Overwhelming guilt, do I make amends... should I?

[Anonymous]

I haven't seen my former classmate since 6th grade. I had her in my classes for both 5th and 6th grade. A brief flashback to the past, my friends and I knew her by another name and many things happened that I'm now ashamed of. I was unfortunately the main, kid ringleader in the group. We moved to different school afterwards and didn't see her again.

Fast-forward to last month. My older brother (23 M) has been dating a college girl my age. He hates posting on social medias and tends to be selective with the people he introduces to the family and has in his life. He's been dating his girlfriend for 6 months now and last month finally introduced her to us, for a lunch and family get-together. It was none other than my former classmate. Yup she's back. We're both 19 year-olds by now.

Needless to say I was taken back by it, speechless and ashamed. I've greeted her (kind of struggling to look her in the eyes) as if it was the first time meeting each other and spoke normal, adult conversations. My brother brought the topic of how it's a coincidence she went to my same grade school and that it's a pity we never met, etc. I kept with the lie but changed the topic. She secretly smiled and winked at me. Yes, she remembers me. I remember her too. Our next reunion is this Thanksgiving Day. I was thinking of getting a moment of talking to her in private.

Now I'm thinking about her, if what happened back then affected her, if I ruined her early social life, etc. Now I can't imagine doing what I did back then. The guilt is killing me. Do I make amends with her?

[Holsen]

Well all that matt Is the present you so forget about the past you and let go of it;usually in these kind of situations talking about that with her just complicates things so just follow her game (I mean treat her the way she treats you) and new you new her so you will just have to form a new relationship with her all from scratch!!

[Asker]

I think I'm ready to own up to it by the next meeting. It wasn't right what we did back then.

[Holsen]

While it isn’t right, clearing it up can be a relief for you but as for her , she is in a relationship with your brother and while you are his sister It depends on how much can the both of you bond as the main focus is her relationship with him!!

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, by all means apologize to her!

[Asker]

True I should. What we did back then could've affected her. One never knows.

[OlderAndWiser]

You can't undo the past, but you can do the right thing now and show that you've become a responsible adult.

[riverrat3]

Reach out, say hi

[Asker]

I did when my brother introduced me to her. I said hi and greeted her as if it was our first time meeting each other.

[riverrat3]

How did that go

[Asker]

The reunion went good so far. It's just that I felt guilt when my brother brought back the topic of how she attended my same grade school and how it sucks we never met. I was so ashamed, continue with the lied and changed the topic. What we did to her at the time was indeed bullying.

[riverrat3]

Well be a friend now, if you get close, acknowledge what happened and ask for forgiveness

[Asker]

I'm planning to make amends this Thanksgiving Day. That's our next family reunion. I just need to get her in private though.

[riverrat3]

You can do it, good luck

[Asker]

Thank you

[riverrat3]

Welcome