Am I crazy/stupid for Falling for a Much Younger Guy?

[Anonymous]

I'm a 40-year-old single mom who recently started dating a guy who's 15 years younger than me. Initially, I thought it would just be a casual fling. I was undeniably drawn to him, initially mainly because of his undeniable physical attractiveness. However, as we spent more time together, something unexpected happened – I started developing strong feelings for him.

The connection we share is profound, and it's not just physical attraction driving it. We're remarkably compatible in terms of maturity, even more so than guys I've dated who are my age. When we're together, the age gap seems irrelevant, and we have an incredible time. He makes me feel understood and valued in a way I haven't experienced in a long time.

In some ways the age gap is actually a positive thing. For instance, I have a high amount of energy and am super adventurous. Most guys my age can't keep up with me. However, the guy I'm currently with can.

As amazing as things are going, I can't shake off the concern about our age difference. I sometimes feel like I'm deluding myself for being so interested in someone so much younger. Our life stages are vastly different – I'm a divorced single mom while he's a bachelor and a graduate student. I worry about our long-term compatibility. What if our goals and priorities diverge down the line? What if our different life experiences drive us apart? Will being with a much younger guy affect my kids (in a way being with a guy my age wouldn't)?

So, I guess what I'm asking is, am I crazy for falling for someone so much younger? Is it foolish of me to want to explore this relationship further despite the age gap and potential compatibility issues? How do I navigate these concerns and decide if this relationship has a real chance at lasting? Any advice or perspectives would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Updates

13 d

Also, because I know the 'kids' question is going to come up: if we get to the point of deciding to have kids together (and we're a long way from that) I'd be super happy to have more kids. I always wanted one or two more kids, the only reason why I didn't is because my ex wasn't interested. Moreover, while I am 40, I haven't gone through menopause (and still have regular periods), and I've kept myself in very good shape
If I'm unable to have kids (although I think I will) I'd be willing to adopt

[AviatorTom]

You are not crazy. If the relationship feels good... for both of you... go for it.

You do have some legitimate concerns about age... but they won't happen for several decades. For example, what does an 80yo woman do with a 65yo man? By then, you will most likely have worked that out.

Just curious... what does he think of your age difference and the possibility of a long-term relationship? Maybe he hasn't even thought about that. And even if he hasn't, you two can (and should) still enjoy the present.

I'm going to wish you two the best of luck.

[nastyb]

Chemistry, profound feelings will not be enough to sustain a forever marriage. What if he was 45 and you're 60, you both are no longer compatible sexually, you can't keep up with his activities, you no longer match energy wise? Would he still want to stay married to you?

Most 25 yr olds aren't interested in becoming step parents... why would they raise someone else's child when they can have children of their own?

Short sightedness often is the biggest cause of divorce. Stop focusing on now. Focus on 10-20 years from now, will you still both be happy?

[bobalife]

When there is no doubt to be doubted, don’t doubt :) so you’re not crazy, he sounds like a catch. See where it goes~ ☺️

[Asker]

I'm just concerned about being in such different places in life. Also, will the age thing become more of an issue latter on down the road?

[bobalife]

It’s okay and normal to be worried. When you’re ready, just talk to him about it.. ask on his thoughts and how yalls can make it work. Hope it continues to go well :)

[Staximus]

If he's not looking for a long term relationship with you, you are just getting your hopes up and setting yourself up for a big disappointment. You said you recently started dating him. It's way too early to be thinking about kids with this guy and all that stuff. I think in your mind the relationship is more serious than it actually is in reality. You shouldn't even be thinking about having kids with a guy until you've lived with him for at least a year. After he's made it clear that he's in it for the long haul and he's not leaving any time soon.

[CriticalCatDad123]

My dad is in his 50s and I pretty sure my step mom is in her 30s. 🤷🏻‍♂️ Dad just couldn't stay single. I guess I'm more like my mom when it comes to that kind of thing. I jokingly say she's in a relationship with Jesus because she's extremely religious but I feel more and more everyday that she may not be a real Christian.


