Guys, Sex early on and how it sets the tone?

[Lalalove11]

I'm really a bit of an idiot and naive when it comes to sex and dating. I'm 23 and haven't had much sex at all and have never been in a relationship. I had sex with a guy on the second date and just had sex with him again. It wasn't a date, we wanted to meet because we knew we won't see each other until next Friday. Now he texted saying 'thanks for coming, had a good time chilling with you. It will be a long time till I see you again :/'

The problem is I've just realised giving him sex early could mean he will just keep coming back for that or does he actually want to get to know me and something more. Our next date we will be going to a circus 🤣 anyway sorry for the rant but any advice would be appreciated

[Kinkyhubby]

The sex on a not second date is a big deal as long as you were into it, and also wanted to have sex. But if you want to start having a serious relationship, you need to talk to him. That what the courting part of dating is about, to see if you like him and his personality, and willing to take ot farther.

Do you talk to him on the phone or text him when you are both apart? How old is he? If he goes silent in-between your dates and hanging out with him, he may only want friends with benefits, or is in another relationship.

[Lalalove11]

Text in between dates yes. Although it's been two days now since I heard from him, neither of us have texted. He's 34. I have told him I want something long term in general, that's why I'm dating. He has plans for our next few dates. I plan on telling him then that I don't want to continue sex until I get to know him more.

[Kinkyhubby]

So you got a plan see how it goes

[andreasderjuengere]

I will not separate personal interest and sex from each other.

But if one of these components is missing - I'll write off the losses.

''You'' not only GIVE sex - but you also receive. Sex isn't something to trade with. And it's a natural and pleasant detail in life.

[Lalalove11]

I agree and I don't feel regretful. I just wonder if giving it so soon will make him lose interest in something more committed. Now that I realise he is still interested I wonder if he will just use me as a booty call

[RammyM]

I don't really understand, intimacy isn't some can of worms you can't put the lid back on just cause you opened it up early on.

Regardless, I'd advise you shouldn't have sex if only one of you wants it to happen. Also would advise against sex if you feel like you HAVE to, rather than you want to. Sex is best as a mutual thing and both of you are open and willing to go into it -there's no schedule you have to adhere t.

PS. If you feel like his expectations are his business, to address - not your responsibility to manage. If it becomes an issue, talk about it.

[stratford]

What's more important is whether you enjoyed the sex? If you do, you can just indulge yourself with that, and the if the relationship doesn't go anywhere, at least you had some fun.

[Berethor]

That ship has sailed, yea at he know that he can get sex easily from you.

[Lalalove11]

Really?

[Berethor]

Yea, he might not marry you because of that, if he think you like that with others.

[Lalalove11]

He knows I'm not

[Berethor]

Then what you are worried about?

[Lalalove11]

Curious on guys perspectives who've had similar experiences.

[FenixG45]

He will either view you as a fuckbuddy or a possible girlfriend. Which way he views you will depend on your behavior

[slatyb]

Have sex if you want to have sex. If you have long term hopes for a relationship, talk about them.

[Jamie05rhs]

Yes; your suspicions are correct. That is exactly what is happening here.

If he wanted to get to know you, he would have done that. But no. He chose sex.

[Keith469]

Ya gotta know what you want and talk honestly about it like grown-ups. Way more important than when you first have sex.

[Lalalove11]

Absolutely agree. Last time I asked him he said it's too soon to tell what he thinks if me just yet. That he wants to get to know me more

[Keith469]

Fair enough, don't you think?

The worst red flag is dishonesty. Everything else can be negotiated,

[Lalalove11]

Oh yes it's fair. To be honest I feel the same. I'm just worried every date will end in sex and that might keep him coming back but only for that. I guess time will tell

[Keith469]

That might not be the worst thing in the world when you are in your 20s. You did say you weren't all that experienced.

[Lalalove11]

It's not the worst thing but I don't like dating multiple guys at once. He's the only one I'm dating. What if I waste months of him while I'm in my prime and probably get my heart broken. I'm overthinking

[Keith469]

I think you are overthinking. Just let things unfold organically, be true to your values, take no bullshit, and trust your gut. No matter what happens, you will learn something important.

[Lalalove11]

Solid advice thank you 🙏

[Keith469]

I've been doing this adulting thing for a while.

A little bit more grandfatherly advice. if that's OK.

Be safe with pregnancy and STI's and forgawdssake have a talk re what about accidental pregnancy. It happens, even to people who are careful with bc.

Finally, try to find an IRL woman about 5-10 years older than you who is on the relationship path you want for yourself and ask her to be your guy mentor.

No more out of me tonite.

[Lalalove11]

Good advice. Am being very safe , I do not want pregnancy. I will talk to him about that though
I have an older female friend and older sister I might talk to about this as well. Good night :)

[HouseMoat]

Different people believe having sex at different times, is what's best for them. That's all up to you. We can't tell you, because we're not him OR YOU

[Lalalove11]

Thanks 🙏 I just was curious what guys perspectives were on girls they jumped into bed with early and how much it effected their relationship

[Massageman]

It would have been too soon for me. Waited until after we were married.

[Anonymous]

Early sex is usually sets the tone of a fling and not a serious relationship.