Do you think my friends and family may be right about me being too nice and I should be a little meaner?

[Anonymous]

So I am a very nice girl. I’m sweet, kind, thoughtful, always thing about others, wanting to be like and I don’t even dare to curse but I do admit I have a hard time standing up for myself. I’ve been lied to, used for my money, rides and I do a lot of favorites but I didn’t get a “thank you” once from them accept for my good friends and my best friend. They were telling me that I’m way too nice to people, so that’s why I am always getting use and I need to start being a little mean (assertive). Even if we take a break from helping, I’m always the one that gets told off for being ‘lazy’ and got told to get my ass up and help. One of my aunts yelled at me to get my ass up and help. She never apologized for yelling at me. She only yelled at me and not my siblings, two cousins and aunt. They just sat there and didn’t defend for me. Sometimes I’ll go into my room and cry my eyes out because I don’t want people to see me. Even some of my relatives used me and even yelled in my face. My dad doesn’t like that I’m TOO nice. He got into my face and bluntly need to stop being so weak and start being kind to myself. Stop letting my male cousins disrespect me and he is embarrassed to have a spineless daughter who is a young woman that can’t even fight back and has no backbone. He wishes that he had a daughter that has a backbone like his nieces do because my cousins fight back. Those words hurt me so bad.

[Honest-Matt]

You're not nice, you're permissible, you are a push over. Nice people are kind when they deem it so, not because someone else wants you to be in regards to what they do around or to you. Ask yourself what do you stand for, what do you tolerate, what is wrong and what is right. Remind yourself, write them down, and STOP allowing what you stand for to be challenged. Socializing strategically is an art form because you need to play social warfare in every interaction because people will react and move in any opening you leave.

So get it out of your head that being brash to someone who is being disrespectful to you is rude, it's not, they're rude, they caused the problems, they face the repercussions. If someone yells at you unprovoked like your aunt, they need to apologize, otherwise they don't get the respect of their niece. If anyone disrespects you, they don't get your respect.

It will take time and practice and study, but never let their actions make you bitter or a victim, you must be the prouder one with the higher chin. I hope this helped a little and not sounded like what you've heard a million times.

[Asker]

My aunt never apologized for yelling at me and she just moved on. Everyone else just sat there and didn’t defend for me. Not one person said anything. Just sat back and let it happen. I’m very disappointed in some of my family. I thought family was supposed to have each others back.

[Asker]

I wanted to tell her but I’m afraid she’ll get mad at me and say if I wasn’t so lazy she wouldn’t have yelled at me so I just let it go. I’m still angry at her for only yelling at ME. She only yelled at ME and not everyone else. This always happens to me.

[Honest-Matt]

That's the difficult thing about some people, they will walk over people feeling unbothered, even family and the only way to act around them is to not put up with their shit.

[Unit1]

The problem isn't that you are too nice.

The problem is that you are allowing yourself to be taken advantage of like that by malicious individuals. You need to be able to detect them. No one can really detect them all but we can minimize the extend of the risk in case someone screws us over.

[Asker]

I’ve been called weak by a lot of people all my life because I’m too nice to them and I don’t get mean. My dad said sometimes I need to be rude to protect myself and stop being such a nice and good girl all the time. Be badass and stand up for myself. He said being a nice and good girl 24/7 isn’t going to cut it and I have to be a bitch sometimes and be assertive. He isn’t saying I shouldn’t be kind. He tell people to get the fuck out of his face or his house when being disrespected. I told my cousins to kindly get out my room please and they laughed and kept disrespecting me. Even my mom said being sweet and nice won’t make them listen and I need to be direct and demand them out!

[Unit1]

That is the definition of not having boundaries that you cannot assert. When i get such treatments i withdrew. I'm not saying fight but ask yourself what can you do to enforce your boundaries.

[Asker]

So you agree that I’m weak and a coward?

[Unit1]

That is not what i said.

[Anonymous]

honestly, yes. you will get taken advantage of if you continue being too nice and that's not good to be so vulnerable like that...

[Asker]

Yeah but it hurts that my dad told me he wished he had a daughter that had a backbone and frankly jealous of his brothers having strong, daughters that can fight back and stand up for themselves. Even my mom said I’m dense for not noticing that I get taken advantage off. Parents can be so brutal sometimes.

[Opinion Owner]

i understand and that's a whole other issue of your parents emotionally abusing you and it's not right

[Asker]

Yeah. I get what you’re saying too. I wish my parents would tell me more kindly but I feel like they’re more harsher with me than my siblings who are NTs.

[BrightBubblyKat]

Find a balance between the inner Angel and the inner demon. It’s fun to be a good girl with a few streaks of bad.

[Asker]

Why is being bad so much fun for others?

[Staximus]

You need to learn to set boundaries for people and not just accept whatever they want to do or whatever they want you to do. You need to stand up for yourself so shitty people don't take advantage of you or treat you badly. Just don't do something you don't want to do. It's that simple. Just say no.

[Asker]

True. Even my best friend said I’m not a kind girl because kind girls don’t let anybody disrespect anybody and don’t let shitty people in their lives or get passive aggressive because them people aren’t going to want to be around a pushover or somebody that whines and bitches about being disrespected and doesn’t do shit about it. She does have a point.

[Asker]

She said I need to be less nice and start being nice to myself and do me. Stop apologizing for having needs.

[BigDog1989]

What they mean by "don't be so nice" they mean, you need to learn how to say "no". If you're ALWAYS saying yes, you'll be a pushover. That's what they mean

But no, if you're a nice person, please keep being that way. Just need to know how to say no

[Billlewis]

Generally speaking, most women would be better served by resisting the temptation to be nice so often, and becoming more selfish and demanding. It sounds ridiculous, but it's true.

[Asker]

What’s that suppose to mean?

[catarecute]

just never be nicer to others than you are to yourself.

[cloud9vortex1234]

I think you just need to help your friends.

[Asker]

What do you mean?

[cloud9vortex1234]

The other people are using you. They don't appreciate your help. Be more slow and selective about who you help. There a Good People who are worth helping who will appreciate your help. I would just say no most of time until your sure.

[Anonymous]

No, being nice is a good thing.

[Asker]

Then why do people say it’s not always good?

[eagle1951]

why would anyone want to be meaner