Why do men like ghosting?

Question

I went on a date with a guy recently. However, after talking for about a month and going on a first date he just ghosted me. I know it was probably for the best, but he was a genuinely great guy. This is also not my first time getting ghosted, so it is hard not to take it personal.😥

Princesspeach1411 · Accepted Answer

I’m currently in the same position with being ghosted. He was a great guy, we flirted and we had fun together. We didn’t enter the territory of a relationship because he was moving back overseas however we said we’d talk as friends and he was already making plans for communication. We had the big goodbye, with him genuinely tearing up about leaving. After he got home we started messaging and then he ghosted and just disappeared leaving the message on delivered. After 6 weeks I sent a quick “hey, thought I’d see how you are?” Again nothing. After 8 weeks he finally opened the initial message and left me on read. That said, if I post a story on insta/snap he watches it so he is still in my or it.

At the end of the day, all I can say is that I tried and that him ghosting says more about him than it says about me. Whilst he was mature, there clearly is an emotionally immature side to him that he can’t handle dealing with whatever we are. He is emotionally unavailable. I always knew the reason he left (he moved overseas on his own and missed family - although he didn’t help himself to build a life for himself - just work and going online to talk to his brother and game with him so he never had a chance and then his family convinced him to move back) hence no commitment to a relationship but didn’t expect he’d handle things like this. But as I said, this says more about him than it does me. Am I frustrated? Yes, Do I miss him? Absolutely! After past issues with guys, I can say every ghost and bad experience has helped me become more emotionally mature. I no longer beat myself up over it. I just keep going. I honestly believe in “right person, wrong time” (many will disagree with this) so for me the door is open if he wants to come back but at the same time I’m also keeping the door open to other opportunities. If he comes back and it works great! If not I’ll just chalk it up to another experience that has helped me grow.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Because some men are weird whom you should avoid at all the costs. He isn't a great guy if he had ghosted you. If an evil looks great by appearance or charm, does it mean that it's great? No. It simply covers itself with charm and appearance so it could receive someone whom it want to steal something valuable from. Might be he got bored after spending some time with you. Remember that when a guy gets bored of you, there's nothing to be worried about. He is a piece of shit who is showing you that he is shit. Only a guy without values will get bored of a girl and leave her. Do you want a valueless guy? There are many valuable guys out there you can meet who will never leave you or ghost you even if they get bored of you they will see only interesting side of you to stay with you always. These kind of guys are valuable. If you find such a guy, never leave him or lose him. He is the person that you can trust anytime. Such guys are rare and actually are greater than the guy you are mentioning about

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Ghosting was rare in the days when you dated local people that you were going to see again - people in your school, your bowling league, the local bar, or from your circles of friends. Now that most people are (pretending to) date using dating apps and getting into long distance relationships or otherwise people who they will likely never run into, a lot of people (both women and men) think nothing of blocking and unmatching people and just disappearing. And to be fair, it was women who started it, because getting more matches is far easier for most women than for all but the top men.

This is just reason 1,863 why you should delete all dating apps and go back to meeting LOCAL people who you can have a genuine relationship with in person.

Dating apps provide the illusion of having a much larger pool of potential partners to draw from (of which you only actually consider the top 2%), but the actual statistics show that to be a lie - the more people who use dating apps, the fewer are in relationships. The dirty secret is that they are designed NOT to be successful at matching people, because that would erode their customer base.

Only two groups of people do well on dating apps: the top few percent of guys, who have an endless pool of girls to have casual sex with (often because the girl is hoping that casual sex will make him commit to her, though that has never happened), and the girls who are willing to trade casual sex in order to get a night or a week of a high-end lifestyle. Everyone else is just a sucker who props the system up. Note that every single dating app is owned by the same one company - Match, Inc. The make millions a year on people's false hope.

D_Bone_Steak · Accepted Answer

It's a men thing huh?

I'll tell you why girls have ghosted me. Every time it was because she was cheating on some guy I didn't know about and she finally decided she didn't want me to fuck up her relationship (fucked already if you ask me... I mean she's cheating).

So why do we men do it? I'll tell you why I would do it... I simply don't want to deal with her.

