Guys, I regret having sex on second date. Does it always lead to disasters/situationships? Should I go for a few dates with no sex?

[Lalalove11]

I (23f) went on a date with a guy (34m) and made it clear I'm looking for something long term on the first date. He said it takes him around two months to know if he wants something serious. We were intimate on the second date already.. I never have sex this early on but it had been a while and I got caught in the moment. After, we cuddled all night and he asked me a lot of questions about myself and was already planning our next dates, looking towards the future (Feb/March) These involve more daytime activities to get to know each other. Should I hold out on sex for the next few dates to know his true intentions?

[Wallfly]

It's okay to hold back as long as you give your good guy some of the filthiest, nastiest, freakiest experiences you've got and communicate about that. Whatever you've done for lesser men of the past when you were younger and more fun, you've got to save something better for the good man of the future that you're hoping to settle down with.

I don't think guys care about sex on the first date with a girl who's never done that. But when you know she gave it all to some other guy, it sets a standard. All too often, women will hold out for guys they really like. It's because they don't want to get attached, but it's also punishment for being a quality person.

in my opinion, I think the real life hack that women keep missing is just being a total slut for good men. And exclusively good men. Like: "what good have you done for the world recently?" If a guy isn't a turn on and is doing good things for others, that's a good man. If he is a turn on and is doing good things for others, he's probably a pandering tool. Dump the latter, suck the formers dick in an alley. You will be worshipped as the goddess who was finally smart enough to not think with her clit.

[OlderAndWiser]

It is okay to hold back on the sex but you must explain why or he will be mystified and imaging many horrible possible explanations. If this is going to be a serious relationship, how you handle this issue sets the precedent for how you two communicate and resolve your concerns in the future.

[Lalalove11]

Very true.. I am going to tell him next time and just be very open about it. Also will help me gauge his reaction and give a better understanding of what he wants.

[ProbablyClueless]

The problem isn't the sex. The problem is that the kind of 34 year old guy who wants to have sex with a woman your age isn't the kind of guy who is looking for commitment. He wouldn't be connecting with someone your age if he was commitment oriented.

People your age have lives that change too much

[Lalalove11]

Well... Now I feel like I can't win. I've been on many dates without being intimate, with men my age and they were very immature not looking for anything serious. It's really hard to find guys my age who are more serious. Also he has planned our next date which will be day time. I plan on telling him I want to take it slow, his reaction should give a good clue.

[ProbablyClueless]

It's sad, but with some people, you really can't win. The good news is that there are a lot of people to choose from and having a strong sense of boundaries is going to weed out a lot of the time wasters. Best of luck! =)

[bowenw]

If you feel like having sex do it in my opinion unless you aren't comfortable doing it again until you know his true intentions.

[Lalalove11]

At the moment I feel uncomfortable doing it again until I know. Although this might confuse him or something. I just think I'll need to be really clear next time I meet him

[bowenw]

In that case, keep it out of the equation until it's clear to you how the relationship will go.

[strateguy632]

not lead to disasters but according to series big bang wait til third.

realistically if you "give the milk free he won't buy the cow". get the hint?

[MMguy]

Guess it depends on whether you want sex the next couple of dates. Is there some kind of rationing risk of you running out of sex and it will all get used up on the wrong guy? You will have to tell the next guy, "ummm I'm all out of sex?"

Oh I guess you will feel "used" if he breaks up with you. Maybe you aren't getting anything out of the sex that you wouldn't be using him also.

[sawno]

If he's the right guy for you he will not be put off by this and is actually serious about continuing. Do whatever is organic between you two.

[sawno]

Originally read over the part of him taking his time to see if its serious or not, that indicates he might just be going after sex. But don't consider what you did a ruining of your chances, if he leaves because of it he would always have left.

[Lalalove11]

On his profile it said long term relationship, short term ok. He said he's open to meeting new friends, or maybe more 'partners in crime'. I would like to meet him again but I think I'll hold off on the sex until his intentions are more clear...

[CuriousMufuxka]

You already gave the pussy up! So now you're asking if the interested guy should endure a closed legs policy to prove his worth?

[Lalalove11]

Well not completely closed. Lol. I just want to see if he'll be interested to really get to know me beyond that!

[CuriousMufuxka]

Ahh got ya.. On your terms thy twat shalt be dealt per good boy behavior?

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes. And clearly define your boundary. For example if he can only kiss and touch you above the waist let him know.

[Lalalove11]

Okay so there is still hope 🥺 if I only allow that for the next few weeks until/if he gets more serious.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yes and see if he sets expectations and follows through. Was the sex good? Or do you think he wants to see you soon in February

[Lalalove11]

He wants to see me next weekend. Sex was good.

