Not mentally in a good head space but no choice but to try?

[Anonymous]

I’m not really in a good head space for dating but at the same time me giving up on it won’t help anything either. Regret from the past and failure dwelling on the past is keeping me miserable witch is why I come to the conclusion. I have to try and move forward but no experience is what’s continuing to kill me and girls expect a guy with experience. So it will be so long before I get a good chance at something good already 24 never wanted to be this old and have nothing. when it comes to dating but I guess I’ll just be another one of those guys not all are bad. but in my case I would say its worse because of the opportunities I’ve messed up some just never got the opportunity at all. I really don’t want to deal with the bs trying to make me jealous and I give up because i don’t want to be in competition. It’s stupid people who play games just usually get what they want when it comes to dating so they could care less.

[SteveSmith1985]

Experience is really not at all something to worry about. I chat with girls and women on here all the time. Not once has a guy's experience ever come under discussion (and these discussions do get detailed as hell).

You are only 24 years old. Do you have any idea how crazy it sounds to hear someone pining over missed opportunities and regrets... and is worried it may be too late... at 24 years old?

Dude, you didn't miss anything that makes any difference.

If you get your head in a better place you'll be ready for dating. But don't try and USE dating to get you to a better head space. That would be a terrible plan.

Dating WILL involve rejection and disappointment. And I'll tell you right now, you'll give girls a better showing if you start dating when you are in a better headspace.

Work on the headspace first. Then the dating after.

Don't listen to pilled idiots.

Good luck.

[OneViewpoint]

Think about this. Would you date a girl who wrote the essay you just posted? Pull your head out of your ass, be happy, and don't bring yesterday's garbage to tomorrow's dinner.

Go into every interaction with a positive attitude and confidence. Be the person someone would want to be with. If it doesn't work out, don't get angry and sulk like a baby. You gained experience. On to the next one. That's how you gain experience. Your expectation should not be to "get the girl" or "get laid" on every date. Aim for "have a good time with someone new". Chill. Relax. Just talk.

[Ez-Bri-Z_v2]

I think you should definitely work on your headspace first before even considering dating. It sounds like you are going in either defeated or expecting the worst out of people and that's just not an attractive personality. Women will pick up on that and avoid or possibly friendzone you while they search for someone who is more confident.

Speak to a therapist if you want to and try to work out those negative feelings. Once you are in a better mental place, you can get back out there. I know it's hard because you feel like the solution to your issue is to just be able to date someone without the games, but finding someone who is willing to work with your mental drawbacks will be tough.

[Blunky]

You're right. You're definitely not in a good place mentally. Don't make some poor girl suffer because of it by trying to force a relationship when you clearly need to work on your self-esteem first.

You're 24. Why in the world do you think it's all over already? You've got -plenty- of time to work on yourself which includes figuring out what you even want from a relationship.

[Asker]

I mean I’m about to go into the military for 4 years and 8 if I re enlist so I’m focused on finishing school witch might be pretty soon. so after school I’m going to the military want a fresh start on life my reputation is ruined from some old mistake I did in high school. Now it’s possible I might have couple girlfriends couple hook ups through this new chapter of my life. Hpefully but as I’m looking at things I’m putting school first and mentally when it comes to girls I’m not the most positive at the moment. But I can put the bs aside if the opportunity was to come I just get frustrated when its a rejection or I feel like it’s going to be. Probably won’t have this much free time as I do now in the future so I figure after some years when I get out I’ll be at worst 30 without having the experience with someone. And it’s not necessarily ok but who am I to really complain when it’s other guys who don’t even get a chance at all.

[Blunky]

Well this turned into a novel so gotta split it into 2.

Look... I'm retired military. I've been a fuzzy, I've been a senior NCO, worked with every branch and type of command as a flight paramedic. I've trained and mentored hundreds of people like you throughout my career in the military and fire / EMS. I would ask what your MOS is but it doesn't sound like you've even taken the ASVAB yet.

The biggest mistake I see brand new privates make is behaving like they have a new lease on life. They rush into things like buying a brand new mustang / camero / F150 (seriously, why are these the picks?) with an APR that only an illiterate moron would sign up for. Banging strippers at the local strip clubs that they're most likely banned from because many other soldiers have already been there and done that. They also got the same STDs from the same stripper. The fucking number of STDs that walked into my clinic from the same strip club was staggering. They were also charged and some were chaptered for disobeying orders based on the blacklist. I've seen many get married and have a kid just to get out of the barracks. They're usually the ones that end up divorced within a year. The extremely sheltered people who really let themselves go turn into complete shitbags and usually get an article 15 before their first contract is over. Don't end up like these idiots who thought just because they got away from mommy and daddy, as well as their hometown, think they can make all the dumb decisions they want.

[Blunky]

You going in for the benefits? Focus on that. Be high speed and advocate for yourself in terms of moving up / career options, even if it's only for 8 years. You won't get to do much on your first contract and anything big will probably require a reenlistment because of obligated time. I had to reenlist for 6 years just to do the Critical Care Flight Paramedic Program in Texas because of the time left on my contract. I also basically had to work out my own reenlistment contract because retention are a bunch of useless clowns that are terrified of HRC (Human Resources Command). There's a horrible amount of bureaucracy in the military as well. Whatever bullshit you did in high school doesn't matter. At all. You'll forget all about it after a few years due to the fact that a solid majority of the military is still stuck in the high school mindset so there's plenty more bullshit to come.

Sure you won't have as much free time. That's because there's a lot of routines in place which involves starting the day off with intense physical exercise (unless you end up in a paper pusher unit like the S shops forging their PT tests, or worse, a BSB). That won't be enough. You need to be an adult and figure out your own hobbies and routines outside of these to stay in shape both physically and mentally. If you're worried about relationships already, I don't know what to tell you. You will get shit on, you will get used, you will get rejected, you will be tempted by promiscuous people looking to cause trouble within the ranks. There's a reason why divorce rates and marital problems are so prevalent in the military. You will also learn a lot about yourself if you actually take the time to reflect on things. At 24? You have -plenty- of time to figure yourself out.

[Asker]

I kinda figured the military wouldn’t be to different from civilian world I expected more maturity had some jobs bosses were trash. So I have experience with that one guy yelled at me get to work his tone really one of those times you want to punch him in the face. at the time not much going on And the other guy I’m loading the truck with is just standing there he says nothing to I just ignore it and continue on. Other times I won't get into I don’t plan to be paper pusher was thinking a combat arms MOS. haven’t decided yet want to go marines see alott of people join army want to be different from the crowd but oblivious jobs don’t translate to well compared to other branches.

[Blunky]

Just focus on studying for the ASVAB. Your job and branch choices depend on it.

Stop thinking in terms of wanting to be different. Doesn't matter if the whole world does the same thing. You do what benefits you most, especially when it comes to a big decision like joining the military. You may spend the same amount of time in as most other people, like all other careers. What you do for and learn about yourself in that same amount of time is the difference. Develop your skills, especially your people skills.

You'll have shitty leaders just like you've had shitty bosses. You'll have shitty battle buddies, same as you've had shitty coworkers. You'll also have good leaders and peers. You can learn something from everybody. Some will teach you what to do, others will teach you what not to do. Research what jobs translate to civilian side. All of the certifications I acquired from the flight medic program were from an accredited college course (sped way the hell up of course, 3 year civilian program crammed into 8 months) because we are nationally registered paramedics and the FP-C comes from the IBSC (International Board of Specialty Certifications).

You really need to advocate for yourself in the military, and that means knowing your worth. Don't let shitty people bring you down to their level.