What life lesson did you learn the hard way and how did that lesson change you?

[ThoseCognacEyes]

I have and it made me a better person

I have and it impacted me negatively

Other

[AmandaYVR]

Good question. I don't know. My head is full with these types of thoughts, of mistakes, regrets, ways I wish I could turn back time and right them so I wouldn't be in this mess now. I would say I would do anything to do that, but it's too late.

Here's what I've been thinking about. The words of this woman, Jane Marczewski. She's really touched me. She has something in her I don't, I think. She's made me sad, but also maybe something else - the fact that she existed, even for a time... does it give me also solace, or only sadness. As one commenter said, "The world needed you." As Chris said, "She's proof that pain, and purpose, and hope, can all co-exist." These sentiments do not sit well inside me, simultaneously. Not at all. I know they can exist together, but I don't want them to. I want them to be separate. Desperately separately.

Bear with me here. The sources are unlikely, surprising, not your cup of tea (or espresso) or mine; but good things can be introduced from unlikely sources. I have to remind myself of this sometimes. "Don't be closed, be open." Not everything is known. And people can change.

I turned on the TV and a show was playing that I have never watched. Not my thing, at all. But this one was a clip show, a Best Of, favourites from a man who I had long previously written off, bad character. He seems to have mellowed, softened. Years later, this was his pick for the best of the best, the one who moved him the most.
Now he and I have both shed tears over this woman. She is that special.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/CZJvBfoHDk0

Jane: "I try not to occupy myself with questions that are too big to answer. Sometimes the mystery means there's more meaning there than we can ever understand, so I accept that. I let go of the question, because it's too heavy."
"You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy."
"There is so much beauty and poetry to see in the world, if you are willing to sign off on the pain that it takes to stay awake in the middle of something that hurts so bad."

https://www.youtube.com/embed/XE84_1vVdnM

"You are worth deviation because I believe you are exactly who we need to be."

She passed away last year. I never knew her, and now it is too late.
But I am trying to absorb her wisdom, her hopefulness, her acceptance of the pain, because just as Brad knows, this duality cannot be escaped.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/WU3Avwch3gw

This is the more polished, produced version, but her performance is not quite as good here. She felt it more in the other. She was sharing it with the world for the first time then.

[ThoseCognacEyes]

Oh wow, this was pretty heavy stuff. I knew of her, though I never followed her closely. I did read that she passed away last year and I felt sad I remember.

She had an angelic voice and a positive presence, may she Rest In Peace. Now I wish I knew more about her. Life is unfair, but she found purpose and determination in her pain. That’s sad yet beautiful, emotional yet encouraging. She was/is a glimpse of hope to all the underdogs out there to fight against all odds.

[wheresmrcunnunglis]

Believe a person when they show you their true colors the first time and act accordingly with respect for yourself.

So many times I have given out "benefit of the doubt" when what I should have done is reacted accordingly to the situation to nip it in the bud then and there. That goes for my personal and professional life. So I hold true to that notion now and have seen a lot of positive traction in both parts of my life.

[ThoseCognacEyes]

Yes 👏🏼 I struggled with that too when I was younger but now I don’t really give people the benefit of the doubt unless I never met them face to face

[Moose304]

I have many rather minor lessons, but I do have a large one. I learned the hard way about trust. My exclusive girlfriend ran off to the mtns and came back pregnant. This hurt me to my core. I almost flunked out of Georgia Tech as well as coming close to getting fired from my part-time job. When I think about how I recovered and my feelings going forward I think about this music. I swore from those days going forward that I would NEVER allow female access to my heart! Today 40 years later I still don't.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/c05aOG5p0P4

[ThoseCognacEyes]

That’s tough! I’m sorry you had to deal with such a heartbreak, but hey, it’s better than having kids with her and then finding out what she truly was.

[Slartybartfast]

Both, I've been poor, been wealthy, been homeless and owned rental property. I've been a tenant and a landlord, an employee and a business owner.

