him in 3 days now and I guess my insecurities are kicking in. In fact I actually PREFER that we don't text, but I've never met a man before who wouldn't communicate in between dates when he is really interested, so I'm not sure if I finally met someone who also hates texting or he's ghosting me? :(

P. S. He is currently going through a depressed period due to his mom dying just a couple of weeks ago, so I completely understand that he is very busy now emotionally and with the family and relatives and all. But he did text every day before the first date though, so what's different now?

Updates

4 mo

I reached out again asked him how he's doing, and he left me on seen. Then I made a fake account and matched with him, he seemed very well and interested in meeting that fake girl. I blocked his ass, good ridance.

Thanks for opinions!

OlderAndWiser · Accepted Answer

1. "Matched with this guy couple of weeks ago on Bumble and it escalated pretty fast." That is usually a mistake, right?

2. "Our date was amazing and I think I fell in love hahah." Not sure why that is "hahah," but seriously, you fell in love? You said you have much dating experience but this makes me wonder.

3. "We didn't kiss, but we touched slightly couple of times, looked at each other the special way and had a very long, tight hug at the end. He said 'see you again soon!' with a very big smile and I felt like he was content." That sounds good.

4. "Then crickets the next day. I thought okay maybe I should reach out first, so I sent him a text about having a great time and thanking him for being a gentleman." That's good, too.

5. "I also added that I kind of wished he kissed me but that's it's fine if he doesn't feel the same." Big mistake. You need to let him take the lead on that, particularly with the revelation below.

6. "He immediately replied that he also had a great time and that he didn't realize at all I wished a kiss since we were talking a lot and it's just a first date. He said that he usually doesn't get intimate on a first date, which was a bit weird being that we're both adults in our 30s with plenty of experience, but also kind of sweet and respectful. Then the chat escalated into us talking a little about our intimate bounduries and just kind of making an agenda of what we could do next time to slowly break the ice." He says he doesn't usually kiss on a first date, so you start talking about sex?

7. "This was all him so I assumed he really does want to see me again." Was it really all him?

8. "But then crickets again. I haven't heard from him in 3 days now and I guess my insecurities are kicking in." Maybe he is being scared off by your aggressiveness.

9. In fact I actually PREFER that we don't text, but I've never met a man before who wouldn't communicate in between dates when he is really interested, so I'm not sure if I finally met someone who also hates texting or he's ghosting me? P. S. He is currently going through a depressed period due to his mom dying just a couple of weeks ago," His mom died a few weeks ago and that is PS to this story? It should have been the headline and foremost in your thoughts.

10. "I completely understand that he is very busy now emotionally and with the family and relatives and all." Do you completely understand?

11. "But he did text every day before the first date though, so what's different now?" He was looking for companionship and it sounds like you are rushing forward towards a sexual goal.

This is my reaction based on the facts as you have presented them.

veganrogue · Accepted Answer

I find dating sites to be lame. Don't get me wrong, I'm on plenty of them, but the fact that people forgot how to normally socially interact without the intermediary of an electronic device is obvious. Getting constant stimulation from so many potential partners makes people flakey and they get distracted by the next shiny profile too easily.

Pre Online Dating:

I see a girl I'm attracted to.
I ask for her number.
I call her.
We get some drinks and or dinner and if I'm attracted to her and I feel she is too, especially if there is easy convo and great chemistry, I'll always go for a kiss at the end of the night. If not, we say our goodbyes and the search continues.

