I went through my boyfriend’s phone and found some things. Is he cheating?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been officially together for a few months but have been dating and had feelings for each other for a long time. Lately, we’ve grown very attached and get along well, except for one issue that bothers me: he often mentions his ex-girlfriend. He compares what I do to what she did, making me feel uncomfortable and insecure, like I’m in a competition with her.

I’ve confronted him about it, asking if he still has feelings for her. He reassures me that I’m much better than she ever was and has no feelings for her, but I’m not convinced because he keeps bringing her up.

Recently, I did something I regret—I looked through his phone. I felt something was wrong, and I found out he had been texting his ex as recently as a month ago, saying he missed her and wanted to see her. He also told a friend he had “like 3 girlfriends” and had flirtatious texts with other girls before we were official.

I don’t know if he cheated, but it seems he intended to. I feel guilty for invading his privacy and now have information I don’t know how to handle. He’s my best friend, and I love him, and I believe he loves me too. He texts his friends about how great I am and how I’m the best thing to happen to him. It seems he might be insecure and seeks attention from multiple girls.

There’s been no message activity with other girls for about a month, and he’s become closer and more affectionate toward me. Maybe he’s done with that life, but am I naive to think so?

What should I do? Has anyone experienced something similar?

I went through my boyfriend’s phone and found some things. Is he cheating?

RingOfFire · Accepted Answer

"My boyfriend and I have been officially together for a few months but have been dating and had feelings for each other for a long time."

What does this actually mean? You call him your boyfriend but is he call himself your boyfriend? Have you had any discussion about whether or not your relationship was going to be exclusive?

If you did have that discussion and you both agreed that it would be exclusive, then it sounds like he broke the agreement since you said it's been a few months and he was still having those conversations only one month ago.

I think all depends on how clear it was that you were in an exclusive relationship with each other and from reading this first sentence or two I'm not sure how clear it is.

You shouldn't leave room for a gray area when it comes to defining your relationship. At a certain point it needs to become either black or white. It's dangerous to commit your heart and soul to the gray.

AviatorTom · Accepted Answer

You checked his phone because you wanted to find something, and you did. Why are you now upset for finding what you thought was there in the first place? Suggest you get  your  act together in the relationship and decide how you really feel, what you really want in a relationship. Then talk with him, or dump him... your choice.

Damaged00 · Accepted Answer

You have to completely disregard the messages to other girls if they were before you guys were official. That's called dating.

Him bringing up the ex girlfriend is not a good sign especially if he is comparing you to her. That means he still thinks about her and how it was being in a relationship with her. He's unsure if he made the right choice in breaking up with her if he's messaging her those things after y'all got together.

He seems like he doesn't know what he wants. And you should not want someone who is unsure and possibly still in love with someone else.

You had a feeling and went through his phone and it turns out you were right to worry. The relationship hasn't even been that long and there are already red flags. Go find someone you don't always have to wonder about because you're constantly going to worry from here on out.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

If he was telling his ex he mixed her not to long ago, it sounds like he wasn't fully over her when he got with you. Meaning, you may have been his rebound. That may not be the case, but if he misses her, that is definitely a sign. I think you should sit down and try to talk to him about your feelings, and everything, let him know how you feel and that you would like to know what is going on. Communication is important. Let him know it is important for your guys relationship that you guys talk and resolve this. See what he says, ask him to be 100% honest with you, as you have a right to know. Be kind to him about it while asking him of course.

hannah · Answer

Signs of cheating might include flirtatious messages, secretive behavior, or interactions with people he hasn’t mentioned. However, these signs don't conclusively prove infidelity. Context is crucial: some messages might be harmless or misconstrued.

Before jumping to conclusions, consider discussing your findings with him openly and calmly. Accusations without context can damage trust and communication. Explain why you felt compelled to check his phone and how it made you feel. His response and willingness to discuss the situation honestly will provide more insight. Remember, trust and communication are essential in relationships. If trust is already compromised, addressing this issue directly and possibly seeking counseling might be necessary to rebuild your relationship.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Did you ever actually have a conversation about being exclusive and monogamous?

Account · Answer

I dont want to be the one to be saying this, but to him you are the placeholder.

integrale77 · Answer

If your boyfriend is anything like me then he has phone numbers going back years that in my case I'm just too lazy to clear.
My girlfriend went through my phone saw a load of girls and I made it clear I just don't clean up my contact or messages for that.

The important bits is timing for these messages etc if they where before you where a thing then your making something of nothing even if it was in the early stages of your relationship before you had properly defined it as a relationship.

Also anything he said to his mates could be exaggerated bragging or blowing off steam offs are there will be things he will say to his mates about you that he would word differently to your face.

ErinEGoodKarma · Answer

I wouldn’t necessarily confront him about the text or continue to frequently question him about his like or dislike of his ex’s or any other girls for that matter. The truth comes out eventually (whether there is more to it or not). You don’t need to close of the relationship at this time, but, moreover, focus on yourself first, and it’s okay for you to keep ur options open. Obviously there’s some trust issues going on - if there are things he is dealing, let those be his issues to burden, & not your’s … Stay confident in yourself !!

