Who controls the dating scene, men or women?

Question

Datboi65 · Accepted Answer

It's much more nuanced of a conversation than that.

If you zoom out, you have:

1) Men

2) Women

3) Government

4) Corporations

The government is supposed to make the economy more affordable for couples so that they can get married, buy a house and settle.

The corporations influence the dating market through ads and innovation. Valentines day for example is a very profitable opportunity, and in turn many people usually try to find a date before that, and as far as innovation goes, online dating has definitely influenced dating in some capacity.

Moreover, other factors are involved such as movies and TV, pop culture, political events and so on.

I'm gonna write a case study about the Black community since that's the community that I'm familiar with.

Before the 1960s and 1970s, Black men and women had one of the lowest percentage of people who have "never been married" in the country and today that had changed remarkably. So what happened?

Culture played a massive role in getting married and staying married before that time. You can say in that regard that there was relatively little to no influence from the government and/ or companies (through promotions or otherwise) in influencing the dating/ marriage habits of the Black community, due to segregation. Therefore, you can argue that men controlled the dating scene since men are the guardians of the household, and "shotgun marriages" where very common practice after pregnancy to prevent single motherhood.

The 60s was a turning point, because it was the Civil Rights era. Black people were fighting for integration, and Black women particularly were fighting for change in culture (aka 2nd wave feminism). Now that would all be great, if the movement wasn't hijacked and infiltrated by CIA operative and White woman "Gloria Steinman" (Google her). That was a turning point in culture that saw the end of the traditional family.

The 60s were a time where families started getting more access to the AFDC welfare program. However, in 1968 the "man in the house rule" was introduced that barred households with an adult male present from the house of getting government welfare. What was the result? The marriage rate plummeted in poor households.

Deindustrialization is another factor that reduced jobs available to many men in the community. Take Detroit as an example. Detroit (a city with a majority Black population today) used to have a larger population in the 20th century than today, because it was the industrial capital of the United States, and was the 3rd richest city in the world at one point. Those with the means to leave the city after deindustrialization did, and those who couldn't leave for financial reasons stayed. The end result? More unemployment and crime, less dating and marriage.

Then there's music and pop culture. These are usually derived from real life with hyperboles added. Take for instance, "gangsta rap". Gangs exist, and they influence the lives of many people who grow up in their neighborhoods. Those who join gangs are said to come from poor, single parent households living in a neighborhood with high crime and low employment rates. If that person then becomes successful through their music career, can they have a meaningful message? It's possible. However, what's more likely to happen is that that person will right music about the things that they know (all the violence and sexual fantasies they have) and that's likely to have an influence on other impressionable young people, but not in a good way. What's even more insane, is when people who don't come from these traumatic events make an entire career rapping about it (aka "studio gangster") because it's "cool". That in turn has a negative impact on the behavior of young men, and therefore less success in dating and less marriage rates.

And with young women? Glorification of prostitution, sleeping around and "men ain't shit" because her dad was never around, because he also never had a dad at home and probably thought that was the cycle of life. The little to know education on sexual health in schools, coupled with risk-taking behavior result in STDs and pregnancy. No role models, because your mother has 3 kids by 3 men and your father isn't at home. That teaches young women to behave in a certain way, which leads to more sex, less dating and less marriage.

So to answer your question directly? It appears to me that neither men nor women control the "dating scene".

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

Women control access to sex, which gives them a lot of power over the dating scene. Men control access to commitment, which gives them some power over the dating scene, but they also control whether they participate in the dating scene at all, which is starting to rebalance the dating scene power.

Women in their 20s might not notice as much, but women in their 30s and 40s are finding out, and they aren't very happy about it. The ones who either didn't get a good man in her 20s, or couldn't keep him, are finding little interest from men in their later years. And what little interest there is is almost always limited to sexual interest, because the men don't take them seriously as relationship partners.

Women still overwhelmingly have the advantage in their 20s, and always will, but Feminism has taught women to squander their advantages for short term gains and promises them they can have the relationship later, in their 30s. Feminism knows that's a lie, but Feminism doesn't want relationships between men and women at all, and doesn't care about the grief women feel in the layer years of their life when they have no family.

The irony is that Feminism is literally going to cause the extinction of the Feminists...

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Both think that they control it, which is ridiculous.

Alternatively, an "elite" combination of guys and gals who think they "have options" are the ones who think they control the dating scene bc they feel they are able to discard people at will.

