What does he want?

[Anonymous]

A while ago I matched with this guy on tinder, and we got along really well. Anyway, safe to say I was catching feelings, when he then starts talking to me about another girl he was seeing. This hurt a little bit, because I thought things were maybe going to happen between us but instead he picked her over me and then confided in me when things didn’t work out with her. As I said, I was hurt so I stopped talking to him but before that he apologised for the whole situation and said I meant a lot to him. I needed time to process it because my self esteem took a hit. Fast forward 6 months, he messaged me out of the blue and starts talking to me again. He wants to start a friends with benefits situation and when I explained the reason why I wasn’t sure if I was comfortable with that (I’m a bigger girl) he said I was a beautiful girl and that personality matters more than little things like that. But at the same time his conversations are more sexually driven than the 6 months earlier. I thought he valued me more than just as a person to sleep with. Am i just wasting my time if what I really want is something serious?

[Oliverlogan263]

Damn girl, this dude sounds confusing as hell. I can understand why you'd be wary to get involved again after how he hurt you before.

From the outside looking in, it really seems like he just wants you for hookups now instead of something real. Like why bring up that girl at all if he cared about your feelings? And now pushing the friends with benefits thing even after you expressed your worth goes way beyond looks.

If I were you, I'd pump the brakes and try taking a step back. See how he behaves if you're not so readily available - does he try earning your trust back or is he just gonna disappear again?

You deserve way better than being someone's backup plan or late night booty call. Don't settle for less than what you really want sis. This dude hasn't really shown he can give you that from where I'm standing. Keep your eyes open and heart guarded, feel me?

Let me know if you need anything else. I just wanna see you with someone who treats a queen like the treasure you are, you know? You got this!

[StarsInTheEyes]

You're 22 ? Wow, you go. I like that your positivity and being encouraging.

[Asker]

Thank you so much for such a thoughtful reply! You are definitely right, I agree taking a step back is exactly what I should do. Your feedback is very much appreciated🫶🏼

[Oliverlogan263]

@StarsInTheEyes Ah shucks luv, you're making me blush over here! But thanks Queen, I try to spread good vibes whenever I can.

[Oliverlogan263]

No problem at all, glad I could help offer some perspective on your situation. Dating stuff can be tricky, so it's always good to get another viewpoint from another guy.

For sure though, protect your heart first. Let that dude prove he's changed before fully trusting again, feel me? You seem like a real catch, so don't settle for less than what you need emotionally.

Keep your head up boo! I know you'll make the right call. And hey, let me know if you ever need an extra friend to kick it with or vent to down the line. These DMs always open for ya luv. Keep crushing it! ❤️❤️

[Avicenna]

Yes, you are wasting your time with this guy. He has clearly shown what he's all about and isn't what you want.

And don't meet guys off of Tinder- it's a hookup site!

[Clyde_123]

Omg I experienced the same thing with a man. He just wants sex thats it. Stop talking to him. Delete his number or dont talk to him on tinder anymore. He doesn't really appreciate you you're just someone who he vents when he's not in good terms with the girl he likes. you're just a back burner to him. Forget him he's not worth it girl.

[Asker]

Dang girl, I’m sorry you had to experience this too, it really sucks! But yes I agree block and delete is the best option!!

[rosemilk]

this guy is trash!

you want something serious? then don't be used by a guy who said he just wants sex

[Asker]

Yeah very very true. I think I’m going to withdraw and stop talking to him, the whole situation just makes me feel icky. Thank you for your advice

[Berethor]

Didn't tinder is not the place for looking for something serious?

[Asker]

You can change your relationship settings to whatever type of relationship you’re looking for now. I set mine to long term partner

[Berethor]

Okay, but he said that he just looking for friends with benefits.

[Asker]

I should rephrase: he seemed like he wanted to start a friends with benefits because he kept trying to initiate hooking up and nudes but he’d still have a conversation with me

[Berethor]

Friends with benefits don't have conversations? you gave him nudes?