My therapist said I’m not emotionally ready for a relationship with anyone I don’t know very well, after having had a stalker recently. There are some really nice guys I’ve been talking to, but the timing is off. Should I explain, or just block them, or give them the option of starting as friends?
Tell them you aren't ready to date, but you don't dislike them. Fund out what they want from there on.
That would be great, and the right thing to do
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Explain. Don't ghost. Ghosting is avoidant, unkind, and the coward's way out.
Definitely do that. Never ghost somebody and leave them wondering what they did or what happened.
Yes. l, you should explain.
Not for them, but for yourself mostly.
u Yes, you did the right thing, and if you provide an explanation, what you have done is not "ghosting."
I have ghosted people (girlfriends, employers, friends) for my entire life. I don't do it to be unkind. I do it out of self-preservation. When children grow up in a family where they are verbally abused and denigrated for expressing a contrary opinion, it becomes impossible to trust that someone will respect your views when you discuss them with him or her. I have left a girlfriend in the middle of a conversation and never called her again or answered her her calls. I have resigned from employers by simply waiting until I was the last one out of the office and I left on my desk, my id, key and 3x5 card saying 'I resign.' I absolutely need to stop this but will I never stop. Never. My trust in others is less than zero.
If you 1. Don't know someone well why would you seek to have a relationship with them after 2. a serious trauma and 3. against the recommendation of your therapist? and 4. if you can't interact with them IN PERSON.
Listen to you therapist and work through this trauma for a few months, say two or three, and continue with therapy and if needs be, some medication. THEN, chat with someone a few weeks and meet and date them IN PERSON.
Don't waste your time online. You can't fully know someone unless you see and meet them, meet their friends and families, see where and how they live.
People need a 360 degree picture, RL, realtime portrait of a person to evaluate, to the best of their ability, WHO a person is. Words alone are not even the tip of the iceberg.
My God you did what you felt was the right thing being up front and it was only it's not your fault don't feel bad ok, those were juveniles immature dudes be glad they're gone, don't ever feel like you have to explain yourself to anyone, just be you and those that accept you as you are you know it's real friendship and those that don't, see ya your outta here, you owe nothing to anyone g if you not ready for as relationship say so and that's it you don't need phoney people who only want something from you around you, can count me as a friend if you want but please don't get mad feel guilty and don't have to explain you to no one ok
U did the right thing and u also see that they weren't the right person for u becuse what happened right after u told them they rain off they didn't stay and support u if they truly cared about u they be like hay it's cool let's take things slow and im here for u any time you need me and would of changed the subject to light talk can still be flirty but knowing u ant making past that point at least not for a wile that's the end game who ever is doing that is 1 of 2 things the one for u or really patient person lol
Explain. Always explain before blocking. He will not be able to magically read your mind before you block him. And that’s more disappointing and painful on the other end then most women will ever comprehend (unless they had it happen to them at some point).
If you are so terrified of his response then text your explanation first and then block him. That at least gives him a modicum of closure
The fact that so many women think it’s okay to block guys who did nothing wrong is very scary nowadays. You are in your 30s too. You should know better.
This is contributing to a very negative and extremely selfish cultural phenomenon. I hear that guys ghosting and blocking women now for no legit reason. While that’s complete bullshit I have no doubt they were likely ghosted themselves at an earlier point. It started out as shitty female behavior and now guys are doing it back.
Don’t contribute to the problem.
Firstly, sorry to hear about your experience and hope the therapy will help you get through this.
Secondly, I would say, explain to them (if not all, at least to the ones you truly like) and tell them about your experience and that you are not emotionally ready. You might be surprised as to how they would react. If only one understands you and have your back, then you may have a friend for life. Even if you might not end up in a relationship with them, being able to open up and hopefully receive a feedback from someone else, especially if they are as nice as you describe, can mean a lot for you to cope with the whole situation.
There is no need for you to go through this by yourself. Be transparent and hopefully someone will have your back moving forward.
Best wishes to you!
s I think that you should explain to them why you cannot get involved with them for the time being, and cut things off there. I don’t think that ghosting them without explanation is a good idea, and I don’t think that offering to stay friends is a good idea either, as you wouldn’t be truly letting go of chasing after something more with them. Best option is to give an explanation, apologise for if you’ve wasted their time, and then end things there.
@Asker I think you did the right thing. I used to be wondering if guys didn't like something about me if they just ghosted me without proper communication.
I understand that sometimes it can get overwhelming for people to have to explain to everyone if they don't want to contact them anymore, but I usually only explain to the ones that I had more interactions with, especially if text conversations had been great and we met, it didn't seem like the guys were having bad times, I usually would say something.
If I didn't like them much after meeting, then I might just not text them, but if they didn't react out to me, either, then I don't think that would be ghosting, or the ghosting would've been mutual.
Guys will always respect you for your honesty. Never ghost anyone. You wouldn’t like it if it happened to you. Alway be true to yourself but also truthful to them. If they don't like your honesty then they were not the right guy for you to began with. All they wanted was sex and nothing more.
I think you took the advice of your therapist wrong. If you are emotionally unavailable thats something you can discuss with a potential partner and see if he is compatible with that. Is he fine taking it slow and gentle for example? Shutting him out in advance seems like a bad idea.
I'm sorry , I would not be explaining , that is too much of a negative for you , look at this point you don't have to meet them , so don't block , just keep gentle communication , and if anything comes up , just say " Sorry at this point I'm not ready , if that's a deal breaker for you , I completely understand " .
I think some form of explanation is good but you don't have to go into detail if it makes you umcomfortable or if you're not super close to the guys you are talking to. I've gone through some similar stuff and I understand how hard this is. In my personal experience, sharing too much hasn't always been a good thing. Just let them know that it's due to personal reasons and that they aren't the problem. If you want, give them the option of being friends first but also don't force them into it if it makes them uncomfortable.
You should never be in a relationship with someone you don't know. That's operating off hormones.
Tell them all your following your therapist's advice and won't get into a relationship (or have sex) for the next year. Stick to the no sex for at least three months, and you'll know a LOT about them.
Ghosting doesn’t seem very healthy, but there is no need to explain anything to anyone. Just tell them you’re just looking for friends for now. If they push, don’t elaborate and say you’re going through some stuff and you aren’t interested in anything more than friends.
Explain and give them the opportunity to part ways with you or not. But if they are interested in romance, do not try to establish a friendship with them at! Just end it
Continue your therapy until you are able to move on from this distrust you have
I think…explain the situation to them. It’s the right thing to do. Ghosting them is impolite, and they’ve done nothing to deserve that. The friend thing is kinda just stringing them along. My honest opinion is that you don’t have to take your therapists advice. You obviously felt ready to start talking to guys, and you don’t have to rush into anything. But you can have an adult conversation and tell them, “hey, I’m going through a lot, so we gotta take shit slow.”
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