Could you be with someone who never put any effort into looking good for you?

[Anonymous]

[HawkPerception]

No I could not. I can't stand it when women hit the gym and put effort into how their appearance when they're out of a relationship, then when they're in a relationship, they stop caring.

Have they ever thought that the girl we fell in love with was the one that cared about her fitness level and appearance because that is an attractive quality?

And then they'll say crap like "You're putting me down so much!" and "You don't love me for me!" It makes zero sense. If my partner is putting on weight in a relationship, I'll mention it and that they should workout.

Whether people like it or not, you SHOULD try to look good for your partner, not just for yourself. Once you stop giving a shit about whether they're attracted to you or not, the attraction obviously dies in a relationship.

women try harder out of a relationship

women try harder out of a relationship

[Lliam]

I prefer a woman who has high self esteem, is well groomed, and puts effort into looking good. She does so for herself, especially when going out in public. It's who she is. Being well groomed beneath her exterior clothing is part of that.

She doesn't have to put extra effort into looking good for me because she already puts thought and effort into looking good.

It's nice when she wants to impress me, as well.
For example, it I asked a girl out on a date and she showed up looking like she put thought, time and effort into looking beautiful, it made me think that she had been excited about the date and wanted to put her best foot forward. I would be charmed and flattered.

When she puts in effort for a first date, I can also tell her sense of style. I'm not into fake-looking eye lashes, thick eye liner, certain lipstick styles or too much makeup. I prefer a natural makeup style that makes her look fresh and soft.

And when we are planning to be intimate, it's wonderful when she wants to spice things up on occasion by wearing something sexy, or simply knows how to act sexy for my benefit.

It would be a drag if she didn't give a shit about turning me on with her feminine sex appeal. Guys are into visuals.

[Asker]

This is exactly how I feel. It's not about "being forced" to do this. When I go out on a date, I want to look good, I want his eyes on me. When you put that effort in, it's confidence, it shows you want to be there for that occasion, and that you care to look different than you would at home looking grungy on the couch. I had an ex who did.not.care and it showed. I'd be dressed up ready for a date, and he looked like he just got done mowing the lawn. There is a certain maturity, in my opinion, and reading the room. It's a black tie wedding, I shouldn't have to actually explain that a torn up t-shirt isn't appropriate. I find it so appealing when a man understands at least a little about style, and dressing for the occasion, smells good, good hygiene, etc. It's powerful, it's sexy, and makes me feel appreciated when I don't in anyway have to ask if he's going to make effort, he just does.

[Lliam]

Well said!

[Lalalove11]

A bit of effort goes a long way. I saw a cute guy but he had very greasy hair it smelled bad his nails looked long and dirty. I sat behind him on the bus, big mistake. He could've looked so cute if he would just shower. So hygiene is a huge thing for me, but he doesn't have to be extremely pristine all the time. Don't want them to be OCD either 😬

[Asker]

I hate that! The "could have been" cute guys! Just imagine if they could hear your thoughts and what they were potentially missing out on if they just put that little effort in. Well, I mean basic hygiene should not be "going out of your way" to begin with...

[Lalalove11]

Yes I feel bad for them cos of that. It's definitely serves as a strong reminder to always make sure to look clean though.

[Account]

I don't care.
As long as he doesn't wear suits or those sagging trousers that hang very low, we are good.

[Summeroflove]

It’s more then just looking good that effort needs to be put into. Some people have the extreme that they put so much effort into looking good but never contribute anything else.

Someone needs to contribute effort. If I’m making all the plans, paying for everything, and expected to do everything I just assume she’s either one sided or not that interested.

Looking homely is fine…. Especially if I get into a deeper relationship with her I wouldn’t expect her to be dolled up all the time. Be emotionally supportive, be my best friend, show effort into helping plan things and initiating things.

[Finchie40]

If she isn’t putting effort to look good for me , she is more than likely looking good for someone else , so No, I don’t expect her to dress up for me all the time but here and there yes

[blackeagle007]

Agreed

[Asker]

Ooooooo! Fair point. Either that, or she's a slob who actually doesn't care.

