Do you think I was being mean to one of my students for leaning a hard lesson?

[Anonymous]

Okay so we have a student that acts like a fool. He climbs in tables, he won’t sit still and he thinks it’s funny. He’s a very smart kid but so unfocused. So he kept rocking his chair, he tipped over and bumped his forehead from what I was told. I was like, “Well that’s what happens when you sit the wrong way and you don’t listen! Bummer for YOU! You think it’s funny and we told you NOT to sit like that. I got in his face and told him “Natural consequence. Do I feel bad NO! Take that little boy!” He started to cry and I didn’t care. He needed to learn the hard way. My other two coworkers said he had to learn. One of my coworkers said I sounded really mean to him when I said that. We’ll what did he expect? For me to ask him if he’s okay because he’s been warned! Hopefully that will scare him straight to not do that anymore. Kids need a dose of harsh reality! No!
He’s only 8, autistic, but he knows better. Look I’m not the person that likes seeing people get hurt I’m not. But he needs to learn a hard message so I don’t feel bad if he cries or hurts himself because he chose to be unsafe. I did check his head and took him to get an ice pack. I know I don’t sound nice. I’m not a nice teacher but I care enough to call them out and make them feel bad for their actions. What do you guys think? I teach 2nd and 3rd graders on the autism spectrum.

[LaureenVO]

Yeah I think you were mean. I understand where you're coming from, but the fall itself probably already shook him awake. There was no need to punish him even more. Kids need to sometimes do stupid things to learn from it. It would've been better to help him and explain to him, kindly, but not too softly, "That's what happens when you sit the wrong way." Not in a screaming way, but in a teaching way. So that he understand why it happened and what he could do different next time. You just screamed and kids don't learn aswell from that. Screaming is only neccessary when a kid is in direct danger and you need to immediately let them know to stop doing something. You just took out your own frustration on him.

And beside that, he is only 8 and autistic. With that I do not mean that he doesn't need boundaries, because of his autism. In fact, kids with autism need even more boundaries so that they know what they can expect. But he is young, he will make mistakes, he will fall, he will hurt himself and he is just a kid at the end of the day. This is what children do and if you don't like that, then maybe you should reconsider your career haha.

Good to see that you care though, but why are you 'not a nice teacher'? All teachers should be nice. Kids need to trust you and be able to come to you if anything happens. Being mean to them will make them scared and sneaky.

[Asker]

Well he needed to learn the hard way. I mean I understand he’s a kid and kids get hurt I understand that. I’m not glad he’s hurt or anything. I hated that happened but that’s a bummer for him! That’s what he gets for not listening and sitting the wrong way. I asked my team I home they didn’t think I was mean they said no they understand what they we’re coming from. One said I was kind of harsh but I said, “Well kids need to hear the harsh truth sometimes so that’s a BUMMER FOR HIM! he will learn not every teacher will show kindness! Sometimes you have to be mean to teach someone a lesson. I don’t feel bad that he got hurt! He cried but I don’t care! He needed a dose of reality but I did check his chip and explained to his parents what happened. Like I said I would never be mean to kids or want them to get hurt.

[LaureenVO]

Being mean to teach someone a lesson is such an old-school way of teaching that doesn't even work. Are you like 60 or smt? You were to harsh, even if he deserved it, the way you handled it was incredibly immature and non-teacher like.

[LaureenVO]

You sound like a terrible teacher, if this is even true

[RxR0954]

That is mean, rude, and frightening to the kid. Tough love doesn’t mean you have to get in an autistic child face and be a condescending asshole to him especially after he had hurt himself. You might think it’s good for him but it would just teach him to act horrible towards others when he grows up

[Asker]

Hey I wasn’t being an asshole to him. Even my autistic coworker didn’t like how I did it. Even when I asked them I hope they don’t think I’m glad he got hurt. I would never wish pain on anyone but it needed to happen so he can learn a lesson. They were like “No no you weren’t.” I can tell the autistic coworker didn’t mean it because of that look on her face but BUMMER! That’s what he gets and I don’t feel bad for him. Let him cry I don’t care. Not trying to be heartless but sometimes kids need to learn the hard way.