PeachyPie93 · Accepted Answer

No one controls it.. but by 30 all you are left with is divorcees and the scraps no one wanted lol

OlderAndWiser · Answer

"The dating scene" includes a wife variety of behaviors and decisions, and "control" is an ambiguous word. The question conveys an attitude that I think is counterproductive in dating.0

When I was dating, I controlled who I would ask for a date. In my generation, women very rarely initiate a first date. I would suggest a place, date, and time for the first date and solicit her approval or alternate suggestion. We mutually agreed on the plan.

On the first date, if I felt attracted and if I sensed that she would be receptive, I would initiate holding her hand while I maintained eye contact with her. I might suggest moving to a nearby location for an after dinner drink and she might agree or decline. At the end of the date, I would sense whether she would be receptive to a goodnight kiss, and if so, I would kiss her.

After the date, I controlled our next communication by calling her maybe thirty minutes later to make sure she arrived home safely, to tell her how much I enjoyed the date, and to tell her that I would call her soon to arrange our next date.

For me, dating was a process of doing things and taking steps by agreement, and I never saw it as a matter of taking control. The view that dating is about control suggests the motivation is affirmation of power, and that is far afield from what a healthy and rewarding relationship should be.

ohsheeT · Answer

If you feel someone has to have control then it us fake and there is A agenda. What happen to meeti g being ourselves having fun and being real. It's not about anyone else in the world. It's only about 2 people

Summeroflove · Answer

It should be a balance. But unfortunately too many times two people fight for control when they should be on the same team.

Account · Answer

Based on my observations no one. It is chaotic and out of control.

Avicenna · Answer

Depends on the age group. At your age, women do.

Effably · Answer

The obvious answer is whoever is more desired. But realistically women.

Plenty of things go into it.
There are more men than women born.
Women have more pretty people, mostly cosmetics but it still adds up.
Culture is largely women focused.

I mean be real with me here for a second. If men ruled the dating scene do you really think it'd be focused on taking photos, going out dancing and listening to music? We'd be out fishing, doing sports or competing in video games or something.
It should not take more than a single look at how we meet people to date to understand who is being catered to.

And that's fine. Most species have the males somehow tasked with impressing the females. We should consider ourselves lucky we don't get absorbed, eaten or any of the many weird ones. A few pretty horrifying ones for women too. I am blanking on which insect it is but they basically are born pregnant. When they come of age the eggs hatch still inside them. A male and several female. They mate - still inside the mother. Then eat through her living body.

So our little weird mating rituals seem okay compared to some others.

Zack-Bann · Answer

Depends on the different aspects of dating

But I would say it’s in the favor of women especially early on in a relationship

Fact is: a woman could find a willing date for the same day if she wanted one
But she runs the risk of having a shitty date due to poor selection

Men require more work and luck to land dates but that makes us more likely to invest effort into someone worth spending time with
(Not necessarily high standards but at least a bare minimum)

OneViewpoint · Answer

Depends. I think the top 10% or so of men and women have no trouble attracting attention and getting dates.

The next 50% or so of men are at the mercy of that same 50% slice of women. Only because those guys are so horny, immature, needy, and desperate for sex they can be easily manipulated by women. But those works in progress are not what women want. They are stuck in the middle because they have low ambition and dress / behave like they are still in college. The women all want the top 10% of guys but those guys don’t want average women except to fuck

Then there’s the remaining bottom 40% or so. They have to adjust their expectations. And they do. Both men and women. And they probably end up happier than the middle group.

Anonymous · Answer

Doesn't matter. I'm not worth dating. Not right now. I still have to work on myself, physically and mentally.
By letting go of believing in romance, it loses its power. I hope someone comes along someday and gives me a chance, but I'm not going to expect that. Expecting to die alone as the default is difficult, but it also liberates you to define what you do with your life.

I will say women generally have the emperor's thumb in the dating colleseium, able to accept or reject offers much more easily than men.

But I'm not going to put myself in a position to be told I'm not enough. I will assign that value to myself and then try to be something better.

DomInDraper · Answer

I don't really think it's men vs women per se so much as it is "high value vs low value".
In women, high value generally means younger, more beautiful, more feminine, etc.
In men, high value typically means prime age (think like...30-40, mayyybe 30-50), access to resources, fit, etc.

Women tend to have a more equal distribution of power in the dating scene compared to men, but they're also pining over pretty much all of the same men... and that small group of men has a lot of power.

Cormac995 · Answer

Woman 100% there are men that are more than willing to date any woman with a pulse if they could get a chance. Woman just won't lower their standards to reasonable levels, so they limit their own options artificially based on minor factors than complain about being single and alone when there is likely a line of guys behind her all waiting for their chance to try and get a date.