[BarryLiverstone]

He will expect sex next weekend, so best to communicate your boundaries

[Lalalove11]

Oh dear.. should I text him that? Before we go on the next date.

[BarryLiverstone]

Don’t leave it to chance. And better to call him than text. Have you had many phone calls?

[Lalalove11]

Not yet. In our next date I'll make sure it's the daytime and be very clear. If he reacts badly I'll leave 💕

[BarryLiverstone]

Sounds like you may still be worried about it tho tbh. What’s the concern?

[Lalalove11]

It's kind of due to bad experiences in the past. I just don't trust him yet. I worry he will string me long and fake His interest

[BarryLiverstone]

You can’t trust him yet, it hasn’t been enough time. It’s one reason to delay intimacy. Until you can trust him, you will worry about it.

[Lalalove11]

Good news is we will be going to another county for our next date. Which will be daytime. He's come up with some other ideas for our next dates. I think he does want to get to know me but time will tell.

[BarryLiverstone]

Why another county? Is there nothing local to see

[Lalalove11]

We will be doing local stuff also

[BarryLiverstone]

Oh. Just surprised you are driving to another county on a 2nd date

[OddBeMe]

Sounds like you should take a sex hiatus if you feel that bad. What bothers you most about the sexual encounter? didn't know him well enough?

[Lalalove11]

Mm it did feel a bit strange getting into bed so soon but I still enjoyed it. I'm mostly worried it will make him see me as easy or just want sex.

[OddBeMe]

Well that’s better than what I first thought. I was thinking you ended up not liking the guy into sex and didn’t feel comfortable to stop.

But this sounds like issues from a sheltered or religious upbringing. Dont feel bad about sex. Just do it with people you like, or better love. I only had four lovers in my life. Married the last one. And still talk to the other three.

[Lalalove11]

Yes sheltered, as I didn't like going out growing up. Well that sounds hopeful. So sex early on won't ruin chances? He's already planning next date and asking me lots of questions

[OddBeMe]

He seems really engaged which is a good sign. For guys your age, you judge how much they like you by how much time they want to spend not having sex with you.

If they’re taking you out, having fun. You don’t feel pressured to fuck. He’s asking you questions. That sounds like a healthy relationship.

Sex shouldn’t be a goal or a “score”…it’s incidental in a relationship. It’s when two people express their love blah blah. But the love and hanging out part is most important.

[Lalalove11]

Thank you so much. Yeah he's already said he where he wants to take me on a trip and seems quite invested already. He even said he wanted to say hi to my mom if that means anything.
Initially I was quite worried the sex just made me look easy but I don't think he views it that way. I do think however I will need to talk to him about it eventually

[OddBeMe]

Weirdly him wanting to meet your mom is a good sign. What the hell did you do to him?

[Lalalove11]

🤣😅 I dont know this is all new to me. I was honestly just being myself with him. He is very attracted to me though.. lol

[OddBeMe]

Sometimes it comes together like that.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Having sex before you know everything about the person is retarded.

[Cheerfull009]

If you feel, that guy is sincere and trustworthy, and can be good partner in future, then you can have sex otherwise wait more and know more about him. Because most guys are following the concept:Fuck and Dump:

[Billlewis]

'She's a first dater, one way ticket, yeah,,,, it took me so long to find out, but I found out...'

[Billlewis]

And no offense intended; I'm well aware that dating is nearly as stressful for women as it is for guys, but your situation is reminiscent of my dating experiences s few years ago, in that, it's pretty much carved in stone that there is only going to be *one* dste -- and that's it, that's all.

[Lalalove11]

Mm well we were meant to date today again but I got sick. We are going on a date when I feel better.

[Billlewis]

You sound really great, and genuinely concerned about being straight up with the person with whom you're interacting with. If there's anything you'd like from discuss, etc, you're welcome to message me if you want. It's a veritable mind field for a lot of folks right now, but I wish you the best;)

[Lalalove11]

Yes I appreciate direct communication but it seems hard to get it in return no matter how direct you are. I just don't know what to do and I'm afraid I'll get hurt

[Billlewis]

Yes, ma'am, I'd be honored if you'd like to follow me, which will allow either of us to message the other. I'd very much. like to be here for you whenever you need another opinion.

[msc545]

Keep enjoying sex and don't worry about it.

[Lalalove11]

It seems to cause a lot of attachments though especially in women. What if he decides to drop me after..

[msc545]

We all run that risk when we have sex and get involved with another person. You have to accept the risk if you want to engage in the activity. If you don't then I guess you won't. I would encourage you however, to simply realize that you are resilient enough to tolerate that risk as you've done so probably many times before.

[clampfan101]

Personally I’m waiting until marriage.

[shortster]

In my limited experience, yes.

[Anonymous]

There should be sex on the first date. ..

[Anonymous]

No, you did the right thing.