1) She's going to ask questions

2) She might want to bitch at me for... reasons.

3) What's the point of dealing with her bullshit when you're not wanting to talk to her in the first place, because of her bullshit.

See... think about this. If I just don't like this bitch, and I have already fucked, and it wasn't all that, or worth the effort in other words. I don't want to hear her talk. I don't want to deal with her. She could get hit by a bus and I wouldn't give a shit. So... why would I even text her that it's over?

Lets get it over with in the easiest way possible

What's going to happen if I even text her that it's over? You know! You fucking know what she's going to do! ... and it just isn't worth it. Look, If I'm just sick of her shit, why give her a chance to just give me more shit? What is the point of that?

... and that's my best guess as to why we men ghost your fucking ass.

Rosexøxø · Answer

All I can say is this. Not every guy wears a suit, and not every guy has parents or a mother who’s a Saint Mary.

Meaning? Not all guys are taught to give “updates” or communicate, and being courteous, and all. I don’t think a lot / or too many of them even do that with friends.

At some point he probably did lose interest/ stop liking you, but he just didn’t feel/see any need to let you know that. Just cause a guy doesn’t wear a suit or have godly parents doesn’t mean he’s a douche by default. Some guys make this kind of communication a priority. Some guys are more in tune with their eq and feel compelled to share what they think their next step will be or simply cutting off communicative ties.

There are nice exceptions. Being a docile really shouldn’t be the norm. I feel like it isn’t, but I can’t give an exact number for who is who and how many actually play fair.

I’m just saying don’t be surprised if that happens (he legitimately ghosts you and doesn’t respond in like a year), and have some standards. Don’t take it personal if it happens to you. It’s not anything truly AGAINST you and all that you are, it’s simply just the normal behavior of certain guys. As for it not working out and being a win, that’s fine. Not everybody is meant to mix together. He’ll find someone new and you’ll find someone new/better.

A guy serious about you will not leave you hanging. ‘Nuff said.

Best to you!

ManOnFire · Answer

Do we? I feel like women actually ghost a lot more than men do, and a lot sooner than men too. Women also try to justify their reasons for ghosting a hell of a lot more than guys do as well.

At least he actually talked to you for a good while and then went on a date with you. A lot of women will ghost a guy on the first day or first week of talking, without even getting to the date.

avery58 · Answer

It's not really a gender thing, women ghost as well. It's just how people who don't have the courage to directly tell the person that they're not interested in dating or further contact leave, unfortunately it's just common these days.

Don't take it too personal, it's happened to most people. I know it hurts right now cause I've been in that situation. And even if it was only a short time, like a month, it sucks to get ghosted when you really like a person. But with time you'll forget about him, just try not to think too much about it. Find some activities or watch a series to distract yourself, that might help a little.

If he was as great as it seemed, he would have ended things the right way and explained why instead of putting you in uncertainty or have you wondering what went wrong and even doubting yourself. It was a selfish move to handle it that way.

Finding the right one sometimes takes trial and error, so keep your head up and stay strong but be careful.

Anonymous · Answer

6 months ago I was ghosted for the very first time by a guy I truly wanted to be with. He had a lot of characteristics I wanted in a husband/guy… I don’t want children but I thought about it…

It was just something about him even over text… he was good at communicating… assertive, intelligent.. level headed… I guess I never experienced those things. He didn’t love bomb, he wasn’t pushy etc.. I really started liking him

We go on the date… ig it wasn’t that great. I still liked him and I still liked being in his company but I don’t think he liked me.. I think he felt like he could do better..

When he ghosted me I was so hurt and depressed because I still wanted to at least be friends.

I still wrestle with this thought ….”was he actually a good guy” …. It hurts a lot because now I know that he’s capable of communicating to a woman he wants to be with … I just wasn’t the one he wanted and he did me wrong. It definitely scarred my self esteem badly but I’ll be okay.

hahahmm · Answer

Nothing good comes from a guy telling a woman he's rejecting her after 1 or a few dates. I found out the hard way multiple times in my life and then I just switched to moving on. Some women get hysterical & act like you ruined her entire life because you want to try somebody else. Or they flip it into rejecting the guy in an angry way. Or worst case they could be a psycho stalker type. That wasn't a problem when I was your age but these days with the social media stuff and people tracking sites it'd be a big problem.

