Too shy and nervous to kiss. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

I am 21 and I have never had a boyfriend. I have had guys interested in me and I have been on some dates. But I think the guys might get confused by my actions... when ever a guy has tried to kiss me I get too nervous and embarrassed and I shy away from them. So they probably think I'm not interested. How can I get over this? I get so shy. Especially if they try to kiss me in a public place... and I'm worried I will do it wrong or he will try take things too far.

Updates

+1 y

im also too shy to dance.. I always get asked to dance and I say no every time... guys must think I'm rejecting them but the truth is I'm just too shy. what should I do? I want a boyfriend but every time someone is intereted in me I do something to put them off... just because I'm so shy and inexperienced.

[kheserthorpe]

Well your last three worries contradict.

You could try to kiss in private, not public, but the odds of things 'trying to go too far' are much higher in private.

Don't worry about doing it wrong. Guys don't care much how you kiss, just how enthusiastic you are.

If you pulled away from a kiss, I probably wouldn't ask you out a second time (were I single, etc).

I hate to tell you, but by second or third date they'd be trying more then kissing when you get over this hurdle.

[Asker]

well I am embarrassed to do it in public because I don't want anyone to see me. I'm nervous to do it in private because I don't want him to try take it too far. And I'm worried to do it because I won't know how to.

I don't want to do pashing or french kissing, just a peck on the lips, but then he will probaly think I don't like him that much, and I think the first date is too soon!

[kheserthorpe]

Well, good luck.

Why don't you want anyone to see you? Do you think its inappropriate? Or only for you?

[Asker]

and I hope they don't try more after the second or third date :/ I won't be comfotable with anything like that.

[Asker]

I don't want anyone to see me because I think it's embarrassing.

[Asker]

I would only hold hands in public...

[kheserthorpe]

Why would it be embarassing? Isn't it a normal thing for a couple on a date?

[Asker]

but we wouldn't be a 'couple' that soon.. just getting to know each other. I think it's embarrassing because people might look at us and I don't want to be seen doing that.

[kheserthorpe]

What, exactly, do you want a boyfriend for?

[Asker]

love, spend time with and do fun things together, someone to talk to about things, support each other, care about each other ... I think eveyone wants a partner in life.. well so do I, it's not fun being lonely!

[kheserthorpe]

That sounds like a good friend.

[Asker]

I have friends. I'm not going to marry a girl friend, am I? no, so I need to date and have a boyfriend if I want to have a family of my own one day.

[kheserthorpe]

There's this big void regarding passion and sexuality in your responses. For the vast majority of _commitment_ minded men, its one of the 2 or 3 most important things in a relationship. If you are not excited by that side, its going to be a major issue with most men.

[Asker]

I never said I would never kiss him. I said I am too SHY to kiss, especially if we don't know each other very well (only been on a few dates or something). I get so nervous and move my head away.

[kheserthorpe]

Right, but there's supposed to be something in you that WANTS to kiss him. And for most of us, its that URGE that overcomes the shyness/fear.

[Asker]

well I haven't overcome my shyness to do it yet and I've had about 7 boys try to kiss me. I moved my head for every single one. All I can think about is "I will do it wrong" or "what if one of my friends or family see's me, I will be so embarrassed" or "what if he tried to do more then kissing" and I get scared... I can't help it. I have only ever let a guy kiss me on the cheek.

[kheserthorpe]

Do you actually want to kiss them? Or are you just thinking 'i should have _let_ them'?

[Asker]

I haven't ever really wanted to I have always been too nervous and I don't think I would even enjoy it :/

[kheserthorpe]

Then you shouldn't be dating them.

[Asker]

but I feel like that with every guy, even if I really like him. My nerves just take over!

[Asker]

another thing is, I have braces. So I am scared that I would cut the guy... because I don't know how to kiss in the first place & braces would make it harder & dangerous lol

[kheserthorpe]

Danger's exciting. Relax about the braces.

[Asker]

He will think I'm weird if I can't kiss, it will probably be obvious that I haven't don't it before. which is embarrassing considering I am 22 this year!

[kheserthorpe]

Actually, telling him, _might_ help. You see, the big issue is, if I took a girl on a date, and tried to kiss her, and she turned away, I _would_ interpret it as her not being interested. If she told me she'd never kissed before, was attracted to me, and was nervous, well then I could at least consider moving slow. But I wouldn't realize otherwise that was a possibility.

