Should I be single or remain in a relationship?

[Anonymous]

I love my partner he’s perfect and he fits but I just wanna be single. However when I am single I dream about being with a guy like him. So poll time

Be single

Stay in a relationship

[Miristheiss]

You need to fix yourself. This is one of the reasons marriage and long term relationships are failing. It is as if women are never happy.

TURN OFF your feelings and make some long term, life long decisions based on REASON. Is this person a good fit, do you share the same values and long term goals (money, sex, religion, children)?

If they check all the boxes then you are a fool if you are constantly relying on the fickle, day to day "feelings" as your guide for life. If you are always wanting to feel happy and tingles and in love every single day of your life and if you would divorce and abandon an good marriage and a good relationship and partner because you get bored on day and some new mysterious guy gives you "tingles" and "butterflies" then just stay single.

You are too selfish and immature to have a long term relationship. All relationships, if they are long enough will have stretches of boredom and not feeling in love.

Feelings can be an asset and a super power but you need to use reason, logic and wisdom to make many of the long term, life altering decisions.

There is a reason many countries where the families arrange the marriages based on aligned goals and values have such long term success. Plus their cultures don't glorify selfishness and divorce and have people ending families and lifelong covenants because the feelings subside and they get bored. That is why the term "WORK ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP" is a thing and why marriages are called covenants with vows. Lifelong promises. For better or for "WORSE". The aligned goals and values and promises have to kick in. It just be about your feelings and being happy every single day and you bail as soon as the honeymoon wears off.

"I just wanna be single" If that is code for I want a western culture, degenerate "HOE PHASE" then you should just remain single for life. You are not long term girlfriend or wife material. If those are your values just stay single and F around.

[Hardshell1234]

You can’t force love. Time changes people. What then? People either grow together or grow apart. Marriages are not something to be “fixed” like a broken car. Feelings are a real part of this…

[Miristheiss]

@Hardshell1234
Unless there is adultery or abuse... stay together and WORK on your marriage.
You just made my entire point for me. To you, the family unit has to be ripped apart... they "grew apart" LOL, what a BS cliche.

[Hardshell1234]

Okay mister. Whatever. You are too young to understand I suspect. A woman should never stay with a man just because she made a “promise”. Thats toxic. People are allowed to fall out of love, attraction, and if some people (especially men) are incapable of meeting a woman’s emotional needs. Ask any woman in her 40s who has been married for more than 15 years. I’m waiting…

[Miristheiss]

@Hardshell1234
blah, blah, blah. Your stupid fickle feeling that always CHANGE day to day.
Do the world a favor. Never marry or ever have kids. You might fall out of loving your kids too. You know. How you feel determines everything for you.

[Hardshell1234]

Ha!!! You sound like a scorned man. Sorry for your ridiculously narrow view of marriage and life circumstances. Good luck to you.

[he-takes-a-part]

I believe at least the measure that you should take is fix yourself before parking your car in any garage. You can't play entry exit all the time as and when your emotions demand. It sounds more like swinger. Then people just opposite who have more permanent feeling are always looked after be it loyalty personally or professionally. at least when you admit being in confused circumstances you must fix it. No gain calling people scorned bla bla. Your situation is critical. Swinger is also a natural tendency but then search for someone like that or state your goals clear and in the beginning. You can't have your cake and eat it too.

[HawkPerception]

@Hardshell1234 Then don't make the vows in the first place. Jesus this generation of women are as fickle as a kid in a candy store 😂 Is it that hard to work through problems together nowadays? Man I wish I lived in the past and had a real woman.

"I promise to love, honor, and cherish you _____, in joy and in sorrow, in plenty and in want, in sickness and in health, as long as we both shall live.

I vow to be your faithful partner, to stand by your side through thick and thin, to laugh with you in times of joy, and to support you in times of sorrow.

I promise to respect you as an individual, to support your dreams, and to nurture our love as we grow old together."

None of that means shit to you, does it? Promises mean nothing.

[Hardshell1234]

@HawkPerception easy for you to say. Don’t judge what you do not understand. 20 years can change people.

[HawkPerception]

@Hardshell1234 All I hear from you is you have commitment issues and trouble keeping promises

[Hardshell1234]

@HawkPerception okay. Hear what you want. Typical man.

[Hardshell1234]

I don’t expect a man to understand emotional intimacy. Few do.

[HawkPerception]

@Hardshell1234 Typical woman. Lacks any logic in your responses and assumes I don't know what emotional intimacy is. That's truly pathetic. You are absolutely delusional.

Why would you get married in the first place and make false promises if you didn't have emotional intimacy in the first place? And if you did have emotional intimacy, then lost it and gave up, it just means you didn't want to try hard enough to reestablish it. Again... pathetic.

[Hardshell1234]

@HawkPerception Sigh. This isn’t worth explaining to you.

