My boyfriend thinks we should never fight?

[Anonymous]

My bfs never had a girlfriend and so he thinks fighting isn't normal. He says he's asked his friends who are in relationships and they say they never fight and his mom also says this. This is the biggest factor breaking our relationship because he doesn't care when I'm upset, he just sees it as an annoyance/inconvenience for him that's "toxic" and just drama. I think this idea started for him because his friend (Jim) who has a girlfriend (Katie) was talking with my bfs mother, she asked Jim "so Jim is Katie the one?" and Jim said "yes we never fight" or something along those lines. So now my bfs mother always brings this up to me and my boyfriend. Jim and Katie are for a lack of better words, a very "bland" couple. They are nerdy, not very social, keep to themselves people, where they likely may never have much to fight about. Whereas my boyfriend has over 20 friends (girls and guys) and I am an outgoing big personality type of person. My boyfriend and I are the complete opposite of Jim and Katie. What can I do? I have told him it's normal and he dismisses me saying I just think fighting is normal cause I grew up around fighting. He's never had a girlfriend so I don't blame him for being inexperienced but he thinks we should only fight 2 times a year...

[SueShe]

Fighting belongs in a relationship just as much as loving.

A relationship where there is no fight does not mean that it is a good relationship. That simply means that there is always one loser and that is the person that will swallow his or her pride when something is not going right and prefers to remain silent than to speak up and make his/her opinion known.

Disagreements are the salt and pepper of a healthy relationship. Just imagine always saying yes and amen to every nonsense the partner says or does.

That would show that this person has no character and personality and yes, that is a red flag.

[Asker]

I don't know how to make him understand

[SueShe]

Just let him know that you want a partner that has a minimum if character and knows how to express discontent rather than to agree to everything.

Ask him whether he would defend you or your opinions in a fight or disagreement with someone else or if he would be quiet. If he is, then it means that you are not as important to him as the opponent.

[Effably]

While I would not say fighting is needed, a relationshio without disagreements is only possible when only one person thinks. Which is normally not the goal.

I barely ever get in fights myself. Not my mindset. But feelings are feelings. They are allowed to be aired and flaunted.

Statistically, because everyone loves honest statistics right, couples that fight do not last worse than couples that do not. The difference statistically speaking is in whether or not the couple consistently tries to solve the reason for the fight. So fighting is basically okay as long as the cause for the fighting is then mutually resolved.

[Asker]

I don't know how to make him understand

[Effably]

Well. What about the fighting do you need? It might sound silly but we all need to express ourselves. What is your need in this if you are honest?

[HighValue]

People that think fighting in a relationship is normal and is fine to happen often should NOT be in a relationship at all with anyone. They are problem people that only bring lots of unneeded stress into people's lives.

It often happens because the couple is NOT compatible. You will both regret it if you stay together.

[Anonymous]

I think disagreements are healthy and passionate disagreements lead to passionate relationships, unless they can't agree to disagree. Ultimately, there are basic fundamental morals that have to be there, otherwise it won't work no matter what.

[Asker]

I don't know how to make him understand

[jahaims]

Move on, that guy is an undeveloped dunce

[Anonymous]

that’s impossible

[Asker]

I don't know how to make him understand