Is that reason good enough to leave my boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

Hello
Me and my boyfriend agreed to only have sex after marriage but he follows more than 4000 girls with bikinis or nudes on IG and Facebook
Sometimes he likes these photos too

the girls are random girls most of the times but there are some of his colleagues even girls he only met once

he is very kind and sweet and honestly I love him I said to myself as an excuse it’s probably because he is still a Virgin , probably thirsty.. etc but I am terrified that this will multiply after marriage not decreasing

1 - is that a good reason to leave him and say no to him?
2- will i be ever enough for him with all of my imperfections? I mean after seeing 4K girls I don’t look anything like them most of these photos aren’t real they are edited especially on IG
3- should I confront him that I know about it or is it a useless step?

i would like to hear the answers from men more as a trial to possibly understand how he my boyfriend thinks when he does it

[Anonymous]

I think you should gently bring this up to your boyfriend. Remember to not sound accusatory tho. You can tell him that you’re uncomfortable with him following all those girls (I would be too tbh) but don’t tell him to unfollow them, try to discuss for a reasonable solution together, if he volunteers to unfollow them then awesome! But don’t force him to do it.

[Asker]

Thanks for telling your opinion
What if he replayed as it’s a normal thing and they doesn’t mean anything.. ? What should I do?

[Opinion Owner]

You can tell him how it makes you feel. Tell him that you’re aware it’s not a big deal to him but it is to you. My boyfriend did the same thing when we started dating, he said it meant nothing and that he was only doing it for eye candy. So I flipped it over to paint him a picture and asked if he’d be comfortable with me following and liking a bunch of shirtless guys’ pics - he said no, he’ll be embarrassed if his friends were to see that his girl is thirsting over a bunch of male IG models lol

[Asker]

That’s great
Did it work out?
Did he really stopped following them for good? even when there is a conflict or smth between you and him?
If I may ask how long you have been dating?

[Opinion Owner]

He didn’t unfollow them but he stopped using that account and made a new “clean” one instead. It would take a lot of work to unfollow that many people I guess lol.

It took a while to finally get through to him tho, at first he got defensive. Then he finally realized how disrespectful and embarrassing it is after I flipped the scenario. We were only dating for less than a year at the time.

[RespectfulGuy]

A guy in 2024 who's still a virgin and agrees to have sex only after marriage is rare. Very rare.

I know your concern. But which is better: a virgin who only looks at scteens, or a guy who look at a real naked girl and fuck her too?

Hence I suggest not breakup just because of his porn addiction.

Yes, follow another's advice to talk to him about it.

Perhaps set a realistic wedding date could be a bargain. Then help him exercise greater self control, and countdown with him to the day that he'll lose his virginity, to you.

[Avicenna]

Talk to him about it (calmly). You may be able to solve this together. Don't just hastily break up with him.

[Asker]

Will confronting him get me anywhere? I am only afraid it will make him trying to hide it.

[Iron_Man]

if you love him why wouldn’t you want to fix it and work it out instead of throwing in the towel

[Asker]

Because it didn’t occur to my mind that that’s something to be fixed!
What do you suggest? how to fix it?

[Iron_Man]

I have a talk with him tell him how would you like it if I followed a bunch of men

[Asker]

Yes I thought about it to confront him in general
But I knew that will only make two things either make him doing it But behind my back ( Freon a fake acc. or smth) or just be so obvious about it as you already knew before yet you accepted it and forgave me

[Asker]

I do love him so much but I cried for nights only because of that. It made feel like I wasn’t enough
That’s why I asked , is there any chance that he would change after marriage ( aka. After having sex ) ? Or to shush save me tears and leave him now?

[Iron_Man]

You have to control the guy that if they think they can get by with it, they’ll do anything

[Iron_Man]

You’re taking a big risk if you don’t solve the problem first before you get married

[Iron_Man]

You don’t want him to follow girls after you’re married ask your family none of them would approve of this

[Iron_Man]

And why would he follow nude girls?

[Asker]

Yes I Know , that’s why I don’t want any games any more , I only want the truth - would be change or not? But I doubt he would just say his intentions so easy
That’s why I am asking here in case any one with similar experience

[Iron_Man]

You’re just gonna have to confront him and work it out. Either way you’ll have peace of mind. What do you want to do with him wait around another two years and put up with this

[Asker]

Why? I honestly have no clue , I suggested that’s only because of his lust and in the same time he doesn't want anything outside marriage bond.
The thing is even confronting him won’t guarantee that he will stop he could keep doing it from fake accounts

[Asker]

Thanks a lot for your answers

[Iron_Man]

You’re very welcome. I hope things get better for you.

[CountryWanderer]

I'd confront him on it, and if he continues I'd consider that reason to leave.