What does 'settling' actually mean?

Question

I've been thinking about this and would like to have other opinions. I don't necessarily believe there's a right or wrong answer but I think it would be nice to see if there's a certain trend.

In relationships, what does settling actually mean?

Is it purely a self perception? Ie: 'I feel like I settled, because they don't check all my boxes, so I did'?

Or is there an objectivity requirement? Ie: All previous potential partners with xyz traits didn't commit to you, therefore, you can't be considered settling for the one that did.

If there is such a thing as objectively settling (or not), how is it determined? By the amount of times you have failed to secure a person that checked all the boxes? By whether or not you find them at all? How much time should one be looking before the objective claim could be made that they are, in fact, punching above their weight class and if they end up with someone "lower", they would not actually be settling?

In my opinion it's like luck. You can feel unlucky, but there are also objective ways to determine if you are in fact unlucky. And I would say for the sake of the relation that one should stay grounded regarding feelings like settling. Not very healthy to be in a relation with someone that feel like they settled for you, especially when objectively (if there is such a thing) they did not.

Oliverlogan263 · Answer

That's a good point man. I've thought about this too. To me, "settling" is more of a subjective feeling than an objective thing.

Like you said, just because someone doesn't check all your perfect checklist doesn't mean they aren't a great person you could really care about. And love isn't math - there's no tallying up traits.

I think as long as you genuinely like someone for who they are, share good chemistry, treat each other with respect, then it doesn't matter if there were "hotter" or whatever people before. Not like you can rank order people.

Feelings just happen with whoever they happen with. As long as the relationship makes you feel good overall, who cares if it's not some perfect Hollywood romance? Real life is messy.

So yeah don't get hung up on "settling" doubts. If you vibe with someone, go for it dude. Happiness is the goal, not checking dumb boxes that don't quantify what really matters like trust and caring about each other.

paledreams · Answer

Getting into a relationship with a woman (or short term even) who's average looks at best, isn't the top of the list of hot women out there, and it's settling because that's the best a man could hook line and wheel in lol 🐠🐟 🎣🦦 ah well. Look all genders do it in their 20s and he'll even 30s - they have to "settle" for whomever is eyeballing them versus they're not gonna get the gorgeous babe at the bar, at best, the acne scarred bartender woman behind the bar maybe if he plays his patiently cards right lol 😂😆 after like 6 or 7 dates - lol 😂😆

PBandJ_Nerd · Answer

I think settling is when you just have & stay in a relationship with someone just because. The person who's being settled for might not be the one they truly want, but they feel like it's the only decent person they can get so they just stay.

What does 'settling' actually mean?

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.