Funny story, my dad and step mom and I went to a store looking for a new dad chair for my dad. I walk into the room they were in and my dad was in one of the chairs with my step mom on his lap. I said, "what would you like for Christmas, little girl?" I think that will go down as the funniest memory i can remember involving the both of them.

[PointlessNonsenseGuy]

It sounds like you two are having great sex. That's not nothing.

If it turns out to be more of a sexual thing, and doesn't evolve into a super-serious long-term relationship, would you still be happy with it? Or would you feel like you wasted your time?

[Asker]

At the beginning I thought it was just going to be more of a sexual thing, and I was perfectly happy with that. However, it's evolved into something a lot more than that.

So, at this point, I'd be pretty hurt if it was just sex.

However, I'm pretty confident he feels the same way (and I don't think that's just wishful thinking). He actively tries to spend time together even when he knows that sex isn't going to be a possibility (and as a single mom, that's more often than would be the case if he was dating someone his age without kids). The fact he's still actively trying to have a relationship with me when he knows that sex in a relationship with me is going to be more difficult to get (by nature of me being a single mom) does make me think he's probably interested in more than just sex

[Asb_Samson]

Looks nice. I suggest you don't have much time to pick and choose. It's a good thing that he is with you. It will be nice if you discuss with him everything clearly and without any ambiguity about your life plan which seems really nice to have family... be remember Age is just number Hearts should be stronger to make relationship stronger. Stay blessed always.

[Asb_Samson]

I will really love to see picture 😍 both of you.

[lightbulb27]

that's a large gap but your writing sounds healthy and you are both aligning well right now.

I'd want to hear the underlying emotional attraction to know if can build longer term. Does he express love for you, communication and why he's attracted to know if it works longer term.

[AmyHew1tt]

I really don't think you're crazy. I've actually heard a lot of similar stories from older women who have a really compatible match with younger men. If older men can date younger women, why can't older women date younger men?

[Asker]

My concern isn't really with gender equality regarding people's judgements. It's more about whether or not this age gap is feasible given our different places in life (and if it can still work out long term)

[AmyHew1tt]

I believe it can. Some of the most wholesome and healthy relationships I've ever seen were long-term ones between younger men and older women. As long as you're matched in maturity and energy, which it seems you are, I don't see why there would be a problem.

[Asker]

But what about us being in such different places in life. Do you think it could work out between a single mom with kids and a bachelor in grad school?

[Anonymous]

How do u both look lol. It’s normal u find him attractive, question is does he find u attractive. Or is wasting your time and using u. We all know the reason why women go for older guy and men younger women. Women seek stability which older men seek. Young men wanna just hook up

[Asker]

I honestly don't think he's in it just for the sex. He actively tries to spend time together even when he knows that sex isn't going to be a possibility (and as a single mom, that's more often than would be the case if he was dating someone his age without kids). The fact he's still actively trying to have a relationship with me when he knows that sex in a relationship with me is going to be more difficult to get (by nature of me being a single mom) does make me think he's probably interested in more than just sex

[Opinion Owner]

How do u both look

[DishLady]

Try not to get so hung up on age. Who is the guy — mature? Kind? Compatible? Gets on well the kids? Those (and a few others) are your markers for judging wherever he’s good for you.

[Asker]

Firstly of all, it's not all about age. A major part is that we're in such different places in our lives (which is connected with age, but isn't 'age' in and of itself)

With that being said, he is mature, kind, and we are very compatible (I haven't introduced him to my kids yet, so I can't answer the last one)

There are a ton of ways in which we're a fantastic match.

However, I'm just concerned about whether it can work out long term. Sure, things are working out great now, but will the age thing become a bigger issue latter on down the road?

[DishLady]

So then go for it, Missy.

[lorenzomichael]

Listen if he’s good for you and you’re good for him, then fuck it. It doesn’t matter you guys just need to do whatever makes you two happy. Life is to goddam short to worry about age let me tell you. Unless one of you just crawled out of your teens and the other is like 30.

[Anonymous]

Yes you are, the young dick will get tired of old pussy sooner or later, you better have money/ assets to keep him interested and he can become one of your kids. Right now you are riding a wirlwind of delusions of grandeur, you better get back down to Earth and reality. Look what happened to Demi Moore and Ashton, you letting your self get set up for hurt and let down.

