Is my job toxic?

[LL2933]

I’ve worked in administration for only four months. I’m already having mental health struggles and doubting myself and my abilities all the time. I am struggling with anxiety and depression since starting work and I dread going into work every day.

In the first few months I went through a honeymoon phase and I really enjoyed the job and people were nice to me. I was getting lots of praise and compliments about my work and I thought I was on the right track. Then in my four month meeting with my manager and she told me I was underperforming and that if I didn’t improve things I would be dismissed in another three months. I told my manager I reached out to an external member from another team within my company for support with my disability as I was worried about losing my job. Since I reached out for support my manager has treated me with contempt. She told me that reaching out for support with my disability was wrong and that I shouldn’t have gone to someone outside my team and that now she would have to fill in all this paperwork for reasonable adjustments.

Since I’ve gone through reasonable adjustments to help me at work, my manager has been constantly micromanaging me and breathing down my neck. If I’m more than 5 minutes late the the office she will text me on WhatsApp and ask where I am. Then when I get to the office I will get a passive aggressive email from head of team about “attendance” because she’s gone and snitched to them about my being late.

She is constantly calling me and overwhelming me with information and grilling me about deadlines. If I’m stuck on the work or finding it difficult she is telling me to try it and get on with things. If I attend a training day in another field, she will call me and tell me I shouldn’t have gone to it as I won’t need to use those skills in my team.

I’ve noticed now my colleagues are also ignoring me and when I reach out for support they ignore my messages so I feel so stuck

Is my job toxic?

[Anonymous]

Certainly sounds like a toxic environment as described above; Though of course I'm only hearing your side and everyones individual perspective tends to paint their experiencial picture which may not match the complete reality.

I'll call out a few things which are concerning with what you say:

"She told me that reaching out for support with my disability was wrong and that I shouldn’t have gone to someone outside my team"

Assuming it is a recognises physical disability; That is either reprisal or harassment. In the coproration in which I work everyone has to take training to recognise such behaviours and there is a anonymous (well mostly) mechanisms to report people taking 'revenge' or giving 'reprisals' to employees. It is certainly toxic behaviour.

"if I didn’t improve things I would be dismissed in another three months"

That behviour is also definitely toxic, a manager should recognise your level of performance for sure, but when finding your not meeting your goals they should be asking how they can help you meet your goals. Threats of firing you are toxic and unhelpful (though I believe sadly common in US culture).

When you say "disability" do you mean a physical disability or are you refering to anxiety and depression?

If your calling anxiety and depression a 'disability' this might be a red flag on your part. I don't know the way your using that, but I'll cover a base here; All office jobs are complex and tend to lead to anxiety and depression in the general and normal course of things (over time in large corporations coupled with office politics). So with your colleges ignoring you, ask yourself if you have been expressing anything like that (because normal people get touchy when people try to equate every day human experiences like Anxiety and Depression with a disability, which the average person reserves for very extreeme matters). People tend not to like people leaning on their weaknesses for advantage, unless their weakness is very tragic and they can fully understand your need for support.

So I'd say, you your job certainly sounds toxic, but also double check your behaving in a way that minimises toxicity too.

[LL2933]

I have ADHD and dyspraxia so it’s an actual learning disability

[Opinion Owner]

So ADHD is basically a normal adolecent behaviour for a significant statistical number of people. It's questionable if it is a real disability vs a personality trait. I have personally been diagnosed with Dsylexia, and I have learned over time the problem is with the people diagnosing this not with the people experiencing it. That's an important lesson.

This doesn't mean a person can't benefit from knowing they are dyslexic, it helps to understand what is known to help, its when it gets turned into a 'disability' it becomes a problem.

I looked up dyspraxia and it sounds like another junk diagnosis (sorry, my opinion). People used Dyslexia to avoid having to understand why I think differently to them. It was easier for the majority to try to make me into 'another victim' rather than let me come to understand I'm perfectly healthy and infact more intelligent than the majority, I just think DIFFERENTLY and work DIFFERENTLY. It's only bad because they try to turn it into a problem. Don't let other people turn your personality into a problem! OWN IT. Learn why you get anxious and depressed and learn how to ride it so that you turn it into a positive.

[Opinion Owner]

Being Dsylexic I can be slower on quite a few things, ignorant people put that down to me being 'slow' or 'stupid' but over time I prove over and over I'm actually smarter (and once I had 3 years of solid experience working, noone even recognises my dyslexia except to think im quirky).

It's where you need to get to. Don't let idiots make how they see you based on them being differnent from you into that being your problem. Its THEIR problem, unless your not trying to understand them as well.

I'm anxious a lot and I can be very clumbsy too, but I focus on my strengths and just try to minimise the impact of it. I'll share a top tip, any professional situation is very frightening, there is so much you can get wrong and so many ways to screw up; In my early years I'd agonize for days on the precise meanings of conversations I had the day before over night (and often go back the next day trying to fix messes I peceived I made). I worked out over time, that fear was constant, so I decided to imagine I was falling out of the building when I got afraid, by doing that it meant that I felt a sense of fear which added up. It allowed me to take stock of the fear I was feeling right then and put it aside and appear unafraid to others. Its the way I do professional and if you practice enough you can get there.

I have a great channel to recommend, check out "Foamy the Squirrel"; Definitely different but turning their quirks into something popular and realising the problem is with others.

[Oliverlogan263]

Wow, that really sucks about your job. It totally sounds like a toxic work environment to me. No one should have to feel so stressed and anxious all the time just from going into work.

You shouldn't be constantly doubting yourself and your abilities either. It's not right how your manager suddenly turned on you after you reached out for that disability support. That's total BS that she made it seem like you did something wrong there. You just needed some help!

The way she's been micromanaging you and treating you with contempt ever since is super unfair. Breathing down your neck about being 5 minutes late is crazy. And snitching to the head of team about attendance issues is so petty and immature of her.

Not being able to get support from your colleagues when you reach out either is such a red flag. It's like everyone's out to get you or something. No one should have to deal with constant grilling about deadlines and micromanaging either. That would stress anyone out!

Honestly it sounds like a super toxic, unsupportive environment all around. You deserve to feel comfortable and be treated with respect at your job, not constantly doubted and overwhelmed. I'd definitely start looking elsewhere if I were you. You don't need that kind of negativity bringing you down, girl! Hang in there. I'm sure you'll find something better soon where people appreciate you.

[andreasderjuengere]

Apparently, you are not really made for this stuff.
You either picked the wrong career, or the wrong workplace.
Don't expect that you can change 'them'.
I don't like such stuff myself.
The terms "toxic" and "mental health" are overused nowadays.
Just say that you feel stressed and unhappy :)
Look out for alternatives, and make changes/adjustments in your own life.