How to go about an ex’s birthday?

[Anonymous]

My ex’s bday is in like 2 days and I am going on vacation. He was mad about the plan before.. but i am sad lowkey i think bc i still love him and want to wish him well on his bday but I dont wanna look dumb. We dated for a year and a half, he was so charming and the dream guy in the beginning.. then he got very controlling. There was a lot of toxic behaviors, he was abusive and I wasn’t perfect either but we kept trying and trying to make it work. He is such a nice and compassionate person to everyone else but with me he’s abusive it drove me nuts how he would gaslight and manipulate not only me but to people who just met him. I’m sure he’s telling people I was the bad guy which is fine. I was always the problem in his eyes, I deserved being abused he said. I had my own issues don’t get me wrong. But I never put my hands on this man back. We just agreed last month we weren’t compatible, he’s very emotional believe it or not, he was sobbing and drove me home. We agreed to both seek help individually and it’s been a month haven’t heard from him since. I love him still despite the abuse it’s sad. I don't know how I do. Anyways, 4 days after crying together telling each other we love each other he blocked me on ig and fb, still has my family tho. He kept me on snap and views all my stories to this day. So I don't know why he kept me only on one platform. I don't know if he’s seeing anyone else, but i am going on a major trip literally the day of his birthday and i feel bad but I don't know why I should :/ we have not talked in 4 weeks. Why is he still keeping me added if he blocked me on other platforms? He’s gonna be 27.. lol

Updates

1 mo

Also like I said the breakup happened only 4 weeks ago. His birthday last year I surprised him with a party and all at a hotel it was really nice. I don't know after being abused by him I feel bad about not wishing him a happy birthday.

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah luv, that's a lot to unpack! First of all, I'm really sorry you went through such an abusive relationship. No one deserves to be treated that way.

As for his birthday, I wouldn't message him if I were you. I know you still have feelings, but you need to continue moving on from someone who hurt you so badly. The best thing is to go no contact and focus on yourself. You said it yourself - he was gaslighting and manipulating you. That's never okay.

It does seem weird that he still has you on Snapchat but blocked you elsewhere. My guess is he wants to keep tabs on you and what you're doing without actually having to talk. That's not cool either. You don't need that mind game drama in your life.

Go enjoy your vacation! Do things that make YOU happy without worrying about his birthday. The relationship is over for good reason. He'll probably be messaging other people anyway trying to get attention. My advice would be to completely cut him off on social media too if you can. You deserve so much better than how he treated you, and it'll help you truly move on without him lurking in the background. Stay strong!

[Asker]

Thankyou so much my love!🩷

[Oliverlogan263]

You're so welcome beautiful! I'm always here if you need someone to vent to or get a confidence boost. Breakups are hard but you should be so proud of yourself for getting out of that toxic situation.

It's normal to still have feelings, but don't let that dude live rent-free in your head anymore. You gotta put yourself and your well-being first from now on. Block him back if you need to, delete old texts, do whatever helps you truly move forward.

Keep surrounding yourself with your real friends and family who love you for you. In time the hurt will fade, and soon you'll be so glad you didn't look back. You've got your whole happy, abuse-free life ahead of you now! Hit me up anytime if an extra pep talk helps. You're gonna do great, sis! 💪💖

[lightbulb27]

yea messy. go on vacation.

taking a break to sort out what was really going on be helpful, but it's hard work sometimes. definitely something messed up. he was abusive and has some deeper childhood issues to work out. Maybe daddy/mommy wounds... taking his low self worth out on you. That's no good... it wasn't love, it was maybe... spite... loathing?

From what I heard, lost his mommy... but that's a wild guess. There's a reason people do what they do. It isn't a good reason, but still... a reason. Find the root emotion driving the behavior and the underlying wound... got a shot at repairing and moving forward. Otherwise, it's long term suffering and you'd have to find a way to deal with him as is.

uh oh... going spring break in miami? stay away from troubles... no alcohol!

[laly520]

doesn't matter

he is an ex now

he stays in past

[Flatmanlewis]

That’s a lot of stuff but the simple answer: you don’t do a thing. Move on and let go of both him and the past. It’s an important part of the healing and purging.


You will need to cut him off at some point if you want to be ready for another relationship so the more time you invest in that the better.

[exitseven]

Go on vacation. Maybe you meet so ebody who is not abusive. You do not need that in your life. They never change

[David94358]

What should you do about your abusive ex boyfriends Bday? Absolutely nothing, you got away.. don't look back

[RoronoaZoro8]

Wish him a happy birthday then leave your phone at home, go into the mountains and learn the way of the sword.

[DextroShade]

You should not have any contact with your ex. You obviously aren't over him and the next guy won't want to deal with this baggage.

[BonzoInBitburg]

Don't wish an ex happy birthday. You can't move forward if you keep looking back

[SolitarySolace]

They’re an ex for a reason you don’t have to celebrate their birthday anymore

[Danny_dan92]

Here’s an idea
















Move on 🤯

[Iron_Man]

I guess you’ll have to give him a belated birthday gift when you get back

[KrakenAttackin]

It sounds like he is doing better without you. Do him a favor and leave him alone.

[boobliker]

be hopefull you may find someone

[Alex-Snow]

An ex is an ex.. let it go

[In_Trance]

I don't think you understand what breaking up is