I've been shot at, robbed at gunpoint, beaten bloody, even bitten (still have the scar).

The worst was being cheated on and abandoned when I desperately needed support by the women I loved more than my own life.

Poverty made me sympathetic to the poor, violence I endured made me forgiving and peaceful. But abandonment made me resentful and jaded.

[ThoseCognacEyes]

Quite a life you’ve lived.! And I agree with you, the pain of betrayal by someone you loved is unsurpassed, but at least it teaches you what you don’t want and how to better judge people and to generally be cautious and protective of your emotions as much as possible. Sorry to hear that man, I’ve been there.

[Texaskid1]

Never ever , ever, ever , ever , ever date anyone from work. Years ago when I lived in a different city I fell for a young girl that I worked with. I tried but after some time she rejected me. It was very painful since I had to see her at work everyday which made the healing process so much harder. Distance is one of the best ways to get over someone. To boot , she started dating some other guy there and to see them together talking , flirting , holding hands and all that caused me a lot of pain. Work became very difficult , I found it very hard to concentrate and I kept on ruminating in my head as to where I went wrong. It took me the better part of a painful year to get over it.

This was almost 20 years ago (long before the #metoo movement) but the lesson I learned was to never date anyone from work. Period.

To me this is written in stone. No exceptions.

In the job I have now there have been multiple people that have tried to set me up with anyone of my female colleagues. Several women have also tried themselves by flirting with me but I always either ignore or politely decline. Many of these women are nice people and several of them were very good looking. There was one from a few years ago ( she no longer works there) who spent nearly two years "making eyes" with me and staring at me and what not. I was also attracted to her but at the end of the day my rule of no dating at work is , as I said , written in stone. I also think that several people there caught on to our mutual attraction and made a few attempts to get us to talk to each other on a more personal level but I always ignored it (as much as it hurt me). In a way it felt very masochistic of me to have a mutual attraction with someone and yet force myself to do noting and contain my emotions. It hurt me a lot and to this day I still think "what if" as they say.

But my previous negative experience from nearly 20 years ago left a lasting impression and I also understand that women can be very volatile at times. Today they love you and next week they want to ripe your head off ; in a work context this could translate to the women calling HR and getting you suspended or even fired.

I think this is something that many people would find difficult to understand but I am the type to keep my emotions under check even under great duress.

[ThoseCognacEyes]

That is a golden rule. I never ever dated anyone who worked with me but I can relate. That’s why there’s the saying, “don’t shit where you eat”
Sorry you had to learn it the hard way

[Texaskid1]

True - although I was very lucky I did not get in trouble. This was all before the #metoo movement so that might have been another issues too.

[shaysh87]

Biggest life lesson after all my hardships in life:

Caring too much about other people will only slow you down from living the life you actually want. Never ever wait for someone to say yes so you can make the move. Never beg for someone's approval. Never let someone's opinion of you tear you down. Never ever count on anyone to help you achieve your goals because I learned the hard way that people are very unreliable.

[ThoseCognacEyes]

All true.. you’re wise

[bakajana]

I've had many difficulties and problems growing up but by dealing with them all by myself I developed a high maturity and empathy. As a life lesson I'd say you always just have yourself, no matter what you're the only one who's gonna be by your side every single moment of your life. So embrace who you are, take care and don't let anyone tear you down

[ThoseCognacEyes]

Words of wisdom 👏🏼
I couldn’t agree more and I relate 100%

[shyman87]

I learned that being myself can either make or break my life. Whenever I try to be myself, I'm always getting mean comments especially when it comes to my interests! To be honest I can really care less about what my peers think of me and my personality and looks. I'm just gonna do me.

[ThoseCognacEyes]

You do you as long as you’re not hurting anyone. We only live once to satisfy others rather than satisfying ourselves.

[jengeorge26]

I don’t have a good job or life my decisions made everything worse,

so maybe I didn’t learn anything?

