How do you get rid of expectations in the dating world?

Question

I try not to think of the other issue to drop but kind of hard if I’m only dating for fun but now I am dating to actually be in a relationship makes it more difficult and it’s hard to go with the flow. You’re already predicting that the flow is going nowhere.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Stop thinking about them and just go with the flow , when I started to no longer waste my time on expectations, and just focused on myself and started treating people the way I want to be treated in return , expectations no longer was a big deal to me , if I meet a beautiful girl , my intentions is for her and I to enjoy our time together , by treating her the way I want to be treated in return , if she is lying
To me , that’s her problem not mine , and she will suffer the consequences of her selfish actions of that’s the case , I no longer waste my time on expectations when I meet a beautiful girl that I have great chemistry and connection with , my intentions is for her to come back for more and more , if she doesn’t? Oh well thanks for a good time but not a long time. I have slept with married women and girls’ that were already i. a relationship with another guy that she lied to me about , that’s her problem not mine. I chose to be honest with her but she chose not to be honest with me , so oh well , I hope your boyfriend or husband likes the taste of my cum in your mouth. I just realized my expectations usually don’t align with most girls’ I meet , I no longer play investigator , most females’ have other men they are talking to or have other men that they are dating that she isn’t going to be honest about. So if I am out and about, I am looking for a good time , not looking for drama period. If she wants to cheat on her husband or boyfriend that’s her problem not mine

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

Well you have to pick one of those choices

If you're dating to be in a relationship then you can only date the type of people that want the same thing as you do

If you're dating for the fun of it you have to pick the same type of people to date that are dating for the same reasons

That way there is no expectation

That way you're not battling fun and real against each other

You both have to be dating for the right reasons for the same reason otherwise they counterbalance each other and there's confusion misunderstanding and it probably turns out to be a bad date

That's why I hate the word date I don't like to date I'm spontaneous

asking if you want to go do something together. Or hang out and just let things happen for me is better

Because if it's a date then it's something that is kind of premeditated and there's rules and there's different things that you have to abide by or do to get ready for that date and that just takes all the fun out of it

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DizzyDesii · Accepted Answer

I’m always going to have expectations  and I need a man who also has a plan. I will never just “date for fun” and go with the flow. I need to know that the guys plans/intentions include seeking something meaningful and longterm. If he's just exploring and wanting to get out of the house, I’m not the one nor the two.  Its okay to have standards and expectations  but the struggle is keepig it realistic. At least make sure you know eachothers dealbreakers and pet peeves before considering an actual date. If there's a certain dealbreaker (for example, if he’s a smoker) then I need to know beforehand because I’m not wasting my time nor a good outfit on some “temporary fun” with someone who would’ve automatically gotten the axe like a smoker.  I’m good at counting out those who hit a dealbreaker, but I suck at listening to my intuition.  I tend to talk myself out of when someone might be a red flag because I like to be optimistic, sometimes too optimistic by trying to see the best in everyone. Ignoring your instincts and letting red flags slide is how I’ve ended up in a few tricky situations.

CarolinaGirl5 · Accepted Answer

I'm not understanding your question. It's not matching what you're saying you want. If you're saying you want to date with the intention of something solid such as marriage/relationship then yes you should have standards and expectations. Why would you not? That makes no sense and when you go into dating like this men will not respect you.

AviatorTom · Answer

Have an open mind and don't expect anything. Go with the flow. You'll have more fun that way.

Matt_M · Answer

It's called being in the moment. Dating is supposed to be about enjoying someone else's company to figure out if you're a fit, not an obstacle to be overcome on the road to "A Relationship." You're already in the process of building a relationship from the moment you introduce yourselves. What form that relationship may take in the future can never be known in advance.

I know it's a huge cliche to say this but, in the dating world as in so many other parts of life, it really is about the journey and not the destination. And think about this as well: if you're constantly worrying about what the future holds, you're robbing *yourself* of your own ability to enjoy the the present moment. Dating isn't about one person gaining the other's approval; it's about seeing whether each of you bring beauty and joy into each other's lives.

In short, if you aren't enjoying the process of getting to know someone, then something is off. Either your nerves are getting the better of you, the person you're seeing is more of a taker than a giver, or a combination of the two. Assuming that things did progress to a long-term monogamous relationship based on those dynamics, it would be an asymmetrical relationship in which your own happiness is always taking a back seat to your partner's.

You deserve to enjoy the process of building intimate connection with another person. So just relax, enjoy the ride, and trust your instincts. If the dynamic feels good, then stick with and the "relationship" you want will emerge on its own without you having to think too much about it. And if it *doesn't* feel good, then it probably wasn't the right person for you anyway.

All the best in finding your person!

Purpleronnie · Answer

The only realistic and reasonable expectation that’s meaningful in the dating game in my opinion is that the other person is a “decent human”. This encompasses being respectful , honest , able to listen and communicate , show empathy and understanding , interest etc. we will stay away from the divisive point of who is paying , that always should be set straight in advance where possible , I. e can I take you out for a drink , coffee , dinner etc etc

These days people seem to be confusing their expectation with their ‘wishlist’ or fantasy Disney type happily ever after.

