Every single time, when I don't feel like I'm a priority or am being mistreated by my partner I just go on the dating app trying to find a replacement before
I break up with him. My philosophy is if someone isn't being a good to you, you have no obligation to "be good " back to them.
No, I don't how they feel about how "i cheated" on them... they deserve being cheated on
You are asking if you are wrong. To ask that question means you understand that there is a choice and behavior that is morally correct, and a choice and behavior that is not. You are choosing the choice and behavior that is not morally correct. And whether you want to believe this or not doesn't matter, it's the truth. And beyond that, people around you - including other men you might be interested in dating - are going to realize that you lack moral boundaries, which means that men who CARE about moral boundaries (the men who would treat you well) are going to disqualify you from a relationship, and the men who do not disqualify you are highly likely to be those who have no moral boundaries themselves, so you're likely to end up in the same situation with the next guy.
You got in this situation because of the choices YOU made - YOU *picked* this guy, and if you don't change the standards you use to choose a man, you'll just repeat the same mistakes over and over again. That's how it works.
The problem is: to get something, you usually have to give up something else. There's no person who has everything you want - that doesn't exist, and anyone who tells you it does is either lying or is incredibly naive themselves. Everyone has weaknesses and things about them that you won't like. Your job is to prioritize the things that are *really* important (which for a relationship tends to mean morals, values, and compatible life goals) even if that means you have to go without "nice to have's" like looks, money, or status. If you don't have your priorities in order, you're going to suffer, because if you give up morals and values to get looks or money or status, then you're going to have someone with looks or money or status but who has poor morals and values, and you'll be right back where you are today.
[men who CARE about moral boundaries (the men who would treat you well) are going to disqualify you from a relationship]
thats not true. because men will never know my moral boundaries. no one will admit they have cheated on their past partner, unless they don't actually want you
Well two aspects sprung immediately to mind when I read through your description.
1 . When you “feel” your partner isn’t treating you as a priority. I hear and read this a LOT these days and well I will answer the same as I do every single time … feelings are NOT facts. Feelings need to be analyzed, measured , reasoned with.. etc. we can’t go off at tangents believing something is true just because we FEEL it. Not saying you aren’t justified in feeling as you do , but by your description of your own actions you seem more than a little hot headed and illogical.
2. You talk about reciprocity in your description , “ if a person isn’t being good to you yadda yadda “ .. have you ALWAYS made him your number 1 priority? Or is it exen realistic that anyone’s partner ALWAYS puts them first?
3. You jumping on to dating apps because you feel like you’re not a priority … is this what you expect of him? , how would you react to finding out he has been making dating profiles because he feels like your a hot head and are extremely high maintenance at times?
In answer to your question and in In my humble yet experienced opinion you are absolutely wrong in doing what you have and I would question whether you are actually mature enough to be in a relationship with anyone. But that’s only my opinion right … take it or leave it
Good luck 🍀
What I learned from my experience with someone I loved is that - Revenge is never the best option. Yes, it soothes ego for a while… It feels good, doesn’t it?
But it’s a reactive behavior and undermines the relationship long term. If you feel mistreated it’s better to express your feelings honestly and calmly…
All in all you want to be in a happy relationship, and retaliation never helps. I am talking from my own experience of playing games and feeling like I wish I hadn’t…
Try to be mature in the relationship, try to put your ego away and really try to solve what problem is there and if you cannot, then let go of this person, because this fire will burn you both unless managed…
I’ve been there done that. Insecurity ruins a lot of relationships and in my next relationship, I am going to put my pride away, forget mind games and if I feel hurt , as much as I hate to admit it, I will admit it instead of defending my ego by playing games. It is going to hurt both ways… But next time, I want to think that I’ll dare get hurt and trust more not to be. And if I cannot - then I’ll simply walk away… Will never again stay somewhere where I’ll feel like I have to constantly manage my feelings and protect myself.
I can only wish you the same…
All that I’m seeing is that you’re just weak and incapable of being on your own. You could disagree and say that you’re a woman who actually respects herself but if that we true you would just be single and live you life until another man finds you rather than being a POS and justify it by saying you’re already dating a POS so it’s all good.
What's wrong with not liking to be alone? I don't have to like being alone
He deserves to be cheated on
He's no innocent victim
Two wrongs don’t make a right. Also karma is a real bitch… life will get you back.
