Why are the "nice guys" so unsettling?

[Anonymous]

I was talking to guy for a week, not even. I think it was six days. I should've known something was abut off because on the app I didn't respond fast enough and he was like "well ok, bye guess you are too busy to talk" it had only been like 2 hours. I brushed it off thinking "maybe I was abit rude' so he asked for my contact information. I gave him my snap, and we started talking.

Mind you I have a kid (infant) and a full time WFH job. He knew that. He would repeatedly message me, I have two phones one for work and one for personal usage. I keep the personal one on silent during my work hours and only check it during my breaks or when the calls have slowed down and my baby doesn't need him. I kept the conversation up, responding and you know being active in the conversations, but every once in awhile he'd give me like a passive aggressive text like I could feel the attitude through the message ya know?

He asked did I want to come over this weekend, but I told him I don't like going over to people's house's the first meet, plus my mom's birthday was this weekend and she wanted to go with her boyfriend. She asked me could I watch my grandma for the weekend, he said "can't you just leave her alone? It won't hurt her" I said she's 98(99 next month) and sge has dementia and she's wheelchair bound she cannot be alone. He was like "yeah, ok, I guess" I told him next week, and not at his place. I looked at the messages the snap this morning cause I saw a notification, but when I went to say "good morning" he blocked me on the app and on Snapchat, so I'm just like.

"Wtf" I mean I definitely dodged a bullet, but Jesus he was doing too much. It looked like he was trying to love bomb me with all these compliments, praises and constant messages. Like already really clingy. I try to give everyone a chance, but those nice guys have this odd pattern of being this weird.

Updates

1 y

Update. Alit of you have been so very helpful and understanding, some if you clearly felt called out and some were just confused, because I wasn't as clear. I am in no way saying that all guys are mean, it's just that truly nice guys don't have to parade around about how nice they were. As I used below Ted bundy described himself as a "nice guy" Keanu reeves doesn't describe himself as anything lure that, he's humble and people around him call him a nice guy/good person. That's the difference

Updates

1 y

Also, I've been talking to a new guy and he understands me better since he doesn't always have time to respond as well, since he's working. He texts me every 3 or 4 hours which is fine. He doesn't constantly try to video chat and text me constantly. I made it very clear and even explained how some people can't handle that I have a kid, he understands. So I hope this goes better. Wish me luck 🙏 ❤️

[mandyfire98]

The problem with a lot of "nice guys" they're often not nice at all. If they tell you they're nice then they're trying to make you believe they're not like other guys. They're trying to sell themselves as being unique and not like the other men out there who are bad.

The problem is there are so many mysoginistic and controlling men that are all advertising themselves as being "I'm just a nice guy" so who now really is a nice guy?

Also just because somebody might be shy and the opposite of the confident charismatic guy, doesn't mean shyness and insecure is nice. Most times they're the absolute worst for women. Most of the time they're the shy red pill guys who sit behind a computer nonstop hating women. They're the ones who view women as sexual objects only and think women are less than men. The red pill, manosphere, incell types are usually shy introverted men. They all describe themselves as being "nice guys" and not evil like "chad".

So most guys who claim to be actually nice aren't at all. They just see themselves as the good guy in their own story.

True nice guys are actually nice and respectful.

[TommyMountainFigure]

It's really hard to argue with any of that. We see it day in day out on here!

[mandyfire98]

Yeah I mean most actual bad guys think they're good guys.

Ted Bundy was the hero of his own story.

[TommyMountainFigure]

We have our own serial killers here in the UK, and when you listen to them talk, yes you're so right, a lot of the time think they are doing right and good. At least that is what they would have us believe!
You know when questions are asked in here with regards to what type of person are you? Or in that sort of vein, I can never say because it's irrelevant what I think of me. it's for others to answer!

[s10sleeper]

The way I’ve always seen it is that there’s a difference between being a “nice guy” and being a good person. A nice guy is someone that is being nice because they want something, they may even go as far as sacrificing other things in their life to be “nice””. Problem is, they become spiteful if they don’t get what they want, possibly going as far as using what they did for you to try to get what they want. They can be the guys that have a crush on you and are being nice because they think they can make you want to be with them, even if you are already with someone, they are hoping you’ll break up with that person. You may even notice that they don’t like that person, might even say bad things about them to you or do other things to distance you from them. Eventually they may even confess their love for you, wanting you to return it, possibly even getting mad if rejected. They aren’t really a good person, who knows how to be honest and where boundaries are

[mandyfire98]

@s10sleeper

Pretty accurate

[Asker]

He added me back after blocking me, when called me a bunch and ended with him calling me a "chinker"

[Asker]

He's definitely a "nice guy" 🙄 chinker is absolutely WILD

[mandyfire98]

Yeah that guy is just a piece of garbage all around.

[Asker]

Oh I forgot the he told me my baby should die just fucking trash, and everyone is defending this shit

[mandyfire98]

Why you rubbing your penis to girls on the internet you don't even know? Why are you creating profiles called "on my knees" and trying to get women to treat you like dirt? Why do you kink shame people when you yourself are into weird kinks? Most people are just humoring you because it's freaking hilarious to watch you debase yourself. So yes, we know you're both the confession and bill lewis, yes we know you are a woman hating piece of garbage. Yes we know you are not impressionable at all you're like 65 years old. Stop harassing women, incel. Get a life and stop getting mad when women don't entertain your shit nonstop. We all have lives. Do better.

[mandyfire98]

@NathanDavis

[mandyfire98]

Hi bill. Still harassing, old man?
You don't find harassing women online pathetic? Go away now shoo shoo.

[mandyfire98]

@NathanDavis

Here's his new one.

[superchan2011]

So basically you got your fake assholes, your in your face assholes and then somewhere in the middle is the legit good guys and girls that are getting harder to find. Sounds about right.

[AnonAndrew]

"If they tell you they're nice then they're trying to make you believe they're not like other guys. They're trying to sell themselves as being unique and not like the other men out there who are bad."

This isn't necessarily true. Using the term "nice guy" as something bad that signifies a guy who fakes or falsely thinks he's nice is particular to some Internet subcultures.

Most men who say something like "I'm a nice guy" are just trying to say they are a normal nice guy (because most normal men are nice, and most nice men are normal). You can't really draw any conclusions, positive or negative, about a person because they say they're nice.

[mandyfire98]

Most guys I've ever met that were actually legitimately good guys never have ever had to announce that to the world.

[Anonymous]

Calling this guy a “nice guy” is inaccurate. He’s got some insecurities going on. However I can tell you from the man’s side it’s not apples to apples when it comes to dating compared to women. Not even close. Men deal with a lot more challenges compared to their female equivalents. They get tested a lot more. They have fewer options. The most successful men out there are good at keeping their cool when they encounter frustrations and disappointments. They don’t get their hopes up too much like he did.

Sounds like he’s trying to fight his insecurities/frustrations by catching himself and trying to not be “too nice” or available. Then he gets his hopes up again and started “love bombing you”. Sounds like he really liked you but was getting frustrated

But women really need to quit vague positive labels like “cute”, “nice”, etc can be really irritating. This guy really isn’t a “nice guy”. That doesn’t make him a bad guy or a creep either. He just doesn’t know how to effectively handle his emotions and women in general in the “modern” world. He actually might be a really decent guy but he’s dealing with self esteem issues

Anyway try labeling specific actions as “nice” or “passive aggressive” vs labeling men outright one thing or another. Not saying you made the right choice or not rejecting him. But you yourself are confusing because you are both complimenting him (calling him a nice guy) and insulting him at the same time (clingy/desperate/needy).

