What does a guy really means when he says he wants a break?

[Anonymous]

So my boyfriend of 5 years and i made plans of spending the holidays together. Then all of a sudden he ignored my calls when the time came for about 3 days. Then i texted and asked him what happened and he read them and ignored. I then asked if he is leaving me and he replied its over. Then we spoke and he said he wants a break, he has somethings to do and he dosent know how long it will last. Then we ended up spending a day together, we communicated for about 3 days. Then I never heard from again in six weeks. What are your views on this?

[DoggyDude]

Its a difficult one. On one hand, that he's feeling he needs a break indicated you have a problem in your relationship or the ways your personalities mesh together. On the other hand, sometimes when we are younger we feel like we need to get away from something that actually is critically important to us, but we aren't yet experienced enough to recognise that in amougst a fight.

So, a guy saying he needs a break is generally not good. It means your behaviour toward him has left him feeling like he's had enough. That's not to lay the blame entirely on you, his feelings might be unfounded and unfair, though its undoubtedly how he's feeling.

So here's the possiblities I perceive of when a guy says he needs a break:
1) You've had a fight which he feels he's got the short end of the stick during and he's acting out in upset
2) Its been a history of him feeling 'trapped' by your behaviour and he wants to get away, but doesn't feel like he wants to let go what you have together.
3) He's seen another girl he likes, and wants to be in a position where he can try his luck without being a jerk, but still has some feelings for you as well and isn't sure he wants to really move on but still wants to test the water with the other girl (s).
4) He's just got cold feet because he feels the relationship is getting very serious and he doesn't feel ready to commit to anyone (which honestly is a sign he's still looking for something thats not present in what you two share).

Some possibilities for you.

[Asker]

We didn't have any arguments or anything so I just dont know.

[Asker]

Well, I asked him about us moving in together before this and he said he dosent want to live with a woman and he dosent trust women.

[jadeXcatastro62]

@Asker girl leave him, he says he doesn’t “trust women?” That is a red flag 🚩. If you see one you should be outta there! Just my opinion.

[Senn__0x]

And after he said THIS you still stayed
Jesus Fvcking Christ. I'm sorry but he's just a broken soul who doesn't wanna help himself and is stringing you along.
When he himself told you the truth Why are You denying it.
Forget him and you're so young like me , you'll have a good life nd will find a good man who will Trust women
Get the heck away from that boy right away!

[Asker]

@Senn__0x I guess I just wanted it to be different

[Peridot25]

@Asker Then what the hell did he want a relationship for? If he didn’t trust women, then he just wasted your time. Tell him good riddance and glad that he’s ending the relationship.

[DoggyDude]

Possibily he's just been very hurt in the past. I recently learned an expectation I held doesn't hold. I thought when I met a girl who was my ideal, I would just automatically become incredibly charming and put together (since, in the ordinary of general interactions I'm seem quite well received); The truth is, it puts me into a blind panic, seeing all the ways you could get hurt or things could go badly wrong, and in the moment you become really REALLY stupid (least I found I was); Logical thought goes out the window and your left second guessing everything.

So possibly, he's just fucked up royally under the pressure (like a cat in a bag on the way to the vet).

Then, @Peridot25 could be dead on too.

Thinking just now, is there any way to distinguish the panic "that's okay" version? (where person needs paitience, forgiveness and being made to feel secure vs completely unwanted and they're bailing.

I think, maybe the way to know, is how he acted right before you asked him to move in, and how he acts after.

I guess it might be a good sign if before you asked him to move in with you he was very loving, kind and reflected some level of jealousy.

That would suggest it is the sudden seriousness that has him nervous. Which might of shifted his thinking from 'wow I need this girl in my life' to 'what if this is the ONLY girl I can have in my life, e. g. my wife'. Whilst it's poor form if he's not really considered this, given your specified age range it can be understandable and what you need to do is give him time to realise what he's done or doing turning it down.

If he really doesn't trust women, then he's pre-expecting you to turn him down or split up with him. I know it seems weird for someone to feel that when your showing he's a keeper asking him to move in, but moving in is a huge commitment and change in the relationship. Also maybe he's been here before and it went badly wrong.