Clearly you need some growing up to do. In your little twisted mind you absolutely need to be in a relationship to be happy, indicative of the fact that you have mental issues.
@Danny_dan92 I’m starting to feel like this is just ragebait out of boredom, it’s hard to believe that anyone could be this emotionally immature and out of touch. But on the off chance that this is a factual situation, you have some sound advice. Two wrongs don’t make a right and to justify running to a dating app rather than just breaking up with someone is so deplorable. She’s racking up her karma and will never find a good man that way.
I thought the same thing honestly
@hollyk21
Who said I have to be right?
If you treat me like shit. I treat you like shit
Or you grow up.
Opinion
52Opinion
Well running to someone else isn’t going to save you , whatsoever, if you are unhappy in your relationship with him, you are best to just leave him instead of stringing him along until you find someone else , the reason you and your boyfriend are having problems is because you aren’t playing your part in the relationship, when things don’t go your way you run to the highway and that unfortunately is a selfish decision on your part. No relationship is perfect , but a relationship is suppose to be 2 people in it together , not the other way around , so if you have one foot out the door when things get crappy , then you are the selfish person and that’s probably why you and your boyfriend butt heads because you aren’t on the same page with things and you are t mature enough to take accountability for your wrong doings. You aren’t perfect either , so you either try to fix your relationship with your boyfriend or end it , not bring someone else into the picture period
i have the right to act in my own best interests, even if it is considered selfish.
Why not just leave why stick around
Because. He treats you bad.
So you go on a dating app go out with some guy
You tell that guy. What your doing and. Do you think he going to want to be with you
He's ready to take you home a drop you off.
. every guy you have gone out with you have a boyfriend knows you're going out on him. And these guys want anything to do with it or you , because now they know exactly who you are and they have to take that risk if they decided to go out with you
End it with your boyfriend now. That way , you don't ever have to tell the story again and make guys look at you like toxic i don't want\nThat in my life, it's you ready to go home. I'm ready
How about just break up with them if they are treating you badly?
Your philosophy is severely flawed especially when it concerns a relationship with someone. You don't try to get even, you leave the situation.
You're unlikely to get a decent partner by doing that, especially while you're still together with someone. break up with them first, then heal from the relationship before getting on any dating apps.
u Every cheater has an excuse for cheating, including you.
Yes. If you’re with someone you’re still WITH them. There’s no excuse for cheating.
That's the coping mechanism you learned or developed... when you are hurt, you run for comfort. That be kinda normal in some ways but it's not great right... in other words, you cannot "soothe" yourself. That make me wonder what your parenting/mother was like. That be what you'd take to a professional to grow and heal as a person. I'm confident you could learn a more healthy response to the stress than running because life is always full of challenges. Noone will stay sane when someone runs out the door 10 times a month.
We cannot gauge how bad the treatment is or what is going on. Does he just not know how to be vulnerable and supportive when you are feisty? That's what takes working out... healthy responses. No relationship is perfect and there's ebbs and tides, but it should generally be good with a little bit of challenge.
The pattern you described is not good because it is not secure. It raises the question of if it is that bad, then why are you staying.
In general, you have some development to do, and now is the time while it's a ripe issue. Some of it has nothing to do with him.
A few things
1. If you do not like someone, then break up with them. But do not lie to them about things pretending everything is ok.
2. Judging on some of your side comments, maybe you are getting the same energy back as you put off. (I do not care about their feelings)
3. You have to know by now the world dose not turn around you and your partner has a life as well as a job. If you want someone to treat you like the center of their world then tell them that before you start any kind of relationship, and make sure you tell them that you will leave them if they stop.
But instead of being honest and upfront it looks like to hide in the shadows and if you do not get all there attention you cheat on them behind their back. You need to start respecting others feelings and being upfront and honest. Then people will know what you want, know what to expect, and know what is going on. How can you expect others to respect you, when you don't even respect others. It fully sounds like karma is having its way with you. You are getting all that negative energy back.
To answer your question, YES you are fully wrong
I read the question and my brain was immediately like, "What's the mistreatment? Not being doted over all the fucking time."