[Asker]

I.. I don't, I don't know what to say. I've explained it multiple times. I just ok

[Asker]

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/fs5FfQeuUn

[Summeroflove]

It just depends on the reasoning behind being nice. Genuine nice people aren’t the problem. In fact people who are rude for no reason other then being rude tend to piss me off.

But the ones who are disingenuous trying to get sex…. And feel entitled to sex because they were nice.

Yes, you dodged a bullet and people who have zero sense of personal boundaries aren’t worth your time. Especially when they message all hours of the day and night. Even when they know you’re at work then get angry when you don’t respond fast enough.

If it’s a emergency….. That’s one thing. But some people feel entitled to your time 24/7/365.

[blueonblack22]

She made the right decision all considered.

But she also made a decision to engage him earlier because she liked the attention and validation for a short time. She’s trying to sidestep that by throwing this guy completely under the bus by calling him “ick” among other things.

There was fault on both sides her. Maybe more so on his side. But she’s not completely blameless either.

[Asker]

@blueonblack22 I think you are confused. I never said he was an "ick" I responded under a comment that said his behavior was an "ick" I did make another comment about a different guy, but THAT WAS NOT THE SAME GUY and I didn't call it an "ick" I said "ew" and that behavior is cringe. If you are going to call me out, call me out correctly and stop picking and choosing to make your point valid. I also said I thought it was my fault for not responding consistently, so obviously I take some blame, but YOU, it seems YOU want me to say "oh this guy did nothing wrong, it is all my fault for not responding to him back to back and wanting to meet at his house with my kid and leave my 98 year old grandma alone, but I couldn't so it's all my fault" it seems like you are the guy I'm talking about.

[blueonblack22]

QA I get it now. I am not unreasonable. But I disliked your post title so much I admit I probably read half your post. I could of been better about that. But still please just STOP using the word “nice guy” to describe that guy. That confused the f out everything and everybody. It gave lots of people preconceived notions.

There really are many women out there who are “ick” about GENUINE nice guys. Not saying you are like that but there really are a lot of them. If you didn’t believe it then why are even other women assuming you might be that way? Anyway you made the right decision avoiding this guy. Block him at all codes (he wished death on you and your kid. He’s f’d up).

How old is he anyway?

[Asker]

@blueonblack22 wait, assuming what? Elaborate on that because I'm abit confused and he is 29

[Summeroflove]

Oh here we go

[AmandaYVR]

This guy sucks, but he shouldn't be lumped into "he's a nice guy" and "aren't they unsettling" category. That's unfair, and not right. He's a guy who's got issues, is demanding, and selfish, and you don't need this guy in your life. Good for you for being objective, seeing the writing on the wall, the forest through the trees, and moving on. You don't need to feel any sense of guilt. But you also shouldn't label this a 'nice guy' problem. It's just fuelling a ridiculous concept that women don't want nice men. Smart, reasonable, rational women do. We should encourage being nice, not deride it, or mislabel it.

[blueonblack22]

Finally a female who gets it. But I might add she did engage him because she liked the attention. She had a role in this as well. That doesn’t excuse his behavior (which was wrong) but she did at point give him false hope.

But she doesn’t want to own up to being wrong about anything

[Asker]

@blueonblack22 I'm sorry, I what? I didn't engage because I liked the attention. Are you ok? Just stop. You are making a lot of baseless assumptions. I bet you are a "nice guy" as well, right?

[Asker]

I'm not calling him a nice guy, HE called himself a "nice guy" which is why I put it in quotes

[Asker]

@blueonblack22 he just added me back on snap hun. I can show you screenshots of how he's acting.

[Asker]

@blueonblack22 https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/fs5FfQeuUn

[blueonblack22]

Did you accept the add? Just block him. He’s a psycho and I agree you dodged a bullet.

[Asker]

@blueonblack22 I blocked him after all that. I tried to hear him out, because I could've been misreading him, but no..

[blueonblack22]

What really sucks is one really bad experience like this can make women jump to conclusions with other men.

Just remember we are not all the same. You might meet another guy who starts off like he did (friendly/nice) and maybe gets frustrated but yet would never ultimately did what he did.

A part of me wanted to text me last mishap and say “thanks for wasting my time you liar and you f’ing b” but I didn’t say that. But if she ever does try to circle back I’ll say “hey you wasted my time and I wasn’t ever looking for a texting buddy. I was honest but you weren’t. And don’t tell me you were too nervous to meet up. You knew I was legit. You just wanted a text buddy who is a huge waste of time. I wish you the best though”.

[ManOnFire]

Your question is not honest. Did this guy ever call himself a "nice guy"? Or is that how you want to describe him to us dishonestly to get our support/get us to side with you? Nothing about your story in the details even implies that he is trying to seem like a "nice guy." He's certainly selfish and immature, but not nice, and I doubt he even described himself as such.

You're calling him that just because he likes you or is obsessed with you, as you also are aware that there are plenty of "nice" men out there who are not/do not do what your story says.

[blueonblack22]

Yep I agree. Notice how she quick to label this guy something. She’s both complimenting and insulting this guy at the same time.

He was just being passive/aggressive and manipulative because he wanted sex. He also had some insecurities on how he went about it. He needed validation.

Sounds like she herself needs validation and attention that’s why she kept engaging him for a time which got his hopes up. But then he got passive/aggressive when she wasn’t giving him clear signs on what she wanted to do.

Not to say this guy isn’t at fault. He did mishandle this. But she wasn’t effectively communicating with him either. And her calling him”nice guy” and “ick” is a way to dismiss any fault on her side.

[ManOnFire]

@blueonblack22 Spot on, my man. Chicks do shit like this all the time when they messed up and want to bail out of the connection, and they twist stories like she is doing to try to get support from people so that her guilty conscience won't feel guilty anymore.

[blueonblack22]

Yep. It’s not like I am letting this other guy off the hook either. He was overdoing it and handled it wrong.

But still she enjoyed the attention and validation. She engaged him. She was either expecting him to read her mind and say the perfect words (at the perfect time) to convince her to come over OR she was hoping to have him as a “virtual friend” for quick validation.

He got shit tested and failed. Not saying he handled it right but still she’s not a “innocent victim” in all this either. But her ego will never own up to that. So she has to 100% throw him under the bus to garner sympathy and affirmation in this.

Deep down she knew she had a role in all this though. One of the reasons she posted this question as anon.

If she was just honest about her bs (and admit she was at fault as well) I would be more patient and forgiving with her. More supportive. But the fact she sidestepped that makes me have a lot less sympathy for her. Men aren’t as stupid as she thinks.

[MicahRaine]

Yep lol

She just using it for clout

[blueonblack22]

@MicahRaine notice how she completely ignores any dissenting opinion on here (no matter how considerate it is) and is only engaging with women who are completely “supporting” her.

She’s really is part of a bigger problem is society. Women who lack all accountability particularly in scenarios when there are faults on both sides.

This one hit hard at home because I went through a similar situation a few weeks ago. I sure as hell wasn’t “love bombíng” the girl I matched up. Didn’t text her nonstop. I wasn’t at all like this guy. She usually texted me first (we exchanged numbers).

But as it turned she loved the quick virtual attention and/or expected me to magically say the perfect thing at the perfect moment (women are never held to that standard). And when I finally (politely) said “hey I need to know if we are going to meet up or not” she responded “sure I really want to meet up” and then when I said “well can you let me know a good time so I can plan” she then went silent. Huge waste of time.

[MicahRaine]

Yeah agreed, she is the problem. That's why she went anon.

Girls like that suck. Sorry bro

[blueonblack22]

@MicahRaine it’s alright. Had my guard up. Also know I didn’t do anything wrong. Deleted her number and if she ever circles back I’ll tell her “best of luck”.