[zeitgeist057]

I would look a little deeper into what your motivations and feelings are.

"I love my partner he’s perfect and he fits" - does he? Maybe there are some parts that don't fit, as you are expressing a desire for change.

"I just wanna be single." - what does being single offer you, that your current situation does not?

Not to push my own lifestyle, but when I read this, I am reminded of my own feelings of wanting freedom and autonomy when "trapped" in a monogamous relationship. I have since solved that issue, but rather than by being single, I simply modified my relationships to allow for my freedom. It's literally the best of both worlds.

But again, it's not about me and my lifestyle. It's your life, and about you. Right now you are looking at it from a yes/no, 1/0, on/off perspective. Either you have a boyfriend or you don't. What I'm saying is think outside the box, figure out what you want out of life and see if there isn't a new solution you hadn't considered, that fits you. Humans are unique and dynamic creatures, not a one-size-fits-all.

It very worth it to invest some time considering what you want out of relationships (or out of being single), as you are going to be living your life for a long time. The rest of your life, presumably.

Options 101

[HollyK21]

Scarcity mindsets keep people in relationships they’ve outgrown, all the time. You keep telling yourself that you won’t find another man like him when in reality he is not the only man on the planet you’ll ever be compatible with. Abundance mindset tells you that you’re capable of experiencing this with another man, and that certain qualities/traits aren’t exclusive to just him.


This is not a decision that should be made with a majority rules poll. If you’re going to do it, let it solely be because it’s what’s best for you right now. See what the future holds, maybe you will reunite in the future.

[handsomelad70]

Your decision, boyo.

[Hardshell1234]

Great advice. 👏

[sheikalana]

Girl, you're indecisive and don't seem to know what you want in life. When you're single you dream about having your prince charming but once you have him you don't want him anymore. Make it make sense.

[Inbox]

She’s between 18 - 24, that’s all you need to know

[Finchie40]

Have you ever considered having an open relationship? You said you really like your partner but you also want to be single as well, so you are basically saying , you want your cake and you want to eat it to , sadly having both doesn’t usually work in committed relationships, unless your partner agrees with you and you are both on the same page with things. So you have to really ask yourself what is more important to you? Remember you chose to be in a relationship with him the same way he chose to be in a relationship with you, the only way a committed relationship will last is of you are both on the same page with things , it can’t be the other way around if your partner doesn’t agree with you. You can suggest to him that you would like an open relationship, but understand he might not want that , if he does , understand he is going to be hooking up with other girls’ as well , while you hook up with other guys’ as well. So if you are ok with him screwing other girls ‘ that was your choice to ask him to be in an open relationship. You can’t expect someone to do for you , if you can’t do for them , it needs to go both ways or it will not work period. If you don’t stay on the same page with your partner then I am sorry to tell you this , but that makes you a Selfish person that only cares about yourself , So really ask yourself why do you want to be single? Do you want to hook up with other guys’ or do you want to do things without including your partner? If that’s the case then you are probably best to end that relationship with him and focus on yourself , don’t string him along for your selfish behavior

[ohsheeT]

Well it sounds like he's great he's just missing one thing and that's what your yearning for..
You just have to figure out why you want to be single what your needs are that you're not getting.

Or that you're getting too much of but there is a reason why you feel both ways

[coachTanthony]

He's not perfect if you are considering being single then be with him. Something about him just ain't doing it for ya and until you come to terms with that you will be single on the inside when you are with him. So may as well just let him go.

[Pinay_ako]

Only you can answer this question. If you can’t be happy being single, then definitely you can’t be happy with someone. It’s not other people’s responsibility to make you happy but yourself.

[sukumamu]

I can't tell you what's best for you (nor can an online poll in my opinion), but I will try to give you some things to think about. Relationships work because of 6 basic things - desire to be in a relationship, mutual attraction, compatibility (i. e. how smooth and fun is it being with them), effort or investment (i. e. how "serious" is each person taking it), effective communication, and trust. What part of that is wavering for you? Do you just not like being tied down in general or is being in a relationship just too challenging at the moment because of work, school, finances, etc? Is this relationship not as fun as you'd like it to be? Are you not that attracted to him? Do things not feel "serious" between you two? Is he not doing his fair share, or are you not doing yours? Is it hard to get him to open up, or do you not feel like opening up to him? Do you feel like he keeps secrets or vice versa?

Whatever the case, I'd encourage you to really nail down why exactly you feel the way you feel, organize those thoughts and emotions, and consider communicating them to him. Problems like this are best dealt with sooner rather than later. There's risk though. You wouldn't be the first person in history to risk ending a great relationship by opening up some difficult dialogue and then later regret it because it turned out just to be some temporary feeling.