[DoggyDude]

Recommend you ask him why he doesn't trust women and what the main driver for him turning you down.

If he was just getting cold feet the idea of losing you completely should spur him into at least holding that door open or discussing where he's at (if your calm about it and just say, "well, I'm ready for something serious.. but if you think you aren't I need to consider if this is the right place to be in my life". That way your not threatning to ditch him outright, but your showing his present decisions risks losing you. Then balls in his court, give him maybe a few months (less if your no longer sure you want him to move in) see if he comes to you.

Good luck.

[Asker]

Well, he hasn't contacted me in 2 months now and he changed his contact I guess. But he said he dosent trust women as they build his hopes up and hurt him. But yet still he said I have not done anything like that but I will start in the future cuz thats what women do. We have talked about moving in together years ago and he said yes when its the right time then he said nothing more so I brought it up agin as he wanted us to try for a baby and that was his response.

[DoggyDude]

That's a complicated, if not untannable position for him to hold (wanting to start a family but not live with the mother of his child (ren)). I can't honestly make sense of that, and therefore am inclined to feel he's lying about something.

I'd say, him not contacting you is a good thing (based on the evidences you describe here). Find someone who is looking for a women to trust (its better than such a person as this who would make anyone insecure and suspicious).

Best of luck.

[Asker]

Thank u

[OlderAndWiser]

"Take a break" means I am breaking up with you and I'm not going to give you any explanation, but you'll figure out pretty soon that it's over. Most likely, there is someone else he has been seeing for awhile and he wants to move forward with her, so he is ending your relationship. Too bad it took five years for you to learn that he is not The One.

[Amara_09]

Oh shit. That means he is not interested in you.


A break? The fuck …. what is this college where you are on spring break?


I feel bad for you because let’s be realistic, do you see mothers asking for a break?


He wants a break meaning he wants out. He wants to go and fucking do whatever he pleases without you holding him back.

[rachel776]

[coachTanthony]

No such thing as a break because once your married you can't take breaks so we either fix the issues while together or break up.

[Jessica405]

Not a break! Just to break up! Call his bluff and end it for good. Go find a new guy.

[Massageman]

Time to move on. After five YEARS ? Seriously? Yes - move on to someone who cares.

Variations of this inquiry appear SO often. - - - - - "After X time he wants a break/wants to pause/ needs to think/ blocked me/ acts weird/ ad nauseam. What do you think? Does he mean this/not mean it/ maybe mean it/ just doesn't care/ etc.

It would seem that just because someone needs to ask the public shows that there is need for the couple themselves to communicate. Many have us- myself included- have just gone through SO much of this ourselves. The drives are the same , The reasons are the same. Maybe the communications means has "advanced" in 40-50-60 years, but the motivations, insecurities, and thoughts of people have not.

Time to move on.

[JacobJordan]

The same bullshit a woman means when she wants one. He intends to whore himself around and once he is done he will show up like everything is normal. Run and find a real man so when he comes back there is nothing to come back too

[Fireguy17]

he found someone else he wanted to doink and either didn't want to do it while in a relationship with you, or she wouldn't do it while he was in a relationship.
So, he "broke up with you, but just in case it doesn't work out he has you to hopefully fall back on.

[Wiredone]

He's seeing someone else. Don't waste your time waiting for him. Go out and find someone else.

[Justneedtokno]

He is undecided of what he wants, and he needs time to figure things out for himself and that means he’s got his mind on something else or someone else

[In_Trance]

It means he wants to fuck other girls while you wait for him to be done and come back to you without consequence

[Asker]

Would someone really come back after so long of no contact?

[In_Trance]

Happens all the time

[NewgodOmega]

He is about to reconsider the bullshit that he calls his life

[OddBeMe]

He wants (and probably has already) fucked someone else.

[ProbablyClueless]

It means he wants to shop around

[RavVid]

He's exited stage left is my take.

[laly520]

the beginning of the end

[moneymagnet24]

It's already end. No?

[laly520]

@moneymagnet24 seems like its already end
her boyfriend seems so done with it

[KrakenAttackin]

He's tired of your shit.

[Peridot25]

I’m sure your spouse felt the same way. That’s why she left.

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