[Asker]

Yes, he called himself a "nice guy" or else I wouldn't have said it. You do know how hinge works right? I had to like him to match, and his profile was pretty good and his first message was witty as well. He was so funny and nice and I said "you are so cute, how are you still single?" His words were along the lines of "i'm just too nice a guy I guess" he said most women look past him because he's Shy and abit of a need. Which I love because I'm also kind of shy and love comics, anime, manga and video games. THATS LEGIT THE MAIN QUALIFICATION FOR DATING OR SLEEPING WITH ME. I want to watch movies, animes order pizza and cuddle. I'm an introvert, I'm awkward and I'm nerdy. I don't understand why a lot of you are making assumption about me because it doesn't sound believable to YOU. Like your experiences define ALL experiences. I have the lowest standards, but to a lot of you they seem high. I just want patience (which I was clear one) respect, loyalty, confidence, communication and nerd. I don't think that's a lot to ask for and before you say "I don't believe that" I LITERALLY don't discriminate, black, white, Latino, Asian, straight, bi, trans, woman, man, short or tall (though I do prefer people who aren't too much taller than me. It's intimidating, but I still date them if they are cool enough) skinny, fat, feminine, masculine. Like I literally don't gaf, because in the end we all get old, sick and change physically. I just want someone I can tolerate and love on the inside. So please stop projecting and assuming the worst.

[MicahRaine]

@blueonblack22 Gotcha

[ManOnFire]

@Asker See, NOW you are making sense. This is what you should have said in your question details from the very beginning, that he DID call himself a nice guy. But you wrote the question as if it's YOUR perspective as if you're trying to get people to side with you and hate him, which a LOT of women do.

I can't apologize for getting you wrong because you didn't present the question well, but I can say thank you for clarifying.

[MicahRaine]

@ManOnFire I'm somewhat inclined to think that she's just adding details to support her story, and that they aren't factual. Also, even if he did call himself a nice guy while flirting, that doesn't make him a nice guy. Clearly the @Asker failed to read him properly.

[ManOnFire]

@MicahRaine You could be right about that too. I wondered that for a moment myself.

[Asker]

@MicahRaine you seem deadset on making his behavior justified, which I mean whatever, but you overestimate your importance in my life. I don't know you or care about you enough to lie. I'm sorry, but yeah. This isn't court where I have to prove my innocence to you. I came to rant, but at the end of they day believe or don't. You aren't paying my bills.

And also that was my point. He called himself a "nice guy" i didn't understand the negative connotation with "nice guy" until I was telling my mom about it, and she commented on it, saying a lot of guys say they are nice, but aren't. So women sarcastically call them "nice guys' before I wrote this post, and then i googled it and saw what she was saying And since she is more social media centered as an older women. I assume everyone knew, so I came writing it like such, but just in case i put it in quotes.

[ManOnFire]

It's true that guys who call themselves "nice" usually aren't that nice. But there are women who call themselves nice, kind, or decent as well, and they really aren't, but no one talks about them. And those women also wonder why they can't get dates or men to stay interested.

The whole "nice guy" thing is women's way of trying to deride men who really are good in favor of choosing men they know extremely well are bad for them. That's all it's about. Women know well that there are plenty of truly "nice" men out there, but they use all that old tired nice guy argument as an excuse not to choose them.

[MicahRaine]

LMFAO 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 woman when did I say that guy wasn't a bitch 😂
Also why would I give a flying fuck how much you care about me?
And like you said, you "came here to rant." You came looking for justification and validation and haven't found it because guess what? You and that guy are both the problem.

and if you can't tell the difference between a guy who says he's nice and a guy who's actually nice/good, you shouldn't be trying to date 😂

Stfu and go home lmao 🤣

[Asker]

Oh I agree 100% as I said I date women as well. I've met my fair share of crazy women. I wouldn't call them "nice girls" because they were just insane.. like check your phone, show up uninvited, call off different numbers "insane" I think the term "nice guy" is meant for more passive and hidden manipulative tactics and crazy bitches or insane.. are just flat out crazy.

I've never seen a woman be so low key with that kind of behavior, like men are more the patient, then explode crazy, while women are the more emotionally and explosive crazy right off the bat. A man would have better chance manipulating me then a woman in my own experiences

[Asker]

I've never used nice guy for an insult or to deride men as I said first time learning the meaning a few days ago. That being said there's an entire page on reddit with screenshots, not just stories like mine. I would've written a story, but they 100% wanted screenshots to see if what you are saying is true and it does look like those guys weren't nice, but "nice guys" you can look at it and decide for yourself. Some girl on the comments told me about it. If he wouldn't gave unmatched or blocked me I'd definitely have posted pictures.

[Asker]

@MicahRaine I am home..

[Asker]

He added me back, blew up my phone, called me a bitch, a "chinker" and said my baby and I should die. so.. yeah

[blueonblack22]

@Asker you could of used a better question title and provided better context in original question.

I have NEVER called a girl nasty names like what he called you even when she would of deserved it. Never. Yes you definitely dodged a bullet there. And again he is NOT a nice guy. Genuine nice guys usually never 1) identify as a nice guy 2) lose their shit and cuss a woman out with death wishes.

And guys like me and others often get prejudged by women because of their misadventures with other men.

Anyway the reason I commented so much about this is I recently went through a dating app mishap myself. I was patient given the girl was much younger. I do give women some leeway on dating apps given they want to be “safe”. Chatted with her for 3 weeks. She’s verified and local. In fact she lives literally only 3 miles away (don’t know her address but I know her neighborhood).

We talked about sex but didn’t do any sexting. She kept saying she wanted to meet up but would cancel at the last second. Then when I finally gave a (polite) ultimatum she said she “definitely” wanted to meetup and when I asked when would be a good time she went silent.

I am not losing sleep over that. Never got angry with her. Didn’t keep texting her phone other to respond to her “happy 4th” message (and she never responded after that). I just deleted her number (didn’t block though). She just wanted a “virtual buddy” all along. Women might be content with that crap but men aren’t. And some will lie and lead on men to squeeze as much attention as possible out of them when they have no real plans to meet up what them. That’s what I was upset about.

[Asker]

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/fs5FfQeuUn link to those screenshots I got

[blueonblack22]

You are STILL calling him a “nice guy”. Even if he called himself a “nice guy” please STOP calling him that. He’s anything BUT a nice guy. In fact he’s worse then an asshole in many ways. He wished death on you and your baby for Pete’s sake. Nothing “nice” he said to you earlier was ever genuine.

He’s at the very least mentally unstable. Possibly even dangerous. Block and ignore. And again please STOP calling him “nice”.

[Asker]

@blueonblack22 he's a psycho most definitely. I get it. I won't say that

[Finchie40]

He isn’t a nice guy, he is a narcissist , and trying to manipulate you , he clearly was after one thing with you, Sex , so you definitely dodged a bullet there , but don’t label him a nice guy , a nice guy wouldn’t do shit like that to you

[DishLady]

So you'd rather have a guy who messes with you then leaves you high and dry, I guess... The nice guy was just too much for you? What was he thinking...

[Asker]

Huh? I'm confused by this comment

[SweetJoyGirl]

She was being sarcastic, hun. lol

[Asker]

@SweetJoyGirl sorry I'm abit slow lol

[SweetJoyGirl]

You are good. lol

[Asker]

@SweetJoyGirl that being said he added me back on snap and we just got off the phone

[DishLady]

Do you two mind taking this little side chat to a DM or something? Stop blowing up my inbox...

[Asker]

Oh sorry

[Account]

"Well OK bye guess you are too busy to talk"


I JUST DISCOVERED ANOTHER ICK. 🤣
I would have immediately blocked.

[Asker]

I tried to give him a chance lol my friend said the samething when I told her after making this post.