But then I read the rest. Confirmation bias affirmed. You sound pathetic with no morals... narcisistic. The kind of woman I would cheat on because I know you're just going to cheat on me eventually, and I just want to have that in my back pocket to throw in your face when I break up with you... ruduced to someone I fuck until I find someone better.
And you can be all mad and pissy with me for saying that, but that's you. That's what you're already flirting with doing.
I'm not religious, but I think you should read a holy book or two.
If your partner is mistreating you, just break up with them. There's no reason to stick around until "someone better comes along."
If you wait to break up with him, until you find someone else, that just makes you a cheater, and objectively just as bad as him. You lose any moral high ground you may have had over him, and become just another cheater.
Not only is that going to limit your prospects in the future, but it will forever stigmatize you as a terrible person, so what's the point? What do you gain by staying until you can cheat? Do you have to be with someone? You can't just be single during the transaction, or are you co-dependant?
Your partner may legitimately be a POS, I don't know him, but you're throwing a lot of red flags around, yourself. That's not going to help you find someone better.
I mean… as long as no one is married, you’re technically still on the market, if you want to be. Unfortunately, there are some people who stay on the market even after they get married! 😂
I would hope you make an effort to try and repair things before going down that road, though. I’ve seen and heard of people getting wildly disrespectful in their relationships. I’ve known a few people over the years that I’m genuinely surprised they weren’t getting cheated on. A few of them I have a very difficult time believing that they weren’t being cheated on.
I mean, thats definitely not what I would do, but in past relationships I have had that urge, espcially when dating early on. Its also about how you and your partner define your relationship. For instance, if I did that in my current long-term relationship this would be frowned upon heavily. However, if we had the conversation about how its not working, or if he wants something "more", then Id be open to talking bout it and then it might be ok. But thats just about how we see our relationship and what that means in terms of boundaries. But, if he cheats on you, then why not just break it off and find someone else then? I think if he cheats, then you cheat, unless youve both established that an open-relationship is ok, I dont see the point if its something you're not ok with. Vengeance doesn't solve anything. I personally think that the mentality of "if he does it to me, then I can do it to him, and so on" is frankly childish.
Yes, you don't treat someone good who treats you bad. But why spending even a second with someone who treats you with disrespect and comes and tries to repair what they destroyed, because this is mostly in relationships that way. It's pointless and when you're economically independent, I wouldn't waste my time.
A bouquet of red roses will never compensate yelling at you ton of invectives.
The power to leave that mistreatment is in your soul. Your head is trying to justify the "crime". Do not do anything for a man that he is not willing to do for you. Words that women should live by. In the end you need to separate tie with him.
yes you are wrong for doing this. you're playing games. this isn't a mature relationship and certainly not one that sounds healthy. breaking up as a leverage move just to get back together is immature.
if there is reason enough to break up there is reason enough to move on from him and find someone you don't have to break up with to make a point.
If that’s the case my dear you need to leave him not cheat on him. Do you communicate with him to really tell him how you feel? Does he give you space to do so? I’d no then move on hon. Plenty of other men out there that will cherish you. It just takes some time to find them
If you do this you are a scummy person and a contributer to why good men don't want to date. Good luck finding a man cause no good man is going to be with a woman who does this type of stuff long term.. If you want to feel appreciated and like you matter be the type of person that matters and not a scumbag.
If this partner treats you like crap, what's the point in holding onto him until you find a replacement. That sorta destroys your credibility. In my mind you have 2 unrelated tasks to deal with.
Why are you trying to prolong the mistreatment? Can't stand being alone? You enjoy the abuse? Those are problems with you, not him.
I think it is wrong. I getting the impression you are overly demanding. Not be a priority may be cover for a lot of things and mistreated could be simply not getting what you want.
You will never find someone that always make you a priority over anything they are doing or need to do. And most will mistreat you by not always giving you what you want.
Yeah, you are.
Break up if this isn't long term. Cheating makes you scum.
I would counsel ANY man dating a woman who has a history being on dating apps while in a relationship to bail.
No one who does that is worthy of a committmet. They are not a virtuous woman and has a character problem.