[Finchie40]

If she was a slob , I wouldn’t be with her period

[DishLady]

I wouldn’t be with anyone who is over-the-top with preening, but a sharp-looking well groomed guy? Yes please.

[beaves11]

“I don’t like people with black hair, but with very dark black hair? Yes please”

[MicahRaine]

@beaves11 bro showed us how to have a critical heart instead of a critical mind

[Beachbummama84]

I was gonna say the exact same thing

[Roldrake]

@beaves11 Does the carpet match da curtains what I always ask.

[blueonblack22]

So define “looking good”. Is about how you dress and keep yourself? Or is about how you take care of your body?

Some people could care less about looking good for anyone. But at the same time there can be something attractive about their “I don’t give a sh*t about what people think” attitude. But this only works if they are naturally good looking to begin with.

But on the flip side if someone puts zero effort into how they look for you it’s because they don’t care if they turn you on (or off) and that’s a huge red flag.

[Asker]

I define it as its date night, you've invited her to a fancy restaurant where everyone is dressed up, and she rolls in with a stained t-shirt and some half undone braids in her hair. Doesn't care about any dress code, doesn't care about the fact that its a date with you, just really doesn't care to put in any effort in from the couch to the restaurant. One does not have to put on makeup to put in effort, especially as you intuit, if they are a natural beauty, but there are other things that indicate, they just can't be bothered.

[blueonblack22]

Funny I briefly dated a girl like this years ago. I cut her some sock because she her personality was a bit of tom boy. She literally showed up on our first date in a tshiet when I wore a dress shirt (it was nice Cuban food restaurant. But she was naturally very attractive.

Anyway we went on maybe 7-8 dates and then she burned me BAD. Really bad. She ghosted me with no warning and ran to another guy who she went nuts over and posted about on social media 24/7 about. I was being used as a “placeholder” until something better came along.

In my gut I knew the truth the whole time. But I wanted to believe differently. But listen to your gut and even if it’s telling you what you don’t want to say.

[blueonblack22]

*don’t want to hear

[Roldrake]

Take some henny shots and smoke a blunt then turn down the lights, She almost guaranteed to become an 8 or even a 9 by den

[blueonblack22]

@Roldrake once upon a time I used to think the same way. But then I discovered there are real consequences to that approach. And it’s not just about worrying if you knocked someone up or not.

[Purpleronnie]

Looking good by what standard? , also I wouldn’t be insisting that a woman change for me , or dress a certain way , wear their hair a certain way , apply make up or not a certain way If she wanted to look good , she does it for her … not me.
Additionally if she had to put so much effort in to looking good , that would imply that she either high maintenance or needed to apply makeup with a trowel to look “good” and not interested in any woman like that.


I have woman who looks good with minimal or no effort and and love her for who she is , the whole package.


Women who try so hard to look right … well that can say a lot more negatively about their mental state.

[Zack-Bann]

Is the girl in the pic supposed to be “unkempt”?
If so then give me unkempt any day


But overall: I don’t mind if she doesn’t get “all dolled up for me”
Naturally, an unhealthy mind leads to an unhealthy exterior
So if it’s a part of a larger problem I can’t solve maybe it’s best to end the situation

[Asker]

Ha, I literally was in a hurry, and just picked a random picture when I wrote this! I meant to imply this was "the effort."

So you wouldn't mind if you went somewhere really fancy for a date, and she was in her sweats with unbrushed hair. I mean no effort whatsoever because she can't be bothered?

[Zack-Bann]

Like I said: larger problem

If she can accept showing up somewhere fancy in sweatpants looking like a hobo there’s something seriously wrong with her mentally

I would address the root cause

If Im the problem then we’re not meant to be

[Roldrake]

Also she should not shave I'm okay wit dat

[Zack-Bann]

@Roldrake on that you can only speak for yourself it’s a matter of preference

Im a hairy individual and I always make sure Im shaved where needs shaving and trimmed down everywhere else
So I expect my girlfriend to share that philosophy

To put it simple: I don’t like hair.

