Dating

I [19M] was almost involved in an affair and the guilt is destroying me?

I was desperate to lose my virginity so I signed up to an online site. I started talking to an older woman, and eventually agreed to meet up for sex. She told me she had a husband and that he was away at the time. I said it was fine, thinking nothing of it at the time. I stupidly tried to justify myself by telling myself her husband must be a bad person. We sexted for two weeks without meeting up, and she stopped messaging me. We never ended up meeting in person.

It’s been a few months and it’s only just hit me what I did. I nearly risked someone’s marriage for my own selfish pleasure, and the guilt is absolutely destroying me. I feel absolutely disgusted with myself. I’ve put off dating for the near future because it feels like I don’t deserve to be able to do something lol that.

I know people will say that nothing happened, but the terrifying thing is if she hadn’t stopped messaging me I KNOW I would have willingly gone through with it at the time. I didn’t get a chance to say no, and it makes me feel like an absolute worthless piece of shit
I [19M] was almost involved in an affair and the guilt is destroying me?
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