[Asker]

People always make excuses for autistic kids and why do you think some turn out to be unstable adults in group homes?

[RxR0954]

It’s not that people make excuses for autistic kids, pointing it out when a teacher is being extremely mean and scary is what people are doing. Kids are a lot more sensitive than adults, yet some people treat them in ways that are ten times more insensitive than how they do to adults. You could always make a point without getting into a person face and yell at them, you think that fear is good but it’s not. The kid probably now soley focus on you acting like a jerk rather than focusing on the behavior you are trying to change.

[slatyb]

"He's a very smart kid" -- have you considered that maybe he's just bored because the work is too easy?

Anyway you are a terrible teacher.

[Asker]

I give him challenge worksheets. Plus I disagree that I’m a terrible teacher. You’re just saying that because I make the students make held accountable for their actions. One teacher said he should have don’t that and told him that’s the consequences and that’s his own fault but she wasn’t as “STERN” as I was. I know she’s autistic too and sympathizes with the students but she has to understand that sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. Let him suffer so he can hopefully understand that he shouldn’t do it again

[slatyb]

What you did was not kind and not helpful. Or maybe you are just trolling. "Challenge worksheets?" Really? Is he challenged by them?

[Asker]

What are you trying to get at me that I’m a bad teacher? What do you want me to do.

[slatyb]

Be kinder. Children don't act out because they are mean -- their needs aren't being met and they don't know what else to do. I dated a woman who's son was always in trouble in school. Why? Because he was thoroughly bored. She found a small private school with a smaller class and a teacher who knew how to teach bright children and he loved it.

[Mynameisbobby]

Being mean isn't going to teach him anything except how to be mean!! You shouldn't be a teacher.

[Asker]

Excuse you? Sometimes teachers have to be cruel to be kind! You can’t be nice all the damn time!

[Mynameisbobby]

You're a poor excuse for a teacher

[AI Opinion]

Teaching students with autism requires patience and empathy. While safety is vital, harsh responses may not be effective or compassionate. Learning environments should encourage positive behavior through understanding and guidance rather than fear. Reflecting on my experience, I've found that consistent, empathetic reinforcement paired with clear expectations can foster a supportive atmosphere that caters to students' needs. It's crucial to address behavior with kindness and respect, promoting an inclusive and nurturing educational environment that helps every child thrive. Consider seeking strategies tailored to neurodiverse students, as these can offer gentle but effective ways to manage classroom behavior constructively.

[Asker]

I mean I understand that but I was kind enough to tell him the truth about his actions. I know I’m not the nicest but I gotta give kids tough love. Not every one is going to be kind and caring to autistic kids so they need a dose of harsh reality.

[LaureenVO]

"tough love" is just an excuse to take out your own frustration on them. It's not efficient and will not work on the long-term. You are not fit to be a teacher.

[Asker]

@LaureenVO he didn’t listen to us! I gave him tough love

[Asker]

@LaureenVO how is that an excuse? Plus he was a handful before break and I told him to get away from me be because he was disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I believe so.

[Asker]

How so? What was I suppose to be? Be soft on him?

[Opinion Owner]

Well, if he has autism, yes, you should show some empathy.

[Asker]

Why should I? But in life not everyone is going to show you empathy so autistic kids and others need to learn that reality.

[Opinion Owner]

Because you are a nice person, not like the others... rude people who have no compassion...

[Asker]

I wasn’t mean even though you have to be so times to teach someone a lesson

[Opinion Owner]

I know the feeling.

[Asker]

Yep true

[Anonymous]

Didn’t happen.

[Asker]

Yea it did

[Opinion Owner]

You’re a liar. You’re on here all the time.

[Asker]

It’s the truth