Fizzled out after 6 dates, could I have done anything different?

[rkuchiki123]

I went on 6 dates with this guy and I saw so much potential. He was exactly my type, we were aligned on many things, had fun on every date and texted everyday. He was also sweet, consistent, and affectionate; he baked me my favorite cookies! I can be shy in dating, so I did my best to push through that and show interest through compliments, small touches, teasing, and opening up about myself. I also initiated the 4th date. We never had sex, but came close to it. At the end of the 6th date, he initiated a check-in convo. He was going to go home for 3 weeks for the holidays, return for 2 weeks, then travel a full month with friends. We agreed we enjoyed our time together, wanted to stay in contact, and meet when we could.

The 1st week or so he was away, we texted everyday as normal. Then, I asked to facetime and although we never ran out of things to talk about before, it was a bit awkward. We chatted for under an hour and it wasn't terrible, but it wasn't amazing either. For the next few days, the texting felt forced. I was losing interest, but thinking about how great things were before, decided I wanted to keep trying. I was thinking of how to spice things up when he ended things. He said he hadn't really felt the connection he wanted for a LTR and since we wouldn't be able to see each other much for a while, it didn't make sense to continue. I wasn't in love so I wasn't hurt, but I'm disappointed and confused. I don't get why things were good until they weren't, why despite my best efforts, he wasn't interested enough to try longer.

[OlderAndWiser]

The initial excitement of a new relationship clouds our perceptions and it is easy to believe that this person is a real contender. We often look at a potential partner, hoping that this is finally The One, and we see what we want to see. And, sometimes, that potential partner is presenting themselves most favorably, not necessarily intending to be deceptive, but making an initial impression that is a bit different than what we finally see when the honeymooon is over. Learning to not make quick judgments about potential partners is difficult but part of the process of becoming a better protector of ourselves.

Finally, if he decided that you weren't The One for him, would you want him to pretend and keep dating you when his heart is really not into it?

[Purpleronnie]

Reading your explanation I can only think that perhaps is anything he was maybe forcing it a little? .. sweet , affectionate , baking you cookies but it stopped short of a spark or some chemistry.


While trying not to give you a cliche response what springs to mind is that he just wasn’t that into you.


That’s not your fault , sounds like there was a kind of friendship forming but that’s NOT what you want to settle for at the start of a relationship …. Kinda think you see this on some level too 🤔

[rkuchiki123]

Yeah, I'm just wondering why I wasn't able to inspire those feelings in him

[Purpleronnie]

It’s nice that you attempt to see it that way but this isn’t a you thing , . Even if you could inspire feelings like that it would then be kinda forced and in-natural additionally the hole performance anxiety just doesn’t sit well with me either from , and coupled with the kinda friendzone start just isn’t inspiring in my humble opinion. I think it’s best that it ended when it did

[rkuchiki123]

How come the performance anxiety doesn't sit well?

[Purpleronnie]

Just adds to the whole “ I see you as a friend “ direction but also , and I can’t explain this , but I cannot help be suspicious of a guy claiming to suffer from performance anxiety I mean call a spade a spade , is that not erectile dysfunction?

[MissTrix]

You did everything amazing... He just wanted someone you were not! 🚫

Probably wanted sex or sexting and when you never went that way he got bored.

That or he wanted a different personality!

Honestly only he can answer but I'm hearing a lot of these recently.

It was amazing and he went off some where and it ended...

Sounds like he love bombed you for funs or practice.

You did amazing working on yourself nothing you could have done it was his choice! Here is a hug for trying!

[Anonymous]

He could feel that you were losing interest in him since he couldn't cater you anymore due to distance. He could feel that he wasn't enough in himself, and you required the things he did to stay interested, and therefore he started losing interest and stopped making effort.

[HawkPerception]

I never understand women like this. Do you think there will always be something to talk about and conversation is eternally interesting?

Get comfortable with silence. The honeymoon phase does not last that long. It's the phase that seems fun and exciting because you're getting to know that person, the views, their sense of humor, their interests... everything about them. And once you know all of that, it becomes more like what's new with their days, which can get repetitive and boring.

If you can't be comfortable with silence and expect someone to entertain you or have that spark with you 24/7, you'll never last long in a relationship.

Get in touch with reality.

[rkuchiki123]

Tell that to him, I still wanted to keep trying, he was the one who decided to end things after that call

[ohsheeT]

I think I just answered another one of your questions but it's the same thing you have to let yourself be known your.
Present with either touch your energy the smile communication with just your eyes

Did you guys joke back and forth at all laugh at all or was everything just kind of serious if a guy is going to take you out six or seven times you have something to a guy wants I can say that much for you but someplace somewhere a wall goes up or something happens

[rkuchiki123]

Yeah we would joke around, I like cracking jokes so.

I feel where the disconnect was connecting on a more romantic level. I tried doing that but clearly it wasn't enough

[ohsheeT]

Well from what I see is or what I feel is I think he would because I think you went out of your way in a lot of different scenarios to get him to feel that passion to get him to take you there I mean out of everything that I read I mean he should have hung on for a little while longer to see what happens because I think you were ready to just take him to the mental zoo LOL you were going to do him so good if he would have allowed you to I think that's hot you can't be upset about anything

[ohsheeT]

. he.. can't be up set about anything .