People that live in the real world know that there is little point expecting more than you have to offer so in my opinion we don’t need to actively attempt to rid the dating world of expectation as it doesn’t matter how much expectations are demanded only what’s offered

Lynx122 · Answer

Well you need to have some expectations if you don't need anything from the other person then why even date? But you have to actually find the things that are the most important to you and then go after those even if it maybe goes against some other things you might like in a relationship.

noohair · Answer

This is a complicated question because everyone has some kind of expectation with going on a date; even it is just to have fun. If there is no chemistry, things get difficult right away. If you are looking for a partner, the stakes perceived as much higher. I see people thinking that they can find the perfect mate. I don’t think this is possible because no human is perfect. If one person does not suit you, there are others. The idea of only one soul mate can lead to doubts that can ruin a good match because people think they are settling. That concept of settling is flawed because until you are actually married, you never really know how the one that got away would have been in every day marriage. You can’t force other people to have feelings that they do not have. Decide if there is enough there to be a good match without any concept that you can change what you don’t like. I would go into dating without an idea this is life or death, just a date.

lightbulb27 · Answer

do you mean get rid of perfectionism?

Stop having expectations... and appreciate whom is there.

The question is... do you enjoy being with them, do your values align and going in similar direction. Can you respect him enough, can he love you... in spite of your flaws.

It's key to honor the values of each and the wounds.

mobiusforniner · Answer

Love is letting go, not of people or things necessarily, but of what you  want . You cannot control what people do or how they’ll behave. Having a list of expectations or desirements will always result in disappointment. Learn to let that go. You can only control what you do and how you respond. Master yourself and you’ll find there’s no need to master others.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

My dating experience improved dramatically when I realized that I could just focus on having a good time with the person I was on the date with.

Developing the relationship almost became an afterthought because I was just focused on enjoying my time with her. What she chose to do with that experience was out of my hands, so why worry?

IslaTheWitch · Answer

get rid of expectations in general... focus on experiencing here and now...

Anonymous · Answer

Stop watching chick flicks. Stop watching Disney movies. Understand that men have thoughts. You can’t imagine how many times men answer women on this forum, pretty much all similar answers but women still disagree that no that’s not the reason why men do this or that or what we say.

Iron_Man · Answer

Just go with the flow relax don’t expect anything. It’s very hard to date nowadays in society. Everybody’s got their own wants and needs and their own power and it’s very difficult to maintain a relationship or even to find one that works out. Go in be positive hope for the best if it doesn’t work out then you just have to move on don’t put all your eggs in one basket and don’t give your heart away until you’re really, really are sure.

morganherrel · Answer

The truth is that no one is entitled to love. It's a privilege, not a right. Most people will never find it (in 2024). And that's totally ok.

After wasting men's time and rejecting numerous advances throughout their 20s, women quickly run out of options in their 30s.

You have to accept that you may be forever unmarried or be unable to attract the guy you want, because that fear is valid.

Then feel gratitude for any gift of love that you are lucky enough to find.

SuchSightsToShowYou · Answer

I mean, you want to get rid of unrealistic expectations when you're dating, but you absolutely should have expectations.

If you're dating because you want to be in a relationship, you should expect the men you date to be relationship material.

Good luck.

Anonymous · Answer

Yours or theirs? Because you can't control thiers. But I myself have no real expectations. Most the women I end up going out with (if it progresses to that point) are decent people. I think that's the mistake a lot ofvguys make is they simply aren't discerning enough with the women they date. She has to me as much as I have to earn her.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

I just don't do dating world , so there are no expectations to be confronted with. I prefer to use the  traditional ways . For once, damn, I do rely to some traditions after all, wow, finally! 👀

Billlewis · Answer

I avoid that potential pitfall by focusing on what pleases her.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Stop having them. Simple. Dating is fun, stop overthinking it.

SeriouslyNotSerious · Answer

By being a genuine friend. If it develops, cool. If it doesn't, you still got a friend. A win-win situation. 😄

Makeushiver · Answer

The same way you get rid of expectations in life. Buddhists claim the root of suffering is attachment. When we can be content with whatever happens you can be happy

Miristheiss · Answer

If one chooses to "date for fun"... aka fuck around... they are permanently off the relationship list.

LiamJHayden · Answer

I have no expectation other than "I will have fun." If more happens, great, but not necessary.

DtMe89 · Answer

Sacrifice. If you're willing to sacrifice for your partner, you'll have a good relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm sure you'll get used to it  and be comfortable even if it's all knew to u make it be meaningful  just forget about casual

Anonymous · Answer

I don't have any expectations cause no girl wants to date me.

DryGermanGuy · Answer

Expectations = sexpectations?

eagle1951 · Answer

don't date lol

msc545 · Answer

Dating is a waste of time

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

Easy. Stop dating

Sonora81 · Answer

I don't think it is totally possible.

EnjoytheDay777 · Answer

Eeesh, why so negative?

Luopio27 · Answer

Just give up all hope for the human race!

TheCoffeeisHot · Answer

Focus on what you can provide for yourself

legalboxers · Answer

just have NONE

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I know. It's hard!

How do you get rid of expectations in the dating world?

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