I understand the logic behind it but that’s not a replacement that’s a rebound, and rebounds are historically a mistake, you’d need to officially break up, do a bit of reflection, bit of healing since it will hurt, be comfortable on your own and THEN get back in the field again, cutting corners is a sign of dependency
If your partner is treating you badly, that’s not okay.. but being on dating apps while you’re still together isn’t really the best way to handle it either. It might be better to fix the problem or end the relationship first..
What you should do instead which might make this a little bit more palatable would be to tell them flat out that you don't like the way things are going and break up with them. Then you can go on all the dating apps you want and do anything you want. Not being treated well is not an excuse for cheating and lying. If you can't work out the relationship in a way that is satisfactory to you and you have no business being in it. Give both yourself and the man involved a break in this regard.
Two wrongs don't make a right. If you feel like cheating, then just leave them. What's wrong with being single for a little while first?
You have deeper issues. It seems to me that you can't stand the idea of being single and you're thirsty for male attention/validation. Not a healthy way to cope with life. Break up with your boyfriend and seek therapy. Either way, take care.
You have a good philosophy but if you dont want to be with him then leave. There is a right and a wrong way to do everything. Do it the right way cause karma is a bitch. If you dont want him break up and move on but don't break up with him and get back together with him knowing you don't want him
It sounds like treating you like a priority would be a huge mistake. if you attempt to cheat every time, you don’t get your way instead of working through the issue that makes you a toxic partner Who is not to be taken seriously.
Break up. Why are you hedging bets with someone who mistreats you? Better to be mistreated than to not be treated at all? Whew! Be done with him and move on! Good luck.
Yes you are wrong, you have and your partner has been conditioned to leave the relationship as soon as it is boring or repetitive.
Drifting apart is something you should not say...
Sometimes it will be hard to get the emotional needs met and it can be burden or cause burnout.
You're a piece of shit. If you ain't happy, move on. Be a big girl.
Instead of making excuses for what you are doing, maybe put in the work into your relationship or just end it.
That's beyond messed up. Why not just leave if you're so unhappy and feel you deserve better. You just want the best of both worlds.
Here’s an idea.
Stop being toxic and break up
Why are you still with him? You don't need a replacement to break up. That's actually a formula for ensuring your continued misery.
Depending on the situation. I don't think anyone "deserves" to be cheated on. If it's that bad, just leave him, why find a replacement? Let that come naturally...
Yeah you should either stay or leave.
There are no sabretooth tigers out there lurking in the dark anymore. Women no longer need to do monkey branching.
Think about what sort of men you attract while already in a relationship.
Wow, my middle school girlfriend acted more mature than you.
Absolutely bad. First dump him. Then "cheat +not on him".
If you are going to cheat just break up with him stop jerking around.
Sweetheart, break up for real and genuinely finish it , what you are doing is completely incorrect.
If you’re really miserable, why not break up with him?
You are "monkey branching". Rather than doing that, why not be single for a bit, you can still go on dates, but dump this guy first.
It technically not cheating, because you didn't had sex with other man, you just checking.
If there is one thing I know about relationships is that YOU DO YOU. It's emotional cheating if your partner doesn't respect you. You don't owe him any loyalty
Stop being an idiot. Just break up with the guy first and and then go find another one, instead of finding excuses to be a piece of shit
i don't care about how he feels
I'm not being an idiot
Break up with them first. Nothing wrong with being single for a while.
You can do that... But it means that you're a scumbag just like him.
No one deserves being cheated on.
If you are dissatisfied, then break up and be done with them.
Well, that’s mature.
May you have all the happiness you deserve in this life 🫶🏼
Note, I said “deserve” and not “want.” 😉
If someone isn't treating you well, you don't have to treat them well either.
I suggest you look elsewhere. Not everyone here is what they seem. Be careful.
You and him deserve eachother, so do us men a favor and stay on dating apps and away from us
That is still cheating. If you are not happy with your partner dump him, finish your relationship first.
Extremely. You deserve to find someone as terrible as you or eternal loneliness.
Duh, you aren't mature enough for a relationship. You don't even understand boundaries
Yes, you're wrong. You know you're wrong. Cheating is never justifiable. Either break up or figure out how to make your relationship work.
If your partner is abusing you, leave the relationship. What you described is immature pettiness
No, you idiot, you're wrong for staying with your partner. Are you really this stupid?
this sounds like bait lol
Why is breaking up hard?
Yes you are wrong and make a bad partner
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