Should I just accept rides from her?

[Anonymous]

So there's this girl I've (22&22) been talking to since mid January, and since Valentine's day we've seen each other every week. I know she has some interest in me, but we're not dating yet.

For background, I'm in my last semester of college and I don't have a car, because I just haven't needed one and don't make enough at my job to justify having one at the moment (I do plan on getting on hopefully this year). I hate getting rides from people, because I see it as a burden on them.

She lives about 40 minutes away, but we meet close to each other or somewhere in the middle when we go on "dates". I've been vocal that I do not have a car but plan on getting one soon, so she knows about that. However, I try to make sure our plans are closer to her so she doesn't have to drive far. When we've met on my side of town, she's started offering to drive me home, which adds another 20 minutes to her drive. Everytime, I've ended up accepting her offer, especially because the first time she seemed disappointed I didn't accept at first. Which to me is weird.

Now, we have plans to get dinner close to me next week, and she offered off the bat to pick me up which would make her drive farther than where the restaurant is and she would be going out of her way. I politely declined, but she's pretty insistent I accept because she doesn't mind driving further, and wants me to tell her if I change my mind.

Now Im really trying not to be a bum and just let her drive me places, when I can just call an Uber or take a bus. However, she seems to really want to help me in that way and I don't know if my declining is bad or not. I just don't want to be a burden on her or set a precedent I'm not comfortable with for her sake.

Should I just let her pick me up and drive me? Do I just give her the money I would've paid for an Uber (even though I know she won't accept it)? I don't want to risk losing her because I don't accept her help.

Thank you.

[DoggyDude]

It sounds like she's equating your keeness to accept a ride with your keeness to be with her. If anyone offers to pick up someone, they are wanting that person to be there and showing they will do whatever is needed to make it happen. If you turn that down, they will always wonder a little if you actually wanted to come.

So, yes, just accept the ride, but also keep doing what your doing and being considerate. I know it will bug you, but reflect that by working hard to get yourself your car and look forward to offering her rides.
The way to manage this is to accept it, "I'd love to come" but then add, "I'd rather not put you out though, how about I meet you there?". Then, if they say "Its not a problem!" or otherwise sound keen to give you the ride, accept gracefully and insist on paying for the next cost [sometimes its complex to give them cash directly for a ride, so just find a moment to pay for something ordinaryily they would pay for themselves].

[Asker]

Thank you :) I actually do pay for everything so that might be why she's offering me a ride now that I think of it

[DoggyDude]

Then definitely accept the ride :). It's also a great way to make a generous gift less daunting, you can give them something they would otherwise not be able to accept saying: "and I wanted also to get something to thank you for all the times you give me a life".

I kinda like being in the position where I can spoil my friends more easily as they are always the ones with the car (I decided not to drive because there's just too many people driving and the planet is already poluted, so I figured its something I can do to make the world better).

[DoggyDude]

life=lift.. I don't feel like I made that typo. Autocorrect is something that worrys me sometimes heh.

[Sevenpointfive]

i understand that. it's a little weird because that's her job. but she knows you don't have a car. so maybe that's your insecurity? if you meet her halfway that is everything in a relationship

[_Maya_]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with accepting a ride if she offers. She is doing it to be nice. If it was that big of a problem she wouldn't offer. Honestly 20 minutes is not that much of a hassle. I would do it. Seems like you are over thinking this. You don't have to give her money that you would have paid an uber. I would personally find that off putting. Just accept or decline. If you feel like you are inconveniencing her (you aren't if she is offering) then just insist on taking an uber. Tell her thank you but you are going to get an Uber or cab or whatever so she can get home earlier but you appreciate the offer and all the times she has dropped you off.

[jennifer_bloom]

You could accept rides from her and pay her back in other ways by covering a higher percentage of the tab balance when you guys go out for food or helping to clean up her home or cut her grass when you visit her.

[bobalife]

It’s more than okay, she’s being sweet and considerate. I’m glad you’re also being considerate and appreciative too :)

[Unit1]

Just ask her. These are all well intended things. Say it just like so to the girl. I'm pretty sure she'll appreciate it, that you try to be less of a burden than it needs to be.

[Dreamclouds]

Be more free and think less, let your soul vibrate with hers not your mnd worring and yes of course pay for her gas its only fair.

[PrettyCrumblBb]

Just pay for the date.

[Iron_Man]

Sure why not

[In_Trance]

Yeah