[Account]

You are very patient. I wouldn't. I didn't even know I would have that reaction (I was like ewww when I read that), it seems very manipulative to me.

[Asker]

Definitely is, and now that I think about it, it is pretty cringe.

I didn't have a convo with this next guy, but he sent me a message along the lines of "you are very beautiful and I'd like to get to know you, but I'm short so probably not your type" he was 5'8, I'm 5'8 on a good day, never did I advertise liking tall men. I actually prefer men my height, but he tried to make me feel bad for him so I'd talk to him and it just disgusted me.

I would've talked to him otherwise. We had a lot of hobbies in common and he was cute, that just turned me off. That's the only time I actually said "ew"

[blueonblack22]

@Account not making up any excuses for this guy. Not saying he mishandled this.

But she did engage him and get his hopes up. She wanted and liked that attention and validation. She was “testing” him and he failed. Also lots of women really do go on dating apps to get virtual attention with no intention of meeting guys in real life. Most guys hate that.

Anyway although he screwed this up she had a role in all this herself. She wasn’t effectively communicating with him and he got frustrated. Chances are she was expecting him to say the perfect words at the perfect time to woo her. The pressure is always on the man on that.

Anyway if she would of just owned up to having a role in this I would be more supportive. But instead she’s completely throwing him under the bus with the “nice guy” and “ick” labels because she just wants affirmation. THAT is what I have a problem with.

He’s not a “nice guy” either. Sounds like he was both very excited and also frustrated and didn’t know how to effectively handle it. That doesn’t mean she is compelled to meet up with him. But still she did have a role in this going south.

[Asker]

@blueonblack22 I did not. You are assuming a lot. I genuinely gave him a chase hopping to know him, and I communicated with more than ANYONEELSE. I made it clear sometimes I get busy and won't be able to respond right away. I clarified that with him MULTIPLE TIMES. I ignored those moments where he was being passive aggressive. I can agree there, but only because I thought maybe I was leaving him hanging a lot. Then I looked at the time stamps. It would only be an hour or two. I did not want to meet him at his place with my child because I don't KNOW HIM like that and my mother's birthday is tomorrow going down today. I cannot leave my 98yr old grandma alone, are you ok? You are literally making baseless assumptions and projecting on me. If he wouldn't gave blocked me I'd gladly show proof.

[Account]

@blueonblack22 If someone ignores or has other stuff to do I am never demanding and I never send such messages, I simply move on because I have a life instead of being demanding and acting desperate. How exactly did she lead him on? She was trying to see if things would work out. When you are in the phase of talking to someone you don't owe them shit and they don't owe you shit either. I don't know why you are accusing OP and if genders were reversed my opinion would be absolutely the same.

[blueonblack22]

@Account the QA gave me more context on different OP thread. I get her and I think she is starting to get me. This guy she was talking to was a complete psycho. I didn’t know he blew up by calling her names and wishing death on her and her baby. I’ve never done that to a woman in my life. Even when they insulted me first. Even if they deserved to be talked to like that I still haven’t don’t that. Neither in person or virtually.

Anyway if the QA could of worded this entire question (especially the title) differently. The guy she chatted with absolutely NO “nice guy” whatsoever. Not even remotely close. And I don’t care how sweet and nice he was earlier.

Also I am bit angsty about a girl who recently lead me on a dating app (she’s verified and local). Long story but I never lost my shit like that guy. I just deleted her number. Not losing sleep over it. But I was angry/disappointed that she kept lying/leading me on about wanting to meetup when she just liked the virtual attention. I was honest from the get go but she wasn’t.

There are women out there who really are content with empty calorie virtual attention.

[coachTanthony]

He just wanted to smash and smash and control you. Good riddance

[imtiaz45]

"Nice guys" can be unsettling because their niceness often comes with underlying expectations and entitlement. They may expect rewards, such as affection or romantic interest, for their good behavior, which can feel manipulative. This behavior suggests they view kindness as transactional rather than genuine. Additionally, when their expectations are not met, some "nice guys" may become resentful or hostile, revealing their true intentions. The dissonance between their outward niceness and their underlying motives creates an uncomfortable and distrustful dynamic, making people wary of their true character and intentions.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/LtCmSF_gHCw

[Asker]

Exactly, I had to Google this thing before the post. When I explained to my mom she said that sounds like a "nice guy" sarcastically and told me to Google "nice guys" and bingo things like this popped up

[Asker]

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/fs5FfQeuUn

[bobalife]

I relate to this post so much lol. I’ve been there many times, which now I’m like “okay toxic, next” in my mind if it comes up and go on my life w/o a doubt 😂 but there’s a few times I felt guilty until I realized these behavior patterns esp when it’s less than 1-2 weeks of the talking phase:


1) it’s giving manipulation vibes 2) selfishness 3) lack of consideration and patience 4) passive aggressive 5) they have too much free time and isn’t giving you healthy space for you to work on your priorities 6) you still give some time & attention, but the moment you give a little space (1-3+ hours) and they start guilt trippen you… very controlling vibes when he’s NOT even your boyfriend yet😭😂


He definitely isn’t a “nice guy” because he just made a fake version of who you wanted him to be but he’s really not a nice nor great guy. You definitely dodged a bullet, but it is frustrating and disappointing for a min.

[Asker]

Exactly this! He tried so hard to convince me he was a "nice guy" then showed his true colors when he didn't get my attention

[bobalife]

It be like that. His loss. He will prolly target his next victim to love bomb 🙄 you’re single and ready to mingle with better fellas! 💁🏻‍♀️

[Asker]

He added me back on Snapchat and had called me like 5 times in 30 minutes

[bobalife]

I called that after ghosting and coming back, it’s zombie come back LOL. I think you should block him or just ignore him since he treated you poorly, blocked you, and relaxing he lost you… just don’t call for it.

[bobalife]

Realizing*

[Asker]

Well he called me a "chinker" so I think that's a given. He called me a flat chested Mexican. I said I'm Korean and black so he called me a "chinker" a chink and a.. yeah you get it. He's very creative I'll give him that, never heard that before

[Asker]

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/fs5FfQeuUn

[MzAsh]

I dealt with a guy just like this many moons ago. We were just flirting in college, no actual dates. Guy blasted me with texts all day long and started catching attitude when I wouldn’t reply. It was getting old and I was losing attraction quick, but he was set to move within weeks so I figured it would fizzle out. Nope! He moved and then begged/demanded I move in with him LOL


I said it wasn’t happening… and he lost his ever loving mind!!! Called me names, threatened to contact my ex, went on a nice long rant on MySpace (yes it was that long ago). Part of me wanted to skin him alive by more than anything I just wanted him out of my hair. So I didn’t say much in response to his tantrums, we blocked each other and thankfully never heard from him again.
Some people are just crazy and cannot handle being rejected, and your story sounds like you dodged a bullet.

[RavVid]

It really annoys me if a girl is demanding so I can relate. When work I work and I think that should be respected as should social responsibilities.

When we are keen on somebody then we would like them to be readily available, so it is understandable to a degree but then they need to be realistic.

[Asker]

Exactly, it was just a lot

[Telekinetic-Potato]

He's been played too many times and now he's sour. That really sucks for him. Should probably go to therapy or something.

2 hours can be a little fishy though how old are you both?

I guess another way of looking at it was he had valid concerns you were wasting his time not taking him seriously and he cut you off because he could see instead of respecting his expectations you took it as passive aggressive.

This is the problem with game theory in dating. It makes everything inherently disingenuous. You yould have been better off making time for him.

The more I think about it, the more I see his point of view. Who would want to deal with these lame excuses? It says a lot about what the rest of the relationship is going to be like.

