Men say they like girls asking them out, but is this really true? If yes, why do they only seem to commit to women they have to chase?

[Anonymous]

I’m not and never have been. I’m with someone now, but when I was still out there dating, my mantra was match with a man, message him, chat with him for a bit, then if it goes well, pick a date spot, ask him what his schedule looks like for the next week and once he tells me, then I ask him out. Since I did the asking out, I also pay. If the guy asked me out, and asked me to go out the same day, I would go. If I had plans, I canceled and rescheduled, because I was a single woman at 40 and knew I didn’t have the same leverage as 20 years ago, so I kind of made finding a healthy, happy relationship a priority.

My friend does the opposite: talks to guys for a week on the apps before exchanging numbers, then texts them for two weeks, never does the asking out and always leaves it to the guy. When the guy does to the asking out, if he does it the same day, she won’t meet him. If he asks her out the next day, she won’t meet him. She’ll only go out with the guy if he asks her out two days in advance, and if she has plans she won’t cancel or reschedule them, but she’ll actually make the guy wait until she’s actually free. I don’t understand this. The guys are obviously very interested and excited to meet her, that’s why they ask her out for the same day. She calls it being old fashioned, but I called it (and still do) playing idiotic games and making excuses to not ask him out, and at our age, she has to do the asking out.

With that said, I’ve noticed that even though I got more dates than her, I’ve also gotten stood up more times. My friend gets significantly less dates than me yet the guys she gets always show up, always want more dates and always ask her for commitment. We both made it to 40 single, but I’ve also noticed that I got dumped more by the guys I asked out, while she was mostly the one doing the dumping. Also my current guy chased me and won me over.

Was my friend right in saying that women shouldn’t be the pursuer?

[SteveSmith1985]

I have had conversations with many women who try and make this point. I have yet to meet a guy who has ever expressed anything like that. I always strongly advocate for a woman to take the initiative, if she likes a guy. To me, not doing so is just cowardly. Unless you're someone traditional to the point of wanting to stay in the kitchen or something... there is no excuse in my mind, that this should remain a man's job.

Nobody likes asking someone out. It's an emotional risk. That's why guys don't like doing it, and it's why some girls make excuses not to have to do it.

I can't comment on your experience, or your friends. It depends on so much more. I just don't think it comes down to who asks IF BOTH PEOPLE ARE FEELING IT.

I would suggest that women should listen to guys when they tell them they do (at least that is my prediction of the comments from guys here. I could be wrong.)

In my own experience, I've only been asked out by one of my girlfriends (I'm not so much dating, but had several longer term relationships)

The one girlfriend who asked me out... surprised the shit out of me. I was working as a waite at the time, and she had been a hostess. She was very good looking, but... I had previously been a complete asshole to her... for fucking up seating, thus fucking up my money for the day. Our only interactions really, were short and me being uncharacteristically unpleasant. So when she asked if I would like to go out for dinner with her... I was extremely flattered, but also taken completely by surprise.

But I didn't know her at all. So, we went to dinner that night, had a good time, and very quickly became a couple.

She was someone I just didn't know, and I only said yes becaue... she was a pretty girl who just asked me out (I was quite surprised). So I agreed on the basis of getting to know each other as we dated. But we were acouple pretty quick.

She was by far my worst girlfriend (I still get teased from some of my friends about it... It was forever ago too). But she just... sucked. She wasn't a bad person, she wasn't' a bad girlfriend. But she was not the right girlfriend for me. Not at all. We didn't fight a lot or anything, we just... didn't fit. She kinda sucked. In general.

The only thing that you could maybe take from this is: I didn't like her in particular (definitely not more than most other girls there) but I also didn't know her. At all. So, If I had gotten to know her better before she asked me, maybe I wouldn't have said yes. But really all the stuff that sucked appeared well into the relationship. At first it was fine.

So in cases where two people want to go out, it should make no difference.

Also when a guy asks a girl out, it's the same exact thing. So a guy thinks a girl is hot... well... if she isn't already thinking about him romantically/sexually then it's... the same. It's the person asking someone who (to them) is someone they haven't particularly even thought about going out with.

That's what my situation was but reversed. I think that's just taking a chance. It doesn't maske a difference which way it goes. Waiting for a guy to as you out is ridiculous. IF he likes you too, why wait. If he doesn't why not find out instead of thinking he does, and wondering what's taking so long.

So, I think that this theory is bullshit. I would love if someone I was 'talking' or flirting with, or was chatting with after meeting on a dating app asked me. Because presumably I want to go out with them too. It's not my job to ask you out, it's nobody's job. But someone has to. Why not the woman. Again though... the waiting... that's what is just soooo stupid.

,.🙂

[Anonymous]

I've always loved it when a woman made the first move, even the ones I wasn't interested in. It only happened three times while I was single. And for the ones where I wasn't interested, I still found it flattering and appreciated their interest and courage. The third one, I have been married to her for more than three years.

It seems women just expect guys to be interested if they ask them out. And when they're not, they assume it's because "guys don't like it when women make the first move". Which is silly if you think about it. When guys ask girls out, we get rejected most of the time. We learn to expect it. Can you imagine if when guys got turned down they assumed "well women must not like it when guys make the first move"? The human race would have gone extinct long ago.

[Nikki1989]

Men say that, but many will go into total panic mode if it happens to them. They have no idea how to react.

[Shiprex]

Yes I think men would appreciate women asking them out but NOT through apps. They're the least organic way to show you have an interest. Face to face meet and initiate contact are far more likely to be successful

[BonzoInBitburg]

I've always politely declined when a woman asked me out. I'd rather be the one choosing

[jahaims]

Guys that chase or need chase are immature. They chase to cope with unhealed trauma. It sounds like you are only used to immature relationships if you think all that

[Anonymous]

Believing something is true is not the same as it actually being true.

[Anonymous]

Men mean what they say.

[Asker]

So then why is it that I kept getting dumped, flaked on or stood up by guys after asking them out but the one that had to chase me and win me over was the one that wanted to commit?

[Opinion Owner]

Every man is his own individual person with his own likes and dislikes. If a man says he likes to be asked out, he likes to be asked out.

Why do you keep getting dumped? Impossible to answer without knowing you. Try asking someone who knows you, preferably a man as men tend to be honest while women will just want to make you feel better instead of telling you what you need to hear IF you are the problem.

Why do you get stood up? Some guys are assholes and cowards. Your experiences aren't anything special. Dating is a exhausting for everyone. You keep trying until you find one of the good ones or you give up. That's really all there is to it.

[Fury_storm]

no men do not like it when girls ask them out