Anyhow, you even asking that question is strange because by default women expect the guy to contact her at some point after the date and tell you he's interested in another date. By default you don't have to do anything at all. 100% of the time if the guy didn't contact you, for all you know he thinks you ghosted him even tho he was interested. Just not enough interested to send a message. Ha

ZackBan · Answer

Everyone does it. When you meet a stranger for the first time and things don't to well it's easier to ghost then to have a whole dramatic conversation about not seeing eachother.

I've been ghosted a couple of times recently and I ended up ghosting someone last week.

As for the "why":
Men don't have very high standards. So when a man ghosts its either because you look absolutely nothing like your photos or he discovered a major first date red flag like "oh I got 3 kids and I'm looking for the father that will step up".

Ultimately I would say: don't get hung up on the ones who ghost. The world is full of people and you eventually meet yours if you keep taking chances

MisterWack · Answer

In my view, you don’t really owe it to one night dates / those you don’t stay really in contact with so, ghosting is an option MOST men & women do.
Let’s say I met someone and thought they might be a good friend however they don’t really keep in contact so I block them / move on with my life or whatever… It may make that friend sad, but it was for the best.

I think ghosting sucks, it is awful to think of being “forgotten” or whatever however that is a part of life especially the digital space.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

Years ago, back before the term ghosted even existed, going on a date with a girl didn't mean you had to contact her if you never wanted to, and if you didn't? well she wouldn't care! Or she would phone the guy and ask why he never contacted her again. but there was never any bad feeling.
I wonder (and this is a question. not an accusation) are people of both sexes overly sensitive now?

HaleyWalker · Answer

In reality we just playing Grand Theft Auto like leave us alone for a few hours. I pretend to be a guy but honestly that's probably what it is. Depending on if your boyfriend is a gamer and the type of gamer you might get ghosted on the 24th again. Lol this is a public service announcement for everyone there's a new DLC dropping for a game. Prepare to be ghosted for a while

DishLady · Answer

I think the better term is “not interested.” I don't know where “ghosting” came from or why it’s so popular today, but a guy who watch to get in touch with you will go to great lengths to do so — and might not even share the extremes he went to, so long as he was successful in reaching his goal. A guy who isn’t interested stays silent and vanishes/moves on. You should also aim to move on.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

Women do it to men too and I think it's just an easy way for people that don't have the guts to be confrontational to just move on, it's fine for people not to click with some and they avoid being confrontational about that

thegreenyogi · Answer

I don't think it's only men that do this. I think both genders do it and a lot of the time it's because people realise that they're talking to someone they don't really like or are much into. The reasons to trigger the ghosting act could be many. And it could be something you say, something you do or simply they might be talking to multiple people and they single out the ones they like the most and you most probably won't be included in that group.

sheikalana · Answer

Both men and women ghost. This is just an easy way to reject someone without telling them the reasons. No message is the message. Some people ghost and then come back after weeks/months as if nothing happened just because they don’t have any other option and I believe you should never take them back.

paledreams · Answer

I don't ghost and I know what being receiving end of ghosting is like "ouch" and I don't take it to heart, yet I am bemused in the past when I think back to being stood up on a date or flirted with separately other times and the women never pursued me aka they were just wanting to play giggles with me, sigh 😔 at my expense lol 😆 some people are weird and cruel haha

Anonymous · Answer

a lot of women think they've been ghosted when in actuality they haven't. a lot of dates with women is like pulling teeth. On top of it she gives him no sense she wants a second date and then the Coup De Grace, she expects him to contact her because of some antiquated dating code. If she puts no effort forth she deserves to get none back.

HighValue · Answer

Did you ask him to go on another date? If not, you ghosted him just as much.

pethouse · Answer

I always assumed girls are usually the ones who did the ghosting after the first date. Well unless the date ended with sex. Then he was more than likely not a “great guy”. It’s also possible that he was “shopping” most men can’t do this but it’s when someone goes on multiple dates with multiple people and picks the one they like most.

