Idolizing & centralizing men?

[Anonymous]

Does anyone have a tip on how to stop idolizing men & decentralizing them. I realized that when I get to know a guy they are all I think of. I want to be good for them. I want to please them. I think of them constantly and always waiting by my phone for them to text me. If they don’t text me I’m sad but whenever they text me my mood changes automatically being happy. I feel like that’s so unhealthy. I just want to be secure and not feel like they have to complete me or be my whole life but just a complement. I want to put God first and have Him as the forefront of my life not men, relationship, marriage etc. I feel like I’m idolizing every men I’ve talked to and I hate that. I don’t want to be like that but I just do it and I hate when I get to this point that I’m sad but I don’t know how to stop it. My mind knows but my heart is always sad about it, I’m like this isn’t healthy to have your life & emotion controlled by talking to a guy. i wake up immediately wanting to see their text and hopping they text me. Going through the day waiting for them to text me. This isn’t healthy right? What’s a healthy dynamic suppose to look like in a situation like this?

PS. I work from home so I have the leisure of being on my phone and I don’t have a hobby or anything to do like that

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I think it might help to pursue some hobbies, maybe some more friends in real life, make some extra goals, have things to do.

You might be looking at men as a way to fill some deeper void in your life and men typically can't do that outside of your fantasies. You'll tend to set yourself up for epic disappointment that way.

It's good to love and be devoted to your SOs but if you need them around constantly to be happy, then it's not love so much as an addiction: a need rather than a desire. Addiction isn't the result of loving something too much; it's the result of needing it too much to feel okay.

[Asker]

Thank you so much! If I may ask what are some of your hobbies? Haha I want to learn about different hobbies to explore. I tried doing painting & reading (romance) and it feed into my “addiction”

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I'm into an eclectic variety. I'm your stereotypical ENFP. 😅


Some of my most persistent and lifelong hobbies though including drawing/painting, composing music, and vert skateboarding.

[Asker]

hahaha waittttt I’m a ENFP as well!

[Asker]

So I feel like I don’t have any hobbies because I’m always jumping from something to something and never satisfied

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

Nice! Maybe you just need to experiment a bit and find one you especially enjoy. Also being fellow extroverts, just making a healthy number of good friends to hang out with after work, on weekends, can really help balance out our social interests between our lovers/potential lovers and our friends.

[Asker]

Yes, because I moved to a new city and i haven’t made that much friends so im always in the house and I hate that haha

[GuyAnswersGirls123]

I think finding some way to make some new ones might help a lot. Also might help to discover some new interests through the new friends.

[TheSpaceGnome]

"I feel like that’s so unhealthy."

No, thats love, and you're much better off staying as is.
Thats what guys who won't cheat on you or leave you want from a wife.

"I just want to be secure and not feel like they have to complete me or be my whole life but just a complement."

Also no, an SO should feel like your mind in another wrapper, not a compliment, not your other half, but another you that you mentally relate to.

"I want to put God first and have Him as the forefront of my life not men, relationship, marriage etc."

Thats a horrible idea! and will have you stuck being a delusional single person.
There is no such thing as god, and no guy is going to want to keep you if you don't put him first and let him put you first. You're trying to ruin yourself, just stop.

[A_Bell]

That may be an evolutionary adaptation. I think a bit of clinginess was how women wrangled men into pair bonding.

[laly520]

time for therapy girl

u ain't ok

[Asker]

Dang sis you ain’t had to say it like that

[laly520]

sorry but sometimes I need to be more direct
stay safe dont let others use u
u seem like kind girl

[Asker]

It’s all good. I’m gonna be good because I have God on my side and talking about my issues and making peace and forgiveness with it will help me get to the future I need

[laly520]

best of luck with it

[Asker]

Thanks. Wishing you all the best

[jahaims]

Therapy