Is overweight issue a dealbreaker in dating?

[Anonymous]

Matched with a guy on dating app and we hit it off before he asked me out. I was interested because we share interests, career and didn’t have to think what to talk about. I was also attracted to him looking at his photos - generally a bit plump but very fit in one of his photos.

When I met him, I found out he is fat (may be like 200 pounds or something around that) and he is about an inch shorter than me. We had a great first date - played a sport and had dinner after. He is funny, genuine, caring and well educated. He did seem short tempered to me but I may have misjudged.

I am really into good health and want a partner who cares about his health and looks too. I am thinking if his overweight issue might be a dealbreaker here. I would really appreciate if folks on gag could give me a wise perspective.

Updates

26 d

Update: he also talks very loudly. Like he was audible to everyone around us at the restaurant. I’m a soft spoken person

[Anonymous]

That is completely up to you. We all have preferences. It would make sense if someone wanted someone who aligned w the same beliefs as well. I don’t think knits an issue. Everything is different for a reason. I certainly wouldn’t want someone who is overweight myself for a number of reasons. One being that I’m very active, I like to workout, hike, etc. So it would be great to have a partner who enjoys the same things. Plus if we were to have a child I’d want her in the best shape to give our child the best possibility of being born healthy. I don’t want to deal w all kinds of medical issues as we get older. I get sometimes genetics plays a role in it but if she’s overweight, eats unhealthy, etc, those factors could increase her chances of health problems later in life. Part of me feels though that it isn’t just about his weight, because honestly that can change. Especially if you’ve met someone new, you’re willing to make that change to be w the one you want. But what makes me think it’s not just about his weight his the fact that you mentioned his height. Why? That obviously is something g he can’t fix. But by your statement I think k that’s more of a factor to you than his weight.

[Asker]

You said it right. Unhealthy lifestyles cause medical issues and I agree that he can change that. I’m not picky on height. It’s the personality and chemistry that matters to me the most.

[Opinion Owner]

Ok so what’s the issue? Sounds as though you had a good time from everything you wrote. What exactly did he do that made you think he was short tempered? How tall is he?

[Asker]

Issue is that I’m not physically attracted to him. I was when I saw his photos but the overweight was a bit of a turn off. I’m sorry to be this rude and please don’t judge me.
I mentioned about some issue in the city we live in and he just slammed his palm on the table. It was not loud bang but enough to show he was frustrated so quickly. That made him seem short tempered to me. I’m easy going person and I feel that really helps in life and also helps two people who are in relationship/marriage. He is 5’ 6” in height. Also, he plays sports actively.
We did have a great time. No doubt about that.

[Opinion Owner]

So then you find someone else. If you’re not attracted to him physically. What exactly are you looking for? Are you attractive yourself? Yes 200 lbs for someone 5’6” is overweight.

[Asker]

Im glad you got the picture now from his weight/height.
I’m very attractive. I could tell that he liked me when he saw me and all throughout the date.
I don’t have a huge list of requirements. Just looking for a simple, honest, sincere person who believes in keeping good health and working hard. He checks all of those except the good health part.
I also don’t want to make the mistake of losing a person who has the most important qualities and who can change himself for better considering he wasn’t this overweight before. What would you suggest?

[Asker]

And may be I’ll feel attracted to him when he loses some weight or may be when I get to know him more , I’ll find him more attractive as a person

[Opinion Owner]

Well maybe you can talk to him about. If he lost the weight would you be happy w him? Sometimes it just takes the right person to motivate you. Introduce him to new things. Workout doesn’t always have to be boring. Go hiking, swimming, take a trip to one of the national parks to do something, camping, etc.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s always a possibility. Sometimes we look past things we may not necessarily find attractive in people. A friend of mine is married to a man who she wasn’t to crazy about his nose lol plus maybe he just doesn’t have, or has t really had a woman around who can get him to eat healthier. As a bachelor you tend to just eat what’s easily accessible, which is usually junk food.

[Asker]

Yes, I think I’ll be happy if he loses weight. His height will be a concern but I’m aware that good relationships (especially marriage) are based on some compromises.
I think I’ll continue going on dates and getting to know him more. Hopefully it will reach a point where he and I can talk openly about his weight management and that I can inspire him to do that. He already plays a lot of sports regularly and I think he just needs to be more careful about healthy eating.
Talking to you definitely helped. I can’t thank you enough!

[Opinion Owner]

You’re welcome. So yes it may just take the perfect little lady to get him to change. Would you say you’re feminine?

[Asker]

Thanks for sharing the anecdote about your friend. I think people just grow on you and you overlook the things that mattered before because you have fallen for them.
I’m not perfect but I’m sure I will be a good partner as I’m patient, considerate and adjusting.
I am not super feminine kinds but I’d say I have grace.

[Opinion Owner]

But you’re cute so that counts for a lot in the beginning. Yes overtime you overlook things that you may not be attracted to initially. What’s the longest relationship you’ve had before meeting him?

[Asker]

Sorry I didn’t understand. How me being cute will count a lot?
I haven’t been in any relationship yet. I come from Asian family where there’s been a great importance on academics and building a stable career. I’ve just been busy doing that and then the pandemic hit and wasted few years. But I’ve recently started online dating and I want to settle down asap and live a normal family life.

[Opinion Owner]

I see. I can understand that. So this is relatively new to you than? Hopefully things work out for you two. You hoping for marriage one day? Kids?

[Asker]

Yes and yes

[Asker]

You didn’t say about the cute part. I would like to understand about it

[Opinion Owner]

Meaning initially looks are what draw men in to begin w when it comes to talking to women. After that personality plays a bigger part I believe.

[Asker]

Oh ok, I understand now. Thanks :)

[Opinion Owner]

You’re welcome.

[Anonymous]

Well now we know why you're this OLD and still single. Wisdom imparted. You're welcome! 🙂

[Asker]

Ouch, that hurt!
I’m ok with him being loud and not being taller but I think people should take care of their health so they lead a happier and longer life and their loved ones also have good quality of life as a result of that. This is why I follow healthy lifestyle for my future family. Please correct me if I’m wrong to think that way.

[Opinion Owner]

I only help women that truly want it. I'd rather continue to watch you remain single old woman.

[Asker]

Well, too bad so sad, God won’t listen to a person like you!

[Opinion Owner]

God listens to me everyday. And I'll pray you become a better person.

[Asker]

You know nothing about my life or my challenges and yet you curse me. Shame on you!

[JHAYES317]

Unless you are obese, probably not

[Asker]

Thank you for sharing your opinion

[vicphilips]

Thats weird for you 😅

[Asker]

Can you please explain? I didn’t get that