[Asker]

Lame excuses? If you see those as "lame excuses" then you are absolutely right. I'm 27 with a 9-5 job and an 8 month old, anybody without a kid and a full time job I suppose it can seem like lame excuses. We were talking 6 days and he agreed knowing that I had these things, and when my day was slow I texted him constantly, sent voice notes etc. But if it wasn't he'd have to wait, but that shows me he had no patience, and it is better off

[Telekinetic-Potato]

Sorry, you're barking up the wrong tree. I started a production company while going to college and working 2 jobs and taking care if my grandpa with alzhimers. And a lot of that time I didn't even have a car.

I didn't mean to be rude though. It's just that in my experience. A woman will text a guy she's interested in even at the most inappropriate times. But to be honest it sounds like you don't take dating all that seriously and that would be a huge turn off for me knowing you already have kids.

I'm not trying to be baby daddy 2/3 I'm trying to find a woman to grow old with who brings me peace.

[Asker]

I don't have a car at all, my 98 year old grandma is wheelchair bound, Ned's diapers changed, to be fed and bathed with last stage alzhemizers as well as I have to work and take care if on MY OWN an infant. I don't need a "baby daddy." I have one, he just was deported. I didn't ask him for anything, but patience and clearly I didn't treat him too bad since he added me back

[Telekinetic-Potato]

So it sounds like you're not ready for a relationship with someone who can't alleviate your situation. But my advice would be to find a guy who wants to be your partner and the best way to do that is to be friends before anything else.

[Asker]

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/FAbnx0Homk I'll try

[normalice]

I prefer to think of them as "sex scammers." With each failure to seduce a woman they learn what they need to say to other women. You probably experienced him after hundreds of iterations have already taken place.

[Asker]

Oh wow. That's a very interesting and accurate way to put it.

[normalice]

Aye, though they are more likely to call themselves "pickup artists." It is another manosphere subculture thing going on that is disappointing to see men fall for but is not unexpected given all the funding available to keep the manosphere propped up..

[Razp_Sorbet]

Being nice is a basic human trait, not an entire personality. Claiming to be a "nice guy" really means absolutely nothing... Like you're claiming to have basic human decency? Bravo I guess?

Anyway. The person you've described sounds toxic as hell. My ex was like this if I didn't reply fast enough for his liking he would either blow my phone up or be passive aggressive. You've definitely dodged a bullet and I would definitely not dwell on it, though definitely kept an eye out for those warning signs in the next guy.

[Likes2drive]

I didn’t have to tell my girlfriend I’m a nice guy , she found out on her own and realized how easygoing I am. That guy was a bit odd and maybe trying to get some since he already wanted you to meet the first time at his place which is not a good idea for a woman to do

[Asker]

Oh yeah, he added me back cursed me out called me slurs, wished death in my baby and so on.

[Likes2drive]

I guess he wasn’t a nice guy and just hiding it to get you in bed it seems

[Asker]

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/FAbnx0Homk yup seems as such

[Likes2drive]

Wow, I just read that, a normal guy wouldn’t act like that, he has mental issues, imagine how he acts when he’s with the person and gets mad? He probably loses it and gets abusive

[the29thhuman]

Don’t get involved with a guy that isn’t involved with his kid. Single guys without kids don’t understand which is fine but it’s not your job to make him understand. He’s jealous and selfish and ya u definitely dodged a bullet big time. Anytime you’d talk to him it sounds annoying and draining and he constantly asking for you to be with him. It’s not appealing, it isn’t attractive and you feel suffocated.

[Asker]

Sorry I realized i made an error. My son is not his kid. i meant "my kid needs help" not "him" but yes, it definitely was draining for a less than week talk

[the29thhuman]

It’s okay I understand it’s not his. I’m gently saying don’t be with a guy that doesn’t have kids and a guy that isn’t involved with his kids isn’t your friend either. I wouldn’t go near a guy unless he was 51.9% involved with his kid.

[Asker]

Ohh ok, gotcha. I noticed that as well. I have 11 brothers, they definitely told me that. If a guy has kids, but aren't involved. If you have kids with him he'll do the same

[Asker]

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/fs5FfQeuUn

[TommyMountainFigure]

Sifting through the minefield of wrong-uns is something we all have to go through to find the one we want to spend our lives with. The trick is never spending too much of your life hoping the one you're with will be right, if deep down you know they aren't

As for your grandma, ANY normal decent human being will say, her well being should come first. That's just common decency.

[Nikki1989]

Most guys will claim to be nice or at least seem nice in the beginning are not nice at all. Most men will almost always say and do what they think the woman wants to hear or see, but that is an act they can't keep going for long.

[alice55]

He sound like a troll more than anythng, who block people for that, also he's definitely not nice if he had so fews empathy for you grandmother... He's a grade S assholes for sure, very selfish and most likely would have just used you then dump you just as quickly. It's good this kind of assholes prefer leaving by themselves no fear of them getting violent when rejected they reject themselves alone Xd

[Anonymous]

That’s the type of guy that is being nice to expect something in return. When he’s not getting what he wants he’s being passive aggressive towards you, maybe not aware that he’s doing it, but definitely is trying to seem like he’s being nice, while trying to make you feel bad.
Unfortunately, over text, when someone has to reject getting together because of something going on, if you don’t know each other well, it’s really easy to see it as one isn’t really wanting to meet, unless they offer other ideas of when or where to get together. Especially when you meet online, because that’s one of the most common ways men get rejected. My experience in that has become that, unless they offer up another idea whether at that time or later, then they really aren’t interested. At the same time, that’s no way for him to respond

[IslaTheWitch]

he wasn't nice... he was toxic from the beginning...

[Asker]

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/fs5FfQeuUn

[Truthatanycost]

I get the feeling the guy had some mental illness mixed in with desperation and fear. He needs treatment.

[Asker]

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/fs5FfQeuUn I feel the same

[Asker]

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/FAbnx0Homk

[lorenzomichael]

Nice guys are fucking stupid. They always end up last. They never get what they want and they get took advantage of all the fucking time. I’m so glad I’m not one. I’m a bad boy. That I don’t give a fuck.

[Asker]

Lmaoo a bad boy wouldn't call himself bad. I get what you are trying to do, but it's proving my point abit. Someone bad wouldn't tell you they are bad, just like someone good wouldn't have to tell you they are good. You just know by how they present themselves

[lorenzomichael]

I also mentioned I don’t give a fuck

[Asker]

Clearly gave at least a half of 1 or you wouldn't have commented

[LiamJHayden]

Most "nice guys" are only being nice to try to get into a girl's pants. The way to see if he is genuinely nice is to observe how he is with others when he thinks you are not looking. Is he the same "kind and courteous" to the elderly or to women he would not be interested in? Does he run over to help some random guy push a car that stalled / ran out of gas? If not, he's a manipulator, not a real nice guy.

[HusamRocks]

He was nice for a purpose but he saw no hope of u 😂

SAY HI TO GRANDMAAA and take good care of her 👍🏻🤩

[Asker]

Lmaoo apparently not and the crazy part about it, is I'm so afraid people will think I'm lying to them or avoiding them. I like to provide proof even with friends. If they call amd I'm on the phone, screenshot or picture. If I say I'm with someone. I take a picture etc. I provide proof so people don't think I'm lying to them. Idky or when I started doing it, buy it's a habit. To the point my friends say it's ok, you don't have to keep doing this. I sent him voice notes and pictures of me being busy, he'd say "ok no problem" but would STILL have a problem if I didn't answer him fast enough. With passive messages "wow ok, guess you are too busy" etc. And at first I think maybe I was misreading the tone, but after I stopped doubting myself. I knew yeah this us "passive aggressive" he's upset.

[DryGermanGuy]

Either one of these „professional“ pickup clowns, running his script and realizing he failed or an exemplary of today’s younger people expecting instant gratification, similar to the “success“ in their silly phone games.