Anonymous · Answer

Yes you’re being naive and you’re also making up excuses for his behaviour. There are no excuses and you should leave at the first sign of cheating or lying. He has these tendencies and he will cheat/lie again in the future, which means he can not be trusted and will not make a good partner. Leave now, it’s only going to get more difficult the longer time goes by and if you two end up having kids you’re going to be stuck coparenting with him forever and your kids will grow up with a broken divorced family because you two won’t last. He’ll cheat again for sure. Trust, communication, loyaly and respect are the most important parts of a relationship and there’s non of that coming from him and no, it won’t suddenly start coming if you talk to him. He must naturally be that way. If not he might change for a little while but then go back to his old ways eventually.

7Phoenix7 · Answer

You don't trust him... enough that you felt the need to invade his privacy. When you did so, you found what your gut was trying to tell you.

He was planning to see his ex. You should let him go see her. And you should move on...

rienna888 · Answer

Hmm I’d stay don’t break up with him yet and after a while see if he’s still the same. As he didn’t do any of that for a month, keep being the same towards him. But this guy DOES SEEM like the untrustworthy type. If you do be together, sternly remind him to not bring up his ex again. If he doesn’t respect that then this man may not be the man for you

MikeTheBartender · Answer

It certainly sounds like he is cheating, as far as not seeing messages from other girls, maybe he deleted them, maybe he's using an app like Snapchat or disappearing messages. I also say the fact that you went through his phone, tells me that the relationship just wasn't good to start. People always say you should never go through someone's phone, I don't completely agree with that, but I do say when you do go through the phone, it means something wasn't right from the start.

Nikki1989 · Answer

He is cheating, no question. Tip, never date ANYONE that uses their phones for anything other than actual phones that they have to make.

TracyF · Answer

Well sister, I feel for you. I could go either way with an answer, but I'm gonna go with what I think is best for your situation. Love on him, and love him, and if you need to call out his behavior with his ex, then do. Don't say you peeked at his phone. Say you know by the way he talks about her that he has some feelings, or something like that If needed.

Bety23 · Answer

Wow I kind scare to did that to my fiancé’s phone? Cause I am afraid I will not like what I see so I’m just gonna trust him and hope for the best So you found out he’s cheating so what are you gonna do now he doesn’t know you went through his phone does he?

rosemilk · Answer

i gotta say, it looks like you're a rebound. he is definitely not over his ex, at all. he is grasping at straws, trying to do anything to get over her (hint the 3 other girls before you two were official).

luvstoned4him · Answer

Im sorry but the bringing up the ex constantly was a bad enough sign to end it. Clearly he isn't over his ex. Your gut was telling you something and you found proof. I say the universe did you a favour. Get out unless you love abuse.

HelpfulWoman · Answer

easy get rid. comparing you two will never work in eithers favor and isn't worth the hassle at 36..

wiltingrosepetal · Answer

You don't trust him and he's seeking out different options. This relationship won't sail, just jump ship 😭

SeriouslyNotSerious · Answer

Let his ex have him. This is not even something to think twice about.

Peridot25 · Answer

Anyone who constantly brings up their ex is 100% still in contact with them. Never believe a word your partner says when they say the don’t have feelings for their ex UNTIL they can 100% prove it.

Gent207-2 · Answer

That POS does not deserve you  Break up with him and leak his messages online He's a coward and a traitor

serious_miss419 · Answer

If you originally don’t trust him, you don’t have to trust him. Seems like you’re both working through past stuff. Either keeping working through them together and both be conscience of it, or go separate ways.

In_Trance · Answer

When you do dumb shit like this you don't deserve a boyfriend

WhitneySnow · Answer

This is terrible! You need to confront him. If he really stopped a month ago let him tell you that.

spartan55 · Answer

Neither of you are mature enough to be in a relationship.

Vegasrunner · Answer

I think it's unfortunate for your boyfriend that he has been tricked into a committed relationship w/ a woman with such deep rooted insecurities.

LiamJHayden · Answer

You had enough distrust that you felt compelled to go through his phone. Cheating is whatever you deem it to be. No one else's opinion matters.

Anonymous · Answer

Find a guy with no exes. Better dump this guy and find that guy. You'll be much more happier. No girl likes to share her man with other girls and feel like in a competition with them

noohair · Answer

A man has a much more complicated path to where you want him to be. The male ego can be a barrier for him to be exclusive. Be patient. Good Luck.

Anonymous · Answer

It’s never a good idea to snoop or you’ll always find something you are suspicious of, usually people that do that have trust issues and might be doing things wrong themselves so that’s why they snoop

IWILLPLEASEYOU · Answer

I have recently been in the same way I've been realizing that if you are looking for it you will not believe you can trust I have been missing a piece of myself that is not there.

Danny_dan92 · Answer

The fact you’re feel the need to do this alone should tell you that your relationship is done

DrPepper12 · Answer

You only have a 1 in 3 chance that he's not telling others the same thing. NOT good odds

jahaims · Answer

If you don't trust them don't date them. Common sense

OhLongJohnsoning · Answer

We wouldn't like it if you did the same, so why should you give him any rewards for doing it to you

Pterodon · Answer

It’s obvious you don’t trust him so why are you with him?

Anonymous · Answer

That's why you shouldn't go through other people's phones.

dustybiker2 · Answer

Question is do you deserve him?

handsomelad70 · Answer

I'd say two-thirds chance yes.

MacDaddyRico · Answer

Why are you spying on him?

I went through my boyfriend’s phone and found some things. Is he cheating?

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