But that’s something she would know going into the relationship and would have an option to walk away if she’s not up for that

[Shiprex]

I don't think it's necessary to pose around for others validation or gratification. It's who you are that keeps me attracted and not how you appear.

Said this here before, it's the candy not the packaging that you buy. In the end the packaging is just there to get you interested.

[Asker]

Then there is merit to the packaging because you're saying you wouldn't be attracted if there wasn't something there at first to get you there? You flirting with the girl in the bar in sweats with stains or the one in the hot red dress? Just saying...

[Shiprex]

Me personally wouldn't flirt in a bar as I find that whole thing tacky af. Unless you have no other social skills or activities that put you in contact with people of a like mind then bars are like shopping for fruit in the dark with gloves on. It's all posing and set up, people aren't themselves especially women.
Hypothetically the underdressed girl is the one who'd most likely be likely to be normal and behave normally instead of the excitable, over the top glitzy bimbette "out on the lash" so to find a more suitable potential partner, the one who brings more peace to the relationship the better.

[Crimsyjo]

If I'm with them then they already look good toe. Just as they are. If they looked good but then go downhill? That could be different. Attraction could shift and depending how long you been together and if there is love... could mean an end to the relationship.

[Anonymous]

That's a non specific question. What you may deem looking good may not be what I deem as looking good.

First of guys do not view this the same way women do at all. I can tell from experience with women that women are highly critic of other women's appearance. I can't tell you how many times I've been having a casual conversation with a woman and that woman's eyes lock onto another woman as she walks by and after she's passed by that woman I was talking interrupt me mid sentence and say, "did you see what she was wearing"? And then after I responded with confusion, her tell me all of what was wrong with it.

A guy conversely typically goes. Did she shower today? Are her clothes clean? Well then, she looks pretty good.

Simply put. The vast majority of women easily meet my expectations when it comes to looking nice. I've only known a couple women that I questioned thier appearance.

[molonski2]

Presentation and Style is everything to me , so if I'm reading the question correctly the answer is No , however " no effort " would need to be clarified , as they could have a messy style and still look great , but " the effort of making an effort " that would be the vital element to it.

[EzraIsShy76028]

Probably not. She doesn't have to be super high maintenance 24/7, but at the same time, to NEVER put in ANY effort is just a bit much. Even I put in effort here and there.

The woman in your picture is a bad example though, lol. Is it because of the hair covering one of her eyes? She man not look SUPER tidy, but her hair still looks kind of nice overall. For a formal date it'd be too informal, but for a casual date it'd look nice enough.

[Wraith_Cemetery]

Nope. I can only be with someone who dresses well, is feminine, and is put together. I take care in my appearance and dress nice so the girl should too. No sweatpants, no ripped jeans, no graphic tees, etc.

I sometimes see girls on dates and they looked like they didn't care at all. The guys were dressed nice but the girls showed up in sweatpants and crop tops. Ridiculous. No second date if it were me.

[expfireworks]

A relationship that requires no effort is doomed; it is not a wonderful one. Understanding and communicating with one another requires work. Even when love is meant to be, it takes effort. Exposing and resolving contradictory expectations and beliefs requires effort.

[Anonymous]

Does she put effort into looking good for others?
Does she put effort into the relationship in other ways?
Is she indifferent to my presence?
And what exactly do you mean by no effort? Like, none at all? She looks like a vacant and unloved?

Or just that she focuses on looking like a practical day to day girl, dresses to common values, and let's her natural charms do the rest?

[Asker]

I mean, its date night, you're going to a fancy restaurant, you're dressed for the fanciness of the restaurant, and she's in a wrinkled shirt, torn jeans, and birkenstocks. No effort for you, no dressing for the occasion, just doesn't care is what I mean and it's all the time.