[Vegasrunner]

That was smart of him, you should never provide a women free resources w/ out getting something in return. He did the right thing by blocking you.

[Asker]

Uhh I didn't ask anything from him? But yes I do hope things go better for him.

[Vegasrunner]

@asker it the story it you say your responded by telling him that you can see him "next week and "not at his house"

[Asker]

Yeah, why would I take my kid to his house? I'm confused how does that equal "free resources"

[Asker]

Are you implying he would take me to a restaurant or something? First of all I don't think you realize how hard it is to go out with a baby. There's nothing I can do with an 8 month old besides provide motion. My idea of a date was to take a stroll on the beach or at the park and talk. I take his stroller and would walk with him.
He'd be asleep in the stroller giving me time to get to know the guy better, because a first date we aren't going to homes. Plus I MAKE MORE THAN HIM. He dog sits, plus works part time at his dad's shop. I work full time 25 an hour, plus commissions. Nobody wants your or his money, and if I wanted to go out to a certain place I'd pay. That's the point of a date. Whoever asks, has to pay.

[Vegasrunner]

@Asker I'm confused as to why you think I told you to take your kid to his house?

[Vegasrunner]

@Asker The most precious resource is time and based on this story he would be wasting his. If it's that difficult to go out w/ a baby why are you even going out? If you're original story is true then that means he's asking so your idea of a date is irrelevant. Furthermore I couldn't think of a worse first date for a guy then walking in public w/ another man's child. TBH you looks like he did exactly what he's supposed to do w/ a single mom. He invited you over on a low maintenance date, you declined and he moved on. That's literally my advice almost to a T. to young men when dealing w/ single moms.

[Asker]

He added me back on Snapchat, cursed me out blew up my phone and called me a "chinker" said he hopes my baby dies among other things after he blew me up with texts, calls and video chats and a low maintenance date Is fine, and he showed his trie colors. I'm happy I didn't go over there or god knows what would have happened.

[Vegasrunner]

@asker What is a chinker?

[Asker]

I'm Korean and black. You take a guess what it is..

[Vegasrunner]

@Asker sounds like a racist term, however that's what happens when men act emotionally the way women do.

[Asker]

It is chink and ni663r here's the screenshots https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/FAbnx0Homk

[Vegasrunner]

@Asker You don't need to send me a screenshot I'll take you at your word. This only proves what I originally said which is he's better off not wasting his time. At his age, and based on your story he probably doesn't get laid much which is why he overreacted to rejection. This is also why I teach guys to have multiple girls so you don't put all their energy onto one.

[Asker]

You don't have to take my word when the actual proof is there, but ok

[Vegasrunner]

@Asker It cute that you felt need to provide proof, but I'm a man and men are willing to simply take people at their word because all we have is our word. Women are typically more dishonest so that's probably why you felt the need to provide "proof"

[Asker]

Right... lot to unpack in that, but no biggie

[Vegasrunner]

@asker All good glad I could educate you.

[just_a_potato]

I think the thing that's so creepy about 'nice guys' is their kindness doesn't come for free. There's always an ulterior motive, whatever it happens to be. People like that creep me out in general.

[HawkPerception]

Jesus if this is a nice guy, then I'm a SUPER nice guy 😂

Girls and their damn "nice guy" label. It makes zero sense.

That was an obsessed and impatient guy. Not a nice guy 😂

[Asker]

That's what those guys call themselves though, "nice guys" a nice guy would not tell women constantly that they are nice. Like what is this court? Why are you trying to convince me you are nice. Let me get to know you and see. If I have to tell you over and over that im a " good person" most likely it's not true.

[HawkPerception]

It's an interesting bit of psychology. We like confidence in a person, but as soon as they say something good about themselves it becomes arrogance to most people. Like if a guy calls himself nice or a girl calls herself hot. It's like we immediately want to take them down a notch.

I think that's wrong though, and if you are something, you should be allowed to say it about yourself. But you have to also prove it through your actions.

[HawkPerception]

Regardless of whether the guy you were talking to said he was a nice guy or not, he did not prove it through his actions, so in the end he wasn't and that's all that matters.

[Asker]

He added me back and apologized as well as blew my phone up. I wonder cam I add picture

[Asker]

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/fs5FfQeuUn

[MisterWack]

Nice guys are nice guys, maybe you didn’t read his character & personality long enough and just stopped for the summary.

I would rather a nice girl than a dishonest baddie, just my thought.

[Asker]

I went by how he described himself. He said he was "different" and a "nice guy" which is why it was in quotes. Those were his words, in my experience nice guys don't have to say they are nice, actions speak louder than words.

[MisterWack]

Honestly you can self proclaim yourself as a “nice guy” however if you don’t show substance or actual validity then it is your word against the world.
I’m a nice guy and I speak with empathy, kindness, honesty, etc. this guy is most definitely not those things then if he didn’t give you that impression.

[Asker]

I'm aware he's not a nice guy. I was speaking on the self proclaimed nice guys who turn out to be manipulative. If a guy is truly nice, I just call him a normal guy, because being nice without ulterior motived should be normal. Anyone who has to show their so called "niceness" like a trophy and it makes them the best person ever, when it should be common decency, usually isn't nice, but they think they are And they call themselves nice guys. This describes it perfectly.
"Nice guys usually have an agenda. They are nice and extremely helpful to women that they find attractive. If they are friends with a woman, they will bend over backwards for her because they want to date her. They also make sure that the woman knows how wonderful they are in the hopes that she will date him. In their minds, the woman “owes” them a chance and/or they “deserve” a girlfriend/wife because they are so nice.

On the other hand, a genuinely good person doesn’t choose who to be nice to or who to help.

They help when they can and they don’t expect anything back. More than likely no one will ever be aware of how helpful he or she is because he or she doesn’t advertise it. They help people and treat them kindly because they want to, not because they see it as a downpayment for a date. They are aware that no one owes them anything and take rejection in stride.
Obviously no one likes rejection, but how you handle it says a lot about who you are. Feel your feelings, but don’t act out. Don’t withdraw kindness once a relationship is off the table."

[MisterWack]

Yeah I agree with ya, just was saying my additional piece.

[worldscolide]

That's not a nice guy. That's a "nice guy" the ones that you should stay away from.

[Asker]

That's exactly my point and why I put "nice guy" in quotations but I think a lot of people are misunderstanding me and getting offended. When I was referring to those guys who pretend they are nice, nit actual nice guys.

[worldscolide]

Yeah sorry about that.

[Asker]

He added me back, blew my phone up told me my baby should die and called a "bitch" and a "chinker"

[worldscolide]

Wtf man, please block him

[Asker]

I did. This was just exhausting

[worldscolide]

i can imagine

[Asker]

I can't post pictures here but he's the reddit link https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/fs5FfQeuUn

[worldscolide]

Looks like they removed your post for title issues

[Asker]

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/FAbnx0Homk I know. I changed it

[A_Wild_Redhead]

I try to lecture him when I see one, but they won't listen. Blocking is used to easily. Refusing to grow up instead of challenging different points of view.

[Anonymous]

This is what happens when two people are not clear with each other.

[Asker]

I was very clear https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/fs5FfQeuUn

[Opinion Owner]

He might not be getting the signal as clearly as you think you are putting it out.

[Asker]

Babe, he got it and then ge wished death on my child, called me slurs and other insults

[Opinion Owner]

Why are you asking here if you know the answers to your questions and getting defensive? I'm not nitpicking you. Only pointing out what might be static.

[Asker]

I'm not getting defensive though, plus I didn't know when I first came here. He added me back and said this stuff https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/FAbnx0Homk

[Juxtapose]

Can we stop calling bad people nice and stigmatizing actual nice people and causing people to be suspicious of kind behavior? That leads to a low trust society.