[Finchie40]

Because he met someone else , if he really liked you he would of made it clear that he couldn’t wait to see you again , but instead he found someone else and now treating you like you aren’t really wiorth his time , Just move on and find someone that chooses you like you choose them

[AManOnTheWeb]

Hard to say without being omniscient. Some possibilities:

• You guys just weren't meant to be--it happens more often than not.
• He had another woman and you were the potential side action that never really developed.
• LDR usually aren't worth it, there needs to be some serious magic for it to work
• Maybe he met someone else and his interests went to her since she was close by and you were far away.
• Maybe you set off one of his red flags and you had no idea because he never told you?

There was a woman I dated casually in college. She was graduating but I still had another year left and we hadn't been seeing each other for very long. I think if we'd met a year earlier things may have worked out and been worth pursuing a long distance relationship, but neither of us were fully invested to make a 500 mile LDR work. So it fizzled. It wasn't really anyone's fault, just lousy timing.

[Zack-Bann]

Sounds like circumstances made the decision here.
People move away sometimes.
LDR is not for everyone.


Also 7 dates with no sex is kinda sus.
It might mean you subconsciously didn’t desire him and that’s never a good thing


In my humble experience: the best relationship are the ones where sex happens very early and then you build a foundation free of the bull-balled frustration

[rkuchiki123]

We went to 3rd base. Just didn't go further cuz he had some performance issues

[Zack-Bann]

Oh waw, he had performance issues and you’re wondering if it’s somehow your fault?

Nah you’re better off starting fresh at this point. Circumstances did you both a favor

[rkuchiki123]

Well I don't see the sex as the reason for the relationship ending. I was thinking of the emotional aspect

[HungTexan]

It probably wasn’t meant to be. And it sounds like he didn’t get the vibes he expected from you. Just a guess, but if you’d initiated or indicated you were ready for sex after 3-4 dates, you’d know if you were compatible sexually, and things might be different.

[rkuchiki123]

We almost had sex on our 4th date. Like, we were right in the middle of it but I think he got performance anxiety so we stopped

[Staximus]

Just because you thought he was Mr Perfect and he didn't feel the same about you doesn't mean there's something wrong with you or what you did. If he was Mr Perfect for you then he'd still be in the picture. Let him fuck off into the sunset and don't even worry about it 🌅

[ProbablyClueless]

Something my last situationshit taught me: people just kinda... decide... what you're going to be to them. They make their decision, and once they do it; that's the end of the conversation.

For some reason that only god knows (because I guarantee you that the guy sure as hell doesn't), you crossed whatever limit he had figured out in his head.

[ErikSummer]

You did not mention if you were kissing already but as you came close to sex I suppose you did. I think you did everything correctly, also to move slowly.

While you are apart it could be better to make plans already for meeting to look forward to but tome down the texting a bit. Too much text without touch becomes awkward.

[rkuchiki123]

Oh yeah we kissed a lot, at least every time we said hello/goodbye.

I did think about toning down the texting, but from the beginning we were in the habit of texting a few times a day, so I wasn't sure if that would be weird

[ErikSummer]

Alright. I hope it works out better next time. You deserve a man whose fire for you cannot so easily fizzle down.

[RingOfFire]

Sometimes it just goes that way. I think today's expectation is that six dates is a pretty long time to go without getting more serious both physically and otherwise.

He may have felt there wasn't enough there to keep going.

[rkuchiki123]

We went to 3rd base with each other, that's not nothing

[RingOfFire]

Don't blame yourself. These things just happen sometimes. The magic wears off.

[Nikki1989]

It's okay to feel disappointed, but try not to dwell on it too much. He obviously wanted something you never gave him, so he did a runner.

[WhitneySnow]

It’s possible he met someone else and just didn’t want to tell you. Or maybe he was disappointed by how the sex didn’t go on the fourth date.

[Yannae]

Long distance isn't for you two. And some peace in between didn't do you well. Me and her, if we can't see each for a week or longer, we talk daily on and on, and yet that excitement builds up.

[KrakenAttackin]

"I was losing interest"... meaning he did all of the work and you just showed up. When he decided to stop doing all the work, you lose interest. He dodged a bullet.

[rkuchiki123]

Where did you see he did all the work? I was the one who asked to facetime in the end and when he ended things, I was trying to think of ways to bring the spark back

[noohair]

This sounds like a normal human interaction. I would not second guess yourself. Be who you are and wait for that chemistry to click. No person can control the chemistry so just move forward and good luck...

[Truthatanycost]

Many today have lost the ability to bond and / or are emotionally unavailable.

[Daniela1982]

He probably already had a chick and you were just a side piece.

[Roldrake]

Max dates with no sexy time be 4 babe everyone know dat.

[rkuchiki123]

We did get sexual (3rd) base just didn't go all the way cuz he had performance issues

[Roldrake]

Oh Snap then you need to find a race car driver and not be worrying about the go Kart gang.

[red324]

You don't have to talk and text everyday. I have a best friend for like 25 years and we could go three weeks without talking and I never even worry about it. He calls eventually

[slatyb]

That's why we date instead of just marrying after a month.

[Ferngully2000]

Were you both attracted to each other much? Sounds like maybe you didn’t click in the conversation and that’s why he decided to end it.

[In_Trance]

No you couldn't

[Anonymous]

😆😆😆