Post Online Dating:

I send a charming few sentences to try to have an actual conversation with a potential match so we may get to know one another. I ask her several questions about her profile (if she bothered to fill out this part).
She responds with one word responses like, "Hey", then crickets...
For the ones I do have a good dialog with, I can't ask them out too soon or they consider that aggressive. We have to have a back and forth dialogue for several weeks until she feels 'safe' enough to meet in person. I am asking these ladies to meet in public places in Manhattan and not dark alleyways by the way.
I arrive on time, to find a woman who is conservatively 20-25 years older than her profile photos. I'm not an ageist, but I don't want to date someone my Mom's age, 78.
If she actually does somewhat resemble her profile photo, we start our date and get to know one another. Even if the date went great, I know she has 300 messages waiting from guys as soon as she opens her dating app. If it goes well I go in for the kiss. If successful, I text her on my way home telling her how I loved spending time with her and can't wait to do it again.
Then I wait for a response and hopefully there will be a second date.

When my father died, I was a mess. I just started seeing this girl who I thought was the one, but due to all the family obligations we didn't see each other for several weeks. Just when I needed someone the most, she had already moved on. I'm not saying this is your situation, but there are so many factors involved.

He could still be very much interested, but might be processing his loss in a solitary way as to not share his emotional pain with you as you are not that close yet. Since you've already expressed your interest, it's up to him to reciprocate. Unfortunately due to his recent loss, timing may be a mitigating factor, but in any case, I wish you the best of luck!

sheikalana · Accepted Answer

This reminds me of my now husband. Some people are just not into texting. Me and my husband are not into texting or having long conversations through text. When we were dating we would only text each other to schedule dates and then we would have the best time. The amount of times someone texts you should not be a measure for how interested they are in you. The time you spend with them and what you talk about when you see each other is what should dictate how compatible you are with each other and your expectations. If this bothers you let him know and maybe you can both find a mid term to make htings work. Good luck.

rosemilk · Accepted Answer

texting sporadically, to a date, to not hearing from him much. doesn't sound good

how can you go 3 days without talking to someone you're interested in?

now here's what sets him a part from the usual: if he's going through a depressive period and his mom died very recently, i don't feel like he's ready for dating. may have to be patient with this one

Avicenna · Answer

Could be "out of sight, out of mind" OR he's meeting multiple women since he's on a dating app (or multiple ones).

Oliverlogan263 · Answer

Wow, yeah that whole situation sounds pretty confusing man. On one hand, the date itself seemed to go really well and you both connected. And he was open chatting about intimacy stuff afterwards which is a good sign.

But then the radio silence is weird. With his mom passing so recently, he's probably super distracted and emotionally drained too. Maybe texting feels like too much mental energy when he's grieving. Or he could be pulling away emotionally as a coping mechanism. Grief makes people act strange sometimes.

I'd give him a little more time before writing him off. Everyone handles loss differently. But if he doesn't reach out to schedule another date within the next week, then it might be best to move on. Keep your options open too - don't wait around if other girls wanna hang.

When/if he does text back, don't come on too strong. Just play it cool like "hey, hope you're doing okay" and see if he seems engaged. His interest level should become clearer from there. Try not to stress and overthink it. Let things unfold naturally. You got this!

spartan55 · Answer

I would cut him some slack for a few reasons. First, and definitely most importantly, his mother just passed away. That is a signiifcant trauma event that can't be shook off in a couple weeks (I speak from experience). He almost certainly isn't 100% himself right now. Please consider that. Second, and you seem to be aware of this, guys generally HATE texting, simple. Finally, he might really like you and not want to scare you away by contacting you too much. It's only been three days, don't push the panic button yet. Also, there is no reason you can't ask him for the second date. Just something to think about.

modeunae · Answer

Like another comment said, you may have scared him off with your speed; with your desire to escalate while he doesn't escalate fast. He doesn't kiss on the first date or get intimate but you began to talk about sex sometime after you told him you wished he kissed you.

You may have scared him off. If you want this situation with him to continue, apologise if you scared him off a bit, or even ask him if you did, then apologise and act normal. Don't fuck it up from there.

hahahmm · Answer

He's not into you. See, if a guy is into you, even if he didn't kiss you he would contact you at least till there's sex. At that point his normal cave man instincts to hate texting would take over.

