Would you stay in a relationship if your boyfriend didn’t want you to have male friends?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months, and while our relationship is serious and meaningful, the biggest issue is my male friends. He’s upset about things like me staying at a male friend’s house (separate rooms), saying 'love you' to a long-time friend, or even sharing photos of myself trying on dresses. I’ve made compromises, like agreeing not to stay at his house again, but it feels like every time we solve one problem, a new one comes up. Is this normal relationship behavior, or is it too controlling?

[FunkyMonkee]

IT'S CONTROLLING!!! I'M going through, relatively, the same childish bullshit with my girlfriend right now!! I have friends here of both sexes, most of whom I've known a lot longer than her but, there's NOTHING romantic going on between any of them and myself. ONLY with her!! GRANTED, like your boyfriend, she's got trust issues too and I've been doing all I can to help her get over them and she WAS doing SOOOO GOOD and I was SOOOOO VERY PROUD of her for being able to do it, until 2 days ago when she went RIGHT back into being a control freak, again, telling me who I can and can't be friends with, making me choose between her and my friends, claiming that I lied but showing NO proof that I did, and I TOLD HER a few times, already that I DON'T PLAY THAT SHIT!!! I told her, you respect and accept ME AND MY FRIENDS, AS WE ARE (JUST AS I HAVE, HERS) or, YOU can hit the pike!! I WILL NOT be dictated to!!! ESPECIALLY after the past 4 years this country has had to endure!!!
She just left me yesterday but, I'm not so petty and immature that I can't still be at least friends with her.
I LOVE HER TO DEATH!!! I REALLY DO but, I will NOT PUT UP WITH THAT SHIT, I DON'T CARE WHO SHE IS OR HOW IMPORTANT SHE IS TO ME!!! If she's SOOOO MUCH IN LOVE WITH ME, she has to PROVE IT and STOP doing that infantile bullshit, which ends up hurting ME, AND US, in the process!!!
Most of my life, dad was friends with these two brothers, at least one of which, Carl, mom didn't like but, for DECADES, EVERY MONTH, they'd all get together with two other couples and have card club and there was NO FIGHTING, BITCHING or DEMANDING FROM MOM OR DAD, the ENTIRE TIME they had card club together with those people!! Mom only had to put up with Carl about 90:00 or so per month!! If mom can put up with Carl for all those decades, there's NO REASON my girlfriend can't put up with me having friends here, or why your boyfriend can't put up with your friends and how they are around you.
As for my friends, here, for all I know, I'm never even gonna see them in person!! Only ONE has said he MIGHT stop by at some point in the future to personally thank me for saving his sisters life!! Only time will tell if he ever does. If he doesn't no problem! We'll still be good friends!!
As for your boyfriend, I guess YOU'RE gonna have to lay down the law with him, too!! If he can't accept you or respect you for the way you are and who your friends are, maybe he should find someone else that LIKES to be controlled!!
Think of it this way, do you have any thoughts or plans of marrying him, some day? If so, you now have an idea of what that marriage might be like! Do you want that for the rest of your days?

[Purpleronnie]

There is nothing wrong with your behavior in respect to your existing friends , it’s quite clear you have boundaries and with no reason to mistrust you if happy agree that he needs to respect that perhaps he needs to stretch a little bit out of his own preconditioned ideals if he wants to have a relationship with you, or a relationship period.


That all being said if you like this guy and see a future with him then perhaps pull him in a little closer , involve him with your friends letting him see the dynamic you have and that it’s nothing to be mistrusting of. Reinforce your feelings for him in the company of your friends. I know that may seem like “work” and “ why should I “ but reading between the lines perhaps he has been really mistreated and is reeling from that a little. This could fix him and the relationship could totally take off.
Should he not want that or it somehow intensify his feelings of mistrust albeit misguided , at least you tried !! and you gave it your best shot to build him up to make your relationship work !

[DishLady]

Some guys DO need to be released back into the wild once you’re married. They’re around bc they’re pining… YOU know that, the guy knows that and your partner is either seething or stumped bc he knows it too… it’s obvious.