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

Looking at the success of dating apps and sites, it's neither men nor women controlling anything. To me, it's a few people managing a market, leading an audience, creating codes and rules understood and misunderstood by tons and tons of men and women. I mean they even create guidelines for us to understand the rules they have created lol

Don't you have this urge to swipe something, anything, everything?

purplepoppy · Answer

We do and men need to grow up and deal with that. Throughout nature, including our own species it is female choice that controls the dating scene. If we are to raise your kids and tend your home it's up to men to prove they're worthy of our time.

SotiCoto · Answer

Women do... but that is mostly because men don't contest it. Ideally it should be equal give and take, but as long as men submit to female manipulation, they won't have any say in the matter.
What is important to remember is that both sides have right of veto, and one side being fundamentally disrespectful is just begging to get dumped.

DannyUk2017 · Answer

No one! I'm controlling mine so you should control yours, and then our controlling should get to an "agreement point" if that Point is Not met, then one of us is Not good for the other. Simple.

Anonymous · Answer

Both, but in different ways. As another user said, women are the gatekeepers to sex, and men are the gatekeepers to committed relationships / marriage.

Having said that, it's clear that in recent years men are taking their gatekeeper role MUCH more seriously than women have been taking theirs.

slatyb · Answer

Neither does. Men imagine that women do, but we see plenty of questions here from women asking how to attract a man.

Joshydavid25 · Answer

Women definitely seem like the ones with a little more control.. It's mostly because guys have become simps, and seem to have become a little more desperate than the average woman..

RavVid · Answer

I vote women do at least in their 20's at the peak of their market value but more become suplicants in their 30's. Certainly they are terminators of relationships through out 20's and 30's.

Sun_Kim-Ai · Answer

Neither and it's a silly generalization to say either gender controls it.

Lynx122 · Answer

I think each person controls their own destiny in a way but we may not be aware of it at the time.

Jersey2 · Answer

It was men as they had the money. Now it is women as they have the pussy. It worked better because it gave us families and children. Now it gives us OF and few children.

MOUTHWASHING · Answer

9/10 women have boyfriends (ages 18-27)

4/10 men have girlfriends (ages 18-27)

Women control the show and can get their hands on anything they want while most men are struggling to find even the gutter level females

CB-Raido-Time · Answer

Currently it is said that something like upwards of 85% of men have walked away from dating and marriage. And with that I would have to say currently men.

Flower7 · Answer

Guys because they can ask people out without being labeled as weirdos.

lorenzomichael · Answer

It doesn’t really matter to me as long As we do something fun, sexy, dangerous, or against the law, I’m down. I don’t mind if she’s a little aggressive either I kinda like that..

Nikki1989 · Answer

Nobody controls it. It is what you make of it.

ProbablyClueless · Answer

The answer changes at 30.  Women control it before 30. Men control it after 30.

Sal_Monella · Answer

Men, by just not bothering. The whole dating an marriage thing is far too risky, what with women filing 80% of divorces.

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

Obviously women do. Men do all the hard work, while women reap all the benefits. As with most things in life

Pohjolan · Answer

Women have more control as they have more to choose from. Like fuckboys wouldn't be fuckboys if there wasn't a demand for fuckboys.

AngryCarl2 · Answer

Is there still a dating scene? I thought we were all MGTOW or Undateable Feminists now?

captain_voidwalker · Answer

Both. Women control it through rejection. But men control it through approaching.

LiamJHayden · Answer

Each individual has a certain amount of control.

Anonymous · Answer

No one controls it. Both genders largely hate the other gender whether they're willing to admit to it or not.

beefcakebradybatson · Answer

WOMEN !!!(Even fugly broads get hit on much more than us handsome Bradys !!!)

msc545 · Answer

Women do. Women cntrol access to sex and children. Men control access to marriage.

qwerty2469 · Answer

Women. Men date who they can. Women date who they want.

Apple1996 · Answer

Pretty obviously women

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

100% women

Valdemort · Answer

No one, both are shit at it.

serious · Answer

I think both equally.

ItsJill · Answer

No one.

Zylos · Answer

100% women haha

WhitneySnow · Answer

Neither. It varies with every interaction.

Yannae · Answer

All of us. It's Yin and Yang.

jahaims · Answer

High value individuals of both genders

AndrésC64 · Answer

Absolutely women.

Ariesman81 · Answer

Women in their 20s, men in their 40s

TallAnon · Answer

Very much changes depending on when and where

Anonymous · Answer

Probably women.

lilBigPotato · Answer

No one does

TheLovelyWoman · Answer

Women.

Anonymous · Answer

women do as they do the choosing.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

Both do.

sirderpsalot123 · Answer

Women

WonderingManII · Answer

Women do.

Jennz6 · Answer

Women

larry69 · Answer

Women do 100%

Brandi555 · Answer

Women. Obviously

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