[Asker]

wont he think I'm weird if I tell him I'm a 21 year old girl who has never even kissed? it will prob freak him out, and he will think there must be something wrong with me.

[kheserthorpe]

Possibly, but that's actually better then him thinking you just don't like him. If he thinks (correctly) that you're unusual, he might work through it. If he just thinks you don't like him, he'll move on and not look back.

[Ghen30]

Not everyone is a pro at kissing at 21. I'm 30 and I'm a noob at it. I'm also extremely shy too. I've had very little experience kissing but I'm pretty good at sex and the sort. xD Kissing is just... soooo intimate. More so than sex in my opinion. Not sure why I feel that way, but it's definitely nerve wracking when you feel he might have more experience than you. Just be honest with him or to whoever you might be seeing. Tell him you want to take things slow.

[Erwin]

err maybe you can talk about it to them? like if someone tries to kiss you and you shy away then you should explain it afterward that it's too fast for you so they don't misunderstand. As for dancing if you still feel like dancing with him then you can go to the dance floor and start dancing around him.

[Ghen30]

Girl, I'm in the same boat. Sort of. I just turned 30 and I'm finally dating a guy, and might possibly get my first boyfriend. I'm excited. He wants to kiss me but is really nervous, but I came out and told him that I don't have a lot of experience kissing. I mean, I've had a guy kiss me during sex, but it was sort of forced on me. I tried kissing him back but lost confidence after like three long seconds.

So, I told this guy I'm seeing that "I don't have a lot of experience kissing, but you can kiss me. If I don't kiss you back, don't assume I don't like it, since it's pretty much new to me. Eventually I'll warm up to kissing you back, so I hope you don't mind." And he took it really well and understood. :D Maybe be honest with him about that, that way he doesn't think you're rejecting him?

And I completely understand where you're coming from about showing affection in public. I'm the same way. I can hold hands, hug in public, but not kiss. It's embarassing for sure, and frankly, I don't think it's anyone's business or not. Besides, you know how judgy strangers can be, right? They might laugh, snap a photo or video and you might feel even worse about yourself. Hence why I avoid stuff like that, but it's always a good idea to be honest with your partner about this so he knows not to do that in public with you.

But, back to the kissing part. I'm not into french kisses. No sloppy dog kisses. A peck on the lips is fine, or a bit of lip lock is fine, but like I said, I'll let him kiss me so much that it just becomes natural to me and then surprise him when I kiss back. I've done it before to a past partner after I got used to it, but with someone new, I always get shy and nervous.

[England4eva]

Hey, don’t hate on yourself. Being shy is not a crime 🙂If you are interested in a guy, but you are worried you might give the wrong impression. How about just telling him: “Hey, just to let you know I tend to get super shy.” Noway he can misinterpret you then 🙂

[Ghen30]

100% agree with you that! :D And if he likes you enough to be patient with you, he's a keeper.

[England4eva]

@Ghen30 I honestly think guys prefer shy girls, they love the mystery and besides they feel more safe that she won’t stray. I’ve only ever heard guys remark on how cute it is. It’s an asset. Always be yourself, after you tell him about your shy self 🙂

[Ghen30]

The guy I'm dating told me I'm super cute. xD So, I hope that's a compliment to my shyness.

[Anonymous]

I'm 25 and I didn't have my first kiss until about a month ago. My girlfriend was in the same boat as me, and she is 21. Granted, it took a lot for us to get over the initial shyness, but all it took was plenty of communication about the matter. Talk to the guy and explain. If he's worth your time, he will understand and take it at your pace.

[Asker]

Sounds like an awkward chat! I'd be too embarrassed to talk about it.

[moviedude714]

if you have never kissed at your age, it is much worse if you are a guy

[Anonymous]

Drink some alcohol and ease into it that way when your sober it will be easier to do.

[Asker]

I won't even kiss if I'm drunk. I have tried it.

[Opinion Owner]

weird usually alcohol takes away all the fears you sure you had enough to drink? I am a shy guy and even I can do stuff drunk that I would never do sober.

[Asker]

yep even if I'm falling over drunk my friends can't get me to dance, and I won't kiss even if he tries more then once!

[Opinion Owner]

there are herbs and teas that make you less nervous look up kava kava, chamomile, lemon balm ,and many others give those a try I use them with success.

[Asker]

thanks, but nothing really works... I have tried things like that before. I do calm down a bit but not enough. I just feel stupid and like I won't know how, so I shouldn't even try :/