But if a guy tells you you’re not allowed to have ANY guy friends and has a fit at the mere mention of a guy… he’s too controlling, doesn’t trust you and is possibly more toxic than you think.


(Same goes for girls, by the way. If you don’t trust your partner, why are you with them?)


I was married to a fellow who had me cut all the guy friends out — and that was a lot of people. We were all friends from college or work and were 100% above-board friends. The one guy I’d ever had feelings for before my hubby I DID distance myself from and never spoke to again till long after my divorce. I agreed to cut all ties out of respect for my spouse… only to find out years later that he’d been sleeping with neighbors and PTA moms while I was busy with work/church/kids activities/etc. so in the end his paranoia and lack of trust came from the fact that HE should never have been trusted. 🤷🏻‍♀️


Live and learn, right?

[Gwendoline]

I would be more concerned if my partner thought it was acceptable for me to be staying at another man's house, sharing pictures of myself, messaging all the time etc it either means he doesn't care about me to much or he lacks a backbone and either one means the relationship is doomed.

I don't have male friends, I learned not to indulge them especially guys my own age because it always comes down to sex with them and some of them will do almost anything to get it. There are males I'm friendly with but not friends and not guys I text or would allow to text out of respect for my man and myself.

[Finchie40]

It’s ok to have opposite sex friends’ in a relationship , but only if you both are respectful about it , why setting boundaries is important in a relationship , basically what you don’t want your partner doing to you , needs to be the same boundaries for you as well

[Summeroflove]

Every relationship is different so…. if both people don’t have opposite sex friends and want someone with the same values that’s fine but it’s not okay to try to control and change someone.

Have you cheated before? Look I personally understand that before getting serious I have to trust someone. Her having male friends or not does not matter if someone’s going to cheat they’re going to cheat regardless.

[Miristheiss]

Well, if he were my best friend or son I'd tell him to dump you. You are spouting this BS modern feminist crap of men being controlling as if you just get to do whatever the hell you want while in committed relationships and they just to suck it up. I'd tell ANY man to never commit long term to any woman who expects to keep some close, male friend that she is going to hang out with alone all the time. Modern women's boundaries are atrocious. Staying at some guy's house? Are you freaking kidding me? What the hell is wrong with you? Other than the whacked out extreme feminists who will always tell you "you go girl", "don't let no man control you, you do you" bullshit, what high quality, loyal, respectful woman would want to or expect to go stay at some guys place and expect to keep a boyfriend or husband.

He should dump you ON THE SPOT for even trying to pull such inappropriate crap. Your boundaries SUCK!!!

I'm sure all the single women will cheer you on. You know the saying "SINGLE WOMEN KEEP WOMEN SINGLE"

[Valdemort]

I've been friends with three guys for over 10 years - one to whom I was a witness at his wedding this morning.

If I ever dated a guy who wouldn't agree on any of my friendships with them, that's the end of our relationship. That's simply a lack of trust, which isn't worth give up those friendships for.

I wouldn't care for my partner to have girl friends either, and the few people I consider friends - I'm not gonna drop for the sake of someone else.

That is > as long as those friends stay clear of any inappropriateness and don't try to make moves on me, obviously!

[Valdemort]

Your examples really don't sound that bad on your part. I ask their opinions on stuff too.

I would have a conversation with your partner about boundaries and see whether or not your ideas of them match. You gotta make sure your expectations line up, or it's not gonna work.

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

Most her friends want to sleep with me, so now she doesn't have hardly any. Most of my friends wives or gfs wanted to sleep with me, thats partly why I don’t even have hardly any, other than being a bit of a jerk and a recluse.

If I, who is a 7-7.9 on my best days now, have these options than an average women (and of course up from there) will have tons of temptations on the reg and anyone that close has male company close by, options are lacking for the vast majority of guys increasing the likelihood of “complications”. Most guys wanna fuck their female friends anyways.