[Asker]

For what it's worth, our sex life is pretty strong.

[Massageman]

Hmmm - let's look at this biologically. A female's sexual peak is around 40. A male's sexual peak is around 25. So - - - - - - - -

[Asker]

I'm not quite sure what you're trying to say here...

[AmyHew1tt]

Mysoginistic asses are everywhere🙄 Don't pay attention.

[Massageman]

@AmyHew1tt do the math

[Asker]

If you're saying this is all about sex, I can assure you that's not the case.

The nature of being a single mom and putting your kids first is that you don't have as much sex with your boyfriend as either of you would like. If all he wanted was sex then he could get more sex and easier sex with someone else.

In fact, his patience, understanding, and support of me being a single mom (and understanding that I need to put my kids first) is a huge reason why I am so attracted to him.

But I will say that we make up for a lower level of quantity with mind blowing quality. So maybe there's something to that. haha

[Massageman]

Not at all. More that you are actually going to be more "in sync" than many couple other couples.

[DrPepper12]

I don't want to see you get hurt but this might be a bridge to far especially when there are kids involved AND he hasn't begin his career. I would enjoy the ride but bury those feelings.

[Asker]

Why do you think that him not starting his career yet would be something that would make this impossible to work? Also, why do you think me having kids would make this relationship impossible to work?

[DrPepper12]

It's two barriers / wedges towards success. I'm not saying you can't beat the odds but I don't think it's favorable. I hope you found that special man. Good luck and enjoy!!

[Apple1996]

It could possibly work out. My cousin is 38 and her fiancé is 25. They had a baby a few months ago and things are going well for them

[Phoenix98]

If the relationship feels good for both of you and y'all can make it work then go for it I guess.

[Celticwolf78]

Well I'd be careful because later on things can change because of the different levels of life between the two of you things could be good for now and change later because of trying to have sex with you because of the kids he may not want that

[Asker]

I'm not quite sure what you're saying here

Firstly, we are having regular sex, and we are very compatible sexually. That's not really an issue (as of now, anyways).

Secondly, if and when we get to the point of having kids I'd actually be pretty happy to have more. The only reason why I didn't have more kids is because my ex didn't want them.

[Celticwolf78]

I get that but eventually things will change

[Asker]

How do you think they'll change?

[Celticwolf78]

Because he could lose interest it's called a honeymoon phase

[handsomelad70]

If he's over 18, I don't see why not, but there'll be some, um, strange situations arising from having a much younger boyfriend.

[Asker]

What are these 'strange situations' exactly?

[handsomelad70]

If he's a young-looking and/or behaving 22 as was I, you may get some not-exactly-approving glances.

[Anonymous]

Not as long as you realize it's just a temporary thing. As soon as he meets a woman his own age it's going to be over. If you're cool with that, there's nothing wrong with it.

[Asker]

He could be with a woman his age right now. Why do you think he'd want to be with me instead?

[Opinion Owner]

He's young. I was much the same way at his age. It's possible it works out. I'm just saying the odds aren't in your favor.

[Opinion Owner]

Any relationship with a larger than 9 year gap the odds of longterm successt drop way off.

[Mrtcn01]

come on !!! you dont have to think much. number is not important but the important question you settled but is he settled?

[war_daddy]

most sane guy might USE single moms for sex only, not a real relationship. you're kind of radioactive waste to single guys

[Asker]

I honestly don't think he's in it just for the sex. He actively tries to spend time together even when he knows that sex isn't going to be a possibility (and as a single mom, that's more often than would be the case if he was dating someone his age without kids). The fact he's still actively trying to have a relationship with me when he knows that sex in a relationship with me is going to be more difficult to get (by nature of me being a single mom) does make me think he's probably interested in more than just sex

[war_daddy]

weird guy

[Nikki1989]

Well it depends on the guy obviously, but most men 30 or under are immature brats.

[YevBor]

It's just chemistry. If you want to know, is him serious to you ask him: did he tell about you to his family?