Here are ten more things that absolutely annoy me about movies. Again, just like in the first, I know they are fictional films so they can get away with anything apparently, but some things just make you scratch your head and go, really? How is that even possible?
1. Anything related to childbirth in a movie.
According to movies, a pregnant woman's water breaks and automatically she's dilated to at least an 8. Her husband, or guy that knocked her up, or gay best friend who's been supporting her the whole time because guy that knocked her up, left, loses his total mind and can't seem to figure out how cars work until finally they rush to the ER blowing through every red light...literally driving up onto the lawn of the hospital. Then they get to the front desk where there is always...ALWAYS...a rude nurse who's like, "you gotta wait!"
Then the bumbling husband/bf/gbf is like, SHE'S IN LABOR DAMN IT! That of course automatically gets the nurse to get some more nurses who wheel the future mom into a labor and delivery room which is of course free and available because they screamed it into being. The doctor they've had for the last 9 months, is on vacation...of course. So it's doctor no name who has to reassure everyone that they are a real doctor. Then soon to be mom is put on the bed where she huffs and puffs for a good 5 minutes, and then the baby is miraculously born...that is to say the 2 month old baby is born who already weighs like 10 lbs and is covered in jam, but otherwise perfectly clean. Whew, thank goodness that's how real childbirth always works.
2. The ventilation system will help you escape unnoticed
Let's go over the several reasons this is only a movie myth. 1)Security--no building worth robbing getting in and/or out of is going to have a human sized easily transversible air duct system. Yeah, they've seen the movies too, and have systems designed to prevent such a thing...namely that 2)The size of their vents is at best big enough to house a small child for a distance of maybe 10 or so feet from any one area to the next before the ducts narrow or taper off are stopped by a wall. 3)You can't climb up on a chair and reach the vents. A building's HVAC system by law, must be housed above the fire prevention methods such as the sprinkler system, so that means they are like 30+ feet up in the air up near the roof. 4)Add to that, they aren't perfectly smooth and easy to slide around in quietly. Many sharp points and edges that would leave you bloodied to a pulp mainly b/c they aren't meant for human beings to go sliding around in them...let alone quietly.
3. Gunfire
The police or other group have been called in to handle a situation. All of them are armed. There are one or a few persons standing in front of them. They all open fire with automatic weapons. NO ONE is hit?!? I remember watching some show on the history channel about the mob where they were contemplating how the mob was so effective with all these untrained young neighborhood guys in them, but it's because they didn't have to really train them. Just told them to point and shoot with high capacity automatic weapons and it was pretty darn effective at killing dozens if not hundreds of people because they could just spray shots...
...but we're largely talking trained bad guys or good guys or storm troopers or actual cops in movies who can't manage to get one shot into a person? Have they turned on the news lately??? That IS apparently impossible. Also impossible, just like every human being who gets lightly punched in a movie, goes flying in the air, being shot by a handgun/shotgun does not make you fly across a room. The most that would happen in real life was kickback from the gun for the shooter, and whatever body part was hit by said gun might make you recoil a little, but you're not flying 10 ft in the air and through an open window.
4. A dumpster fall will save your life
Do you want to know what happens when you fall from a four story window into a dumpster down below? You get AIDS from the drug needles tossed in there and you snap your neck or break a few limbs. You don't get up like you landed in a pile full of pillows and walk off like nothing happened.
5. This entire airport scene
Granted this movie was made prior to 9/11 security, but airplane hijackings were a thing decades before 9/11 came into our lives. Trust me when I say, some guy getting onto the tarmac, stealing a vehicle of any sort and then driving it in plain site mind you, next to an airplane would have gotten him noticed, police called, runway shut down, and jailed for sure. Not to mention how amazing it was even without being in control of the stairs, he was able to keep it on a straight track and going faster then the plane. Also airplane thrust would have blown him straight out of there.
Can we also talk about people who in movies post 2000's who run to the airport like the above to try to catch someone before they leave. Cell phones are a thing right? If you miss someone and they get to the airport before you can make it there, why don't you just call them and explain why you love them or whatever you didn't get a chance to say, and then they'll know. Who in life drives all the way to an airport which typically always has a lot of traffic and and high parking fees, just to run through it to try and find someone? If they don't pick up...leave a message. They'll get the point.
6. You can enhance...anything!
As a photographer, I find this personally offensive. It doesn't matter how grainy, burned, dark, fuzzy, blurry, or anything that the photo or video is, police, spies, and government agencies can apparently enhance any image to see the person they want, perfectly clear. There is always some sort of technology that allows them to do this that the rest of us, well we surely don't know about it b/c like you know, it doesn't actually exist. And seriously...why do police stations, which are NOTORIOUSLY underfunded, have 3d image touch screens that they can pull up and manipulate complex models and images on? We can't even manage to get DNA tested in under 3 months, but they can afford what would be millions of dollars worth of tech in films?
7. Hacking into a governments data base can be done in a couple of hours, if not minutes.
Well, we all know NOW that just about anything can and will be hacked these days, but it's not the super quick and easy version you see on tv or movies, and rarely is it just the one guy or girl who can do it alone, lone wolf style. If it really were that easy for all these people to get in, everyone would be doing it all the time and there would be no point in even the false sense of security we have now.
8. Cars going off cliffs explode
An episode of Mythbusters actually tackled this one, and the only time they found that a car going off a cliff really ever exploded was when they filled it full of gas and explosives and exploded it themselves. Cars are designed not to explode. Even in a crash, cars have things called "crumple zones" where they are designed to absorb an impact to a certain degree to prevent contact with things like your engine/gas tank. Cars can and do catch fire, but they are more likely to do so due to mechanical failure, poor maintenance, or arson.
9. The worst uniforms ever
Now, if it were me and I was say not impervious to bullets, I might choose to design my superhero costume with that in mind. Bullet proof vest, check! Nope, their costume exists as a skin tight body suit with no armor whatsoever, and if you're a female superhero, "for some stupid reason," your costume includes a set of high heels and your boobs are full out on display (in cop talk, they call that easy target, easy to see, easy to shoot).
Let's take X-Men's Cyclops for example...he might as well just show up in jeans and a t-shirt, because other than his eyes, none of his uniform is particularly functional in terms of being able to protect him for any sort of attack from human or mutant alike. I'll tell you how you defeat him...you walk up behind him and shoot him in the back. Done. Yet no one, human or mutant alike, has ever seemed to figure out this secret kryptonite of his, that bullets can hurt him. Heck, shoot him with a tranq dart and take him down and finish him! Also don't even get me started on anyone wearing a cape, especially a floor length one. If you've ever had the pleasure of merely walking across a room in a cape, you know those things get stuck on doors, caught in your shoe, stepped on, get tangled up in your legs, it's ridiculous, and yet, magically superheroes are able to fight with these things on. Even in blooper reels for these types of movies, you see how ridiculous those capes actually are because the actors often get them caught blocking their faces, or trip over them, etc.
10. Women love stalkers
So a guy you barely know...we'll just call him Christian...invites you out, and soon after he shows up at your job, the club, your apartment, your mom's house (in another state) all without you actually telling him where these things are. He knows you're email, SSN, phone, address, he has a file on you (a literal file...on your life), and buys you a laptop and cell phone which of course he has access to, and you're just like cool, I see no problems with that said no sane and rational woman ever!
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