Bumble is a feminist's dream, created by feminists for feminists. But feminists often create unintended consequences by disrupting the natural order of things. Like if you make it so a man has less input on which woman he can see/date and put all the power on the woman's side, the site will only attract guys who are super desperate or use women for free steak dinners.

CalmUntilAbused · Answer

Okay... I mean... It hits home. There is that Girl I like, but I'm almost exactly the way You described it. In my case, it's basically so that She doesn't feel threatened or pressured into any interaction, but I guess I might interact with Her more. I do get in touch in the end, but it's kind of like I avoid it. It might be influenced by my insecurity. If She does not initiate interactions, it looks to me like She doesn't care about me... Even though when we do meet up, She does not feel forced to come to the meeting. And if She's busy with something, who am I to distract Her?

molonski2 · Answer

I'd just say at this point take a deep breathe and calm down , your expectations are way too high , people have other important issues too , just keep reasonable contact , and take it slowly , everything is not going to happen in 5 minutes.

He has his sport and his mother died , give the guy a break and focus on being as good as you can be , lower expectations , and focus on other pressing issues , you are reading far too much into everything.

smne35 · Answer

Either that or your just not simulating enough when you talk, see each other, I met someone not long ago who is very attractive sexy kind but just isn't inspiring, and I'm not putting her down just when we talk I'm feeling good up breast just conversations but I don't know hmmm yes I do just hit me why she is damn ok...

DarkWinterNights · Answer

He’s clearly interested or he wouldn’t have given you that much time or personal details. And I’m not seeing any red flags based on this. He may be testing to see what your level of interest is. Worst case scenario he’s just really busy and the stuff with his mom passing is probably hitting him hard. A lot of guys tend to withdraw when we’re working through something. Best to leave him to his space, but text him here and there to show you care and that you’re there.

Vegasrunner · Answer

in my opinion he likes you however he's wrestling w/ the emotions of just losing his mom vs finding someone he's connected w/. If you really like him invite him out to do something casual as friends (I realize that's not what either of you are looking for) but I feel as if he's doesn't want the pressure of falling for someone while he's still hurting.

mrcurious98 · Answer

Personally I think he's waiting on you to pick up the phone and show some interest in him I've dated the same person long distance off and on for the last 5 years and I will not call her for the life of me and no matter how it hurts for whatever reason I'm just a stubborn bastard I wait for her to call me that way I know she's interested in what I have to say that's just me

Likes2drive · Answer

He isn’t exactly ready for serious dating yet because of what is going on in his life, you might have go a little slower with him and maybe call on the phone instead of texting so much, if he is still interested in you then he will get back to you eventually

Jiko-Kaizen · Answer

You need to go to the source and inquire. Stop playing guessing games with potential relationships. If you know what you want, just have honest communication with him. You will find your answer when he responds to your inquiry, it will save you years if you just be honest about your needs, concerns, and desires in a relationship. /

AutumnSerenity · Answer

He may have realized that he’s just not in the headspace for a relationship right now. I wouldn’t say anything else to him until he reaches out. I wouldn’t sit around waiting though. Live your life.

SotiCoto · Answer

If he says he is interested then he is interested, or he is lying.  If he doesn't say he is interested, it doesn't mean anything because he didn't say anything.  Silence does not mean anything.

Chelsdope0 · Answer

He wants sex  he's busy possibly not interested you should call him

Anonymous · Answer

us men just dont communicate all that well do we? we just wanna be left alone like hermits doing our own thing, and only want a womans only for one thing. Then we masturbate and fixes the need. I dont even pursue for awhile

Radiate143 · Answer

Guys always drop off when the get what they want. Watch how he drops off when he gets sex. A ghost.

ComsicMairah95 · Answer

Not sure most guys i dated pressure me for nudes

WhitneySnow · Answer

Maybe he’s just not that into texting. Don’t worry too much.

If a man doesn't communicate much in between dates, does it mean he's not interested?

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