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I met the love of my life on a dating app. He is my first love, I have never met a man that I love so much. The idea of leaving him breaks my heart.
But he is a very dirty person. After he shaves his beard, he would leave specs of hair on the side of the sink for DAYS. After he cooks, he leaves mountain piles of dirty dishes and pots in the sink for DAYS, to the point where it would smell like rot. Whenever I am there, I can't stand the sight so I would help wash some of his dishes, not all because there is just way too much. He wouldn't take out the garbage either. To the point where it would be filled to the brim, spilling over, smelling like a dead body in the trash can.
He has a cat so there is cat litter sand / pebbles all over the bed whenever we go to sleep together and he doesn't mind it. His mattress is filthy yellow with blood stains on the pillow. He has no plans on changing his pillows. He also didn't wash himself very well until I bought him a back brush. Every time I walk in the hall way, there would be so much cat litter sand on the floor, it would stick to my feet.
I am not the most tidy person myself but this is dirty to the extreme. I have mentioned his lack of hygiene to him in the past, he said he would "work on it"... The only thing he did was buy a robot cleaner to clean his floor. Everything else remained dirty.
He would come back home from work very smelly... then he would lay on his couch (without showering)... then his couch would start to smell. He also puts his toothbrush on the sink surface for weeks until the sink surface starts to yellow since he never cleans.
I love him to a million pieces and I am willing to help him clean but I don't know if I would be able to be an everyday maid for the rest of my life.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
6Opinion
I feel like moving in together officially would be the best way to determine whether or not you’re meant to stay with this man. This step usually makes or breaks the relationship, because then you’ll really see if he can commit to changing, or at least trying to do a better job of picking up after himself. Maybe he feels no real incentive right now because technically he still lives alone (I say technically because for all I know you’re there all the time). If you visit more infrequently then that probably only adds to his “bachelor pad” mentality.
Always me thinking I have issues then I see a girl willing to date this lol
If a guy ain't even pretending to clean himself for you think you gotta leave for sure. I'd put in more effort if with someone even if I don't magically become much different.
And guys are more willing at first to try so if he already ain't what does that say?
No. He needs to improve, because it's fair to you. I'm not the cleanist person, but I always make sure common areas are acceptable. The only thing you listed I've been guilty of is keeping old pillows, but I know I would have to dramatically improve if I ever get a spouse.
would you date someone like this?
It would make it a lot harder, especially if they don't care to improve. Luckily, women seem to be significantly less likely to have such issues.
I'm not sure if you're embelishing or not. Because leaving your toothbrush on the counter is not going to make the counter yellow. I'm not saying he can't or doesn't need to be cleaner. But you sound like you need a man who matches your prissiness.👍
counter becomes yellow because things get dirty over time. I don't know why this is so difficult to comprehend.
🤦♂️😆 find a new guy. Let Pigpen find his Patty.😆
Yeah well either you accept that this is how he is, he will not change (I promise you he won’t) and he’ll do this even if/when you live together and all household chores would fall on you OR you leave, move on and find someone else. There is no option because again, he will not change no matter what you say or do and no matter what he says himself either.
In my experience, what you see is what you get and people don't often change. You have to decide if you can live like he does or be his maid if you decide to stay with him. Personally I would not want either and would move on.
It very much sounds like your boyfriend is suffering from an underlying mental health condition and or depression?
Some men are pigs. You can do better.
It's not the love of your life if he doesn't check all the boxes.
He definitely does not check all the boxes.
Talk to him