Boyfriend has terrible hygiene. Am I overreacting?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend goes 3-5 days without showering or brushing his teeth and I can’t take it anymore. I shower and brush my teeth twice a day, just because I like to be clean. I don’t think he needs to follow those same habits but he should clean his body and mouth at least once a day. He already has bad breath and his lack or brushing is making it worse.

He wears dirty clothes instead of clean ones and I’m starting to hate sharing a bed with him every night. He’s completely grossing me out. I also cannot stand his lack of table manners (eating loudly, licking his fingers and plate). I feel like I’m raising a child and hate to have to keep telling him what to do.

He’s a sweet man and I love him but this is stressing me out.

Updates

+1 y

We recently moved in together so this has all come as a shocker to me. I’m going to have to have a serious conversation with him or I’m moving out and ending the relationship

[Aysen]

You're not overreacting one bit! In fact, this is quite concerning because a lack of hygiene can result with health risks such as bad bacteria building up on your skin pores, to gum disease and cavities from not keeping your teeth clean. I don't think your boyfriend realizes how dire of a situation this can be if it's left untreated. Not to mention that odor builds up from sweat and grim over a period of time, as you've witnessed several times now.

When it comes to relationships, there are standards that need to be maintained and keeping up with proper hygiene is mandatory for not only health reasons but for attraction purposes as well. This is certainly a deal breaker, if not handled, so I'd suggest giving him a good talk about why this is important to not only you but himself as well! He may not have realized how hygiene plays an important role to one's health so clarifying this with him may open his eyes to what he may not have taught before. If he's a sweet and caring guy, I think it'd be fine to give him a chance to maintain his hygiene better.

Maybe start him off with brushing his teeth daily each evening and showering once every day or two and see how he does. It's basic enough for anyone to do and it's good practice for helping him live a comfortable life with you without you having to feel repulsive towards his foul odors and unclean behavior. If he's not able to do this, I can't imagine how he'd be able to help you down the road if he can't even take care of himself. I hope he'll listen to you and practice these basic hygienic behaviors so you don't have to break up with him over it! No one should have to suffer from someone who can't keep themselves clean.

[hahahmm]

You live in a 1st world country (I assume). This is a deal breaker type situation. What you should've done very early on was say, this relationship isn't happening or it's ending because of how you live. If you change your ways, let me know but I'm not waiting around for you. And then you just move on with your life. If you meet someone better you get with them. It's 100% not your problem if the first guy needs a year or 5 years to learn how soap and toothpaste work.

[hahahmm]

side note: some people only have good hygiene when living with someone else who does. When they live alone they're like pigs in mud.

[natured]

See, there are no perfect partners, we all have issues with ours, some have this habit others have another habit. I think as long as he respects you in general, this should not be a major issue, also because it's something that is very easy to change.
I think you should tell him how you feel, i'm sure this is how he grew up and he can't change it easily, because to him it's normal. Tell him though, keep telling him and you'll see slow changes from time to time. Don't force him though, just tell him that it's not healthy in general.

[tatianamay]

Damn, terrible hygiene? A major dealbreaker for me. Do you know how many diseases are being contracted by those kind of people who have terrible hygiene? Please ask him to change himself.

[Asker]

Thank you for your input. You make a lot of valid points I have to agree with. It’s been so frustrating. After posting this question I talked to him about this and he said he’s not changing his habits and I just have to deal with it. I really have some things to think about now.

[tatianamay]

im sorry to say, but you really have some things to think through. if he is not willing to change his habits, i'd advice you to break up with him. this may sound super silly rn, but in the long run, im pretty sure you'll be super frustrated and when you do have kids with him, whose methods do you think they will follow? kindly talk to him about it

[Luckycharms12]

That's pretty eye opening and horrible wouldn't be sleeping with him until he cleaned up his act if I was in your shoes

[Asker]

Is there anyway to kindly address this?

[Luckycharms12]

Not really tbh

[SpaceGalaxy]

He sounds very low-class. I wonder how a classy woman would go with such a filth

[Asker]

We do come from very different upbringings and I’m starting to see a lot of that comes from his family and how he was raised

[SpaceGalaxy]

So sorry for you. End it before it's too late. You deserve the best so don't settle for less.

[Anonymous]

Not overreacting. But i think he should have noticed this before

[Oceation]

Not overreacting at all. That's pretty repulsive.

[Asker]

Would you stay with a guy like this and give him a chance to improve?

[Oceation]

I suppose it depends. If I loved him enough then yes, but it's a question of whether or not the relationship is worth it. Bad hygiene and just a lack of self-care is a pretty big deal breaker for me. You're not his mom or caretaker, so it's not your responsibility to remind him to take care of himself. He can be the sweetest man ever to you, but if his hygiene is grossing you out to the point of not wanting to even be around him then this is a big problem that needs to be addressed. It's not something you should have to tolerate.

With that being said, sometimes, lack of personal care/hygiene can be a sign of depression, so that's something to consider. It's definitely something you need to bring up with him, gently if possible. If he's not willing to listen to your concerns and work on it, then you're valid in breaking up with him.

[Asker]

Thank you for your input. You make a lot of valid points I have to agree with. It’s been so frustrating. After posting this question I talked to him about this and he said he’s not changing his habits and I just have to deal with it. I really have some things to think about now.

[Oceation]

At that point, you should probably just break up with him. He's not willing to listen to your very reasonable concerns, that's a major red flag.

[2021biguy]

You're not overreacting, that sounds gross.

[princeofromance]

Kick his behind to the curb.