[Opinion Owner]

Yes, agree. I'd expect her to demonstrate her self worth and values, to want to represent herself and her man in a suitable manner, and to want to dress suitably for a more formal event.
Doesn't need to dress like a supermodel, but suitably.

[TheSpaceGnome]

I don't want her to put in "effort" to look good. That is more accurately described as false advertising, and I hate false advertising.

I want her to just naturally be gorgeous/adorable/hot/etc. and eat and live in a way that sustains that so she doesn't need all that crap women put on themselves.

[Asker]

Effort does not have to mean she puts on so much make-up she is unrecognizable! The woman in the picture has on plenty of make-up and lashes, but she still looks natural, yet, "effort" has been made. She put on the make-up to look good (and a lot of the comments here agree). If you go on a date and it's somewhere really nice, is your girlfriend still in the stained t-shirt and unbrushed hair she left the couch with? Would that still be appealing to you that she didn't care to match your effort, especially if you were dressed for the occasion and location, and wanted to look for yourself/her?

[TheSpaceGnome]

Its not about "looking natural" thats a meaningless phrase, everything is natural.

Its about looking how you actually look, its about knowing what I'm actually getting. And also makeup smells fucking awful.

Its not just looks either, not being an open book personality on how she thinks is also a turn off.

Clothing has nothing to do with this, I'd rather she be in a sexy cosplay outfit, kimono, or a hoodie and sweatpants, but thats fashion, it doesn't effect how SHE looks, just how her clothing looks.

A t-shirt stain also isn't a bother to me, I like girls who mess with electronics, have bugs/arachnids as pets, paint and draw, and in general get fairly dirty, and unbrushed hair is typically softer and fluffier but messy, and I prefer that, specifically that emo/scene girl hairdo look where its so thick and soft and numerous that it never tangles, so brushing is pointless.

I never brush my hair and it looks fantastic.

Also I don't go on dates, I hang out with friends, sometimes one of the female friends flirts with me, and if she's pretty and we get along, I'd ask her out 3 years later, then marry her a year after that.

Dates are useless to me.

[Roldrake]

Absolutely I am fine with that. Wait what do you mean by 'be with someone' you mean like give em a fun sack night in the ol' bedroom right? I mean I can dim the lights and drink a couple of henny shots first so if she a 6 before she turn into a 9 w the lights dimmed and a heady buzz. IS her boobs big?

[adventurous-1]

No, if they don't care enough to dress to appease me or make me happy I'm with them, then they don't care about me or our relationship and its time to move on to a better partner. If she doesn't want to put an effort into our relationship then she is not worthy of my time and attention and she is history.

[MicahRaine]

Absolutely not lol.

I'm not looking to date some supermodel, but I'm also not gonna date someone who never puts effort into the relationship.

[lucass120]

no, that would be annoying. I'm all for chilling but you gotta look good sometimes

[NicholasRedone]

Its why I always wear my sweats and jackets lol 😆 im really cut out for a high value woman hahahahaha - sighs

[Asker]

This! I feel like there is such value in making that effort to at least occasionally to dress up. I recently went to a wedding where everyone was dressed to the nines, and my cousins boyfriend was in a literal wrinkled tee and jeans. He stood out like a terrible eye sore and all of everyone was talking about it at some point. Time and place to chill, and time and place to go all out or dress for the occasion or to make that effort especially if your partner is.

[hahahmm]

No. How my woman looks is a reflection on me. It doesn't mean she has to be perfect but she better be making an effort. Going out in pajamas like some of the lazy bums do these days isn't an option.

[Theguywhogoesnude]

That's asking a lot I would rather them be comfortable nothing to impress me i don't need it... maybe that's just me haha

[GallopAcrossEurope]

I already with someone like that, and she doesn't mind at all when I do the same. It's really refreshing finally being able to let go of that a little.

[Apple1996]

Yeah i acutally prefer that. I call it the homeless look lol. When a guy is all dressed up I get a weird feeling like he's trying too hard

[KostasKouvalis]

You have very interesting tastes. LOL

[exitseven]

That was one of the reasons I broke up with her.