[Juxtapose]

Rogue moderators at it again:

[SkatPak392]

we already are a low trust society... everything bad is good and everything good is bad.

[Juxtapose]

@SkatPak392 not really, no. Go to a rich neighborhood sometime that has a small community and you will see a high trust society right there. You know those honor systems stalls? The town I grew up in had that.

It also helps that my high school is the best public high school in the state I grew up in, the town was top of the line.

Money makes a huge difference. Get away from drug addicted people or gang members in poor areas.

[SkatPak392]

Oh, I left the gang and drug infested hoodbover two years ago. I now live in a majority Latino city in the land of Brisket and Good BBQ. I don't bother them they don't bother me. Athough my job doesn't pay much, I'm able to get by. I'm grateful for it.

[Juxtapose]

@SkatPak392 the town I lived in was 95% white as well. Have you ever lived in a mostly white town? If so then how was it for you?

[Juxtapose]

Good on you though for getting near the Latinos because at least they aren't fucking with you.

[SkatPak392]

i lived in a mostly white town in Alabama around 2008-11 There was a black side of the town that i mostly avoided because they would try to provoke me.

[Juxtapose]

@SkatPak392 oh damn Alabama? Were the rednecks racist towards you? As a northerner I can't help but recoil at the name of Alabama.

[SkatPak392]

Believe it or not, it wasn't the white s who harassed me. it was mostly the black peak because I wasn't "black" enough

[Juxtapose]

@SkatPak392 wow that's a pretty consistent pattern.

[Juxtapose]

What a bunch of assholes. Did they also criticize you for not speaking in ebonics?

[SkatPak392]

yup. they make fun of me for my love of commercial aviation

[SkatPak392]

Im a northerner, who spent a lot of time in the back woods country every time I went down home.. mosquitoes are unbearable though.

[Juxtapose]

@SkatPak392 my dad ended up making bank from flying commercial and now has a home that is worth over a million dollars. They're jealous of you, crabs in a barrel mentality.

Yeeeaaaah another Union boy 🤜🤛 The mosquitoes are absolutely vicious and bug spray is a necessity.

[SkatPak392]

What airline did your dad fly for? TWA? Pan Am? Eastern? United?

[Juxtapose]

@SkatPak392 Delta. Before then? The United States Marine Corps in Harriers 🫡

[SkatPak392]

Ahhhh the memorable Harrier Jump Jets ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[SkatPak392]

Delta... before they completely devoured Northwest Airlines kicking and screaming...

[Juxtapose]

@SkatPak392 they certainly are beautiful and can even take off vertically.

Oh damn haha yeah that sounds like Delta all right. My dad had his complaints about them.

[Asker]

I'm sorry, what Is that? We weren't talking about *nal so why did that come up?

[SkatPak392]

@asker shut the fuck up.

[Asker]

@SkatPak392 umm dude what's your problem? I'm literally asking why the person was censored for talking about anal when this post is not about anal. Let me guess you are a "nice guy" too? Like literally Aggressive for no reason

[Asker]

How do you add pictures? He added me back on Snapchat and I want to show you all some screenshots

[SkatPak392]

@asker. fuck you, you stupid bitch, I never said I was nice, I'm not a nice guy I'm mean as fuck. Be lucky I'm not there to slap you in the fucking mouth for calling me a "nice guy". fuck outta here.

[SkatPak392]

@ᗰIᑎᑕᕼᗩᑎ'm tired of you little girls. I'm old enough to be your daddy., I would beat you.

[Asker]

@SkatPak392 well I can respect the transparency, that being said it would be a cold day in hell before I or my let any man slap me. 🤷‍♀️

[SkatPak392]

You can catch some high velocity projectiles too. Don't matter to me either way.

[Jbear27]

Not sure you should mislabel him as a nice guy. I like to think of myself as a nice guy and I don’t display behavior like that at all.

[Asker]

Nice guys usually don't say they are nice or try to hard to br nice or different. A nice guy is just a nice guy. A NORMAL GUY. He doesn't go to the extremes to prove he's a nice guy. The term "nice guy" is meant for those guys who try hard to be likeable and noticed, just to be manipulative, controlling once they get you. A normal guy, can be nice and not do those things. If this behavior doesn't apply to you then you know when I or anyone is talking about nice guys being bad, you should know it's not you. Only hit dogs will holler, so if it doesn't apply let it fly. You know who and what you are. I don't.

[Jbear27]

You say an actual nice guy is just a normal guy? So in your experience if that’s the norm, most guys you interact with are nice normal guys? Good for you. In my experience finding an actual nice guy is pretty abnormal and rare. Most people now days are self serving and manipulative. That’s why I’ve reduced my social circle considerably in the past few years and I’m happier for it. I myself are old school and come from a time when being raised to be nice and go out of your way for others was a way of life. So I’ll happily call myself and the boys I’m raising to be nice guys and gentlemen.

[Asker]

No, that's not what I'm saying at all. I'm saying being nice should be normal, it shouldn't make you special. People should be nice in general. It should be the norm, but it's not. It should be normal to be nice without any ulterior motive and the minute a girl hears how nice a guy is from his own mouth, they immediately put up their guard, because a nice guy shouldn't have to say he's a nice guy.

It should be something people come to the conclusion of on their own, by their actions, not just how they perceive themselves, being a truly nice guy is rare, but the way most women tell those truly nice guys apart from the manipulative ones. Real nice guys don't have to parade their niceness around like a trophy or metal, it's just inherently who they are, not some big accomplishment.

You should be nice normally. Politeness and respect should be something we all should possess without ulterior motives. That's what I mean by normal. It's good you are raising your son to be gentlemen.

[Asker]

That's also why I put "nice guys" in quotations, because they aren't really nice and try to claim they are

[Sabretooth]

He was a fake. Just a fuck boy trying to be nice. You should have ended it with the situation with your grandmother.

[Asker]

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/fs5FfQeuUn his messages to me

[Sabretooth]

not showing me anything.

[Asker]

I noticed. They removed it because it didn't meet the virtue claim thingy. I didn't have his old messages, just the new ones so it couldn't qualify for it.

[Asker]

Since those screenshots were mainly him insulting me and begging him to go out with him on Monday

[Sabretooth]

eh, reddit's fucked. I was critical of how trans girls treat men and am permanently banned... as they allow trans girls to hate on men... shit... look at this covo: www.reddit.com/.../ see my comment with Any_Try_3019

[Asker]

Wtf! Talk about weird and lack of respect for boundaries! That's crazy

[Asker]

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/FAbnx0Homk it's up now apparently

[Sabretooth]

Yeah, I know... You wanna complain about unfair treatment... Some are blocked out

[LazerBean]

Lol should have posted this to r/niceguys. They're just manipulative and entitled

[Asker]

Oh I didn't know reddit had that lol

[KrakenAttackin]

He realized you don't have time for a relationship so he bounced.

[Asker]

So because my schedule isn't open 24/7 and I responded every other hour because I was working and with an infant within 6 days of "talking" I don't have time for a relationship?

[Asker]

You know what.. I take it back, you are right. I had been thinking that as well, but I thought if I told people honestly. I need patience because I work and have a kid they could decide if they still wanted to pursue me, but I probably shouldn't right now. Everyone says they can handle it, until it comes down to handling it

[Passerby2]

because they are weak. it's not that they're nice, it's that they aren't competent and compensate by being nice. but it's usually hard to be genuinely nice when you're weak, so even their kindness is usually fake.