[Anonymous]

i'd be upset if my partner stayed at a female friend's house (even if it was separate rooms, like why?). so i can see where he's coming from in that situation. and the saying love you and sharing photos of you in dresses is something you should only do to your partner. so...

but as for my partner having friends of the opposite sex, i couldn't control that. you can be friends. i would never tell him he couldn't be friends with someone. but those other situations you listed is kind of weird to me and not the same thing in my eyes.

[Staximus]

If you spend the night at a male friend's house and he doesn't have a girlfriend or a wife there, what the hell is he supposed to think? That's shady. Why are you going to even put that thought in your boyfriend's head? How is he going to know that you two aren't having sex? You should have enough respect for him to not to make him stay up at night wondering if you are over there playing hide the sausage. Why is he not there with you? Why are you spending the night at other dude's house without your boyfriend in the first place? It's time to pull your head out of your ass and be considerate of other people's feelings. Don't act like a shady skeezer.

[Staximus]

I'm pretty sure you would shit purple Twinkies if he spent the night at a female friend's house

[Staximus]

You crossed the respect line

[petitedollbabee]

Nope. My partner doesn’t get to control who I am friends with. If he doesn’t like it then he can leave. Especially if we were only dating for 6 months, it’s not a serious commitment at that stage.


Majority of my friends are male, and I don’t intend to close myself off socially just for a relationship.

[carenina]

This behavior isn’t normal; it’s a clear sign of insecurity and control. A healthy relationship should support your individuality and friendships, not limit them. If you’ve made compromises and it still isn’t enough, it might be time to reassess. His unwillingness to trust you is concerning, and you deserve a relationship where you feel respected, not restricted.

[Asker]

thanks

[diamond]

This isn’t about boundaries it’s about control. You’ve already compromised, yet he keeps finding new problems. That’s a clear sign he doesn’t trust you, and a relationship without trust won’t last. If he can’t handle your long-term friendships or needs to police your actions, ask yourself if this is the kind of relationship you really want.

[Asker]

You’re absolutely right trust is essential, and control isn’t healthy in a relationship.

[comedy]

It's understandable that your boyfriend has insecurities, but a healthy relationship is built on trust, not control. You’ve already made compromises, yet he keeps setting new boundaries. This pattern isn’t normal it’s a red flag. If he can’t respect your long-term friendships or trust you, the issue isn’t your male friends; it’s his insecurity.

[Asker]

You're right trust is key in a relationship, and insecurity shouldn't control the dynamic.

[PeachyPie93]

I don't know I suppose he shouldn't be dating someone like you, if he doesn't like it. Though would you be fine with him sleeping over at another woman's house and her sending him pics trying on clothes? Seems kind of weird to me since I haven't slept over at a guys house since I was a teenager and I never sent any of them pics lol

[Stevepro68]

Comfort level is always an issue. Close friend of the opposite sex are landmines. I wouldn't stay over their house unless he agrees it's too much and boundaries are part of every good relationship. Doesn't sound controlling limiting your time with family and friends of all types is controlling.

[JSmith925]

No. I would never have anyone in my life who insisted I exclude someone else. If they have a legitimate reason to be jealous or to fear for my well-being, that is an exception. So, if I had a woman-friend who clearly flirted with me and competed with my significant other, she has a right to ask that I end the friendship. If I was hanging with guys who were breaking the law, my girlfriend would be entirely justified to draw the line.

[glennos89]

Honestly you sharing pictures of your outfits to other guys is something I wouldn't accept to be honest. You can have guy friends in my opinion but you showing yourself off in your outfits is disrespectful towards your boyfriend. Sleepovers with other guys even though you are "not sleeping in the same room" is definitely not okay

[Anonymous]

At your age I don’t think you have much of a choice. But even if you were younger that would certainly be an issue. Guarantee most women wouldn’t approve of their man doing something similar. I would be more concerned about him not disapproving of it.

[SuperJJ]

If I have friends, whether male or female, I expect that the guy I'm with will accept them. I wouldn't tell him who he can or can't have as a friend. If the guy tried to tell me what to do, I would kick him out.