[Asker]

Yikes! I just cannot with the I don't care attitudes of some people. To each their own, but it's unappealing to me. Sure I guess, when you're like under 25, don't care, do whatever, but it seems (in my opinion) quite tragic if you're over thirty and can't be pressed to iron a shirt, put on a suit, or understand their is such a thing as dressing for the occasion or wanting to look good for your partner because you know it makes you and them feel good.

[exitseven]

I travelled 1500 miles to see her. She shows up at the airport in a dirty hoodie and she had a weird perm and was combed over to one side. She told me she almost forgot to pick me up. All of a sudden my whole attitude towards her had changed and I did not see her the same way after that.

[Ms_Facesitter]

As long as they put effort into looking good in general. It shouldn't be For me.

[Rosexøxø]

Yeah I agree

[Sonorous]

nahh if I'm wit u, u gotta work to keep me hunny cause I am the prize booboo 💅don't get it twisted

[ProbablyClueless]

I mean... I feel like that sort of speaks to the fact she doesn't hold me in high regard. I wouldn't want to be with someone if I didn't feel like she thought I was worth impressing.

[chrissykerdock]

i'll usaully want to wear make up and a minidress for a man

[Bricealan]

I am, and have been disturbed that she never, or rarely, put a lot of effort into her appearance.

[Anonymous]

I like girls who are naturally beautiful, they don't need to pun any "effort", I don't like makeup, and I'm not into fashion.

[Swordnen]

The woman in that pic is soooooo pretty 😻
And sure, i won't break up at first if she don't dressup proper at some gathering or on special occasions

But if she continues there would be a fight

[Rosexøxø]

“But if she continues there would be a fight lol 😂✋” that’s funny

[Beachbummama84]

I’d rather that then a guy who’s obsessed with looks who takes more time than me to get ready

[Asker]

Yeah, I think there definitely has to be balance. I'm not a woman who spends 2 hours getting ready unless it's a special occasion or a very intentional date night, so I wouldn't want a man who did that either.

[HungTexan]

No. A little effort in this area is always a plus.

[Lokiion]

Yeah some people look really good without trying

[rizzzz007]

Right now I m with that person but I don't know why I love her so much and she doesn't love me the way I love her and it hurt me most she can't even make efforts.

[Makeushiver]

If that's your photo you are stunningly beautiful

[Caroline005]

No cause it shows me they’re lazy. I wanna be met halfway. Plus I work hard to look good. Like going to the gym, spas etc.

[MikeRJ]

It wouldn't be a deal breaker, but I would prefer it.

[soe11]

• You look attractive.
• I would put effort on you.

[rienna888]

I mean they have to be already presentable lol

[beefcakebradybatson]

No, because it proves she doesn't care about herself, for whom she should most worry about looking good.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Nope you have to look good for me to be attracted to you

[Anonymous]

Nawl look regular and ordinary but don’t look like someone who’s drugged out

[lorenzomichael]

Fuck no! I’d tell her why don’t you get on down the ramp tramp.

[KittygosMeoWW]

No been there done that and it was embarrassing

[QuestionObsession]

Absolutely. All they need to do is be clean. Don't need any appearance enhancement at all.

[nawtee_me]

Yes. Looks are not everything. As long as hygiene is good….

[Professor-college]

No... It's natural to try looking well for your special someone

[Anonymous]

That woman in the picture is gorgeous though

[lilBigPotato]

There should be at least some effort..

[MrTaboo]

no, that's one reason I go to the gym, is for her.

[Asker]

Yes, who wants to do all of that for someone who literally doesn't care!

[NicholasRedone]

I guess not. No. 😶

[MikeTheBartender]

Hell to the no.

[TheLovelyWoman]

No. I cannot.

[Manuelwe]

Yes why not
As long as she does not lie

[CubaPirate]

The short answer is nope 🙅‍♂️

[4ngelic]

nope

[WhitneySnow]

She’s pretty

[MoonFace2]

Nope.

[ColHathi]

Sure. Probably 🤔