Is my boyfriend cheating?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been down a dark road lately, involving DV against me, I had to take the safety measures in that moment which then created a protective order. It got dropped but even though it’s not allowed he kept posting subliminals on social media just saying how he wishes he could make things right and talk to me and it got to the point we ended up texting before the order was up, it was only about 2 months. But for me it felt like forever which I’m sure for him too. It’s been dropped for about a month now, he’s in therapy once a week, I’m trying to focus on myself I’ve been extremely depressed and not myself. Probably from the trauma. He’s never seemed like a cheater per se, but just a gaslighter. Time apart he recognizes he can’t hit women but still tells me I drive him crazy, calls me names. Says im the most difficult girl he’s ever been with. Brings up my past before he was even around, against me. Uses any mistakes I’ve made against me. Can never seem to forgive. Forces me to talk and apologize but never accepts the apology, says I don’t out enough effort into the apology. I just don’t get it. Anyways. We’ve been ok for a while and he got mad about some spam caller on my phone accusing me of talking to other guys. He grabs my phone whenever he wants. I never grab his. I tell him the honest truth I don't know what number that is calling me and he calls me a lying whore. Well. I’m at his house in his bed tonight and someone is calling him at 2am and I woke up and said babe someone is calling you, he quickly woke up out of sleep and checked the phone and I said who is it and he said probably a telemarketer…I said ok so show me the phone he’s like just stop it’s late and went back to sleep…bc of the DV I’m not trying to set him off but I don’t know what to do.

[Whitewulf]

His cheating should be the last thing you’re worried about and the first thing to hope for so he has someone else to take out his rage when or if you leave him. Now to answer! Leave leave leave don’t look back. You just described at least three different types of behavioral disorders and one day a week ain’t gonna cut it. Click is ticking and he will go off before the therapy starts to sink in. I’m telling you he is a dangerous person for woman to be around.
bringing up your past before he was around is a no win for you. He doesn’t plan on ever forgetting about it and I’m sure he’s asked you in detail about your past lovers. When those images pass through his head you might as well have cheated because that’s what it feels like to him. Why would you want to live your life in constant drama and ugliness. You don’t have to. Go run into your peace. It will only get worse.

[Asker]

Thankyou, you’re right. He’s the first relationship I’ve ever been in, I’m 24, he’s 26. He’s been in 3 long term relationships before me and claims I’m the first girl he’s ever hit. He says I’m the most difficult girl he’s ever been with. I don't know whenever he hits me, he forces me to talk after and if I’m silent due to the trauma I’m called a b word or screamed at. He goes through my phone and asks which guy in a picture or video is and accuses me of cheating even though it was my guy friends from years ago that I don’t even talk to anymore. Any picture with a guy (he could be gay) he just accuses me of cheating and being a whore and a b*tch. In the car he will pull my hair and hit me in the head if I tell him he’s being ridiculous and needs to stop, or if I stick up for myself he goes nuts again and starts raging to the point I feel I’m losing hearing in my ears. I’m safe alone at my apartment right now but I just have so much trauma and don’t know how to fix this. Sorry this is so long.

[Asker]

I’m a very stubborn person. I was abused by my ex stepfather as a child so I just don’t tolerate any of that and it sickens me that I did tolerate it from him. He knows my past and does it. And I do have a mouth on me. But that’s just defending myself and everytime I speak my truth he gets more mad and deflects it back onto me, he attacks my family calls them names.

[melnc]

Well, let's pretend he didn't cheat on you, yet... are you really conscious to be with someone who gives you nothing but shit all day?
Girl, even in prison, people are treated better. Currently, he's not the problem, you're the problem because you gave him the green light to be down in his swamp... I wouldn't be surprised if you ended up in the hospital🤦

[Asker]

Girl I tell him all the time like why are you constantly bringing up my stuff. I’ve tried so hard to not bring up the stitches you left on my chin, I try to not bring up the walls you’ve damaged in MY apartment. I’ve tried so hard to genuinely forgive and he brings up my past before him calling me all sorts of names, like every single day I can wake up and he’s mad at me about it and the second I say can you stop I just woke up he takes it as I don’t care to fix the issue. I’ve said sorry so many times he doesn’t forgive he just wants to constantly make me feel bad and the second I tell him to stop and that it’s in the past, he goes nuts. Like nobody cheated this happened before I ever even knew him like it’s ridiculous. And as a man that abuses women, I don't know why he feels like he needs some crazy apology

[doggylover64]

I’m really not sure why you haven’t left, domestic violence relationships never end well. Please just leave.

[doggylover64]

And yes, I guarantee he’s cheating especially if he won’t show you. He won’t show you because he’s hiding something.

[Asker]

It’s hard to leave. I know I need to. My family isn’t happy with me either. They are scared for me. I just have a problem seeing the good in people and I just need to focus on myself and be single. I just grieve the relationship, I never in my life thought it would come to this. It sounds dramatic but I really thought he was it. But I deserve more than constantly worrying if he will snap. Trust me I am well aware it’s just an awful situation to be in. Thankyou for your advice 🩷

[guywholikestoeatout]

It will always blow my mind how girls are in relationships like this by choice.. this is sad, you should scrounge together even a crumb of self respect and leave this guy.

[Asker]

Abuse alters your mind.. it’s a real thing. Someone gets in your head telling you things that aren’t true all day everyday. And also hit you, it’s a journey to get back to yourself. Irs also safety, women have to think about leaving smartly, it’s not like a regular breakup. Before you assume, just try to understand. 🫶🏻

[guywholikestoeatout]

Yeah, I was in an abusive relationship with my ex. She was emotionally abusive and an alcoholic but mostly it wasn’t any worse than most guys deal with on a daily from most girls that think guys need to just “be a man”. Yet and it took her one time of hitting me for me to leave. By the sound of your issue you should have left a long time ago, not to mention worry if this loser is cheating on you.

[Staximus]

The guy beat your ass and here you are in his bed again. Brilliant.

[doggylover64]

Couldn’t have said it better myself lol

[Asker]

Until you’re in a situation like this I wouldn’t talk about it so lightly lol this is why people don’t speak about DV. Victim blaming at its finest.

[Staximus]

You had a restraining order on a guy and now you are sleeping in his bed again. It's not victim blaming, you're just about as sharp as a warm stick of butter.

[Zestyassmf1997]

You don’t think you should just leave?