WhitneySnow · Answer

I guess he didn’t like you after the first date as much as he thought he would but it’s still terrible. People (and here I mostly mean guys) should not ghost other people. It’s rude and disrespectful and makes the other person feel awful.

LazerBean · Answer

It's not a man problem, it's just what many people do when they aren't feeling it and aren't actually in enough of a relationship to break up. No need to make a big deal out of something that doesn't exist.

Flatmanlewis · Answer

It’s a generational thing - not a male or female thing. It’s people with a artificial connection to people via devices. It’s hard to ghost people but very easy to ghost an app, text message, or whatever.

sage2021 · Answer

I am being ghosted for the past few days and today as well. This is my first time being ghosted by someone. Luckily we never met and we're just kinda friends. Whatever!!!

Peter_Penetrator · Answer

Either he found someone new and is a chicken shit by not being honest or you did something that ended up being a red flag. Again, he is being a chicken shit by not being honest. Had he been honest, it would have given you a chance to reflect.

rosemilk · Answer

because he lacks the skills of confrontation and communication. he finds it's easier to just disappear. not the type of person you should try to get involved with.

Serkee · Answer

I'm not sure, some people just lack empathy and won't take accountability when it would make them uncomfortable. It's not just a guy thing though, women ghost men all the time too.

SotiCoto · Answer

They don't. Nobody likes ghosting.  Or rather nobody likes being ghosted. As to whether they like doing it or not, it is just a low-effort and casually sociopathic way to break off with someone.

exitseven · Answer

It is done by people of both genders. People are too cowardly to tell somebody to their face that they do not want to go out with them anymore.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

People who ghost are immature and conflict avoidant. You have to understand that people who ghost aren't doing it because they know they're in the right.

MLGbreezy · Answer

This isn’t a man thing woman do it just as much if not more everyone does this generation does not know how to communicate dating is in the shits and only getting worse.

Alex-Snow · Answer

I think it is just rude no matter who does it. If things don't work out with someone just be open and gently tell them.

DrPepper12 · Answer

Because they are emotionally stunted and forever trapped in a middle school illusion of their own creation. They're terrified of confrontation, honesty and self reflection.

DreamLife7 · Answer

Why are u making this a MEN thing? Just accept the fact you were rejected because you're not attractive, have no personality, desperate and annoying. He's not obligated to like you

strateguy632 · Answer

how did he know if you wanted to continue? did you say that you hope to see him again?

skunk3n · Answer

Friday, I got both flaked and ghosted... this post feels misjudged.

MysticDevice · Answer

Women do it too. All the time. I was ghosted from every match I ever made. Even the ones where they messaged me first.

ICanSmellTheCosmos · Answer

I hate ghosting. I've only done it a few times when the girl was a psycho. Otherwise, I at least try to say goodbye and give a reason before leaving.

JonCobretti · Answer

Just preventing waste of time for both of us

LiamJHayden · Answer

People ghost because: 1. They're cowards. 2. They hate drama. 3. They suspect the other will be violent.

Filthy_Immigrant · Answer

he either found something better or isn't interest anymore

noohair · Answer

Not genuinely great. He ghosted you. And it is not just guys, humans do what they can get away with.

JHAYES317 · Answer

Women ghost more than men…especially on dating apps…99.9% of convos on there I’ve gotten ghosted…

Sasquach · Answer

For the same reason girls do it - you're incompatible

Loner111 · Answer

Same reason why a girl would ghost... Why would a girl ghost?

Dreamclouds · Answer

They do? Maube you just unlucky or they dont like you

Isabella_amm · Answer

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SeriouslyNotSerious · Answer

Mature men don't, boys do.

dustybiker2 · Answer

Chivalry is dead.. Or mostly dead.

laly520 · Answer

u need to ask him

jahaims · Answer

Obviously unattainable

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

Same reason why women like ghosting

thisAppIsGarbage · Answer

Because b8tches ain't shit

MrDaveAPSI · Answer

Maybe something happened?

MatureMan40 · Answer

Not everyone likes it.

Anonymous · Answer

Who are you gonna call? 👻

Anonymous · Answer

Probably the same reasons that women ghost.

Luopio27 · Answer

I hate ghosting!

RedInnocent69 · Answer

They’re chickenshit.

Why do men like ghosting?

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