I also encourage you to manage expectations. The perfect relationship is not accidentally tripped over, it's made. Making things requires effort, and exerting effort, especially in a group project like a relationship, can be uncomfortable at times. If it's not worth the effort for you at this time, then maybe defer a relationship until you feel that effort is worth it. Again though, I don't know you well enough to make that call for you.

Lastly, and sorry for such an essay, I want to encourage you to choose a path that leads to self-growth. Focus on becoming a better version or yourself and choose the path that you feel will most likely do that for you. A better you is a happier you, and a happier you makes a better "single you" or "relationship you".

[Lynx122]

If you don't like him enough to be content in a relationship, you should let him go and let him find a woman who actually appreciates him.

[Lucidquestions]

Well said. Agreed

[Asker]

What happens when he won’t go? This guy has sacrificed a lot for me. Doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate it but he lives a life he’s not happy in to be with me. He could go anywhere and do anything. He’s young, no kids and could get a job anywhere. When I mention him leaving me to pursue his dreams he tells me he will wait until I can come too.

[ImalwaysrightOK]

@asker you do understand that when he loves someone, a guy is willing to sacrifice to be with her, don't you?

[Lucidquestions]

Sounds you want to have it both ways. If you really felt if was right to leave him until you figure yourself out. You would. And you would leave him be until you could give him an answer you are confident in. It sounds like you just like having the safety net of having him there.

[Sceprent]

I’m not voting. This poor guy doesn’t deserve this. You should get help.


You’re thinking you have a great guy and you want to trade him in like he’s some material and not a person just cause “idk I’m bored or something”


You’ll probably never have to know a decade of extreme loneliness but I would never consider doing this to someone.


The fact that this is you making an unnecessary choice like this by voting on a forum.. god never mind just let him find someone better.

[Purpleronnie]

If you just want to be single then be single. I have to say though I feel really sorry for the guy here , how does he reconcile the fact that although he is loved and in a seemingly perfect relationship he is still rejected. I hope you find your happiness !!

[destinybedoya]

If you just want to be single then be single I have to say though I feel really sorry for the guy here how does he reconcile the fact that although he is Loved and in a seemingly perfect relationship he is still rejected I hope you find your happiness

[Purpleronnie]

? Wtf

[TommyMountainFigure]

My answer is :-

Ready?

Some people are just NEVER happy!

Just remember though, time doesn't stand still for anyone, and one day you're going to regret being so discontented with the decisions you make.

My advice? Stop looking for reasons to be unhappy, and start enjoying living in the moment!

[Mikeysoda]

Go be single! The issue lies within yourself. You want it all but the reality is, we can't have it all. Time for some growing up. Don't hurt him in the process anymore by prolonging the relationship when you are internally divided. Let him go and figure your issues out. He deserves someone who knows what they want not straddling the fence.

[Heera]

Definitely try to find the root of your own commitment phobia. And if the guy is such a catch, what does being single bring more yo the table? Is it worth it? Try to analyze both sides carefully. People’s have emotions and a breakup is a big step.

Good luck on your journey!

[bobby_bush_eater]

This is an extremely selfish and foolish mindset.

By just wanna be single I'm guessing you mean you want to engage in degenerate behaviors but then when that phase is done you want your current boyfriend to still just be there? Or you'll call it I just want to "be free" or "get to know myself"...

[Keith469]

This is normal. But you'll never be happy till you make up your mind.

In some people this is simply about fear of commitment. In others it's about not really being cut out for monogamy. And then there are people who suffer from the grass is greener on the other side of the fence syndrome. But in truth, everyone is different.

[Somoneelse]

I would say be single as I feel like you don't love him enough if you already want to be single. He should deserve someone who wants him fully, not have doubts. Especcially if he loves you and sacrafises a lot for you.

[Superreader]

It seems like you will long for the opposite either way. If you love him, why would you want to be single?

[lightbulb27]

Stay single until you are done being selfish. Get a dog... no... get pet ant farm, when you get tired of their neediness, just turn them loose outside. That way you have a relationship with ants but can leave it any time you want.

[FreyaRed]

Even a emotionally cold bit*h knows, when you love someone you don't throw your partner away just because you have some whim for being single. Be single, it's better for everyone

[madewithingredients]

stay in the relationship and when you feel like being single, distance yourself from the relationship, but don't distance yourself so much that you get cut off.

[Vick2828]

To me, you are immature. How the heck do you love someone but want to be single? It just seems you want to be a hoe and sleep around. How about just staying in a relationship and growing? Some of you girls are so insane that it's crazy.

[DextroShade]

She just wants to ride the 🐓 🎠

[Asker]

Yes yes I do 🤣🤣

[Vick2828]

That's not good smh

[DextroShade]

Have fun dying alone.

[JacobJordan]

Hey that's an idea ruin your relationship because you want to be single. Then in 5 years you can join the bitter single ladies in whining that they can't find a good man.