[overlord337645]

one question and one question only if you were to marry could you live with this person or are you asking because you dont wanna awnser that yourself?

[HungTexan]

He’s obviously immature and insecure. Not a good combination.

[Shiprex]

So if he were to sleep at another woman's house sending her pics of him at the gym showing his form and she wasn't fond of that idea would she be insecure or just a normal person with self respect and boundaries they have of their partners behaviour?

[SolitarySolace]

I don’t have any female friends, and I don’t even have a girlfriend. I have male friends. Why is it so hard for people to not have friends off the opposite sex? Do they crave the possibility to cheat?

[HighValue]

Your stated behavior is unacceptable. I would end the relationship if I was him.

[TheStaleMarshmellow]

Being overly paranoid is a turn off.

I shouldn't have to shut down all socialality to have a relationship. Neither should her

[Anonymous]

In general I agree with you, but sharing pics of yourself in your underwear trying on dresses with guy friends is kind of sketchy

[princeofromance]

You should not stay in this relationship, for your boyfriend is controlling and his demands will only get worse over time. This could also lead to abuse later on in the relationship.

[Ms_Facesitter]

No, since I've known my loyal male friends for longer than I've known my boyfriend.

[Shiprex]

If your boyfriend was sending pics and staying over at other women's homes would you be fine with that though?

[Ms_Facesitter]

@Shiprex I don't go to them. We just hang out together and he's around too.

[Shiprex]

@Ms_Facesitter if he's around too you're not alone at another guys home staying overnight. The friends thing is how much are you willing to accept as a behaviour before it becomes inappropriate.

[Ms_Facesitter]

@Shiprex Yeah. I Don't really sleep over unless it's my boyfriend. But I have friends that are guys who I've known for way longer than my boyfriend, I'm not ditching them.

[Shiprex]

@Ms_Facesitter
I think the behaviour of OP is the key here. She's stepping over boundaries that most couples would not be healthy and content should be stepped over.

[Ms_Facesitter]

@Shiprex Ah yep in her case, no, I don't think that would be okay. But based on the title alone, the boyfriend is crazy.

[Shiprex]

@Ms_Facesitter
I think YES but with a caveat that IS that friend hanging around and potentially waiting their turn to make a move and put you and your partner in an uncomfortable situation. That kind of drama is unnecessary and if you're into someone and they see something in someone that you don't, it's only fair and honest to say you're not comfortable with that and it's not insecure to want to avoid future grief.

[Ms_Facesitter]

@Shiprex Agreed it just creates extra doubt and drama

[Anonymous]

If the gender tables were turned, most women would NOT be okay with their boyfriend doing some of the things with other women that you seem to think are fine. Just sayin.

[LiamJHayden]

To flip this, my best friend since my fourth birthday is a girl. If a lady I am dating says "me or her" I will be instantly single.

[Anonymous]

Nah i wouldn't. I mostly have guy friends so I can't imagine if my husband wouldn't allow it

[linka_pat307]

Trying convincing him if he refuses.. break up

[Kelly6]

No I wouldn’t and couldn’t, because have to many male friends

[IFdyourmom1]

Think about how stupid this sounds. I have a girlfriend, but I can't have girl "friends"

Make that make sense

[kaucky1]

🫣um d💢🕳️💫🛑💫✨🆗🆒✖️👣cockmouth wanted to keep guys for self🫢🤫🥺

[KrakenAttackin]

Guy friends are as toxic to your relationship as him having girl friends.

[Kathryn2003]

As long he doesn’t have female friends then. I got male friends but they are gay.

[Anonymous]

You can't reproduce kids ma'am you're 45 plus. Please stop asking silly questions

[Jay-_-]

Wild

[itsannalee]

Sounds not a problem for me

[hello4433]

I wouldn't mind

[Misfit666]

No. Next question.

[NicholasRedone]

Sure 😀

[NicholasRedone]

If my girlfriend says no male friends, male friends we're through hahahahaha 😂😂