[ThoseCognacEyes]

I wish you better luck. Life can be unfair but I hope the table turns for you

[jengeorge26]

Thank you sweetie

[EarthRealm]

I learned that There are no Good people and Everyone is a liar out for themselves and it doesn’t matter if I were to Not see any reason as to why they could be lying
They always have an Agenda and they are aware of there Agenda and everything anybody ever says is a lie and is to not be believed
I Will never help out anybody ever again.

[EarthRealm]

And Feminism And dudes are the same democrats and republicans Are the same liars only out for themselves and these groups only complain because it effects them as a individual Not because they care about human life when they say they care about human life they are Referring to themselves but due to social construct and being Judged they say they care about others.

[ThoseCognacEyes]

I do agree with all you’ve said and I can relate. The world is a dark, harsh place but it doesn’t have to be. I won’t give you unsolicited advice but I’ll say this: no matter how dark the world is, helping someone out (especially someone who’s less fortunate than you are) will never go for nothing. I’m not saying you should expect something in return, but helping a less fortunate human being in an by itself makes you feel better about the world even with no return. That’s not say you should go out of your way to help people who you know don’t have your best interest at heart, absolutely not. It’s okay to be selfish to survive but when you know you’re doing well, lending a hand to the weak never hurts. I wish you better luck 🍀

[EarthRealm]

😆 I ain’t helping nobody anymore. It doesn’t feel good to help people.
I will say When you said Human being I laughed 😂 out loud that was Hilarious.

[EarthRealm]

I would help a Poor Dog 🐕 out but a Human ha
Dogs and cats 🐈‍⬛ are the superior race

[EarthRealm]

I done helping These Funny Looking Things called what you called it Human being.
I’m sure you walk around Preaching how little kids are innocent.
If you think Little kids are innocent then you were never a Kid.

[Guanfei]

That anyone, ANYONE, can betray you, and they will, at some point. Friends, family, partner, kids, they all can betray you.

The only difference is how much it would take. How much money, how much motivation. But everyone has a price.

And realizing that stopped me from trusting people. Knowing full well that they will betray me at some point.

[ThoseCognacEyes]

It’s good to be cautious and I understand why you have that conviction

[Jltakk]

melancholic depression is a hell of a thing, being stuck in a thought cycle and having negative remarks received as confirmation by default sucks. I'd say I learned a lot through my constant struggle in adulthood, but I couldn't say it was a positive experience. If anything, I've always felt like an apocalyptic log of a hopeful child. A tale of what not to do.

[ThoseCognacEyes]

Sorry to hear that. I wish you overcome your battles and you find peace

[Agape93]

Not everyone cares about your well-being, from family to significant others to friends. Some will turn a blind eye to suffering, some will blame you for it and others will cause it happily.

[ThoseCognacEyes]

That’s life summed up. Some people might care about you but even then, you’re the only one who can help yourself. “Some will turn a blind eye to suffering, some will blame you for it and others will cause it happily” all are terrible

[Texaskid1]

Sad but true.

[boredgal]

I realized in the end no one will really help you, even your family especially if they also have things going on with their life.

[ThoseCognacEyes]

Yes, nobody’s got your back except you.

[IJhonnyI]

Never take anyone for granted cause you don't know how fast they will be taken away from you

[ThoseCognacEyes]

Very true. That’s why I try to call my family overseas almost everyday and I always end our conversations on a positive note

[IJhonnyI]

Love that response 👏🏼

[Chazmatazz269]

I can’t trust anyone. I believe that concisely answers both parts.

[ThoseCognacEyes]

Yes it does and it can be both negative and positive.

It’s a positive because majority of people aren’t worthy of your trust, and a negative because what’s life without someone you can trust?

[exitseven]

I learned that life is not fair and the good guys do not always win.

[ThoseCognacEyes]

Absolutely true

[Anonymous]

It’s me against the world.

[Guy13]

Don't fight God as you will lose...

[ThoseCognacEyes]

I’m a pacifist, no fighting ova heeee

[Guy13]

Submission is good :)

[ThoseCognacEyes]

I’m not submissive either

[jengeorge26]

I am submissive