[Asker]

Exactly why I said "nice guys" in quotations, thank you. He said he was a nice guy, I know real nice guys aren't like this

[SeriouslyNotSerious]

TL;DR. Hi dear! :) Can you please update with a summarize, so others can understand it also? Just a suggestion.

[Asker]

A guy pretended to be nice and caring to get close to me just to show his true colors because he couldn't handle me having a job and a kid, so he blocked me

[Anonymous]

A lot of "nice guys" are just covering for being really, really weak which doesn't tend to bode well for the women they end up with in a relationship. You definitely dodged a bullet.

[WhitneySnow]

I agree with you but genuinely nice guys do exist

[Asker]

I know, it's just nice guys don't normally call themselves nice guys. They are just good people.

[StudyingAuthor]

Yeah, It was probably for the best.

[Asker]

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/fs5FfQeuUn

[Anonymous]

he never wanted to date you in the first place. Any time you hear a guy asking you to go his place for the first few dates, he is just trying to get laid. he has no interest in you.

[paledreams]

Lol okay I'm sorry I look so handsome 👀👀😋✌🏻 sees avatar me - 😎🫡🫡😎

[Anonymous]

when did this guy say he was "nice" to begin with?

[Asker]

When we were talking on hinge, he kept making me laugh. I asked him "how was he single?" He said he's just "too nice a guy" as well as shy and nerdy and women didn't really like him. So I took this as a green flag as I am also shy, awkward and nerdy. Perfect match to me. So I didn't doubt it. Even on the app. I wouldn't message him back to back. I send a few messages at a time, exit out and come back two or 3 hours later.

[Opinion Owner]

he made himself sound perfect for you by portraying himself a doormat? and now he doesn't meet those expectations?

[Asker]

I guess dude, I don't know. It is what it is. He just added me back a few hours ago, blew me up, cursed me out, called me slurs and wished death on my child. I'm exhausted. He definitely wasn't who he said he was

[Opinion Owner]

if there's one thing you can learn about this is to not go for doormats even you have a selfish reason to do so. even if men are brainwashed into being doormats for society, there's a innate part of their brain that prevents this from fully accepting being a doormat

[Asker]

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/FAbnx0Homk

[Joshgag2000]

Your statement is false because I don’t consider that a nice guy more like a rude guy

[Asker]

"Nice guy" is in quotes meaning I'm quoting him. Nice guys don't parade around that they are nice my love.

[Kelley1]

All nice guys are not like that and not all guys that are like that are nice guys. Stop judging everyone on the basis of your experience with one person.

[Asker]

Nice guys was in quotation for a reason. It means self proclaimed nice guys, not actual nice guys.

[Kelley1]

I don't know. A lot of guys with low self esteem that lack confidence are like that. Blacks may say, "Are you disrespecting me?" Whites often say, "Sorry for asking." Around such guys, I try to be nice without indicating any interest and have a little interaction as possible to avoid walking on egg shells.

[Asker]

That sounds like walking on eggshells though, trying hard to be nice and not offend. I understand nor trying to offend people though, but that was very different from this guy. He said how he was "different" from other guys and how women didn't want him because he was "too nice" he began love bombing, calling and texting me constantly and I mean CONSTANTLY. He knew I had a kid, full time job said he was OK with it and he's very patient at first, but started acting entitled, rude and aggressive before blocking me.

[DrPepper12]

What a creepy dick! Desperate AF

[Asker]

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/fs5FfQeuUn

[Anonymous]

Why do SOME women have an experience with one guy and then assume all guys are the same?

[Asker]

Nice guy was in quotes, does anyone know what quotations mean anymore?

[Opinion Owner]

What does that have to do with my response here?

[Asker]

It means I was quoting him. HE said he was a Nice guy, that women didn't give him a chance because of that, and they only want bad boys. Self proclaimed "Nice guys" usually aren't Nice. If you have to convince others you are nice then you aren't really nice. It's a difference between a generally good person and a "nice guy".

[Opinion Owner]

I never said anything about nice guys, only you did. My point was that some women (like you) look at the behavior of one guy and assume others are just like him, which is very immature.

[Asker]

Let me break it down for you. I said why are "nice guys" so unsettling. I mean the guys who parade around like they are nice. Not guys who are genuinely nice. I never have assumed all guys are like that. You are ASSUMING I think like that. I have 11 AMAZING brothers. I could NEVER think like that. My ex and my baby's father was AMAZING and truly nice.

[Asker]

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/fs5FfQeuUn "nice guys" are dudes who do shit like this

[Asker]

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/FAbnx0Homk

[Shy_Steve]

I would have done the same thing.

You rejected him 2 or 3 times.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Same reason why "nice girls" are so unsettling

[Asker]

Oh most definitely, both sides are creepy asf. I've dealt with women like that as well

[Asker]

Had one text and call me over and over and show up at my home as well as call me off of different number, which is why I'm abit iffy with letting people pick me up from home or give someone my number right off the bat. She was very insecure and hurt, very pretty, but a bit.. loco

[Aiko_E_Lara]

Anecdotes

[Anonymous]

Because they are just sex offenders in waiting but to scared of being resized in jail

[Agape93]

Because theyre not. They're lying to you.

[Anonymous]

Find em
Feel em
F#$k em
And
Forget em

[Asker]

I.. I can't hate that. I don't know why. I respect the transparency of it. I don't agree with it, but I can respect the bluntness if it, as long as you are straight forward with the person you are using that method on

[noohair]

So if one nice guy is unsettling, all nice guys are unsettling? Why are all women such assholes? Oh, not all women are assholes. Just a few.

[Asker]

"Nice guy" in quotes means I'm quoting him, I'm referring to guys who label themselves as "nice" instead of actually being nice. Most truly nice guys don't try hard to convince you they are nice. Ted bundy said he was a "nice guy" get it? Keanu reeves doesn't parade around calling himself a "nice guy" because he's humble and truly a good person. His actions speak louder than words.

[dolemite58]

Cuz they’re being fake

[Tomisworthless]

Only go for the alphas

[Asker]

No, any guy who calls himself an alpha, beta etc. Is a red flag as well. Why can't you just be YOU. You aren't wolves, why do some guys do that? If I talk to Jared, I want to get to know Jared, not Jared, "the alpha, beta, omega" or whatever else is out there

[Tomisworthless]

They dont call themselves Alpha they are one dont go for nice guys they r only nice to get something from u true men are nice and confident without expecting a return for their actions

[Enginn]

Go date bad guys then. See if I care

[Asker]

A bad guy wouldn't call himself a "bad guy." The bad guys are usually the one parading around calling themselves "good guys" so they don't seem bad. An actual good guy won't try to announce he's one to everyone

[Enginn]

Wrong. Bad guys wouldn't even care to say they are good guys. If I say it I say it for a reason. By your logic good girls wouldn't have a problem with nice guys. You announce them yourself saying nice guys are this and that. Then your alternative is bad guys which is the common choice of bad girls.

[Asker]

He added me back, tell me how I add pictures and I'll show you what I'm talking about

[Enginn]

Show me any way you can its fine

[Asker]

Dm I guess

[Asker]

Won't let me

[Asker]

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/fs5FfQeuUn pictures for you

[Enginn]

Looks like your post is removed. Try it again

[Asker]

It didn't meet the virtue chain criteria. Since these messages were only insults and didn't include his virtuous comments about himself that wouldn't accept it.

[Asker]

https://www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/s/FAbnx0Homk

[Enginn]

Yeah he was being pushy and arguing. Dude clearly wasn't able to see you don't have any feelings for him.

[Dongie]

Ahh, poor sap. PYscho.

[Anonymous]

No worries, he's better off without you.👍

[Asker]

I hope so

[Anonymous]

Because you prefer guys who are not nice.

[Asker]

Babe, please.. I've explained this multiple times at this point. I'm over it